Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape (44 page)
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Authors: Friedman,Jaclyn Friedman,Jessica Valenti
BOOK: Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape
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LISA JERVIS, An Old Enemy in a New Outfit: How Date Rape Became Gray Rape and Why It Matters1
In discussing female victims and male perpetrators in this essay, I am in no way asserting that only women are raped and only men are rapists; that would be flat-out factually incorrect. However, victim blaming and other relevant cultural messages around sexuality discussed here are gendered and aimed at women.
In discussing female victims and male perpetrators in this essay, I am in no way asserting that only women are raped and only men are rapists; that would be flat-out factually incorrect. However, victim blaming and other relevant cultural messages around sexuality discussed here are gendered and aimed at women.
2
These particular examples happen to be from the “Survivor Stories” section of
911rape.org
, the website of the Santa Monica-UCLA Rape Treatment Center, but they are so representative that they could practically be from a random sample.
These particular examples happen to be from the “Survivor Stories” section of
911rape.org
, the website of the Santa Monica-UCLA Rape Treatment Center, but they are so representative that they could practically be from a random sample.
HAZEL/
CEDAR TROOST, Reclaiming Touch: Rape Culture, Explicit Verbal Consent, and Body Sovereignty
1
I use “hir” and its corresponding subject pronoun, “ze,” as gender-ambiguous singular pronouns—i.e., pronouns that make no claim regarding the gender of the person being described—also sometimes called gender-neutral pronouns.
I use “hir” and its corresponding subject pronoun, “ze,” as gender-ambiguous singular pronouns—i.e., pronouns that make no claim regarding the gender of the person being described—also sometimes called gender-neutral pronouns.
2
Gender coercion is the system of forcing other people into gendered and sexed social categories and behaviors. I use it to create coalition between those who would end behavioral restrictions within the category they inhabit (e.g., masculine women, feminine men), those who would create third- or fourth-gender categories (e.g., genderqueers), and those who would create equal access to existing categories (e.g., transsexual people). While the term “gender binary” is often used similarly, it frequently alienates the third movement from the other two.
Gender coercion is the system of forcing other people into gendered and sexed social categories and behaviors. I use it to create coalition between those who would end behavioral restrictions within the category they inhabit (e.g., masculine women, feminine men), those who would create third- or fourth-gender categories (e.g., genderqueers), and those who would create equal access to existing categories (e.g., transsexual people). While the term “gender binary” is often used similarly, it frequently alienates the third movement from the other two.
3
Rape is not always a deliberate attempt to harm, but it’s never an “accident.” Though perpetrators may be unaware that what they’re doing is rape, nonconsensual, or hurtful, if they took their victims’ feelings and body sovereignty seriously, they would take far more care to do only things that were wanted. Rape is defined by its effect on the survivor, not by what’s going through the perpetrator’s mind at the time of assault, but the latter is relevant in analyzing how to stop rape.
Rape is not always a deliberate attempt to harm, but it’s never an “accident.” Though perpetrators may be unaware that what they’re doing is rape, nonconsensual, or hurtful, if they took their victims’ feelings and body sovereignty seriously, they would take far more care to do only things that were wanted. Rape is defined by its effect on the survivor, not by what’s going through the perpetrator’s mind at the time of assault, but the latter is relevant in analyzing how to stop rape.
4
In other words, non-trans. A person whose self-determination of hir sex and gender is uncontested.
In other words, non-trans. A person whose self-determination of hir sex and gender is uncontested.
BRAD PERRY, Hooking Up with Healthy Sexuality: The Lessons Boys Learn (and Don’t Learn) About Sexuality, and Why a Sex-Positive Rape Prevention Paradigm Can Benefit Everyone Involved1
P. R. Sanday, “The Socio-cultural Context of Rape: A Cross-cultural Study,”
Journal of Social Issues
37 (1981): 5-27.
P. R. Sanday, “The Socio-cultural Context of Rape: A Cross-cultural Study,”
Journal of Social Issues
37 (1981): 5-27.
2
M. S. Kimmel,
The Gendered Society
(New York: Oxford University Press, 2000).
M. S. Kimmel,
The Gendered Society
(New York: Oxford University Press, 2000).
3
D. Lisak and P. M. Miller, “Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending among Undetected Rapists,”
Violence and Victims
17 (2002): 73-84.
D. Lisak and P. M. Miller, “Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending among Undetected Rapists,”
Violence and Victims
17 (2002): 73-84.
4
See
www.advocatesforyouth.org/real.htm
for more information.
See
www.advocatesforyouth.org/real.htm
for more information.
5
See
www.mathematica-mpr.com/publications/PDFs/impactabstinence.pdf
for more information.
See
www.mathematica-mpr.com/publications/PDFs/impactabstinence.pdf
for more information.
6
Advocates For Youth, “Adolescent Sexual Health in Europe and the U.S.—Why the Difference?” 2nd ed. (Washington, D.C.: Advocates For Youth, 2001). See
www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/factsheet/fsest.pdf
for more information.
Advocates For Youth, “Adolescent Sexual Health in Europe and the U.S.—Why the Difference?” 2nd ed. (Washington, D.C.: Advocates For Youth, 2001). See
www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/factsheet/fsest.pdf
for more information.
7
International Planned Parenthood Federation, “IPPF Framework for Comprehensive Sexuality Education.” (London: IPPF, 2006).
International Planned Parenthood Federation, “IPPF Framework for Comprehensive Sexuality Education.” (London: IPPF, 2006).
8
See
www.healthunit.org/carekids/default.htm
for more information.
See
www.healthunit.org/carekids/default.htm
for more information.
9
See
www.vsdvalliance.org/secPublications/Moving%20Upstream%204-1.pdf
for more information.
See
www.vsdvalliance.org/secPublications/Moving%20Upstream%204-1.pdf
for more information.
10
See
www.vtnetwork.org/newsletter/2004_04/joyfullarticle.html
for more information.
See
www.vtnetwork.org/newsletter/2004_04/joyfullarticle.html
for more information.
CRISTINA MEZTLI TZINTZÚN, Killing Misogyny: A Personal Story of Love, Violence, and Strategies for Survival1
Womyn of color, particularly poor womyn of color, experience disproportionately higher rates of sexual assault, such as rape, than white womyn. According to the Department of Justice, American Indian and Alaska native womyn are 2.5 times more likely to be raped or sexually assaulted than the general U.S. population. According to the National black Women’s Health Project, approximately 40 percent of black womyn report coercive contact of a sexual nature by age eighteen. Latinas report rape between intimate partners at a 2.2 percent higher level than white women, according to the USDOJ, OJP paper “Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey,” 2000.
Womyn of color, particularly poor womyn of color, experience disproportionately higher rates of sexual assault, such as rape, than white womyn. According to the Department of Justice, American Indian and Alaska native womyn are 2.5 times more likely to be raped or sexually assaulted than the general U.S. population. According to the National black Women’s Health Project, approximately 40 percent of black womyn report coercive contact of a sexual nature by age eighteen. Latinas report rape between intimate partners at a 2.2 percent higher level than white women, according to the USDOJ, OJP paper “Extent, Nature, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey,” 2000.
TILOMA JAYASINGHE, When Pregnancy Is Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Be Pregnant1
Join Together, “Physicians, Scientiests to Media: Stop Using the Term ‘Crack Baby,’” February 27, 2004,
www.jointogether.org/news
.
Join Together, “Physicians, Scientiests to Media: Stop Using the Term ‘Crack Baby,’” February 27, 2004,
www.jointogether.org/news
.
2
The Economist,
“Horrid history,” May 22, 2008,
www.economist.com/books/displaystory.cfm?story_id=11402576
.
The Economist,
“Horrid history,” May 22, 2008,
www.economist.com/books/displaystory.cfm?story_id=11402576
.
3
Time
magazine, “The Issue that Inflamed India,” April 4, 1977,
www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,947859,00.html
.
Time
magazine, “The Issue that Inflamed India,” April 4, 1977,
www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,947859,00.html
.
4
See Eric Eckholm, “In Turnabout, Infant Death Climbs in South,”
New York Times,
April 22, 2007.
See Eric Eckholm, “In Turnabout, Infant Death Climbs in South,”
New York Times,
April 22, 2007.
JESSICA VALENTI, Purely Rape: The Myth of Sexual Purity and How It Reinforces Rape Culture1
Report of the APA Task Force on the sexualization of girls, 2007. The APA defines sexualization as when “a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics; a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy; a person is sexually objectified—that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.”
Report of the APA Task Force on the sexualization of girls, 2007. The APA defines sexualization as when “a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics; a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy; a person is sexually objectified—that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.”
2
Generations of Light, purity ball pledge,
www.generationsoflight.com/html/ThePledge.html
.
Generations of Light, purity ball pledge,
www.generationsoflight.com/html/ThePledge.html
.
ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS
TONI AMATO
has been a teacher, editor, and writing coach for more than fifteen years. His fiction has appeared in several anthologies, including
GenderQueer, Food and Other Enemies,
and
Strange Angels.
He has performed extensively in Boston and New York City, as well as at Temple, Goddard, and Brandeis Universities. He is a recipient of the 2000 LEF Fellowship and the Writers’ Room of Boston 2001 Diana Korzenik Fellowship. Amato is also founder and director of Write Here Write Now, a grassroots LGBTI literary services collective, and of Side Show Press, a publishing house for the rest of us.
has been a teacher, editor, and writing coach for more than fifteen years. His fiction has appeared in several anthologies, including
GenderQueer, Food and Other Enemies,
and
Strange Angels.
He has performed extensively in Boston and New York City, as well as at Temple, Goddard, and Brandeis Universities. He is a recipient of the 2000 LEF Fellowship and the Writers’ Room of Boston 2001 Diana Korzenik Fellowship. Amato is also founder and director of Write Here Write Now, a grassroots LGBTI literary services collective, and of Side Show Press, a publishing house for the rest of us.
HANNE BLANK
is the author of several books, including
Virgin: The Untouched History
(Bloomsbury). She lives in a 170-year-old mill cottage on a dirt road in the middle of Baltimore.
is the author of several books, including
Virgin: The Untouched History
(Bloomsbury). She lives in a 170-year-old mill cottage on a dirt road in the middle of Baltimore.
RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL
(
www.rachelkramerbussel.com
) is an author, editor, blogger, and reading-series host. She has edited numerous anthologies, including
Dirty Girls: Erotica for Women; Glamour Girls; Caught Looking; Tasting Him; Tasting Her;
and
Best Sex Writing 2008
and
2009.
Rachel has also contributed to
BUST, Cosmopolitan,
Fresh Yarn, Gothamist,
Heeb,
Jewcy, Mediabistro,
Newsday, Playgirl,
the
San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York,
and
Zink,
as well as more than one hundred anthologies, including
Single State of the Union; Desire: Women Write About Wanting; Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong;
and
Best American Erotica 2004
and
2006.
She has appeared on
The Martha Stewart Show, Berman and Berman,
and NY1, and hosts the monthly In the Flesh erotic reading series. She also blogs at
http://lustylady.blogspot.com
and
http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com
.
(
www.rachelkramerbussel.com
) is an author, editor, blogger, and reading-series host. She has edited numerous anthologies, including
Dirty Girls: Erotica for Women; Glamour Girls; Caught Looking; Tasting Him; Tasting Her;
and
Best Sex Writing 2008
and
2009.
Rachel has also contributed to
BUST, Cosmopolitan,
Fresh Yarn, Gothamist,
Heeb,
Jewcy, Mediabistro,
Newsday, Playgirl,
the
San Francisco Chronicle, Time Out New York,
and
Zink,
as well as more than one hundred anthologies, including
Single State of the Union; Desire: Women Write About Wanting; Everything You Know About Sex Is Wrong;
and
Best American Erotica 2004
and
2006.
She has appeared on
The Martha Stewart Show, Berman and Berman,
and NY1, and hosts the monthly In the Flesh erotic reading series. She also blogs at
http://lustylady.blogspot.com
and
http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com
.
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