You Are Mine (14 page)

I stare at the bottle of herbs unable
to move. “Branding?”

“
You know all engaged and
married woman are marked, Serena. Don't go senseless on me now.”
She folds the cloth over the bottle and hands it to the servant.
“Phyllis will prepare it for you, so you needn't worry about that.
She can get more if you should need it. I strongly recommend
getting more for your wedding ceremony. That's all
Phyllis.”

As Phyllis leaves, I move toward my
chair wondering what is in that bottle.

“
Not yet,” mother says.
“Come here.”

I step closer to her. When she motions
to the floor, I kneel next to her.

“
The Chancellor doesn't
know I'm giving this to you.” In light of her earlier revelation,
I'm surprised she would do anything without permission. “Father
thinks you need it. But you must not say anything to anyone else.”
That explains it.

She continues, “Not all men care for a
woman to have it. They sometimes prefer us to be more feeling than
the herb allows.”

“
Is it like the soothing
tea?”

“
No, this is much, much
stronger. It has some negative side effects as well, but if you
don't have it, you'll ruin the ceremony.”

My stomach knots and I grip her
armrest. “What happens at the ceremony?”

“
The spell from my own
engagement prevents me from telling you or I would. They prefer to
keep it a surprise.” She grabs my hands with both of hers. “No
matter. I'll be there for you Serena. As much as the events of the
day allow, I'll be there for you.”

Tears sting my eyes. I blink them away
before they can spill out.

“
I'll be next to you at
the feast afterward. You look to me if you encounter any
problems.”

She changes the topic to the state of
the house without Cynthia and me around, but the ceremony clogs my
mind. A spell is what blocks woman from speaking of it? That
explains why I haven't heard anything about it before, from her or
in class. And branding? I rub my neck just above my collar bone
where I know the mark will go. What will the Envadi choose to leave
permanently on my skin?

“
Serena?” mother
says.

“
Yes?”

“
You should eat something
dear, you're looking peaked.” She scoots to the edge of her chair
and heaves herself out of it. “I should leave anyway if you are to
get the silver polished.”

“
You don't have
to.”

“
Nonsense. I'll see you at
the ceremony.”

She surveys me a final time and is out
the door. Now my guilt for scaring her off earlier intensifies. I'm
not ready for her to go.

Chapter
Thirteen

P
hyllis shoves another pin in my hair. It scrapes my scalp. I
bite my lower lip to keep from crying out. Father's gift doesn't
have a light touch. I miss Cynthia's deft hands. Even my own would
be better than this. She moves to pin another wayward strand and I
hold my breath. A knock at my bedroom door stops her.

“
Come in,” I
call.

“
According to the Woman's
Canon,” Phyllis says, “you shouldn't holler. Next time, I'll attend
to it.”

I ignore her and face who I suspect is
Cynthia, looking for some relief to her boredom. When Katherine's
inked face comes into view, arms laden with a large package, I
spring to my feet.

“
You're dismissed,
Phyllis.”

“
But I'm not
fin
—
”

“
Katherine can help me if
I need it.”

“
Your Father won't be
happy to hear about this.” Phyllis whips away from me and heads
from the room, bumping into Katherine on her way out.

Father may not be happy to hear, but
he's not my Master. As long as he doesn't tell the Envadi, I should
be fine. I hope.

“
Have I interrupted?”
Katherine asks.

“
No. Sorry about Phyllis.
My very first present. Can't say I'm glad to have received
it.”

Her footsteps slow. “That woman was a
present to you?”

I sink into one of the chairs around
the table. “Honestly, I think the word present is used to make her
sound better. She's worse than mother and continually referencing
Father. I'm sure she's telling him all my misdeeds. A great many, I
fear. I'd much rather go back to having things between just me and
Cynthia.”

“
Maybe this will cheer
you.” She sets the package on my lap.

It crinkles as I run my hand across
it. “Have you really finished it?”

“
With little time to
spare. And some extra coins you should keep for an
emergency.”

“
Women can't keep
money.”

“
I do and I'm a woman.
Besides, you never know when you'll need a little
extra.”

The bag is heavy in my hands, though
lighter than when I first gave it to her. Can I really keep it? “I
don't know.”

“
Just keep it and enjoy
your new dress.”

“
I wouldn't even know what
to do with it. Giving it to you was the most I've ever done with
money.”

“
It's easy to figure out.”
She reaches over and opens the bag and pulls out a handful of
coins. She quickly explains the gold ones are worth more than the
silver, and the brown ones are the least valuable. “It's strange
using them at first, but you'll get used to it.”

I put the pouch on the table, for now,
and concentrate on the package containing my dress. “This will be
better than the other choices. I'll be more comfortable in it, at
least. Mother talked to me earlier and, well, it didn't help with
my nerves. Do you know anything about the engagement
ceremony?”

The smile on her face transformers
into an expression I can't read. “Very little.”

“
Sit down if you'd like,
Katherine. Make yourself comfortable.”

Her eyebrows raise, but she settles
into a chair next to me. “I understand it's difficult to
endure.”

I pull the package closer to me,
causing more crackles. “Do you know why?”

“
No. The only thing I know
is that you can't make a sound during the ceremony unless they ask
you to or they'll cane you.”

“
How do you know
this?”

“
Some of the tarnished who
have been servants to a newly engaged woman have noticed things.
The women seem jumpier, more distracted, bruises. I wish I knew
more.”

I rub my forehead. Katherine stands,
walks over to me, and wraps her arms around me. The touch makes me
stiffen.

“
It's fine to be scared,
Serena. You can make it through this. I know you can.”

It's strange to have another person
touch me, but I collapse against her, the contact more comforting
than I expected. A tear escapes. Blinking, I try to prevent any
more from coming. After a minute, she eases away. “You can make it
through this.”

I nod, but don't know if I
can.

“
Good. I wish I could be
there to help you get ready, but I'm afraid my presence would make
things worse. Let me help with what I can today.”

“
Thank you, for bringing
this and working so hard on it.”

“
Don't thank me, yet. You
haven't opened it.”

I tug at the strings trying to keep my
fingers from shaking. Once the strings are loose, I pull the
wrapping back. My fingers brush against the satin as I hold the
dress. The feel of it is different from any other dress I've
owned.

“
It's perfect.”

“
I'm happy you like it.”
She spends the next ten minutes showing me how to get in and out of
it by myself. After I've practiced a few times, she helps me into
my original gown and wraps up my new one. “Try to get dressed as
close to the ceremony as you can. The fewer people that see you in
the dress beforehand, the more likely you'll be able to wear
it.”

“
There are going to be
problems?”

“
You're breaking rules
wearing this, so yes, there'll be problems. Can you manage
them?”

“
It's what I want, so I'll
figure it out.” At least I hope I can.

She hands me a parcel. “Some ribbons
for your hair if you decide you want them. I'd best be
off.”

I hold the parcel close to me. “Why
have you done so much for me?”

“
You paid me.”

“
No, it's more than just
me paying for your services. You care. I didn't even know tarnished
could care. Why do you?”

Her lips form a thin line. “People
like me are more than you've been taught.”

“
Oh.” Guilt heats my
face.

Does this mean she's not the only kind
tarnished? Not the only one who's more than a shadow? Is that true,
or does she just want it to be? It's hard to think all those years
of them being only in the background, and being told they aren't
even real people, were wrong. But I've trusted her this
far.

“
I feel like I owe you
something more. What else can I give you?”

“
Nothing. You just be as
strong as you can for the ceremony. I'll visit afterward when I
can.”

“
This means so much to
me.”

She gives me another embrace. “I'm
grateful to help.”

Chapter
Fourteen

I
tug at my robe, wishing I could put my dress on. Though if I
could, it would mean it was time to go and I don't want that
either. I'm not ready to go, just ready for it to be over. The tiny
dressing room in the hall where the engagement ceremony takes
place, feels smaller with Phyllis hovering. Its bland walls are
adorned with an oval mirror and table with face paint pots and a
jewelry box. I'm in the only chair, leaving Phyllis to hover over
me.

She sets a tea cup before me. “Drink
up.”

I eye the earthy smelling
tea. “I'm not sure I
—
”

“
Drink it. Your Father
said if you didn't, I'm to get him. Is that what you
want?”

For a lower class servant, she's not
as docile as I'd expect. I grab the cup.

“
Good. As soon as you're
finished I'll do your face paint.”

“
I'll do it
myself.”

She grunts and moves behind me. Her
fingers rake through my hair. She reaches for a black
ribbon.

“
Wait, use the red
one.”

Her mouth purses. She picks it up as
if it were a bug. “Why's it red?”

I breathe deeply, trying to pull in
strength. “I just wanted a small bit of color.”

The corner of her lips pull to one
side and she ties the ribbon around my hair. “Now, let me help you
dress.”

“
I would prefer to wait. I
don't want to crease it.”

“
Jewelry?”

“
After I dress. I don't
want it to snag the cloth.” She takes a step toward the door. What
if she goes for Father? “Perhaps if you helped me with a small
piece, it won't harm the dress.”

Her face relaxes a little. She drapes
me with jewels. A ring on every finger and a few on my toes, a
reminder of the fewest warlocks I'm to have, though it didn't work
well for mother. Seven necklaces, reminders of my fiancee’s claim.
They feel like chains, weighing me down. An arm band, five
bracelets, and five anklets on each limb feel the same. But no
earrings. Nothing to block me from hearing the requests of my
future husband.

“
There now. That's the
last jewelry you'll ever wear. When your owner takes it off
tonight, you'll never don another. Would you like me to help you
into the dress your mother sent?”

I hide a grimace at the slight thing.
“No, thank you. It's the only time I can dress myself.” Which is
true, but not in the way she thinks. She doesn't move. “Alone, if I
may.”

“
You haven't sipped your
tea.”

The cup is cold in my hands. I put it
to my lips and sip. The liquid is tepid and tastes of leaves and
dirt.

“
All of it.”

I glare at her and she glares back.
The threat of Father is too heavy for me to ignore. Trying not to
think about it, I down the tea as fast as I can.

She nods. “You have fifteen minutes.
If you need help, I'll be right outside the door.”

Without another word, she leaves. As
soon as the door latches, I shed the jewelry. With every piece, a
load is taken from me, not just physically, but deep inside,
lightening my very being. Once they're all back in their box, I
apply the face paint. Not a lot, just some color on my eyes,
cheeks, and lips. Finally, I grab my package. I pause for a moment.
It would be easier if my sisters were here. Perhaps Katherine as
well.

My fingers quiver as I unwrap it and
put it on. The laces gathered on the front slow me a moment, but
then I have it tied. The dress is silken against my
skin.

I'm a little dizzy as I look in the
mirror. The dress is a blood red, draping past my feet. The
material is tight on my arms, but not restrictive, and comes down
to my wrists where the back half bells out to the floor. The
neckline is square and modest, but leaving my collar bone free. My
lightly painted face smiles back.