You Are Mine (18 page)

Envadi Zade,

Agatha gave birth to a
girl two days ago and was unable to attend.

Councilman
Stephen

I read it twice. That's why mother
wasn't there. I slouch in my chair. A girl. Another one. The news
should be familiar by now, but it still hurts. How is mother doing
without me there? Without Cynthia? Is one of my sisters being
beaten in my place?

Chancellor Zade kneels next to me so
our eyes are level. My heart clenches as I realize the coming
threat. “Congratulations on another sister.”

The sting of my sorrow sharpens. Of
course I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up that he wouldn't punish
me. It's only fitting I'm punished. He's just a different type of
punisher than Father. False good wishes over another sister,
burning the already painful news. I glare at the note and will the
tears rising in my eyes to go away. His hand raises. I
duck.

With a grunt, he pulls himself up and
goes back to his desk. “That's all.” I hold the note out, but he
brushes me away. “I don't need it. You can keep it. Show
Cynthia.”

I clutch the note to me as I escape
the room. Not only does he want to torture me, but Cynthia as well.
The pain grating in my chest intensifies. This subtle form of
punishment is worse than being hit or hexed. Much worse.

***

The soup course is served. I watch
Cynthia. Her eyes are puffy. She must have cried for some time
after I told her the news. Potato soup. I concentrate on not
spilling. The Envadi's gaze is on me, but I avoid looking at him.
Too much pain there. I didn't think my new Master would be so cruel
as to rub in the fact we have another sister.

The courses continue as such. Me
peeking at Cynthia. Chancellor Zade peeking at me. Silent. Just
like a woman is supposed to be. Except in those moments I can't
stop myself from mouthing off.

Finally, dessert is served. A creamy
peach treat, though cook has added some strawberries to my plate.
At least some good has come of my mouthiness. Someone knows I like
strawberries and is going out of their way to give them to me.
Bless her kindness, but I don't have an appetite. I dip my fork in,
but before I can eat, the Envadi speaks.

“
I have a council meeting
here tomorrow. You ladies enjoy dinner without me. Best do it in
your rooms though. In fact, stay in your rooms all day. Dinner will
be brought to you.”

Since we aren't allowed on the second
floor at Father's, I've never seen the council room. The Chancellor
hasn't given us that restriction. I wonder what room he'll use for
the meeting.

Eating dinner in our rooms, that will
easily be accomplished. Cynthia grins at me and, though I don't
feel any joy, I return it. We haven't had a dinner to ourselves
since Chancellor Zade's last council meeting. They're always my
favorite nights.

“
Would you like me to
request anything special from cook?”

I stare at him, but Cynthia says, “Can
we have duck?”
How can she answer him so casually?

“
No problem. I shot a few
this morning, I'm sure cook would be willing to prepare them. How
would you like it?”

“
It doesn't matter, I love
duck. She prepared it once before when you were at a meeting and it
was simply delicious.”

“
I'll speak with her. What
about you, Serena?”

My name on his lips sounds different.
“I haven't had enough variety to know.”

“
Then we'll have to change
that. Did you like the duck, too?”

“
It was unusual, but
gratifying.”

“
I had to bribe her into
trying it,” Cynthia says. “You should have seen the look she gave
when they brought it out still looking bird-like. I feared she
would forget her manners and leave me to dine by
myself.”

I glare at her. Why is she telling him
this? “I wouldn't leave you to such a fate.”

“
You did the time Father
ordered the whole boar brought to the table.”

And was hexed for it later. Chancellor
Zade's laughter booms through the room.

My cheeks heat. “I was seven. Things
are different at that age. I feared he would spring to life and eat
me.”

I attempt to mask my embarrassment as
his laughter grows and Cynthia joins him. They're absurd. At least
I had the excuse of being young, they have nothing. I spear a
strawberry.

“
I didn't know that was
the reason for your running away,” Cynthia says. “How awful. Should
we tell cook to be sure and cut the duck before it's brought
out?”

Ridiculous. “A duck isn't large enough
to eat a grown woman.”

Chancellor Zade nods. “It's true.
Ducks don't eat women. If we ever have boar though, I'll be sure
they carve it before bringing it out.”

Cynthia giggles.

I jolt to my feet. I won't sit through
this if I don't have to. “If you will excuse me, I'm
exhausted.”

I escape the room wondering if a hex
will shortly follow like Father would have cast, freezing me in
place to keep me from running. When nothing happens, I give a sigh
of relief and hurry to my room. When did Cynthia decide to consort
with the Envadi? Didn't his punishment affect her as much as
me?

Chapter
Seventeen

P
hyllis pours tea for Katherine and me. Though I have obeyed
the Envadi's request not to leave my room, Katherine managed to
sneak in the servant's entrance. I'm grateful she did, her presence
is a welcome relief on a day like this one. Though I hope the fact
that Phyllis knows she's here doesn't cause problems.

When Phyllis finishes setting up the
tea tray, she hovers close by.

“
We have no further need
of your services, Phyllis,” I say.

She eyes Katherine. “I don't mind
staying.”

“
That will be all. You're
excused.”

Katherine raises an eyebrow at me.
After tisking us, Phyllis exits the room. Katherine opens her mouth
to speak. Shaking my head, I raise one finger at her. I wait a
moment, then move to the stairway. No one is hovering nearby. I
close the door, just in case.

“
There. No prying ears.” I
place a few biscuits on a plate and pour some tea and hand it to
Katherine. “Father's gift is a trifle overzealous.”

“
Still having problems
with her?” Her voice is strained.

“
Under Father's orders,
she forced me drink a tea that made me obey others command.
Twice.”

With a peek at my empty cup, she says,
“That explains you not having any tea.”

“
I've sworn it off. My
expectation of it is rather dismal.”

She sets her own cup aside and nibbles
on a biscuit. “What did it taste like?”

“
Dirt. Or what I would
expect dirt to taste like.”

“
Califrasum root. Nasty
stuff. It's supposed to be banned, but Councilman Stephen would
have access to it, no doubt.”

“
Califrasum? I've never
heard of it before.”

“
The council keeps it
quiet.” She sets her half empty plate down. “Does this mean your
engagement ceremony didn't go well?”

“
No.” My own treats look
rather unappealing. “Your dress was perfect though. It was hard
enough, but having to go through it in the traditional dress would
have been ghastly. Your design really helped me feel more
comfortable.”

“
Any trouble over
it?”

I shrug. “Nothing unmanageable. I'm
still here.”

“
I'm grateful you liked it
and the Envadi didn't punish you for it.”

“
I am wondering,” I begin
to ask, but then pause. Am I really brave enough to do
it?

“
What is it?”

“
I'd like a new dress. But
the only money I have is what is left over from before.”
Technically the Chancellor's, not mine, but he hasn't asked for
it.

“
What type of dress were
you thinking of?”

Somewhere a clock chimes. I fuss with
my sleeve. This is more rule breaking, and asking her to break it,
as well. “An everyday dress but more like what you made for the
ceremony. Something I could get in and out of myself and not have
to rely on Phyllis.”

She grins. “I'll do it, and you don't
need to pay me for it.”

“
I must give you something
for it.”

“
I'm not taking the little
money you have for such a request. What about something like what
I'm wearing, though altered for society.”

I take in her clothes. A burgundy
blouse tucked into a deep violet skirt. They have minimal
adornment, just a few buttons down the front.

“
I do like the simpler
design. Less fanciful is more to my taste. Mother would never hear
of it, but the Chancellor shouldn't care.” Unless his punishment
with my newest sister is an indication of how things are going to
be. But I think I'm willing to risk it.

“
I wasn't referring to the
embellishments.”

“
What then? The
two-piece?” A laugh escapes me. When her face stays earnest, I
stop. “You can't mean it.”

“
You don't have
to.”

I spring from my chair and pace in
front of the fireplace. “A two piece? Do you know what that would
mean?”

She moves in front of me. After
grabbing both of my hands in hers, she looks me in the eye. “I
know. We would start out subtly. Make them the same color. And
fancy them up. You may like simple, but this is too simple for the
company you'll be keeping.

“
I'd tailor them to look
closer to a one piece and put false buttons on the back so it would
still look like you needed help. If you're never comfortable, we
wouldn't do anything further. But if you like it and no one rejects
it, we could maybe try for something else.”

Tarnished clothes. She wants me
running around dressed as a tarnished. If I haven't doomed myself
to be banned yet, this certainly would get me there. Society would
shun me. Yet, I did want something better suited to my difficulties
with Phyllis. Dressing such seems like going too far. It is going
too far. But her gaze is so earnest. Would I like wearing a two
piece?

“
Why do you want me to
dress like that?” I ask.

Her eyes squeeze shut. “Don't you ever
tire of wearing what others demand of you?” She opens them and I
can't help but think how right she is. I'm so tired of it. “Plus,
you're a Chancellor's bride. If you happen to mention where your
new, fashionable gowns come from, it could mean more business for
me.”

I laugh, draining some of the tension.
“So, even if you don't accept payment, it's still about the
money.”

“
Money does help. I can't
survive on my own without it.” Heading back to her chair, she says,
“What do you think?”

“
I don't know. It's like
what I wanted, but a lot more. I've never done anything like
this.”

“
The engagement dress I
made was a much bigger step than this.”

“
That doesn't count. The
other options were worse than wearing my underthings.”

“
And you liked not having
to do that, right?”

I sink into my chair. “That's
true.”

“
And how could more
freedom with your clothes be bad? Freedom not just for one day, but
any day you want it.”

“
I suppose it wouldn't be
all bad.” My gloves suddenly feel oppressive. One by one I pull at
the fingers and discard them on the arm of the chair. “What I'd
really like freedom from is my life.” Did I really blurt that out?
Surprisingly I find myself meaning it, but still. To say it out
loud? Is freedom even an option?

Katherine goes still. “Would you
escape if someone helped you?”

“
There's no escape when
your fiance is a warlock.” Of course it isn't an option. A bitter
laugh escapes me. “I suppose in contrast, a little wardrobe change
isn't so dreadful.”

“
Good. I have the perfect
outfit. I'll adjust it and have it sent. May I stop by next
week?”

“
Of course. Perhaps
Cynthia can join us. I'd like for the two of you to
meet.”

“
And I'd like to meet your
sister.” She stands.

“
Would you mind coming on
a council day? The Chancellor would be gone then, though I don't
know when it will be.”

“
I'll figure it out, and
come when he'll be away.”

“
Hopefully, I'll see you
soon then.”

***

Two days later, I stare at the package
Katherine sent. I should ring for Phyllis to help me dress, but
instead pick up the package. It feels heavier than it really is, as
if the weight of my trying to gain more freedom in clothing is
weighing it down. Not having to bother with Phyllis will be better
than any consequences this new outfit could bring.

Chancellor Zade sent a note with
breakfast saying he has a gift for me, and wanted to see me in the
study. The last, and only, gifts I received were horrid. Despite
possibly causing more problems, the dress helps me feel more
confident. Will he like it? Hate it? Punish me over it? Or just
ignore it? Pushing away my misgivings, I focus on the
package.