You Are Mine (39 page)

I pinch my lips together. I would have
made the most spectacular bride Chardonia has ever seen. But it's
just as well. I don't want to get married. Zade deserves to live,
even if it means I have to give up everything.

“
You're an artist,
Katherine.” I embrace her, taking what comfort I can.

“
Don't get tears on it.”
She pulls back and holds out a handkerchief.

Accepting the proffered cloth, I
laugh. It comes out sharper than I meant. I dab my face
dry.

“
You look wonderful,”
Bethany says. “Katherine, you're talented. It suits her. Sit down
Serena, and we'll finish getting ready.”

I comply, letting them fuss over my
hair and face paint. The paint is as light as I like it, if I have
wear it. None of the white paint, but a shine to my lips and kohl
to my eyes. My hair is twisted and coiled and puffed in a style
like none I've ever seen. I can't hate a woman who can do this to
my hair. Though at this moment I wouldn't mind if she was back in
Envado.

I sigh. “Thank you, everyone. You're
the best of friends.” I turn to Katherine. “I wish you could come
with us.”

“
All I want is to see how
everyone likes the gowns I created. Zade showed me a nook on the
second floor where I can watch the party without being
seen.”

“
I'll have to be the
jealous one then. This ball will be a better experience than last
time I'm sure, but I wouldn't mind watching instead.” I try to hold
back my creeping emotions. “I'll make sure to bring you something
to snack on.”

Katherine says, “I admit, I've been
wanting to try some of the Envadi treats ever since Waverly talked
of them.”

“
I'll be sure cook sends
some,” Waverly says. “You'll be wanting to dine in Envado every
night after this.”

A knock sounds. I jump from my chair.
As Waverly moves to open the door, Bethany gives me a half
smile.

“
Is it time?” I
ask.

Katherine fluffs my skirt out. “Back
to the white. Perfect timing. He's already seen it, but it will be
better with you wearing it.” She nods to Waverly who opens the
door.

Zade stands at the entrance in a suit
of black and a pearl colored cravat and folded handkerchief in his
left pocket, same color as my dress. I realize he's been observing
me while I've been perusing him. Heat floods my cheeks. I glance at
Waverly.

“
Everyone out,” she
says.

Anxious to have the man she loves free
of me.

Katherine gives my arm a squeeze.
“You'll do great.”

“
And don't forget to add
sparkles to her hair,” Waverly tells Zade.

Really, something so simple seems
unimportant at the moment, but he agrees.

“
D
on't forget to have them announce you,” Bethany says. “We'll
make sure everyone is there and things are going smoothly.” How
smoothly will they go with the events that are to come? “Smile
Serena. And don't scare everyone with it this time. Oh, and plan
your entrance to have your dress change to this one shortly after
you arrive.”

“
It will,” Zade
says.

“
Thank you,” she replies
and they leave.

The room is back to being hollow,
except this time Zade is here. I scrutinize my gloves, pearly to
match my dress. Watching the sparkles in them is easier than
looking at him. There's a warm glow to the fabric I didn't notice
before. A sort of happiness not matched by my feelings.

I clear my throat. “Would you like to
sit?”

“
Would you?”

“
Don't want to crease
Katherine's dress before anyone has seen it.”

He steps closer to me. I resist the
urge to step back. “Are you ready?”

No. “I'll manage.”

For a moment, he says nothing. He
shifts like he's going to come closer, but then moves to stand by a
chair, resting a hand on the back of it. “Have you thought about
what I asked?”

“
I have.”

“
And?”

And don't ask this of me. I want
freedom and you. Not to be tarnished while you marry Waverly. At
least you'll be alive and free to leave the threats on your life,
which is what I owe you after costing your life in the first place.
I close my eyes to keep the tears from coming. “I'll take your
offer.”

He nods.

A knock sounds.

“
Come in,” I
call.

Waverly slides in. Of course she does.
I clamp my hands together.

“
Everyone's here. Seems
they're anxious to begin. Bethany wanted me to let you know. I
think she's anxious, too.”

“
Thank you,” Zade
says.

“
Is everything all right?”
she asks. “You haven't fixed her hair yet.”

He walks to her. “Everything will be
perfect. We'll be down in a moment.”

It hurts to see them together, but I
don't want them to see how I feel.

“
Soon then.” Waverly
closes the door behind her.

Soon. They'll be together soon. Unless
Zade's plan doesn't work, then he'll be dead and I'll be with
Father. Even if it does, I'll be tarnished. Becoming tarnished
isn't so bad, I remind myself. I keep reminding myself.

He moves closer to me. “May I spell
your hair?”

“
Yes.” Despite becoming
more accustomed to magic, the thought of allowing someone to spell
me still makes me uneasy. I remind myself it's Zade and it's easier
to turn around so he can reach the back better. “How long will
these last?”

“
About eight hours.”
There's a flash out of the corner of my eye. “All done.”

When I face him again, my breath
catches. It's so hard not to lean closer to him.

“
Shall we?” Zade holds out
an arm for me.

What is he doing?

“
You put your hand here.”
He points at his elbow.

“
Why?”

“
It's the first
step.”

The first step to what? I lick my
lips. Being at his side instead of behind him is appealing. I place
my hand on his elbow. He grabs it with his own gloved hand and
pulls it through the space between him and his arm, and rests my
fingers on his arm.

“
Like that.”

He's so, so close.

“
I see.” I look through
the open door thinking of what's to come. “And there's to be a
sacrifice, yes?”

Instead of answering, he guides me
through the door, maneuvers us down the stairs, and slips my hand
back on his arm as we walk down the hall.

“
There will be a
sacrifice.”

The pounding of my heart intensifies.
I've gone through it before. Another time will be no different.
Except this is my home. My gathering. My only claim on the gathered
warlocks of Chardonia. My last claim on anything. My ball will not
stoop to their level.

“
What if we skipped that
part?”

Mid-stride, he stops. “The
sacrifice?”

I wiggle my toes. “Yes.”

With a small smile, he resumes our
stroll to the ballroom. “First Katherine, now this. You're not the
girl I won at the tournament.”

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? A
response never forms before we arrive. The oak doors wait. Waiting
for Zade to sacrifice someone and make his name as Chancellor. Then
to leave me as a tarnished.

“
It will be fine.” He pats
my hand and nods to the footman.

As the footman opens the door, I can't
help but feel as if I should run the other way. I don't want this.
I don't want to be in any way a part of sacrificing another human.
If I'm to be tarnished anyway, there's nothing preventing me from
trying. What can I do to stop it?

Chapter
Thirty-Nine

Z
ade walks into the room. When I don't come, he tugs me
forward. My green dress flows around me, shimmering. The gathered
crowd goes silent. All eyes are on us. There are so many of them.
Despite helping with the guest list, there's more here than I
thought there would be. Here to see how our ball turns out? To see
us fail? To watch Zade die? Or simply curious? Whatever they want,
they aren't going to get.

Remembering Bethany's words, I keep a
smile plastered to my face. Is there anything I can do to stop the
sacrifice? Perhaps there is. I could jump in front of her. There's
no altar or girl in view though.

The stairs lead down to our left,
leaving us at the top of a curving balcony. Although it's the
largest room in the house, it's full. The only way we'll have space
for dancing is by moving guests to other rooms we've prepared for
sitting and eating, as well as the garden. The sight of so many
makes my legs shake.

“
Thank you for joining
us.” Zade's voice booms to the crowd below. “We hope you delight in
the many surprises we have in store for you this
evening.”

Our clothes change in that instant,
surely aided by Zade. The crowd gasps. A tingle of excitement zips
through me. I'm ready for this. I hope.

“
As you know, balls held
by a Chancellor or Grand Chancellor are always proceeded by a
sacrifice. Tonight will be no different.”

The crowd watches us intently, eager
for more. Suddenly, Zade shoves me forward. I reach out and grab
the railing. The faces below me become blurs. I'm the
sacrifice.

He's not tarnishing me, but
sacrificing me? That's what he meant? Not to be his or my Father's?
I won't belong to anyone if I'm dead. I grip the railing harder.
Why is he doing this? I spin toward him.

“
Zade,” I
whisper.

“
It's fine,” he whispers
back. But it's not. He moves toward me, but then takes four steps
down the stairs. For the first time, I'm looking down on
him.

“
My sacrifice.” He waves
his hand toward me.

This can't be happening. He's not
saving both of us, just himself from death. I can't believe he'd do
this to me. This isn't who I thought he was. This can't be
happening. I want to do something, but I'm frozen to the floor.
“Zade.”

Again, he looks directly at me and
whispers, “You're fine, Serena.”

Does that mean it will be a painless
death? None of the sacrifices ever called out. They didn't seem as
alert as I am either. I was willing to try and stop a sacrifice,
but how can I stop my own? Is it worth it if it saves
Zade?

No. I'm willing to become a tarnished
for him, but I'm not going to become a sacrifice so he can stay
Chancellor. I tighten my legs. Maybe I can rush into him. It may
not stop it, but it could prolong it.

He faces the crowd, hand still
extended toward me. The perfect time. My muscles tense as I get
ready to pounce. But his words stop me.

“
My sacrifice. Serena,
daughter of Councilman Stephen, I will her to accept my sacrifice
of ownership of her. She's as free as any warlock.”

Golden light bursts from his hand,
surrounding me with its warm glow. I stare at him, unable to
believe what he just said. My breathing becomes shallow. How could
I ever have doubted him? I'm not bound by any one man. My body
grows light as burdens I didn't know I carried lift. I'm free as
Katherine, but without the constraints. Free. Truly
free.

But how can he do that? He can't. The
lightness shifts back into the burden I carry. The burden of being
owned. Only now, it's worse. Knowing what I could have had, but
can't.

The murmur of voices below me must
agree. Their noise grows by the moment, confusion building to
anger.

A warlock yells, “You can't do that.
Women aren't able to be free. They need to be owned.”

“
He's right. You can't
free her,” another calls out.

Zade silences them by holding up his
hand, the glow around me fading, but still present. “I can. Before
you protest, I offer proof.”

He holds something up. A book of some
sort. Thick with pages I was required to learn. The Woman's Canon.
How can that help?

“
I've found,” he opens the
book to a page somewhere in the middle, “a woman must always submit
to her Master's wishes.”

It does say that, but it can't really
free me. Can it?

The book slaps closed. Zade motions to
a servant behind him.

The servant brings him a hefty book.
Using two hands, Zade holds the book open. “While not typical, the
law was used one hundred and eighty years ago. A man's wife never
provided an heir. Despite wanting a new wife, he didn't feel his
old one deserved to be tarnished. He used this law to free her,
ultimately giving her the status of a man. The council upheld
it.”

Did they? My heart pumps again, but I
refuse to let the load lift. The current council hasn't approved
it.

“
You're bending things to
your own ways, Envadi,” a hairy man says.

“
Come,” Zade says. “Come
look for yourself. Councilmen and warlocks, come. Then let your
wives and daughters and sisters and mothers see.”