You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Companion Novel) (22 page)

“I am glad, no honored, that you came to me.
It is a privilege to be given this opportunity to help you.” Thomas Henkener said.

Chapter
35

“It’s all arranged. Karl Abdenstern has found Helen. She said she would take Eidel until this is all over. At least Eidel is a girl and blond too. That is good. If she were, a boy we would have to worry about the Nazi’s seeing the circumcision. But with a girl there is nothing to distinguish her as Jewish.” Fruma said. Then she wrapped her arm around Zofia. “Zofia, it will be alright.”

“I know. I know it will. I trust Helen. But I will miss Eidel terribly.”

“We all will.” Gitel said. “But it is in her best interest to get her out of here.”

“Yes, it is.”
Fruma looked across the room at the baby in her playpen.

“Tonight? He is taking her
so soon?” Zofia asked.

“Yes, the sooner the better. Koppel is a pain in the ass. I don’t trust him.”

“I know. I’ve been holding him off but soon he will insist that we sleep together. And I don’t think I can bear it.”

“Well,
no matter what happens to us, at least Eidel will be safe.” Fruma said.

“Yes, at leas
t Eidel will be safe.” Zofia repeated.

Z
ofia could not eat. A crevice began to open in the pit of her belly and as the day wore on, growing deeper until it felt like a canyon. She knew that it was best for Eidel to be as far from the Ghetto and her Jewish roots as possible. But the pain of separation was almost unbearable. Every time Eidel smiled at her, she wept. But when the sun descended from the sky and the darkness covered the streets, Zofia dressed the baby as warmly as she could, layering her clothes because Karl had insisted that there be no luggage. This, bringing a baby to the other side outside of the ghetto walls, Karl told the women, was the most dangerous mission he’d ever taken on. At any time, Eidel might cry and alert the guards. In fact, it was probable that she would because the baby did not know Karl and would be frantic for her mother.  He’d given Fruma a shot of whiskey to give the baby before the journey began, in hopes that she might sleep through the entire process. Once Eidel was dressed, Fruma gave her the whiskey through a dropper. Eidel made a face of dislike, but Fruma continued to force the alcohol into her mouth. Then she rocked the Eidel to sleep.

Together Z
ofia, Fruma, and Gitel took Eidel to a crawlspace under an apartment building where they met Karl. He was waiting his arms folded across his chest, his eyes darting, keen, and aware. There were only a few short seconds for Zofia to hold her child tightly to her breast. Then each of the women kissed Eidel’s cheek as she slept. Karl reached out and took the baby. He was a big man but even in the darkness, the women saw the gentleness in his touch.

“She will be alright.” He promised, his dark eyes filled with sincerity.

“I will pay you money for doing this for us.” Fruma said.

“It’s alright. I will do it because I
want to do it, not for the money, but so that another Jewish child might live, and someday be a part of a Jewish state, the state that I see in my dreams, the state of Palestine.”

“You’re a Zionist?” Gitel asked.

“Yes.”

“I have Zionist leanings, although I’ve never shared that with anyone, except
Fruma. Without a Jewish state, the world is bound to keep on treating us like dirt. We need a homeland of our own.”

“I agree with you.
And so many others feel the same way. You see, we have meetings. They are secret meetings and must be kept in the quiet because of the Judenrats. But, you’re invited. I am inviting you. However, I don’t want to stand here talking. It’s far too dangerous and puts the child at too much risk. I must go now, but come tomorrow morning to the alleyway where I sell my black market goods. I might have some work for Zofia and Fruma.  But I will also have time to give you more details on the meeting.”

With
that, Karl turned and ran, Eidel asleep in his arms. Zofia watched as he held the child with one hand and gripped the rail with the other then he nimbly climbed an iron ladder on the side of the building. Soon he was little more than a dark shadow as he sprinted like a panther across the rooftops and out of the walls of the ghetto.

Z
ofia laid awake all staring out the window the entire night. It was hard to believe that when she got out of bed Eidel would not be there waiting for her. Somewhere outside, far from her arms and her protection her infant daughter laid at the mercy of others, not necessarily strangers, but not her mother. It was true that Helen had been a good friend. And there was no doubt that Zofia liked her. But, this was Eidel, her child, her only child. Helen would be the one to see Eidel take her first steps; hear her speak her first words. When she reached up and said mama, it would Helen’s arms she yearned for.  Helen would be there to comfort her when she cried, and God forbid care for her when she was sick. Helen would rock her to sleep, and teach her the alphabet. But would Helen ever feel the same way about Eidel as Helen felt about her own son, her flesh and blood? Or would Eidel always be the second best child? It tore at Zofia’s insides as she went over the answers again and again in her mind. If things had been reversed, she would surely have taken Helen’s son, she would have cared for him, but would she ever have loved him as much as she loved Eidel. If only the Nazi’s would disappear from the face of the earth and she could go home to live a normal life, to raise her child. Why had the Jews been cursed to suffer like this? What had they done? Tears spilled upon her pillow. Eidel, dear sweet Eidel, her tender toothless smile, the sweet baby smell of her peach fuzz hair. Eidel, gone for now…perhaps forever.

Chapter
36

“You have to eat. It’s essential that you eat.” Gitel said to Zofia. “You haven’t eaten a thing for almost a week. You are going to get very sick and we have limited medicine here. If you should die, then who is going to claim Eidel when this is all over?”

“You,
you and Fruma.”

“Yes, but you are her mother. If you don’t want to live for yourself, then at least live so that you can go back and get Eidel and raise her as soon as the Nazi’s lose the war.”

Zofia said. “Maybe they’ll win and we will all be exterminated like rats.”

“They will not win.”
Fruma said firmly. Her eyes glassed over again with that strange look indicating she was experiencing another vision. “But you are right; many will be lost before the Nazi’s are defeated. But you mark my words, Hitler and his precious Third Reich will be defeated.  Zofia, listen to me and hear me good. It is for that day when the Nazi’s are gone that you must stay strong. You must eat and you must take of yourself as best as you possibly can. Because there are great things that you have yet to do on this earth, you’re not done yet. You have a future don’t throw it away. Keep believing. You must. And most importantly… you must not lose the will to live you must live, you must do this, for Eidel.”

The bright light
of the sun came pouring through the kitchen window.

“Exactly my
point, where will Eidel be at the end of the war if you are dead? You cannot expect Helen to care for her forever. Every day, you must remember why you are living, for your child, and let that knowledge be the flicker of light that gives you the strength to stay alive. Do you understand me?” Gitel said.

Z
ofia turned away. But Gitel grabbed her arm and shook her hard. “Listen to me…Look at me… You must not give up. You cannot give up. You brought that child into the world. You owe her. Live, Zofia chose to live.” Gitel said

Until now, Z
ofia felt as if she were already dead. She’d died as she watched Karl Abdenstern carry her only child over the rooftops and away from her grasp. But Gitel’s words penetrated through the darkness in her heart shooting like a bold of silver bright lightening. Gitel and Fruma were right. Even though she was far away from her daughter, her daughter needed her. She must live, she must survive, and she must be there at the end, when the Nazi’s were defeated. She must be there for Eidel.

From that day forward, Z
ofia began to fight.

She
grew stronger. Every day she awakened with new resolve that someday she would hold her daughter again. She fantasized the about day when she would design Eidel’s wedding dress and walk her to the canopy.  The future would be filled with Hanukaa’s where she prepared potato latkes with thick spoonfuls of sweet applesauce for her grandchildren. Zofia would live she would chose to live, no matter what the Nazi’s threw at her. She would not let them take this from her or from her daughter. In her mind’s eye, she watched Eidel grow every day, putting her trust in Helen do to what she could not. To be the mother that she longed to be.

Meanwhile,
Koppel was relentless in his empty pursuit to make her a conquest. He came to visit often-bringing gifts for Zofia. He was kind and affectionate showing a side of himself that few had ever seen. Zofia began to feel sorry for him. Then to remind herself of who he really was, she got up early one morning and watched him as he directed his own people onto the boxcars at the trains. He didn’t see her watching he was unaware of her presence and so he showed the other side of his face, the side that he masked for Zofia.  His eyes looked like glass when he spoke, his voice harsh and commanding as he ordered the old men, woman, children to form lines and walk quickly onto the trains.  Zofia shivered, rumors flew through the in Ghetto as to what was actually taking place in the camps. Escapes had come back just to tell the others what they had seen what had been done to them. It was hard to believe but the news confirmed their greatest fear the camps were death camps. They were not work camps at all in fact they were places where people were killed by the thousands their bodies burned like old rubbish. Her eyes darted from Koppel to the old, feeble, helpless and sick taking his direction without question.  He had to know where he was sending them. The Nazis must have told him, and if not he must have heard all of the gossip. But still Koppel smiled and offered bread with jam to those too hungry to resist, and too hopeful to believe that they were going to their deaths. 

Her feelings
of pity for Koppel disappeared like vapor as she watched him work.

Gitel had
talked to Karl Abdenstern and since then she’d begun to go to Zionist meetings that took place in secret at apartments all around the ghetto. She asked Fruma and Zofia to go with her. They had refused. But as time passed Zofia felt, the need to find an outlet and this seemed a good one. So she agreed to accompany Gitel one evening.  They walked in the shadows until they arrived at a tall brick building. Then Gitel looked around assuring herself they’d not been followed and they slipped inside. There they climbed three flights of stairs up to a small room crammed with Jews. The air reeked of sweat. Gitel introduced Zofia to over a dozen people. It seemed as if she’d met so many that Zofia could not remember their names. They became faces that moved in front of her like a stream of players in a parade.

“This is Peter, and
Michael, this is Judith and Ruth,” Gitel said.

Z
ofia nodded and smiled.

“This is
Dovid Greenspan. Dovid this is Zofia” Gitel said, “He is new here like you. We met last time I was at a meeting. If I remember correctly you told me that was your first time at a Zionist meeting?”

“Yes, it was.” Dovid answered. He was slender
of build, and medium height. “It’s nice to meet you, Zofia, and good to see you again, Gitel.” He said his voice refined. “So, Zofia, you too have come to join us in building our dream of a Jewish state?”

“Yes, I have.”

“You are from Poland?”

“Yes, Warsaw and you?”

“I was born in Austria a little town outside of Vienna, a beautiful city.”

“I have heard that Vien
na was lovely before the Anschütz.  Is your family still living there?”

“My parents and sisters were there when I left. God only knows where they are now. I’ve sent letters, but I never hear anything.” He shook his head “And you?”

“Gitel and Fruma are my family. My parents are dead, I was an only child.” She was afraid to mention Eidel; she wanted to assure Eidel’s safety with silence.

“Did you have a trade? Or were you in school?”

“I am a seamstress. I worked with Fruma the lady who I live with, Gitel’s friend.  Fruma and I worked together before the invasion. What was your trade?”

“
I am a violinist. I played with the Vienna concert society. When news came that Hitler planned to invade Austria I escaped the Anschütz with the help of many of my non-Jewish colleagues. It was decided that the best place for me to go was Poland.  Then as you know, it was not long before Hitler came here. I don’t believe there is anywhere to escape the Nazis. They are everywhere like an ant colony.” He laughed a slightly bitter laugh. “That’s why we need a Jewish state.”

“I must agree with you.” She said. “I’m sure every Jew would agree.”

“Not so. I have many friends in the Hassidic community and they have all but ostracized me for my support of the Zionist movement.”