Yours Unfaithfully (49 page)

“Sort of yes. It’s a good move for her, so don’t worry, I haven’t done her career any harm by pushing her into it. I hear on the grapevine that you’ve gone up to the top floor in the bank; own office, own secretary, you must be doing something right.”

A young woman brought the food to the table. ‘Can I get you more drinks?’

“Thanks, two more dry white please, large ones.”

“Ratty, you know very well why I got promotion. As soon as I got back from our trip John Higgs had me in and told me about the glowing testimonials from you and Hugh and told me I was moving upstairs. I’ve got you to thank for my success and I really am grateful, honest. Do you remember when we first met, at Nina’s house party? I was going through a crisis right then, convinced I was losing my mind and my job. Since that night when we sat and talked and you invited me to your seminar my life has changed completely.”

“Has it changed for the better though?”

“I’m a lot happier at work... and I’ve got all my old confidence back. My career has always meant a lot to me, so after ten years back at the bank it’s rewarding to have reached the top.”

“You’re happier at work ... does that mean you’re not happier at home?”

“Things are a mess at home, Ratty. Why is it I can be so successful at work yet I can’t manage three kids and a husband?”

“Our private lives aren’t structured like our work, Mel. At home no one has to do as you tell them. It’s much harder to make a success out of a marriage than out of a career, believe me, I found that out when I tried it.”

“But my marriage has always been sacred to me. I’ve never even looked at another man – well not until I met you, but we don’t seem to have much to say to each other these days, well not anything worth saying that is, and in bed it’s a disaster. But I’m sure that’s my fault. I’m feeling guilty over what happened in Poznan.”

“Do you think that’s fair ... on yourself I mean?”

“Of course it is. I should have said no to you.”

“Mel, what happened that night was bound to happen. We were both bursting with feelings for each other. It’s no use you denying that. I could feel the passion between us from twenty feet. What we had there is too special to be swept away in a tide of guilt.”

“I’m not denying it, I did feel deeply for you, but it was wrong ... I shouldn’t have let myself have those feelings in the first place.”

“If your marriage was working well you wouldn’t have had those feelings, Mel. Maybe it’s the marriage that’s wrong, not us?”

“Ratty, d’you think I haven’t thought about that, but we’ve got three children. I don’t want them suffering all the problems of a broken marriage.”

“Are you saying that if you didn’t have children you would end the marriage and let me take care of you?”

“Probably, yes ... but I do have children, so it can’t happen.”

“Is it really better for them to grow up in an unhappy marriage than in a good relationship? After all, if we were together they would still see their father whenever they wanted.”

“That’s not the same as seeing him everyday though, is it?”

“It might be
better
than seeing him every day. At the moment he takes them for granted, the same as he takes you for granted. If he saw them two or three days a week he’d appreciate that time with them and work much harder at being kind and caring. It’s natural. Any father would value his time with his children more if he didn’t have them around him every day.”

“It would hurt him terribly. I could never do that to him.”

“So you’re willing to give up the chance of the happiness we could have together to save hurting him?”

“Yes, that’s about it. Sorry, Ratty, I told you before, it wouldn’t work between us.”

“Yes you did, but you never told me why.”

They finished their drinks and Ratty paid the bill. “We’re wasting this lovely day in here, let’s walk along the quay.”

They walked until they were out of the busy waterside, past what used to be boat yards but now satisfied the ever increasing demand for car parking within walking distance of the centre. Small trees and shrubs formed the boundary from here on, until the waterside went into more rural territory. They stopped at a seat, neatly surrounded by bushes except to its front side, which faced the river.

Ratty sat close to her, his arm round her waist, his hand slipping easily inside of her pink top so that his hand cupped her waist. “I am so happy, Mel, when I’m with you. I’d give everything I have to be with you properly.”

“You’d soon get fed up with me. I’m not nearly as nice as you think. Don’t forget you only see me when I’m in a good mood.”

“I’d make sure you were always in a good mood.”

“Impossible ... you see me through rose tinted glasses, you might not like me if we had to spend every day together.”

“Let’s try it. Give me a chance to prove how happy I can make you. Does sitting here by this river remind you of our walks around the lake?”

“Yes it does, and yes they were fantastic times, but it wasn’t real, Ratty. They were moments we stole to spend together while we were a long way from home and I was a long way from Tim. This is real life, and I’ve got to go home to him, whether I want to or not.”

As Ratty pulled her closer she made no attempt to stop him. In fact she co-operated as he moved his hands to cup her breasts under her top.

“Can I slip you’re bra up and hold you properly Mel?”

She sighed but lifted her arms to make it easier for him. They didn’t speak as they sat in a state of intimacy staring out over the river. A kingfisher swooped down to the water and then disappeared into the trees opposite. This was a peaceful spot and the buzzing of a huge dragonfly was louder than the background hum of traffic somewhere behind them.

No words were needed as they sat clamped together, each of them enjoying their thoughts of the other. Suddenly footsteps disturbed their privacy as a couple came into view further along the path, heading straight for them.

Melanie gently pulled Ratty’s hand down and replaced her bra. He still held her but outside her clothes. The couple passed, merely nodding in acknowledgement. Ratty knew he couldn’t have her again, but nothing could take from him the happiness she had just bestowed by allowing him that moment of possession.

They started walking back towards the centre, comfortable in each other’s company, released temporarily from the bands of conformity, free to be at ease with each other for a an hour or so, knowing that the clock was ticking until they must let each other go and return to their other lives.

It was harder for Ratty than for Melanie. She would go home to Tim and, even though she’d admitted it wasn’t perfect, she would go through the routine of eating, talking and sleeping with him. Ratty would go back to his place alone. He had friends with whom he could spend his evenings; some of them women, attractive women, but there was only one woman that he wanted to be with and for a few more minutes he had her all to himself. He remembered the words of the song, ‘Only One Woman.’ He thought how it could have been written for him, or maybe the singer had suffered the same pain as him each time he’d left the woman he loved.

They were nearing the busy stretch of the path and soon he would have to release her altogether and walk by her side just like all the other people out walking ‘together’.

“I love you, Mel. Truly I know you don’t love me because your head is filled with loyalty for Tim, and you won’t let yourself think about how it could be ... for us ... together, but know this, Mel, I will always love you, always. If I never get to have you, to keep you, then I will have lost the best thing that could ever have happened to me, and I think you will have lost something too. I would give everything I own, every penny, every minute of every day to make you mine, to make you happy. I would willingly take you with your children, and try to make a good life for them as well. I wouldn’t put conditions on you and I wouldn’t try to tie you down. You’re a butterfly, a beautiful butterfly, and I want to be the branch on which you settle when you’re tired at the end of every day. I will love you forever Mel.”

She knew he meant it but she was resolute in her belief that her duty was to her marriage. She was sacrificing a great deal to stay with Tim, but she owed him that. They’d vowed to look after each other, ‘until death us do part,’ and she would honour her vows.

“I’m sorry Ratty. I know how you feel about me but you must find someone who is free to love you back. You’ve got a lot to give and there is a woman out there somewhere for you, you just have to find her.”

“I’ve already found her, Mel. I found her too late, that’s the problem.”

They were back in the town and it was time to say goodbye again and head back to their offices. They stood for a moment looking at each other. Ratty wanted desperately to kiss her goodbye but he knew she wouldn’t let him, and he hated the thought of her rejecting him, especially after she had just shared herself with him. He couldn’t risk spoiling the beauty of what she’d gifted to him this lunch time, so he could only hope that they’d do it again soon.

“Mel, can we meet again soon, like today?”

“Maybe, Ratty. I’ve really enjoyed our walk together, thank you.”

He turned and walked away looking back just to raise his hand. Her face showed just a touch of sadness as they went off in opposite directions to their offices, to carry on as if nothing had happened.

“How was your meeting, Mel. You have a healthy glow, so I’m guessing it was good.”

“It
was
good ... very good in fact.”

“So, do you want me to keep some lunchtimes free in your diary?”

“No, Rachel, no that won’t be necessary.”

“Mel, one of your pals from downstairs called in to see you while you were out, a guy called Roddy, he said he thought you’d forgotten them since you moved up here.”

“Of course I haven’t, it’s just that there’s been no time ... I’ll make some time, in fact even better, I’ll have a party for all of them ... you can come too of course. It’s about time we had a party to brighten up our dull little lives.”

The drive home was Mel’s thinking time, her half hour, when she could let her mind flow from the problems at work to those awaiting her at home; her winding down period, but tonight it was taken up with planning the party.

If only Nina was at home so she could share the news with her. Neen loved parties. Never mind. She’d go on and organise it and let it be a surprise for them when they returned, which reminded her she’d better try to ring Tim and see what progress they’d made with finding Ben and the missing children. He answered at once but seemed disturbed at the sound of Mel’s voice, as if he wasn’t expecting her to ring.

“What’s wrong, Tim, have you found them?”

“No, we’ve decided to call off the search. We’re coming home tomorrow.”

“But I thought Neen was intent on finding them. What’s changed?”

“I don’t know ... I mean, nothing’s changed, it’s just that we can’t find them.”

“Well, surely you need to keep looking?”

“No, we’ve made our minds up. We’ll be back tomorrow.”

“OK, but I don’t understand why she’s giving up so easily. I wouldn’t if you tried to run off with my children.”

“Don’t you mean ‘our children’?”

“Whatever ... Tim, I’ve had this brilliant idea. I’m arranging a party for some of my friends from work, you know the one’s I used to work with, Tell Neen, she loves a good party.”

“Yes, I remember the last one, you sent me out for the night with Ben, some excuse to get rid of us if you recall.”

“Yes, well you won’t need to this time will you? Ben’s not a problem; at least he’s not going to show up at my party. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Give my love to Neen.”

The first thing she had to do was make a list of everyone she would invite. The people she’d worked with for years downstairs of course; Neen, who might want to bring her new friends from her office; Hugh and whatever the secretary was called. Her mind flashed back to Neen’s party next door where she had first met Ratty. He would be devastated to know she was having a party and not inviting him, but it was out of the question, or was it?

Given how touchy Tim still was about her trip to Poland and Ratty’s involvement, he’d never welcome him at their house for a party. But as it was him who had been the catalyst for her promotion, which, after all, was the reason for the party in the first place, how could she not invite him? It would be unbearable if Tim was rude to him and she couldn’t get rid of Tim for the night, the way Neen had got rid of Ben. Bugger him, Ratty had helped her to find herself when she was close to despair, he’d rescued her from a breakdown, brought her back from the abyss to do better than she had ever done and he had single handedly given her a future. He had to be invited, sod it if Tim wanted to get the needle. She’d helped him to get a job he loved and what thanks had she got?

She sat with her glass of white and listened to Trudy who was upstairs getting the kids calmed down and ready for bed. She was a gem, that girl. How lucky she’d been to find her. Poland would never have been possible without her. She owed her so much. Melanie waited for her to get the kids quiet and return downstairs. She sat her down and pushed a glass of Chardonnay into her hand.

“Listen, Trudy, I’m going to put a party on, a week next Saturday, and you are going to be at my side enjoying every minute of it. You’ve been such a help to me, I don’t know how I’d have managed without you.”

“What about those three?” Trudy pointed to the ceiling. “They’ll be fine, they can have a few soft drinks, then go upstairs and watch TV like they usually do. So, let’s start planning; we need balloons, gas, food, drink, lots of it, those guys from work like a drink or two. I’m getting excited at the thought. I love a party.”

It was gone eleven when they finally had all their plans written down.

The next day at work, Melanie was buzzing with excitement. The list grew steadily longer as she invited first one and then another, never giving a thought to how many people she could fit in at Chez Fisher.

She’d saved the most important invite till last, but at eleven thirty she rang Ratty. His hopes were at once raised that she was about to suggest another walk along the quayside.