Yours Unfaithfully (53 page)

The shower helped him recover so he looked a lot better. The children stopped their chatter as he walked into the kitchen. He faced three pairs of staring eyes, all waiting for reassurance that everything was normal.

“You know, Mum and I had a bit of a row last night, don’t you.”

Amy was first to reply. “Yes, Mummy was cross because you lived at Nina’s house while she was away.”

“That’s right, Amy, I did ... I was lonely and missing your Mum, and Nina was lonely without Ben so we sat up late and talked each night. I didn’t want to wake you by coming in late so I stayed at her house.” He heard himself lying, but it was the best he could do.

Henry had said nothing until now. He’d been the closest of the three to his father, mainly because of their love of football. Tim had no ear for music and had never been able to share in James’s talent, any more than he could relate to Amy’s numerous activities. Henry’s admonishment would hurt more than any, except that of Mel.

“Dad, we’re not six year olds, we know about sex and stuff, and we know what you and Nina did. We heard you both shouting last night. You’ve cheated on Mum with her next door, and because of you Mum’s had to leave.”

James still said nothing, but Amy was determined to have her say, oblivious to the fact that it was her revelation that had brought the furor into the open.

“I hate you... you’re the one that should go... then Mum would come back and everything would be all right again.”

Tim hadn’t expected the children to make their opinions so clear. So far he’d had Mel and Nina tell him what a shit he was, but hearing it from his children was something else. What really hurt was the certain knowledge that the kids would always support Melanie. He’d never made a huge effort to be close to them as they were growing up. He’d held their hands when they were younger and he’d taken Henry to matches most weeks, but he’d always been too busy to get involved in their work at school and the things they did at weekends. Now it was pay back time.

“I’m sorry for what’s happened and I promise you Mum will come back. I’ll call her. I’ll tell her that I’m willing to do whatever’s best for you three. If I have to go I will.”

“Where will you go, Dad?” Henry asked.

“Not sure yet Henry. Probably stay with a friend for while.”

“Will you stay with Ben?” Amy asked.

Despite everything Tim smiled at the thought of staying with Ben and Beckie in their tiny flat.

“No, I don’t think so, Amy, but don’t worry, I’ll think of something.”

“We’re not worried about you. We want Mum to come back and she won’t as long as you’re here.” Amy wasn’t mincing her words.

The rest of the morning passed slowly. No one seemed sure what they were meant to do. It was painfully clear that without Melanie they were rudderless. Tim drove up to the manor, he had to talk to someone. Maybe Simon could help him, tell him what to do next. While he was looking for Simon, he saw Veronica.

“Tim, I didn’t know you were in today ... you do know it’s Sunday?” She said it with a chuckle, but then she noticed that Tim wasn’t sharing her mood.

“Tim, is something wrong?”

“I’m afraid it is ... I was hoping to talk to your brother, I need his help.”

“They went off with some friends last night. They’re staying over, probably won’t be back until late. Can I help?”

“I doubt if anyone can help, Veronica. I’ve been very stupid.”

“Oh dear, it looks as if we need a strong cup of tea and a long talk, come on.”

She took him inside to the drawing room and arranged for a pot of tea to be brought in.

In the guest room at Ratty’s apartment, Melanie had got up at eight o’clock, showered and then sat brooding over the mess that was her life. Ratty would be a tower of strength, but it was going to be a tough few days and nothing could change that. Mid-morning she phoned Rachel, her PA, at home and explained briefly that domestic problems would mean she was taking a few days off. Rachel agreed to call her about anything important and otherwise hold the fort until she returned to work.

Ratty made coffee and they sat looking out over the quay from his alcove window. Wise words were helpful, but some painful decisions would have to be faced soon.

“Mel... you know exactly how I feel about you... I love you with all of my heart and I’ll take care of you forever, but I know that right now you’re thinking about the children... right?”

“Of course... I’m thinking where does this leave them?”

“Mel, Tim is still their father and he always will be. Please don’t ever subject him to the degrading spectacle of having to beg to spend time with them the way we’ve seen some fathers doing. He’s made mistakes, but I’m sure he loves them in his way as much as you do in yours. If you do me the honour of saying you’ll live with me I promise that I’ll do everything I can for them, but I’ll never try to take over his role as father. You’ll need to teach them to respect him as if you were still together.”

“Thanks, Ratty. I’ll have the children most of the time simply because Tim couldn’t cope with their needs, and anyway, his work would mean he couldn’t look after them properly.”

“I know I’ll have to get in the queue for your affection, but you have enough love for all of us.”

“We couldn’t all live in this flat, Ratty. Are you willing to leave all this and live in a mad house full of screaming children?”

“Mel, I’d be happy living on the moon if it was with you. Please put me out of my misery and tell me you’re going to spend the rest of your life with me.”

“I can tell you that I’m not going back to Tim. Things weren’t very good before this, but I was willing to keep trying. Last night I knew it was finally over. It’s too soon for me to decide my future, but there’s no one else in my life except the children. Please… give me some time.”

“I won’t push you.’ He smiled wickedly... ‘how much time?”

She knew he was teasing so she played him at his own game: “What do you think… about two years?”

“No, I think we need to make a trip to London as soon as we can.”

“Why?”

“I want you to meet my parent’s. They’ll love you and the children.”

“Won’t they be upset that you’re getting involved with a married woman with three children?”

“My father was disappointed when I chose not to be a bus driver; I think he’ll handle this a lot better.”

“But they must be hoping you’ll give them a grandchild.”

“Who says we won’t have one of our own... maybe?” His smile was as infectious as ever.

She returned the smile. “Nature might say we can’t... Ratty I’m forty years old.”

“No problem, and on the matter of your being a married woman, I hope you’ll do what has to be done, Mel. I’d like to marry you, properly... in time.”

“We’ll see ... but yes I’ll have to deal with the business of divorce. You’re a solicitor, what do I do first?”

“Do you remember the night we met? You tipped wine over Miss Margaret Highnam, that rather stern looking lady from my firm... do you also remember I told you she is the best divorce solicitor in the town ...you’re going to have to hope she’s forgotten that little incident. I’ll talk to her tomorrow if you like.”

“Yes, I’d like your help with the legal stuff. God knows it’s going to be painful enough dealing with Tim.”

“Mel, I know it’s too soon to be making plans, but it might take your mind off things if I tell you where we’re going on our honeymoon ...”

“You’re crazy, you know that? ... OK go on, let me have it.”

“We’re going to do the Orient Express.”

“Oh, I know a girl in work who did that with her parents, from London Victoria to Dover and back, yes?”

“No darling... I mean the real Orient Express... from Venice to Istanbul. But first we’ll go to Paris. We’ll start the trip properly from there, and then later we’ll spend a few nights by the Bhosprorous, before retracing our steps through Italy, where we’ll stay in the beautiful city of Florence and then finish up in Switzerland – Lucerne maybe. It’ll be a trip to remember forever.”

“We’ll it depends...”

“On what?”

“On whether I get a better offer of course.”

“How stupid of me to imagine that such a beautiful woman, newly nearly divorced would not have dozens of suitors. I shall bombard you with flowers until you have hayfever and I shall send you Belgian chocolates until you are too fat to attract another. This way I will eradicate the opposition and have you all to myself.”

“You really are the craziest man I’ve ever met.”

“So is it a pleasure?”

“Of course ... if I weren’t with you right now I’d be in a hotel room somewhere crying my eyes out. Last night was the most difficult moment of my life. I walked out on my husband knowing that it was for good. Thanks for helping me to get through it. I know you mean every word but you must understand, I can’t make any promises ...not yet.”

“Of course I do ... and you must understand that however long it takes you... I’ll be here waiting... OK?”

“Thanks, Ratty. Now comes the hardest bit, I’ve got to go back to the house and sort out what we do next.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, that would just make Tim more angry... and it would hurt him to know that I’d run straight into your arms last night. It’s better he doesn’t know where I was. I may tell a white lie to save him any more pain.”

She put on her coat and readied to leave. They embraced, knowing the next few hours would be difficult.

“Good luck darling, call me as soon as you can.”

He watched her leave, he hated the idea of her facing Tim alone, yet he knew she was right to do it that way. He’d sit here wondering what was being said, what was happening. What if Tim became angry and hit her ... what if she felt so sorry for him that she took him back?

Amy saw her pull up outside the house. She ran downstairs screaming at the top of her voice.

“Mum’s back ... she’s back.”

Tim felt a lump in his throat. What was she going to say? Was there a chance that she might be about to forgive him?

Amy looked at him angrily as she spoke. ‘Don’t you dare make her go away again.’

What could he say? He didn’t want her to go either, but it wasn’t up to him.

By the time she reached the kitchen door the entire household had assembled to meet her. She looked surprised to see them all there, like a reception committee, waiting for her to speak.

“Hello kids, were you OK while I was out?”

Amy ran up to her and hugged her. ‘Mum, you won’t go away and leave us will you?’

“Of course not Amy ... I was never going to do that. We’ll sort this out.”

She looked across to Tim. He had a sheepish look. He was ready to acquiesce to her demands although he was praying that her plans might include him.

“Tim, we need to talk ... alone, is that OK with you?”

“Of course ... do you want to go somewhere? Could we talk over lunch perhaps?”

“I don’t think so, Tim. What we have to talk about is not likely to give either of us any appetite.”

She saw his eyes fill with tears. He was trying to come to terms with the words he had dreaded hearing. He knew now what she was going to say but how could he get through it?

He turned and left the room. Upstairs in the bathroom his mind accelerated through a dozen thoughts at once. He would end his life, there was no point in living now, and if he did it quickly he would never have to hear the words he feared the most. This way he could die still married to her. If it could be an accident everyone would feel sorry for him, no one would need to know that he had cheated on her and driven her away. But unless he did it right now, here in this room, he would have to listen to her telling him it was over. He looked around for a razor. That was the quickest way, wasn’t it?

He was so frightened, he couldn’t think clearly. The kids, what about them? Was it fair to take his life here almost in front of the kids? No ... the car, that would be better, he’d use the car ... a pipe from the exhaust, he could go to sleep and never wake up again. And when he went to sleep he would still be her husband, there would be no divorce, no end to their love or their marriage ... she would be a widow. She could wear black for a few weeks, just long enough for people to get used to the idea and then... and then she would throw off her dark clothes and wear bright colours again as she prepared to spend the rest of her life with
him
.

I can’t bear the thought of her giving herself to him, I love her. She can’t do this to me. I’m sorry about what happened. I hate myself for every minute I spent with Nina, they meant nothing to me, nothing. Please, Mel... please...’ He sank down onto his knees, his head resting on the edge of the bath. He cried for everything he had lost, but in truth he knew he hadn’t lost it, he had thrown it all away. If only he could turn the clock back, if only he could be given another chance. “Please Mel... let’s start again... please...”

Melanie stood outside the bathroom for several minutes before she knocked on the door.

“Tim are you OK... can we talk now?”

No he didn’t want to talk ... not if she was going to say, ‘it’s over’, and there was no doubt in his mind about that. He slowly stood up and opened the wall cabinet. There was a full packet of pain killers, would that be enough? He doubted if one packet would be sufficient to take him out of this misery for good, but if he swallowed them before she got to him at least she would have to wait until he recovered before she could utter those fateful words. She might even take pity on him when she saw how much he was hurting. He tore open the packet and popped the tablets into his shaking hands one by one. He pushed a few into his mouth then took a swig of water from the glass on the shelf.

Outside Melanie heard him choke on the water and guessed what he was doing. She was in no mood to take any more from him. He’d caused her all the pain she could take already.

“Tim, if you’re thinking of taking tablets, don’t. That would be a cowardly way to end our marriage and would make a mockery of everything we ever did together. I trust you are only taking enough to clear your head ... right?”

Her voice sobered him instantly. He wasn’t strong enough to defy her.