Zombie Lover (25 page)

Now she had to tell him, or balk. That would get them into another verbal tussle. "How can I avoid telling him?" she asked Justin.

"It is best not to he, because that puts you on his level But if you refuse to tell him, he will simply keep badgering you until you do tell Perhaps challenge is best ask him his own talent"

"What's yours?" she asked Ralph.

"If I show you mine, will you show me yours?"

There was something about that phrasing she didn't much like, but it seemed a fair deal. It wasn't as if she were protecting life and death information. "Okay."

"Well, I can't."

"Huh?" she asked, and immediately wished Justin had intercepted that crude utterance.

"That's why I came to the Good Magician. To get my talent."

"But your talent's always with you," she protested.

"Not in this case. Do you want the whole story?"

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"He's up to something,' Justin warned. "I can tell by the sneakmess in his manner I think he wants to learn more about you, so he's telling you more about him So as to get the two of you mformationaliy closer But he really doesn't care about your character. '

"I'm sure," she agreed sourly. "But he's got me curious. What's the harm in it?"

"There more he learns of you, the better he will be able to exploit your weaknesses, so as to have his way with you "

"Way? What way?"

"Stork summoning, for one thing "

"In his foul dreams!"

"To be sure."

"But if the racket protects me from harm—" She paused, suddenly alarmed, remembering the Gorgon's veiled warning. "That is considered harm?"

"Unwilling stork summoning? To be sure Especially considering your age, no offense "

"Okay, so I should be safe if I resist it, and I will. I'm going to go for the information."

"As you wish I admit to being curious myself"

"You seem to be a young woman of many dark silences," Ralph remarked.

There were some verbal digs again. Dark silences for a Black Wave girl. "I have a small brain. It takes time to process big questions."

He laughed, not nicely. "Few things are more appealing than a stupid girl. So have you decided, or do you need another hour?"

She wanted to let him have a dragonfire blast of invective, but stifled it with Justin's help. "Tell me your story."

"When I was young, I seemed to lack a magic talent. At first folk thought I was magically obnoxious, but various tests demonstrated that my personality was entirely natural. So obviously il was the others who did not appreciate my charm and intelligence. Maybe they resented my delightful nature."

"What a load of sphinx manure!'

"That must have been it," Breanna agreed aloud.

"In due course I tired of trying to discover my talent on my own," Ralph continued. "So 1 went to see Magician of Information. The challenges were horrific, but I demolished them by detonating cherries

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and pineapples, and managed to get inside
 
The stupid sluts of the household wouldn't speak to me. so I forged on up to the gnarled old gnome's cell and demanded my Answer " What cheek'

"That must really have impressed him "

"Humfrey looked up with his fried-egg orbs and grumped, T know why you're here, and I'm not going to help, so you might as well go away now '

'T was of course funous, with considerable justice T can think of only two reasons why you won't help me,' 1 informed him forth-rightly 'You are either jealous of my talent, or incapable of discovering it Both choices show that you are nothing but a pretender and a fool' "

The effrontery of this idiot is phenomenal'

"You sure told him," Breanna agreed aloud She discovered that she was after all enjoying this exchange It was nice seeing Justin get worked up

"But the over-the-hill Magician responded with faked patience 'I know all about your talent, young man It is currently residing safely in Mundama with a little boy named Lija I suggest that you count your dubious blessings and go home

Beware Breanna he is walking too close to you

"I noticed," she replied mentally "I want to see if this racket works "

" 'What are you talking about, old man?' I demanded righteously 'How can some homd little brat in Mundama have my talent9 No one in Mundama has any magic, as you would know if you weren't in your dotage That's why we call it Mundama Even the ogres know that' "

if I had a mouth I would vomit

Breanna kept silent She had a mouth, but it was only a giggle she had to stifle Ralph's sell described arrogance was a thing almost ol beauty

"Obviously he couldn't refute me, so he changed the subject 'Not all magic is good magic,' he uttered

" 'What are you talking about, imbecile7' I demanded reasonably '

He is putting his arm around you

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"I know He stinks But I want to be quite sure I'm protected, in case he ever catches me olf-guard "

" 'Some magic that is too dangerous or unpleasant for Xanth is sent to Mundama, where it can be safely disposed of,' he said 'It is the best way to handle toxic waste Somehow your particular talent was strong enough to survive in Mundama despite the extreme thinness of magic there It took up residence with a small boy '

" 'So my talent is strong enough to survive in Mundama1' I gloated 'It must be Magician caliber1 No wonder you're jealous, you decrepit has-been I knew I was destined for greatness I don't want some fool Mundane getting the benefit of my talent How do I get it back9' "

He is trying to squeeze your pert poster/or

"I can't feel a thing "

" 'You are not listening,' Humfrey said, seeming suddenly weary 'Somehow I am not surprised
  
But trust me
  
you do not want your talent back My best advice is to leave well enough alone '

" 'Sure you would say that, you feeble freak But I'm not going to let you get away with it Tell me ho\v to get what's coming to me1' "

Now he is trying to squeeze the left portion of your bosom There was a more specific word for the region, but Justin was too polite to use it

"No force is coming through
 
It's as if my dress is armored "

" 'You would be better off going to Demon University, crashing Professor Grossclout's lecture on monster evolution, and mooning him At least then your end would be roasted rapidly Now go away '

" 'Not until you get me my talent back, you stunted fraud I DEMAND MY TALE-NT1'

"Finally I got through to the dimwitted midget 'Very well, if that is the way it must be,' he said grudgingly T will arrange to return your talent to you But it will take time to accomplish Meanwhile you must render me your Service '

" Til do that, you overcharging charlatan What do I have to do'

" 'Return in two days to guide a damsel to the Isle of Women '

"And so you see me here, guiding you."
 
Ralph concluded his narrative
  
"But before you tell me your story, how about a kiss9" Tell him no1

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PitRS ANTHONY

"No."

"Girls have such quaint ways of saying yes." He put both arms around her, holding her securely, and brought his face down toward hers.

"I said no, you brazen creep! Let me go."

But he held her tightly. "One little kiss, to warm things up," he said, his mouth bearing down on hers.

"I'm only fifteen!" she cried, turning her face away.

"What delightful youth." He lifted her up so that her feet lost purchase with the ground, then dropped down to the ground with her. "Let's get that dress off you before it gets dirty." He reached across to get hold of it.

"If you are quite satisfied that he won't let you go voluntarily, it may be time to fight back," Justin remarked.

"How?"

"Remember, he can't actually touch you, he's just clasping the entire protected package But you can touch him "

"Say, that's right!" Breanna's arms were pinned to her sides, and her legs were caught under his, but her head was loose. She remembered how she had punched a hole in the wall. Would it work the same way with her head?

"You want a kiss?" she said, forcing a smile as she turned her face back to his.

"Sure, before we get on to the main business."

"Then take this." She lifted her head, ramming her face into his, hard.

She felt nothing much, but his head rocked back, and a bit of blood appeared at his nose. She had banged it with her forehead. It was a dent rather than a smash, but surely painful.

He let go of her, grabbing his face. "Oooo!" Then he fished for a handkerchief.

Now her hands were free. She remembered a trick she had heard about, to stop the close approach of an unwanted face. She extended one finger and put it sidewise under his sore nose. She pushed up and inward, and his face moved back because of the discomfort. In that manner she shoved him off and got to her feet. "Oh, was that kiss too hard?" she asked with mock solicitation. "Want another?"

"Nooo!" he moaned, rolling away. It really wasn't that much of an injury, but maybe he wasn't used to getting pushed back.

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"Maybe some other time."

"/ suspect that suffices
 
You have made your point"

"Yeah," she said with satisfaction.

She waited while he got the handkerchief and tended to his nose. Then she pretended innocence. "Let's get on to the Isle of Women. Maybe you'll feel better by then."

He stared at her, but evidently decided to let things be for the moment. He didn't know about the protection racket; maybe he thought she had gotten in a lucky blow. So he might try again. But probably not right away. Meanwhile, she had truly verified the power of the racket. Now she felt safe. As long as she didn't cooperate, she could not be damaged.

They resumed their walk, and Ralph did not try to put his hands on her again. Soon it got dull.

"I didn't tell you about me," Breanna said, preferring any kind of dialog to silence. "I have this talent of seeing in the dark, so I mostly am up by night and sleep by day."

"That explains that."

"But I got kissed by a zombie prince who found me sleeping. Now he wants to marry me, so I'm fleeing. That's why I went to the Good Magician, and why I'm going to the Isle of Women. I should be safe there."

"I doubt it."

"You do? Why?"

"What will you do for me if I tell you?"

Justin cut in. "Don't aggravate him needlessly He might renege on his commitment to get you to the isle "