Inconsequential (J+P series) (4 page)

Chapter 7

“Oh my God!  Have you seen how much snow is falling?” Jen slammed down her tray at the dinner table.  Almost all of our gang was here at dinner, which was strange because we hadn’t even planned it. 

“Sledding on the hill tonight if this keeps up.” Greg suggested.  The snow fell in huge snow blobs from the sky.  The ground already had a thin white blanket of it and there were plenty of snow-heavy clouds in the sky.  “Who’s game?”  Everyone at the table chirped a yes.  The rest of dinner became like a planning session between a bunch of 8 year olds planning for a snow battle.  We wrapped up and agreed to call each other when we were heading out.  Sledding in the dark would be way cooler than in the day.  I noticed two of the guys had smuggled their dinner trays out.  I wondered what they were up to. 

Molly and I headed back to our room and got our class material ready for the next day and then chilled out and watched TV.  Our phone rang around 8:30 and the boys told us to meet on the huge hill next to our dorm.  We suited up in our warmest clothes, parkas, hats, and gloves and knocked on our other friends’ doors. In 10 minutes we were all bundled up and trudging up the huge hill.  There were already more than twenty other people sledding.  It was the perfect hill, huge with a long landing so there was no fear of sliding out onto the road. 

It was hysterical watching college students have their fun in the snow with their make-shift sleds.  When you packed for college in August, you didn’t think “better pack a sled in case it snows”.  So people were inventive.  They used huge pieces of cardboard, dinner trays, GREASED dinner trays, and a mattress.  In the end, the dinner trays worked the best, but the mattress was the funniest to watch.  “Boy, they are gonna hate sleeping on that mattress tonight.” Jen chirped.  The boys were nice enough to share their trays with the rest of us so everyone could have a turn racing down the hill.

“So College students by day, Tray thieves by night?  Doesn’t that break some kind of dorm law of something?”  I harassed Greg.  He just smiled and shrugged.

“I’ll bring them back tomorrow.”  He paused and turned back to the hill “or will I?  These are pretty great for sledding.  And guess who’s turn it is to race the Hill of Death?” He paused and then put the tray down in front of me, “Your turn!”  I rolled my eyes and climbed upon one of the trays.  I was as much a thief as Greg since I was riding upon them.  Why not enjoy the fun.  So I pushed off and felt the exhilaration of speeding down a big snowy hill.

It was so great to be doing something so childish as a 19 year old.  It felt so rebellious and wrong.  It was liberating.  Half-way down the hill I saw a sledder hit a bump, catch air, and watched his tray go left while the sledder’s body went airborne and came crashing down hard.  There were no brakes on this cafeteria snow vehicle and no steering.  His fate would be mine in a few seconds.  As I approached the bump I closed my eyes and held on tight - there was nothing I could do to avoid this and closing my eyes made it a little less terrifying.  I felt the cool air under my bottom and knew I was airborne, the pain would be coming in a moment as I hit the snowy earth. 

Nothing.  Silence.  Snowflakes falling, landing on my face. Black sky dotted with white puffs.

“Perry!  Jesus, are you alright?!  Hey...look at me.”

I could hear Greg but my eyes were staring at the snowflakes floating down from the sky above.  I was focusing on each little detail against the dark night sky because I could feel the tears forming.  Maybe I was dying.  I didn’t seem to feel any air moving in my lungs and I didn’t feel any pain, just peace and the strong urge to have tears flow out of my eyes.

“Perry!  Crap, Dave get over here - Perry hit pretty hard, I’m not sure if she’s ok.  She’s not responding to me.”

“Hey Perry,” I could hear David now.  “Come on sweetie - look at us.  We need to know you are ok.”  I could hear the stress in his voice and the worry.  I needed to look at them.  I blinked and then I felt my lungs burn with emptiness and I let out several very embarrassing large gasps.  I could not get air into my lungs fast enough. It felt as if they were enormous empty sacks and each breath barely put a dash of oxygen in them.  I rolled to my side and the tears slid out.  Greg was rubbing my back.  “Take it easy, breathe slowly.  You got the wind knocked out of you and I think you’re a little in shock.”  I still hadn’t said anything, but I nodded my head.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” I couldn’t talk yet and I still couldn’t feel anything besides the burning in my lungs.  “Let’s get her to my room.  We should keep an eye on her for a while and make sure she’s alright.” Greg decided.    I heard David agree.  “Can you walk Perry?”  I nodded my head and I was still breathing irregularly.  When I stood I realized my legs felt like Jell-o and I was shaking uncontrollably.  But my boys had me, they tucked an arm around their shoulders and supported me on the trip back to Greg’s room.

The snow was peaceful, so quiet and gentle.  “Sorry,” I eeked out.

“She speaks!” Greg said in shocked amusement, but I could tell he seemed relieved.  If I was talking - I was coherent.  “What exactly are you sorry about?  That you ended our sledding night early, saving us from the terrible fate you suffered? Or sorry that you scared tonight’s dinner out of me?”  The smile spread across my face.   Greg was so easy to like, I’m glad he was in my close circle.  “Whatever, Per - I’m just glad you’re ok.  Let’s go chill and watch some crappy TV shows for a while so I know you didn’t do any permanent damage upstairs in that noggin of yours.”

“Ok, and thanks.  Really.”

We headed to their room and stripped our snowy outer clothes in a corner and popped open some beverages and vegged.  I could tell they were still worried because they gave me the best ratty chair in the room and I would catch them occasionally looking over at me to check on me.

Half way into the second show Jared came into the room.  He was covered in snowy clothes and added his to our mound of snow gear.   I wondered if he was on the hill too and we just missed him.

“What’s up?!”  He said to us with a nod.

“Not much, we hit the hill...Perry hit it a bit harder than the rest of us, but it was pretty fun.” Greg said.  “Where were you?”

“A bunch of the guys from the physics building had a huge snowball war against the EE students.  We got our butts handed to us.  We had the better fort but they had better arms than us.  Love the snow - it’s frickin’ awesome.”  He ran his hand through his damp locks.  “Perry, you a champion tobogganer or something like that?”

Greg and David chuckled, “Hardly.”

“I hit a bump wrong and caught some air.  Freaked me out a bit.”

“Freaked US out a bit, she was all weird afterward.  But she’s getting back to her old self now.” David said.

I looked from David to Jared and smiled but saw Jared had a really concerned look on his face and he was studying me to see if he thought I was truly ok.

“I’m better, really Jared.  It probably sounds worse than it was.” I reassured him. I could see Greg shaking his head slowly because he did not agree with that last statement, “You didn’t see what you looked like Per.  It was messed up...and scary.”  Greg got up to pitch his can in the garbage.  Jared looked at me a moment longer and then let out a big breath. “Glad you’re better now.  Maybe a helmet next time and wrapping your body in Charmin?!”  He half-teased as he got up and gently fist bumped my shoulder.

“So, what awful show are you watching now?”  Jared said as he grabbed a drink and settled on the floor at the foot of my chair.  This was the loving and supportive family that I adored.  My boys meant so much to me and I was amazed to even feel an ounce of the care they held for me.  My family would have seen my fall as an inconvenience to them.  They would have been angered at me for ruining their sledding.  But these guys never made me feel bad for it.  They loved me and cared for me.

*******

“Hey Sleepyhead, time to wake up.” I blinked my eyes and tried to get my bearings.  I was still in Greg and Jared’s room.  It was dark outside but still snowing.  The TV was playing some late night talk show.  David was hovering over me shaking my shoulder to stir me.  “There she is.  Perry, it’s almost curfew.  I hate waking you, but you’d probably sleep better in a bed...in your room.”

I stretched, “You’re right, can you escort me out?”

David seemed glad to be the chosen one.  I gave Jared and Greg a hug goodnight and grabbed my damp winter outerwear and exited the room.  David was following behind me and muttered to the guys that he’d be right back.  When we got to the hall where the common area hallway met the boys wing David tugged my arm to turn me towards him.

“Thanks David, see ya’ later.” His face was so serious that is unsettled me.  Was he mad at me for something?  I decided to not overthink it and turned to head down the hall.  He took two quick steps and hugged me extra tight and longer than a typical goodnight hug from a friend would be.  And then as he was pulling away, he gave me a peck on my cheek.  “See ya’ Perry.  Glad you’re alive.”  I was in awe.  Shock.  He had never pecked me before and the whole exchange seemed a bit more intimate than friends.  But why?  Was he just scared that I was hurt on the hill?  Did he have feelings for me that went beyond friendship?  Was he feeling territorial over me with the other guys?  So much for not overthinking it.  I just gave a little nod and a half smile and turned away.  I walked as normal paced as I could, even though my feet wanted to speed me to my room as quickly as they would carry me.  I felt his eyes on me the entire time as I walked the long corridor to the girls’ wing.  I didn’t dare look back. 

Once I was out of sight I took a few huge breaths.  What the heck was that exchange about?  I needed some girl input.  As I walked past Mags’ room I put my ear to the door and heard her giggling with her roomie.  I knocked softly and before I knew it, Mags opened the door and welcomed me with a big smile. 

“Hey, I can’t believe you both are still up!  But I’m glad you are.” I remarked.

“Hey Perry, did you play in the snow tonight?” Mags asked while staring at me holding my damp coat.

“Yep, till I got the wind knocked out of me.  Did you guys get to have some fun in the snow?”

“We did, we built a snowman and then headed to the hill for some sledding.” Mags’ roommate replied.

“I’m surprised I didn’t see you on the hill.” I commented.

“There were so many people that I am not surprised.  Everything ok Perry?”

“Yeah, I just need an opinion.”  I then proceeded to tell Mags and her roommate about my evening.  “So what I’m wondering is, am I leading him on without knowing it?  I am not interested in pursuing him.  Last year I pursued Jared for most of the year and this year I’m dedicated to studying.  But why do you think he acted that way tonight?  What the heck should I do?”

Mags started chuckling, not to be mean, but more in a sympathetic way.  “You’re close with all three of them.  I don’t think you’ve been flirting with David.  He probably either was really worried about you tonight or he might have some feelings brewing for you Perry.  If you aren’t interested, it’s probably best to not do anything to lead him on.  So avoid touching him as much as possible and sit by other people at meals.  Don’t be rude, but if you have the option to sit away from him, take it.”

I hugged Mags.  I didn’t want to hurt David’s feelings, I just didn’t see him as anything more than a friend.  “Thanks sweetie - great advice.”

“Anytime,” Mags said and gave me a hug goodnight.

I entered my room and laid out my wet clothes to dry and got in my comfy pjs.  Molly was already sleeping so I tried to be as quiet as a mouse.  I climbed into bed and laid awake thinking about what presents I wanted to buy my friends for Christmas.  It was just 2 weeks away until winter break so I needed to shop before finals week.  Thinking about presents was less stressful than thinking about David, and it wasn’t long before sleep took over.

Chapter 8

“Come on Molly, tell me your plan for our extra credit project?”  Molly and I had not scored well on the last Organic Chemistry exam.  We were trying to cushion our grade before the final to get a better grade at the end of the semester.  Our teacher, a very stuffy older man, instructed us to come up with the most unique way to display what happens with certain reactions. 

“Toilet Paper.” She stated simply.

“Come again?  I didn’t catch that.”

“Toilet Paper.  We write the reactions on a roll of toilet paper, then roll it back up and give it to him.  Then he can wipe his bum with this piece of crap extra credit assignment he has given us.”

I was shaking my head in astonishment.  Molly was pretty stuffy - for her to come up with this brilliantly funny way to deliver our answer...it’s just unheard of.  I couldn’t help the laughs bubbling out of me now “You are so freaking brilliant!  What do I need to do to help?”  She handed me a sharpie and told me to watch what she was doing and then add to it.  We spent the next 3 hours working on our assignment.

Jen had popped over and saw us writing on t.p. with markers.  “College extra credit on toliet paper?!”  She got a kick out of Molly’s wit.  That was the kind of stunt Jen would pull, but coming from Molly made it a million times more comical AND more awesome.  “Hey, question Perry.  When are we exchanging gifts?”

“I think on Wednesday at the party before everyone heads out.  One last little xmas party in our room.”

“Cool, I’m off like a prom dress on prom night!  Gotta do some shoppin’.”

“See ya’ Jen.” I said shaking my head at her wild antics.

I glanced at our clock, “One hour till my final radio show of the semester.”

“Cool, I’m coming to it.  Is it ok if I bring my books to study?” Molly asked.

“Totally fine with it.”

An hour later we headed to the station.  There was a little cafe across the hall so people would bring food into the station.  I was impressed to see David and Jared along with a few of our life science classmates.  Jen and Edward also popped in and out of the station.  I think they were more interested in grabbing grub but felt obligated to pop into my show.  My show was 2 hours long and half way through I felt a foot tapping gently against my shoe.  I discreetly peered out of the corner of my eye and saw Jared looking up at me with a half-smile.  I gave him a questioning glance.  Why was he tapping my foot?  The song was about to end so I turned to queue the next song.  Plink.  Something bonked my head.  I looked down to see a pencil on the ground and I heard snickering behind me.  What the hell?   Someone just threw a pencil at my head?!  I felt pissed and turned to see David fighting a grin.  “What the hell are you throwing pencils at me for?!”  I yelled and threw the pencil back at his chest.

“Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t help it.  I didn’t like what I was seeing so it was all I could think to do.”

I rolled my eyes and walked back to the machines.  “Just what did you see anyway?  Huh? Nothing. That’s what you saw.”  I shook my head as I tried to settle down.

He was jealous of Jared.  He must be.  Had he seen Jared tapping my foot?  Did he see something going on between us, something he wanted to break it up?  Well he was wrong.  There was nothing going on between Jared and me, just friendship.  And I didn’t like David in a romantic way.  I really didn’t want to have that “just friends” talk with him, but it was starting to look like I might have to after all.  I was uncomfortable in the station with present company.  I had never known what to do when guys pursued me.  I settled on ignoring everyone in the room and pretended to be overly obsessed with finding the best songs to finish the show.  Jared didn’t try anything else and I was grateful for that. 

When the show finally ended, I waited for everyone to exit and I locked up the station.  Unfortunately, David was lingering, as was Jared.   David seemed to be waiting for me while Jared was just chatting with some of the passing people.  I waved a quick bye and walked quickly toward the girls’ wing.  When I reached the stairs I heard Jen holler “Perry, wait up!”  I stopped in my tracks.  I could deal with Jen, in fact, I probably needed to vent a little to her. “Where’s the fire?  You were all weird after the show and shot off like your butt was on fire.”  It’s true and I was so fixated on Jared and David that I didn’t even see Jen and Edward.

“Hilarious Jen.”  I snickered. “Actually, you and Edward missed seeing the drama that happened in the station.”

“Drama!!! Ooo do tell!”  She was such a whore for drama.  The juicier the better.

“Nothing much.  Jared at one point was playing footsie with me.  David must have seen it and not liked it, because he whizzed a pencil at my head to distract me.”  Jen’s jaw dropped to the floor.

“Shut the hell up!  Two guys going for you at the SAME time!  And here I thought you were heading for a nunnery after college.”

“What two guys, I don’t have two guys!  Jared isn’t pursuing me, he was just messing around.  If a cat starts playing with my shoelace, it doesn’t mean it wants to marry it.” I remarked.

“Oh sweetie, you have no idea.  Jared played footsie with you...he totally was pursuing you.”

“Hardly.  But David was sure a jerk when he saw Jared and me interacting with each other.”

Jen was in heaven stirring up my romantic pot.  “Who are you gonna go for?”

“What?!  Neither.  I told you, I need to have incredible grades this year.  I am just enjoying my friendships and my freedom here in between many hours studying.  No men for me.”

“That’s not what THEY think!”  She taunted in a sing-song voice.  I could do nothing more but roll my eyes.  Maybe we just needed a good dose of winter break to put things on ice.  Then when school started back up in January, we could get back to work and have less “relationship drama.”  I can’t believe she actually believed both guys were pursuing me.

I had two more days of finals, then our Christmas party/gift exchange, and then winter break.  I couldn’t believe I was actually looking forward to break.  I wasn’t excited to go home, but I needed to get away from the social drama here at school.  Christmas was full of tradition but did not hold many happy memories.  I also knew a negative exchange between my mother and I was inevitable.  But being around the boys recently made me uncomfortable.  It was easier to just not deal with it.  I needed a psychologist.  Something was seriously wrong with me, something that made me sabotage potentially good relationships, something that made me feel unworthy of love.  But did people really see psychologists over that stuff?  And what if they made me talk about the other relationships I had with my family members?  Would they get in trouble for some of the stuff they did to me?  Would they believe what I said?  What would happen to me if they did get in trouble and it was all my fault?  Nope, no psychologist.  I couldn’t pay for one anyway.

I said goodnight to Jen and retreated to my room where Molly was busy wrapping her presents.  “Hey Molly, great idea.  Are you done buying?”

“I am.  I think this was a great idea and I can’t wait to do the gift exchange.”

“Me either.” I grabbed my bag of presents and sat next to her and started wrapping the gifts I had bought for my friends.  We had a tiny table top tree sitting in our window and enough room around the base of it to place our gifts.

“How do you think you did on your finals?” Molly asked.  She had a lot of the same classes and finals as I did since we were in the same major.

“I can never tell.  I gave it my best and if my best isn’t good enough….well, then maybe I need to be looking at other majors.”

“I’m sure you will do well Perry, you have studied really hard this year and have gone to EVERY class, even when you were under the weather.”

“I know Molly, but it’s the cream of the crop they are taking.  In high school I was the cream of the crop but it seems like now I am competing with the cream of the crop from across the nation - the numbers are not in my favor.  I can only do my best and hope it’s enough.”  My mother always spoke so highly of those that held medical degrees whether it be a doctor, vet, nurse, or pharmacist.  My parents urged me toward one of those majors and I thought that if I achieved a degree in one of those I would finally earn their praise and acceptance.  I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box but I was determined and one of the hardest workers.  I never stopped till I achieved what I wanted.  But a backup plan might be wise in case I did not get chosen to continue to the advanced studies at the school.

“How do you think you did?”  I asked Molly, though I knew she had less to worry about.  She had slightly better grades than me her freshman year so she had more wiggle room for this year’s grades. 

“Same as you, we’ll see when the report card arrives.”  The main difference between Molly and I was that Molly did not have the threat of being yanked out of college if she did not perform well enough.  “One more present and then I am gonna pack for home.”