150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (48 page)

John Johnson has helmed two sequels to this movie, one in 2007 and one in 2008.

Trivia Quiz

What classic horror novel inspired John Johnson to write and direct one of the most faithful adaptations ever brought to the screen?

A:
Frankenstein

B:
Dracula

C:
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

D:
Carmilla

Answer: B. In 2008, Johnson's
Alucard
was released directly to DVD. The film captures the tone of Stoker's novel, keeps to its plot, and includes most of the book's dialogue.

PRODUCER
Dave Wascavage

WRITER
Dave Wascavage

DIRECTOR
Dave Wascavage

STARS
Sue Lynn Sanchez (
Talla
), Bill Ushler (
Rick Harlan
), and Dave Bonavita (
John Rush/Bigfoot
)

A sasquatch (that's Bigfoot if you're in the American Northwest or Abominable Snowman if you're in the Himalayas) goes on a rampage in a new housing development. Will a young Native American, Talla (Sanchez), equipped with magical arrows and hand axes kill the beast? Or will the handsome tabloid reporter (Ushler) distract her with the promise of romance?

Why It Sucks

Suburban Sasquatch
is a campy, low-budget monster flick that revels in its own awfulness. Dave Wascavage makes cheap, awful movies that he knows are cheap and awful. With this film, he creates a homage/spoof of numerous drive-in movie “classics” and a number of B movies from the 1940s and 1950s. His film is every bit as badly plotted and acted as those. Oh yeah, and the Bigfoot costume is a gorilla suit that's received a boob job.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Special Achievement in Bringing Nightmares to Life Award
goes to …
Dan Wascavage for making a movie about a teleporting Sasquatch with strangely hypnotic nipples.

And the Worst Actor Award goes to …
Bill Ushler for his performance as a whiny, boring romantic hero. This goes even beyond Hayden Christensen in
Attack of the Clones
.

They Really Said It!

Rick
: You're going to kill this thing with some bow and arrows?

Talla
: Let's move.

Betcha Didn't Know

Five different actors wore the Bigfoot costume during filming: Dave Bonavita, Juan Fernandez, Wes Miller, David Weldon, and Edward Wascavage. Each also played other parts in the film.

Wascavage followed this effort with
Fungicide
, a film even more intentionally cheesy and awful than this one. In it, giant mushrooms (created by awful CGI or hilariously bad costumes) attack the residents at a bed and breakfast.

Trivia Quiz

What well-known movie critic believes Sasquatch/Bigfoot is real?

A: Ben Lyons

B: Michael Medved

C: Steven Jay Schneider

D: Robert Ebert

Answer: B. On his nationally syndicated radio show, Michael Medved has frequently spoken of his belief that a giant unknown primate roams the recesses of the North American rainforest in the Pacific Northwest.

PRODUCER
Uncredited

WRITERS
Raúl Artigot, Juan Cortéz, Félix Fernández, and José Truchado

DIRECTOR
Raúl Artigot

STARS
John Gaffari (
Mario
), Patty Shepard (
Delia
), Mónica Randall (
Carla
), and Victor Israel (
Inn Keeper
)

A commercial photographer (Gaffari) takes a sexy girl (Shepard) — it
was
the seventies! — to shoot a photo-essay on isolated Witches' Mountain. Weirdnesses and witches haunt them every step of the way.

Why It Sucks

How does the prologue with the evil little girl fit with the film's climax? Was Shepard put in Gaffari's path through magic? Why do witches like to steal the hero's car and break into his house? Why do the rituals performed by the witches make them look like a jazz ballet company rehearsing for a performance? Why, why, why!?! No answers here.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Script Award goes to …
Raúl Artigot, Juan Cortéz, Félix Fernández and José Truchado for writing a story that is incoherent from beginning to end. Maybe they should have shown each other the pages they wrote before shooting began?

And the Strangest Witch Coven Award goes to …
The witches who perform a ritualistic jazz ballet in the mountains of Spain. (When they aren't stealing cars.)

They Really Said It!

Mario
: For a moment there, I thought I had all these voices in my head.

Delia
: You must have been dreaming.

Betcha Didn't Know

American-born Patty Shepard retired from acting in 1988 after a career that spanned two decades and more than forty-five film appearances.

Victor Israel, who appears as the creepy wall-eyed inn keeper in this film, appeared in over 150 films, ranging from classics like
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
to drek like
The Witches' Mountain
. He passed away in September 2009.