150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (43 page)

Answer: C. Mojo Nixon, known for being highly critical of the music industry, had written “Don Henley Must Die.” He was performing it onstage in Austin when Henley joined him to sing harmony.

PRODUCER
Jennifer Friend

WRITERS
Jennifer Friend and Timothy Friend

DIRECTOR
Timothy Friend

STARS
Megan Goddard (
Cinder
), Ryan Seymour (
Cash/Justin
), Santiago Vasquez (
Baron Samedei
), and Kieran Hunter (
Leonore/Donn
).

When Cinder (Goddard) is murdered the day before her twenty-first birthday — just before she would have gained control of the trust fund her father left her and the power to kick her abusive ex-stripper stepmother and her two freakish stepsisters out of her house — she is restored to life by voodoo god Baron Samedei (Vasquez) so she can take her revenge. But she only has until midnight….

Why It Sucks

Someone should have advised the production team that unnecessary and very badly done computer-generated visual effects only make your movie look worse than it actually is. (Although this was one of the best direct-to-DVD low-budget horror films of 2007. It truly was a sad year for horror movies.)

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Special Achievement Award in Misplaced Slapstick Comedy
goes to …
Timothy Friend for sticking some comic relief in his film. We haven't seen humor more out of place since guys in gorilla suits wandered into thrillers during the 1940s.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Timothy Friend for using cheap computer-generated graphics.

They Really Said It!

Baron Samedei
: This is a little unusual, isn't it?

Betcha Didn't Know

Big Atom Productions published a tie-in book that included a Cadaverella novella, the shooting script, and production photos. It was released through the online print-on-demand company
Lulu.com
.

As of this writing, Timothy Friend is putting the finishing touches on a film that pits Dracula against Bonnie and Clyde.

Trivia Quiz

Who is BaronS amedei in voodoo lore?

A: A powerful spirit affiliated with life, death, and debauchery

B: A powerful spirit affiliated with unavenged wrongs

C: The supreme god of the voodoo pantheon

D: The first human to make contact with voodoo spirits

Answer: A. He has a wide-ranging portfolio, but one of his most important functions is to make sure dead bodies stay in the ground and don't become zombies. Given the rise in zombie popularity, he must be one busy guy.

PRODUCER
Charles Band

WRITER
Benjamin Carr

DIRECTOR
Charles Band

STARS
Rhonda Griffin (
Anna Quarrels
), Bill Moynihan (
Winston Berber
), Justin Lauer (
David Raleigh
), Kristin Norton (
Miss Christina
), Phil Fondacaro (
Dracula
), Jon Simanton (
the Wolfman
), Joe Smith (
the
Mummy
), and Thomas Wellington (
Frankenstein's Monster
)

A mad scientist (Moynihan) builds a machine that transports Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, and Frankenstein's Monster into the real world. But interference from a librarian (Griffin) and a wanna-be private detective (Lauer) cause the process to go awry, and the four monsters appear as three-foot-tall midgets. Dracula (Fondacaro) sets about getting the scientist to redo the experiment….

Why It Sucks

How many ways could the filmmakers find to offend audience members? Let's try homophobia. And mocking little people. Not to mention anyone with an ounce of literary knowledge who knows the Mummy and the Wolfman characters were created for films and have no counterparts in classic literature.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Living the Cliché Special Award goes to …
Benjamin Carr and director Charles Band for making a film that proves the cli-ché that no one in Hollywood reads.

And the Most Bizarre Creative Signature Award goes to …
Charles Band. Hitchcock had his blonds. Bava had his shots of characters reflected in liquid. Tarantino couldn't tell a sequential story if his life depended on it. Band has tiny terrors, be they dimuniative demons, killer puppets, possessed cookies, or classic monsters manifested as dwarfs.

They Really Said It!

Dracula
: I recall being somewhat larger.

Betcha Didn't Know

Dracula has been portrayed in more films than any other fictional character.

Charles Band has written, directed, and/or produced over 250 movies.

Trivia Quiz

Who among the following actors has
not
portrayed the Frankenstein Monster on film?

A: Lon Chaney, Jr.

B: Christopher Lee

C: George Zucco

D: Robert DeNiro

Answer: C. George Zucco has played villains and heroes in numerous horror films but never donned the heavy makeup to play a monster.