A Brief Moment in TIme (12 page)

“Think of the influence they had on you,” she reminded him. “Feel the immense power they held. Now take that power back. Feel it flowing to you. You’re in control, and you get to decide how you want to feel. The power belongs to you now. Feel it surging through you like a wave in the ocean—filling you and lifting you. It’s yours now, Gavin. The power is yours to use, to create something that serves you better.”

Gavin’s eyes were closed, and she saw him take a deep breath. Then a look flashed across his face, indicating he was indeed feeling the power he’d reclaimed. She was thrilled to see him using and benefiting from the techniques she was teaching him. It was very rewarding.

“Did that help?” she inquired after he had opened his eyes.

Chapter 12

AS THEY PULLED into the farmyard Gavin had grown up in, Kathryn noticed him taking in the familiar elements. What captured her attention, however, was the sight of his parents rushing out of the house to greet him. She’d felt the love they had for their son when she spoke to them on the phone, and she was about to see it demonstrated as they welcomed him home after nearly eighteen years. Almost before the vehicle stopped, Gavin sprang from the car and went to them. The three hugged and were soon joined by Gavin’s sister and her husband.

Kathryn stood back, not wanting to intrude on the heartwarming family scene. What she witnessed next was even more touching. Two little girls joined the group, and she watched as Gavin turned to them in awe. Both parties were obviously shy, having never met. With Sandra’s encouragement, the girls gave their uncle a hug, and Gavin held them in a long, loving embrace.

After a few moments Gavin’s mom, Carol, turned to Kathryn, beaming a thank-you. Then she beckoned her to join them as they went inside.

Kathryn had come in a professional capacity and was quite happy to stay on the sidelines and simply observe the reunion between Gavin and his family. She’d told Carol as much. But Carol insisted that Kathryn be treated as family who, she found out, received the grandest treatment of all. That meant not just joining them for meals but also partaking in conversation and being filled in on all that Carol, her husband, and daughter believed Kathryn ought to know about their family history.

Kathryn was surprised and somewhat moved by the love and openness she felt in Gavin’s home. It differed dramatically from her own family dynamic, which was pretty much nonexistent. It was refreshing to see a family unit functioning as it was meant to function, loving and supporting and accepting one another. It was as if they had never been separated by years or prison bars.

After a spread of sausage, eggs, pancakes, fried potatoes—everything, she discovered, that Gavin loved—they all sat back full and satisfied.

The little girls were completely taken with their newfound uncle, having only seen pictures and heard stories of the man. Gavin was a natural with kids. He bounced them on his knee and teased them. He asked about their friends, their toys, and their favorite television shows.

With the mention of television, Gavin looked at his father. “I hear you got the new TV hooked up; I can’t wait to see it.”

As the three men headed to the basement with the kids in tow, Kathryn turned to Carol. “I’d be happy to do the dishes. I want you to have as much time with Gavin as possible.”

“We’ll let the men have a few minutes to themselves,” Carol said, clearing plates from the dining-room table. “But you can help if you like; it’ll be nice to get to know you better.”

As they cleaned up, Kathryn felt increasingly at ease with the McDermott women. They asked about her home, her family, and her job. By the time the dishes were washed and put away, Kathryn was quite sure that they knew more about her than her own family did.

It was an odd feeling. She wanted to maintain her professional image yet felt more like a “friend” that Gavin had brought home to meet the family. She decided to put a stop to it, although it felt good in ways she didn’t understand, and began to talk about Gavin from a professional standpoint. “Gavin’s doing very well in the program,” she informed them. “I’m very happy with his progress.”

“What do you hope to accomplish with the men you work with?” Sandra asked casually. “Generally, I mean. What are your goals with the program?”

“The main goal is to help them get in touch with their emotions, to give them tools in dealing with the kinds of huge emotional issues that can arise in their situations, and to help them see themselves in a new light. I work a lot with their self-image.”

“Wow, helping men connect with their emotions...” Sandra shook her head. “That’s a tall order. Can I make an appointment for my husband?”

They all laughed. Being with these women was comfortable; Kathryn felt like they were old friends.

“So Gavin is in touch with his emotions? How does he feel about what happened?”

She knew Carol was referring to the crime Gavin had committed, although Kathryn doubted they had ever used the word
criminal
, let alone
murder
. She understood their reasoning. They were wisely choosing how they wanted to see Gavin all those years, and it had served them well.

“He’s feeling guilty.” Kathryn decided to divulge some of what Gavin had shared without crossing the line of patient/counselor confidentiality. “…for a life ending, obviously. But he’s dealing with guilt, too, for what he feels he put you through.”

“Oh, Kathryn, he doesn’t need to be carrying that load—not with everything else he has to deal with!” Carol exclaimed. “I had no idea he was feeling that way about us.

“I’m glad you told me, though,” she patted Kathryn’s hand in a motherly gesture. “I’d like to talk to him about that.”

“He’s had some spiritual experiences, too, and has developed a significant connection to a higher power. He learns things through dreams and visions. I feel that it’s a very positive thing for him.”

“I’ve wondered about that,” Carol replied. “He’s asked me about God. We’ve had several conversations through letters or in person when I’ve visited. I told him what I believe, but I don’t expect him to follow the way of the church, necessarily. I’ve always believed he’d find God in his own way, in his own time.”

Carol’s attitude, her outlook on life and on spiritual matters, impressed Kathryn. It was no wonder that Gavin had such a strong foundation from which to grow. It explained a lot.

“I hope you’re not telling Kate any embarrassing stories about me,” Gavin interrupted their discussion by coming up behind his mom, giving her a bear hug and a kiss on the cheek. “My therapy is going well. I don’t want to have to go back and relive the time in kindergarten when Jeremy Conner and his friends painted my hair bright pink with tempera paints.”

“Well, now, maybe you should. How do you feel about that, Gavin?” Kathryn entreated, pretending to be serious.

Gavin laughed, and Kathryn noticed a sparkle in his eyes she hadn’t seen before. It was happiness, obviously. He was home and for the next few hours free. It suited him.

“If you’ll stop being my shrink for a bit,” he smiled at Kathryn, “I’ll show you around the farm.” He looked at the rest of his family. “Anybody else feel like going for a walk?”

The little girls wanted to join them, and Gavin’s dad accepted the invitation, telling Gavin he wanted to show him improvements he’d made around the place. The others opted to stay indoors.

The property was just an acreage now, the farmland having been sold since Gavin’s dad retired a few years earlier. He had a new shop he wanted to show Gavin. Kathryn and the children followed, interested in the tour as well.

The youngest girl was about five or six and the older one around nine, Kathryn guessed. They were adorable and talkative. The youngest took Kathryn’s hand as they walked. She eagerly told her about the tire swing her grandpa had made for them. Kathryn felt a slight longing, as she occasionally did around children. She had hoped to have children of her own one day, but those hopes were dashed. She had long since dealt with the emotions and now just wanted to be present in the moment.

The shop was impressive, fully equipped with power tools, gardening tools, a little garden tractor with a tiny matching utility trailer, and a workbench with neatly ordered hand tools hanging above it. The heated building was complete with a washroom, a fridge that had probably sat in their kitchen when Gavin was a child, and an older style coffee maker. And, Gavin pointed out laughing, it had become the new home of the ancient but still working television that had lost its place in the house. It was undoubtedly his father’s favorite place to spend his days.

Kathryn watched Gavin examine several of the power tools. She knew he was familiar with woodworking, having studied his files, but he never talked about it in their sessions. He complimented his dad on the impressive collection, and then the group went outside again.

It was an ideal day, delightfully warm for springtime, although a patch or two of snow still spotted the ground. Gavin seemed to want to continue looking around. When his dad returned to the house, and the children ran off to play, Gavin turned to Kathryn. “Do you want to see more?”

“Sure,” she smiled, happy to see Gavin in good spirits and relaxed in his element. If he was experiencing any more negative emotion from this trip down memory lane, it wasn’t evident on his face.

She’d already noticed he had a very handsome face, easy on the eyes, and a body that a stone carver might fashion a Greek god after. Kathryn appreciated the view. She was, after all, a woman and not yet past the age of appreciating a good male body when she had the pleasure of observing one. However, she kept her observations stored away in a private place she rarely let herself go to. It was something she knew she shouldn’t be indulging in, especially with one of her students, so she silently reprimanded herself.

She truly hoped that Gavin would find someone to love; he deserved it. It had to be someone who could appreciate him for all he was and accept him, his past included. She suspected that he would want children of his own one day, too. That seemed like a lot to ask, but Kathryn believed he would find the right woman. He was still young, and he had so much to offer.

GAVIN WAS REMINDED of the images from his vision the night before. Kate was walking with him as he showed her the farm; they were alone, and he longed to take her hand just as he’d imagined. He longed to talk more about the topic they’d begun in the car.

They walked past the large garden plot behind the house. The soil had been prepared for the upcoming planting season, and perennials were coming to life in the unseasonably warm weather. His father had done quite a bit of landscaping in recent years, leveling the sloping bank from the house to the ravine below. Now flagstone steps led from one grassy level to another. Although covered with patches of snow, the yard had a park-like feel.

Gavin stood aside, allowing Kate to go before him on the first set of steps. As she turned to him with a polite smile, he instinctively knew what was about to happen. He grabbed her hand in time to catch her as she slipped and with his other hand, steadied her. She’d reached for his arm when she began to fall, and now the two stood grasping one another.

“I’m sorry,” Kate laughed uneasily. “I wasn’t paying attention. The melting snow must have made the stones slippery.” She righted herself and quickly took her hand off Gavin’s arm. He let go of her hand but continued to steady her with his other hand on her shoulder. As she took a step he noticed her grimace in pain, so he reached for her hand again.

“I think I’ve twisted my ankle.” She looked up at him weakly.

Chapter 13

KATHRYN HAD NO CHOICE but to lean on Gavin as he helped her to the house. He’d offered to carry her, which he could have done effortlessly, but she insisted she could walk. It felt strange and awkward with his arm around her waist, and her hand on his shoulder. Strange because it had been so long since she’d felt a man’s arm around her, and awkward because part of her liked the feelings of warmth and closeness it produced. She was relieved when the rest of the family rushed to her aid.

They helped her inside, and once they were in the living room, Sandra examined the ankle. “It’s not broken,” she said confidently. “It’s a pretty bad sprain, though. Gavin, can you get an ice pack from the freezer?”

Kathryn was annoyed at herself for being so careless. She’d planned to be a silent observer, letting Gavin be the man of the hour, and now everyone was gathered around, tending to her needs.

Gavin’s father, assuming responsibility for her mishap, had already apologized more than once for the condition of the steps. Sandra elevated Kathryn’s foot and wrapped the ice pack around it with a towel. Carol offered food and drink, painkillers, and extra pillows for comfort.

Kathryn looked at Gavin, who was standing back watching her. She gestured a helpless, “I’m sorry.”

He sat down across from her and leaned forward. “How does it feel, Kate?” he mocked playfully. “Do you want to talk about it?”