A Dark-Adapted Eye (12 page)

“Typical Ivory.”

“Yeah. If it wasn’t for the two of you, I don’t know how my life would have turned out.”

“Is this what you expected?” I asked in a slightly cynical tone.

“No. But it’s a lot better than anything else I can think of.”

Both heartened and chagrined, I bit my lower lip and squirmed into a more comfortable pos
ition. I settled my gaze on the movie because looking at him right then was just too much.

Despite having lived beneath the same roof for three years, I hardly knew anything about him. I didn’t know what movies he liked—unless he really liked crappy action flicks—or the t
itles of the few books on the little shelf in his room, or the names of the bands I sometimes heard faintly playing through his closed door. He kept so much to himself.

And how
, I asked myself,
can you say you love him?

An unpleasant knot formed in my stomach and I felt faintly panicked. I’d always known I loved Les. He was quiet and brooding, sure, but he was good, he wasn’t arrogant, and he’d begun hunting vampires with my brother in part because of what had happened to me. My love for him had never gone away and never wavered. It was the truest thing I knew.

But what if I was wrong?

I must have fallen asleep without realizing it because I woke up to a brightening living room, the TV off, the armchair empty. It seemed as if morning had arrived in a mere blink.

Les’s door was closed, though I had no idea whether he was asleep or awake behind it. I hurried to get dressed without bothering to find out. After our unsuccessful outing last night, I decided I had a duty to my brother to help him in whatever way I could, even if he wouldn’t approve of my methods. If he ever came back home I wouldn’t tell him what I’d done, nor would I tell Les now.

It was time to visit Rade again.

I dreaded the thought of seeing him even as the prospect excited me. I loathed myself even though I wasn’t doing this for the vampire’s benefit or mine. It was for Ivory and no one else.

Snatching the truck keys off the kitchen counter, I headed out the door. It wasn’t yet ten but the summer day was already as hot as any other. Rade had said to come back at night, but going during the day almost guaranteed Les wouldn’t notice or care if I left the house. He wouldn’t wonder where I’d been. And daylight might not have been convenient for Rade, but it was safer for me.

The apartment complex was no livelier today than it was the last time I’d seen it. I pounded on Rade’s door with the side of my fist. The sun was still low enough that no direct light touched his tall, narrow frame when he answered my knock. His face was solemn, without expression, and there was no spark of life in his lavender eyes.

I felt an unexpected stab of pity. He was a vampire, but he didn’t look evil or inhuman. He looked lifeless in a way that went beyond a vampire’s lack of heartbeat. His was a deadness of the soul.

“Let me in,” I said thickly.

Without a word he stepped to the side so I could walk past him. I ignored the feel of his eyes on me as I sat gingerly on the couch in the middle of the room. He turned on a floor lamp to my right, syrupy yellow light spilling over the room but not reaching the corners.

“I’m here about Ivory,” I blurted, twisting my hands in my lap. He knew that, of course, but I couldn’t stand his silence.

“I’ll tell you about Ivory. But first I want to discuss you.”

My stomach flipped. I couldn’t look at him. “Fine. Whatever.”

After a long moment he pulled a plain wooden chair from against the wall and placed it across from me. He sat in it and said, his voice bleeding into the air, “Vampires prefer certain flavors. It’s different for each one. My flavor is loneliness.”

That was something I had never heard before. I recalled what Aleskie had said about Lucinda favoring the taste of young women—was this the same thing? I would have to ask Les about it later, for whatever good it might do.

Shaking my head, I prepared myself to speak. “Loneliness,” I echoed. “That’s why you came to me that day.”

He nodded.

“What about now?”

“You aren’t lonely now.”

“And that means I’m safe from you?”

“Yes. I don’t want to hurt you. I never did.”

A flare of anger made me sit up straight and look at him directly for the first time since I’d entered the apartment. “Well, you
did
hurt me, Rade. You took advantage of me as a child. Maybe I've only just remembered what happened, but obviously it's been there all along, in the back of my mind. And who knows how many other people you've hurt in the same way?” The venom in my voice surprised me. I was never this furious, never this hard. He had awakened an ugly side of me, a side I'd never wanted to discover.

“Hundreds,” Rade admitted quietly. “Not all of them children, but all of them lonely.”

I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing. I could get through this. I could get my answers. And when I did I could leave and forget him. His violet eyes and lack of emotion. I was a normal girl. I felt normal. Like my quiet house on an ordinary morning, Ivory and Les in the living room, news on TV.
Les
. I knew what he would think of me being here. What my brother or any other human would think. They wouldn't listen when I'd say it wasn't my fault. If they'd lived through a vampire bite they'd know. Rade had to have a conscience. Had to have a heart even if it didn't beat. Because even though I was confused and angry and changed, I was alive.

“I’d been restless that day,” he said, his voice sliding into my thoughts. “I'd just come to the city and was exploring the neighborhoods after dark. Humans weren't afraid of the night back then. The sound of boys playing a game drew my attention, but I slipped past them. I could feel your loneliness even from outside. And then I saw you there on the floor with your dolls. You looked happy on the surface, but the hollow depths of your eyes gave you away. I had to taste your blood.”

My mouth crumpled and tears formed as I listened to how right he was. I
had
been incredibly lonely. My parents were always gone and Ivory didn't have much of a tolerance for his little sister back then. I hadn't met Criseyde yet and hardly talked to anyone at school. I wondered just how much life Rade had taken from me. Had he changed me in unseen, unknown ways? If he hadn't come would I still have turned out this way or had he played a pivotal role in my formation?

“You feel it, don't you?” he asked, just the merest trace of earnestness in his voice. “This connection, this humming in our blood? It's stronger when we're close.”

“Yes,” I said, feeling my body slump with resignation. “I never noticed it until I saw you at Shiver but now . . . Will it always be there?”

“Until one of us dies,” said Rade. He moved his hands to his knees. “Your brother is alive.”

I studied the vampire, wondering if he was joking. But it seemed a sense of humor was something he didn’t possess. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know that, not yet.”

“Then your information is useless.” I was angry again, so angry I’d come here at all. Rising to my feet, I made a start for the door. Les and I would do this on our own. A vampire’s help was the last thing we needed.

“I want to find him for you,” Rade insisted softly. “I want to look for him together.”

“Why?” I demanded.

“I would like to show you things—things you and many other humans would never know about vampires. If vampires took your brother, as you say, you’ll never find him without my help.”

I considered this. It was probably true, seeing as how Les had pretty much exhausted all his resources last night. The only thing he could do now was actually
look
for Ivory, who could have been anywhere at all in the city.

If I understood him correctly, Rade, acting as my escort, would take me deep into the world of vampires. We might get so much closer to my brother that way. At the least, I could come home armed with information that would help Les in the killing of vampires.

Or I could end up dead.

But what if this was our only chance at finding Ivory?

“No harm will come to you,” Rade added helpfully.

“Okay,” I said before I could change my mind. I felt aggravated and disturbed, and unsure how to deal with these emotions. All I wanted was to go home and get in bed beneath my fami
liar covers and sleep until Ivory was home and there were no more vampires.

“Come back tomorrow night. We can begin then.”

“No,” I said. “You have to come to me. Be waiting for me after dark.” He nodded once, the slightest incline of his head.

I went to the door and glanced over my shoulder before I left, but the vampire wasn’t looking at me. Instead he stared blankly into the middle distance, his eyes hollow.

nine

dark-adapted eye: a
n eye that has been in darkness or semi-darkness for some time and has undergone dark adaptation

My hands shook as I unseeingly turned the pages of the new
Zenith
. I couldn’t keep my mind off the fact that I’d been to see a vampire just a short while ago. I could hardly believe what I’d agreed to.

We had some music droning low in the background. I lay on my stomach across my bed while Criseyde, who had the night off, tried out her new drugstore makeup and did her best to lighten my mood. It was something she’d always been good at. She’d been there for me after my mom’s death, as well as numerous little things. She was steadfast, loyal to the core.

“Is this blush too dark?” she asked. “I’m worried it makes me look . . .
mature
.”

“We wouldn’t want that,” I said with a thin lightness to my voice. “Everyone knows how
im
mature you are.”

“I’m only nineteen. I don’t have to be mature just yet.” She wiped off the blush and u
ncapped a tube of red lipstick, smiling after she’d slicked it on. “Finally! The perfect shade for me! Want to try some?”

“No thanks.” I sat up, tossing the magazine aside, and turned off the music. “I have to tell you something.”

Instantly she spun away from the closet mirror, sensing gossip, and knelt expectantly on the edge of the bed. “What?”

“Well, a couple things. First, my dad came back.”

“He’s not dead? What happened?” I’d long ago told her what he’d done to me and she’d always been adamant about his worthlessness as a father.

“I sent him away. He’s staying at the Value Suites. I guess he wants me to come see him, but I doubt I will.”

“Good. He doesn’t deserve you as a daughter anyway.”

“Thanks. Have . . . have you seen
your
parents lately?”

She shook her head slowly, looking slightly rueful. “No. I haven’t seen them since gradu
ation. They think I should be going to college to become, like, a lawyer or something instead of working at a grocery store. Little do they know I’m going to be famous someday, and not for anything law-related.”

“Well, you might become famous for breaking a few laws,” I pointed out.

Criseyde raised her eyebrows thoughtfully, grinning. “Yeah. That could be fun. And if I’m ever in Paris, I’ll break
international
laws. Maybe I could be a spy.”

I laughed, but quickly grew serious again. “There’s something else.” I leaned close and said softly, “I went to see Rade again today.”

She gasped. “You
did
? Without me? Why?”

“To get more information about Ivory. Apparently he’s alive, but Rade doesn’t know where he is. I’m supposed to go with him tomorrow night to look for him.”

“What? And you agreed to that?”

I nodded and shrugged. “It was his only condition to giving me information. Besides, I want to find Ivory. How could I stand knowing my brother’s alive somewhere without having any idea how to save him? Les and I could look forever without finding him. This is our best chance.” Never mind that Les didn’t know a thing about it.

“But what if the vampire was lying?”

“What if he wasn’t?”

“Maybe I should go with you,” Criseyde suggested reluctantly.

“Well, that would be nice,” I admitted. “But what if something happens? Both of us can’t die.”

“Well, you can’t die alone! If you die, I
will
kill you.”

“You know, when I was there, at his apartment . . . it didn’t seem like he wanted to hurt me. He wanted to help. He’d been . . . waiting for me.”

“Waiting to suck your blood.”

“But he didn’t,” I pointed out. “I don’t know what he wants, but it’s not that.”

“How can you know that for sure?”

I shrugged, debating whether to tell her I felt scared in Rade’s presence, but not as much as I should have. Whether I should explain about the whole flavor thing. Young women’s blood for Lucinda, loneliness for Rade. I wondered what Aleskie favored or if she was too new to know.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Criseyde promised. “Even though that might be a bad idea. Because if you get hurt it will be too late . . .” She trailed off, looking troubled. “I should never have driven you there in the first place. If Ivory knew . . .”

“He’d kill you,” I finished.

“He’d
torture
me.”

“Yeah. He only kills vampires.”

“I
should
go with you, you know,” Criseyde said with a wide grin. “I
do
know how to shoot a gun now. I have such skill and focus, no vampire would get past me.”

“You’re an idiot.”

She struck a pose. “I’m a glamorous assassin.”

“I guess one of us has to do the dirty work.” I crossed the room to the door. “I’m going to make dinner. I’m starving. I bet Les is too.”

“They say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

“In that case I really need to work on my skill.”

Dinner was unremarkable and Les left shortly after without informing me where he was going. Criseyde followed him and I was alone. The rest of the evening passed uneventfully on the roof, but I welcomed the peace after the events of the past few nights. I took a break from my telescope and observed the neighborhood for a while, watching people come home and leave for night shifts and have cigarettes on their porches. One couple had an argument, their shouting voices drifting to me on a breeze. But mostly everything was quiet, and so much more desolate than it used to be.

Eventually it got late and I could no longer keep my eyes open waiting for Les. I lay on my bed facing the window, unable to sleep for all the thoughts tumbling through my brain. I was half worried for him, half irritated that he’d chosen to stay out after dark without telling me or letting me come with him.

It wasn’t too long before I heard the roaring rumble of the Shadow coming up the drive. The blinds caught the bright glare of the headlight. Relief settled through me and I felt myself relax at last. The front door opened and shut, and I wondered where he’d been. I never got the chance to ask him that night because before he ever made it back to my room, I had fallen asleep.

~

All morning I’d found it difficult to concentrate on any task, all my energy focused on anticipating the moment Rade would come for me. I worried myself sick. Les couldn’t stop me from going out after dark, but nevertheless I didn’t want him to know what I planned to do. I didn’t want to have to explain myself. I didn’t want to be the object of his disappointment.

In the afternoon he came with me to the grocery store, for no reason other than he had not
hing better to do. We picked up a few things with only minimal words between us. It was awkward and oddly intimate. I felt childish; it wasn’t as if I hadn’t shared a roof with him for three years. But my hands shook with nerves if I ever thought he might be looking at me. At the register my hands shook so much I dropped a quarter on the linoleum and hid my red face with my hair as I picked it up.

“I’m going to ride to Witcher Park,” I said when we’d gotten home and unloaded the groce
ries. “Just to . . . wind down a bit.”

“All right. Be careful.”

“I will.”

By the time I got there, I was thinking of the dead girl and didn’t feel like riding the trails any longer. I propped the bike up outside the café and went inside. Rhys had just started his shift. “Hey, Asha,” he said, looking up from counting his cash drawer.

“How’d you know my name?”

“It’s on your card. You come in here a lot.” He closed his drawer and picked up a rag.

“I hope you’re not going to ask me about Criseyde,” I said, following him to a table that needing clearing.

“I was, actually, until you said that.” Rhys slapped his rag down.

“Well, I have too many problems to talk about her.”

“What kind of problems?” he muttered disinterestedly.

“The vampire kind.”

His wiping slowed as he looked up at me, eyebrows disappearing into the brown shag of his bangs. “Really?”

“Yes.” I sighed. “I’m actually meeting one tonight. My brother was kidnapped and he—the vampire—is going to help me find him.”

It was surprisingly easy to confide in this boy, perhaps because he was virtually a stranger. Other than Criseyde, I had no one to talk to and no one who would understand my vampire i
ssues. If Rhys thought I was crazy, it wouldn’t be a big deal because I had no solid connection to him.

“Are you for real?” he asked.

“Unfortunately.”

“Whoa.”

“You’ve never had any vampire encounters?” I sounded incredulous, though I hadn’t meant to. I hadn’t even known about my own brush with a vampire until the other day.

“No. I’m prepared, though.”

“How?” I asked, cocking my head to one side.

“My truck out there.” Rhys nodded at the front of the café and I followed his gaze out the big glass windows. Parked near the door was a beat-up orange Bronco with huge tires. “My brother fixed it up for me. It has UV headlights and a gun rack. I even have a place for stakes if a vamp ever gets that close to me.”

“Yikes. So . . . that sun thing is true?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t kill them, but they really hate it. Messes with their eyes, or something. And they burn easily. Anyway, I’m hardly out after dark, though. Usually I get to close up before that.”

“I don’t even have a job,” I murmured, though my mind was elsewhere. My brow furrowed as I thought about tonight. I’d definitely be out after dark, with no protection from vampires other than Rade, the one being I had reason to fear. Should I bring stakes, or a knife, or Ivory’s gun? Though if I got in a situation where I needed to use them, I reasoned, I was probably too deep in trouble to save myself.

“What’s up?” Rhys asked, noticing how my mind had wandered.

“Oh, nothing. Sorry. I’ll let you know how it goes tonight.”
If I don’t die.
I ignored the thought and smiled at him. “By the way, your truck sounds cool. I’ll be sure to tell Criseyde about that.”

Then I left, butterflies swooping in my stomach the whole ride home.

~

Wanting to appear understated yet edgy, I dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt. I stared at myself in the mirror and realized I didn’t look anything close to edgy.

I pulled my hair into a no-nonsense ponytail and fortified myself with a mental pep talk.
You can do this. You will survive. You will find Ivory.
I gave my reflection a businesslike nod, promising myself I would pass the night without showing or feeling emotion. Nothing would get to me. Nothing would move me. No vampire would kill me.

“Where are you going?” Les asked when I emerged from my room. He sat at the dining room table.

I looked at him as he raised a glass of water to his lips. I wondered if there was more to his question, but his tone had been neutral and he was looking at a newspaper rather than me. He’d asked out of simple curiosity, not suspicion or possessiveness.

“Just over to Criseyde’s,” I replied. “She’s waiting out front, so I should go.”

He looked up, his eyes falling on the night sky beyond the back door. “Yeah. Be careful.”

“Any news about Ivory?” I asked hopefully. If he’d gotten some since we’d left the store, maybe I could avoid going out with Rade altogether.

“No.” The one word sounded unexpectedly forlorn and hopeless. Had Les given up? Did he think we’d never find Ivory?

I had to do this. For Ivory, for Les, and for myself.

“We’ll find him, Les,” I assured him, his name soft on my tongue.

Before I could change my mind for the thousandth time, I slipped out the front door and ran down the driveway. At the sidewalk, I looked both ways. To the left, I saw an unfamiliar car idling at the corner. It was Rade, waiting for me.

The car was an El Camino, exquisitely cared for, the black paint and dark windows shining like a mirror. For a moment I was confused, thinking Rade couldn’t possibly live in such a crappy apartment and drive such a lovely car, but then he rolled down the window and looked wordlessly at me, waiting for me to get in. His pale violet eyes were calm but held the weight of his sorrows. He wouldn’t force me to go with him, I understood. If I wanted to run back home right now, I could.

But I didn’t.

“Where are we going?” I asked, settling into the passenger seat.

“To a club.” Rade’s voice was flat and unemotional.

“I think I’ve had just about enough of clubs.”

“This one is different. It’s a dinner club.”

“A dinner club?” I repeated dubiously. Rade nodded. “For vampires?”