A Flawed Heart (14 page)

“Bring me one of those. Please?”

I crawl back into bed, iPod and
breath
mint in hand. Jason opens his mouth, his eyes locked on mine and his hands
still clasped behind his head. I place the mint on his tongue and he kisses the
tips of my fingers. I hand him my iPod and snuggle next to him. He swirls his
thumb around the wheel and hands me the left ear-bud, putting the right into
his own ear.

He puts on
“I
Wanna
Be Your
Boyfriend”
by
The Ramones,
and chuckles. His laughter is contagious. In spite of his rough exterior, he
can be so adorable and sweet. He scrolls through my entire collection, from
Abba
to the
Yeah
Yeah
Yeahs
.
He stops on shared favorites and plays several songs we both love. The rain
continues to beat down on the roof and I’m dreading leaving the soft sheets of
his bed.

“Jason, I have to go.”

He sighs and traces my ribs with his fingers. “Maybe you can
stay just a little longer? I’ll drive you home.”

“Okay.”

“Good girl.” He rolls over and slides down into the warmth
of the sheets. He brushes my collarbone with his lips and slides his hands down
to my ass. I bury the tip of my nose in his hair and drink in his amazing
scent. I shiver as he licks his way up my neck, to the base of my ear, and
nibbles gently on my ear lobe.

“Claire, I want you.”

I close my eyes and run my fingernails down his back,
telling him without words that I feel the same way. He grips my hips and
positions me beneath him, then grinds into me and moans into the pillow. I kiss
his neck and his shoulder. I run my hands into his hair and down his back. He
increases the pressure and speed of his motion, and the added friction creates
a delicious sensation for both of us. He straightens his forearms, pushing his
upper body off of me, and looks into my eyes as he quickens his movements
further. His tongue peeks out from between his lips, and he opens. I’m getting aroused,
and he knows it. This sensation is so new for me.
He’s hitting just the right spot. He knows exactly what he’s doing to
me.
My breath quickens, and I moan, but he stops. He leans back on his
knees and jerks my underwear off and I lift my hips to help him. He slides his
own underwear off and his cock bobs in the air. His expression is fierce as he
looks down at my exposed flesh. Still on his knees, he plunges two fingers
inside me, rubbing his thumb on my clit. The sensation is overwhelming, and I
buck my hips up to meet the thrusts of his hands. I close my eyes, lost in the
feeling.

“Open your eyes. Look at me.”

I do as he says. My whole body is on fire, and as my blood
pulses through me I’m getting closer and closer to release. Just as I’m on the
verge, he stops again and leans over me to reach the night table drawer. The ache
between my legs is almost painful. I open my mouth and sink my teeth into his
side as he fumbles in the drawer for a condom.

“
Ow
, fuck. Don’t dish out what you
can’t take, Claire.”

He leans back on his knees again, sliding the condom over
his length. His gaze invades mine. The newfound vixen inside me feels bold.

“Oh, I can
take it
,
Jason.” I sit up.

“Yeah?
Let’s see then, shall we?”

He grips my ass, and pulls me into his lap so that I’m
straddling him. He pushes me down onto his cock and my breath leaves me as he
thrusts up into me, pinching one of my nipples at the same time. His touch is
rough, but the pleasure he’s making me feel only intensifies. I lean back
trying to meet his thrusts, but my legs are too shaky. He grips the back of my
neck and forces his hips into mine. He wraps his mouth around my breast,
sucking and licking the skin.

“
Mmm
. Fuck, you taste so good.”

After pounding into me, he lays me down and grabs one of the
many pillows on his bed, then stuffs it under the small of my back. He sits
back on his knees again and grabs my hips, pulling me toward him as he thrusts
inside me again. My breasts bounce rhythmically as he pounds against me hard.
The angle he has created is too much for me to take and I climax. My center
pulses and warms as my scalp prickles and my toes point. I bring my hand up to
my mouth and bite my finger to stifle a scream.

“You look so fucking sexy like that,” he growls, pounding
harder.

He groans as he reaches release. Unlike me, he’s completely
uninhibited, not worrying about the noises he’s making as his orgasm ripples
through him. He lies down on top of me and slides his tongue against mine,
still gently rocking inside me as the last waves of his orgasm crash through
him. He pulls me against him. I’m totally blissed out, and I never want to
leave here, but I have to.

“I really have to go.”

He sighs into my hair. “Fuck. Okay.”

Although I shouldn’t feel any nerves or shame, I’m glad no
one is home when we emerge from Jason’s bedroom. This is still so new, and I haven’t
really figured out how my relationships with Lydia and everyone are going to
fit into my relationship with Jason. I’m hoping it will be seamless, but
nothing’s ever easy.

Once we’re out in the rain, he grips my waist and opens a
large umbrella. We jog to his car and he opens my door for me. We make the
quick drive to my place and I feel my heart clench knowing I have to say
goodbye to him, even for a brief time. He double-parks, shuts the car off, and
then reaches over and touches my hair.

“So, I’ll call you later? For
coffee,
or whatever?”

“Yeah.
Yes. Okay. Um, so I’ll see
you later.”

He leans in and brushes my lips with his, ending my pitiful
stammering. His gesture is more eloquent than I can possibly be with words. I
feel my whole body relax with his touch, my anxiety quiets, and I move to open
the car door.

Jason hands me the umbrella. “Here. This is Lydia’s. She has
a million for some reason. You can borrow it.”

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.
I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye.” I shut the car door and watch as he as pulls away.

When I get home I find Kat in the living room watching TV. “So,
what’s up Claire? You didn’t sleep here last night.”

“I’m great. Jason’s amazing, Kat. I can’t even describe how
I feel around him. I’m just glad Lydia is being cool about it.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” She gives me a knowing
smile, and I blush. I’m not one to go into dirty details, and the details with
Jason are
very
dirty.

I sit at the computer, email my mom, and do some reading. I
open my poetry book and begin to read Frost’s
Acquainted
with the Night
.

As I read the poem, I picture Jason. My mind is dominated
with images of him, this dark, sweet man, who has now consumed my life and my
thoughts. I picture him wandering through Frost’s night, solemn and isolated. I
want to be the voice that calls out to Jason’s lonely figure. I
want
to
be an angel for him. I want to be the one who saves him, the one who drags him
from the darkness. I lie back on the bed and let my eyes drift closed…

I’m standing in a forest blanketed in snow. The sky is
dark as the snow continues to fall. My daddy is there and watching me. I wave
to him, but he doesn’t move or smile. Then, a shot rings out, and he
disappears.
It’s
cold, and I don’t have a jacket. I
shiver and look around for something, someone to help me. Jason emerges dressed
in a long, dark, wool coat. He walks toward me, opens his coat and wraps me in
his embrace. The snow stops…

“Claire? Claire, wake up.”

I wake in a dark room, and I can’t tell if its sunrise, or
sunset. My eyes adjust as Lydia turns the lamp on.

“Sorry to wake you, but aren’t you late for work?”

“Shit. I fell asleep. What time is it?”

“It’s four fifteen.”

“Shit!”

I slip on my blasted yellow rain boots and race out the
door.

I’m
hurrying down Bedford when I feel all the blood drain from my face. I see Skye
coming my way. My stomach hits the floor. This couldn’t happen at a worse time.
I can’t think of what to do, and my thoughts dissolve as Skye turns in my
direction. I swallow any intimidation I feel and walk toward her, unwilling to
let her see me hesitate.

“On your way to see Jason?”
Her face
is flushed with anger.

“No. I’m on my way to work. Not that it’s your business.”

Her stare is icy but I refuse to look away. She lurches at
me and I flinch in spite of myself. She positions her body in front of me and
her breast grazes mine. She whispers in my ear, “S
tay
the fuck
away from me.” She backs up and her cat-like
eyes bore into me.

“Listen, it wasn’t my intention to get involved with Jason.”

“Save it, Claire. I broke up with my
boyfriend
for
him, and Jason totally fucking blew me off
for you
. Sorry if I don’t
want to be BFFs with you. See you ‘round.”

I continue down the block and fling the door to the bookshop
open. Tony isn’t working, and I’m relieved. It’s dead, so I spend some time
reading and surfing the Internet. After a few hours, I count out the drawer and
I close up for the night.

I pull my phone out and text Jason.

Meet
me the café?

Be
there in 20.

I put in my ear-buds, and listen to
music
while I walk and smoke. The rain is still falling and I
watch how it mists and swirls, caressing the brick buildings.
I wonder how difficult Skye intends to
make things for me.
I feel bad about
how everything went down,
but i
t’s not my fault. It’s not my problem.
I meander over to the café.

Standing
next to the door, wet from the rain, is Jason. His jeans and sneakers are damp
and his black jacket has beads of water on it, as does his hair.
I turn to jelly as soon as I see him.

He smiles as I approach, flicking his cigarette away and
walking toward me. He bends down under my umbrella and presses his wet lips to
mine.

“I missed you. How was work?”

“It was fine. I ran into Skye.”

His smile fades. “Let’s get inside, out of this rain.”

He holds the door for me as I close up the umbrella. We get in
line and Jason moves me in front of him, keeping his hands on my waist as we
wait to order.

“You ran into Skye, huh? How did that go?” He lays a soft
kiss in my hair and begins to make slow circles with his thumbs on my hips,
either out of nervousness or his desire to calm me.

“Well, she told me to stay the fuck away from her.”

“I’m sorry for that. Hopefully that won’t happen again.”

I turn around to face him. “I’m not afraid of her.”

His mouth turns up, smiling at my brave declaration.

“I don’t want anyone fucking with you.”
He kisses me.
It’’s
tender and sweet,
but there’s something else there—need,
fear,
anger…

It’s our turn to order. I get
a mocha
and Jason gets a large, black coffee. He pushes my hand away as I attempt to
pay for it and takes a twenty out of his wallet.

We
sit on a small couch facing a window. My mocha looks mouthwatering and I lick
the chocolate sauce from the rim of the cup, catching some foam with it. It’s
delicious, and I continue to lap the chocolate. Jason is sitting stiffly next
to me, so I glance up to see what’s wrong.

He’s biting his lip, and I smile. “What?”

“Claire, can you please stop doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Licking the rim.
Please…stop.” His
words are slow and labored.

“I’m sorry. Was that grossing you out?”

“No. It was definitely
not
grossing me out.”

I recognize the familiar fire in his eyes.
Lust.
I lick the rim again, circling it with
my tongue, maintaining eye contact with him the entire time.

“Claire, please. Please, stop licking that.”

“You like this, Jason? Do you like to watch me lick this?”
I smile, taunting him.

The look in his eyes intoxicates me. He takes my cup out of
my hands, and places it on the table in front of us.
He slips his hands into my hair at the base of my neck, tugging
and bringing his mouth to mine, stopping just before our lips meet.

“Do you have any idea what I want to do to you right now?”

“No. Why don’t you show me what you want to do?”

He clenches his jaw and sits back, releasing me with a sigh
of frustration. He runs his hand over his face.

“Listen, I was wondering if you want to go down to the city
with me next Saturday. I planned a little surprise for you.”

“Wait, next
Saturday is
my birthday.
Jason, I…”

“I know how you feel about your birthday. I just thought
that if it was just you and me…I don’t know. I thought you might have fun.”

“Okay. Yeah. Yes. Let’s go.”
I smile at him and he relaxes now that I’ve accepted his
invitation. He takes my hand in his and we drink our coffee as we watch the
rain.
People pass by the window,
some shielded by umbrellas, some running as they try to dodge the raindrops.
I take another sip of my mocha and
look up to see a familiar form walking past the window.

It’s Aidan. He sees me,
winks
, and then continues on his way.
I almost spit out my coffee. I freeze, praying that Jason didn’t
see that.

“Whoa. What was that shit, Claire? Why did Aidan just
fucking
wink
at you?”

He lets go of my hand and sits up straight on the couch,
swallows hard, and searches my face for an answer.