A Flawed Heart (16 page)

He hands me a blanket from the couch, and wraps us in it as
we sit on the rug. I notice that my knees are red from rubbing on the carpet,
and Jason traces his finger over the tender skin.

“Sorry about that.” He gives me a smile.

“It’s all right. It was worth it.”

I reach up and rub my fingers in the mess of his hair,
resting my head on his shoulder as we drink our beer and share a cigarette in
the now silent house.

“You still want to go out?” he asks. “It’s late.”

“I
want
to stay here with you but we really
should
go out. Everyone’s expecting us.”

“All right.”
He kisses the tip of
my nose and stands. I flush at the sight of his completely naked body. We dress
together, and I make an attempt at looking as if Jason didn’t just fuck me
senseless. He goes into his room and comes back wearing a leather jacket. I
just about faint at the sight of him. He smiles at me and takes my hand as we
enter the cool, clear night together.

Chapter Eight

He squeezes my hand as we walk together to Alexa’s. Our
fingers entwined—it truly feels like heaven to me. Our feet step in unison on
the sidewalk, and Jason exhales smoke beside me. We walk in comfortable silence
amid the bustle and noise of the city streets. I look at the buildings as we
pass; some lights are off, some on. I can see into some rooms, each unique but
similar.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

I hesitate before replying. I’m afraid he’ll think I’m weird
if I tell him. He stops and I look up at him. “You can tell me.”

“I was just thinking about all of the people in these buildings.
How they each have their own stories to tell—their own joy and pain. They’re
all alike and all different at the same time.”

“That’s pretty deep for a Saturday night.” He chuckles but
then his face turns serious. “…But I know what you mean. It’s easy for us to
get wrapped up in ourselves and forget about how we all fit together. I always
think about how random it all is, you know? Like someone’s flipping a coin.
It’s
heads one day, so you wake up happy, and you just get
to feel happy. Or it’s tails, and some kind of misery is handed to you. When
you think about how it all plays out in the scope of humanity—all the trials
and celebrations everyone goes through—it can make you feel very small.”

I look up at him and smile
. He totally gets it.
“Yeah, it can. But it also reminds me of
how connected we all are by those experiences, you know? Whether we want to
explore those connections or not—they’re there.”

He nods his head and takes a drag off of his cigarette. “I
like the way you see things.”

He squeezes my hand. It feels so good to connect with him,
beyond just the physical. Being with Jason brings me this
complete
feeling, but beneath the feeling of closeness there is fear and anxiety. Fear
of rejection, betrayal, abandonment…
I
can’t help but wonder if he feels these things, too
.

As we approach the bar, I hear the music and voices
overflowing from the open door to Alexa’s. We walk under the Christmas lights,
and all I can see are walls of flesh. The bar is packed.

“Why is it so crowded?” I ask.

“It’s two dollar pitcher night. Pretty much the whole
neighborhood is here.” He keeps my hand in his as he positions his body in
front of mine, guiding me into the mass of sweaty,
drunken
people. He makes me feel so secure and protected. I feel the gaze of others
looking from me to Jason and back again…speculating…judging. I hear two girls
whisper as we walk past.

“Where did he find
her
?”

“Who knows? I’m sure she’ll be gone in a week.”

I want to tell them all off. Jason holds me tight and leads
me to the bar. The crowd disperses as he approaches, out of some kind of
deference or respect. Alexa comes right over to us.

“Hey honey, crowded tonight.
What
can I get
ya
?”

“A pitcher of Brooklyn Lager and two mugs.”

“
Comin
’ right
up.”

Alexa moves to the tap, and her grayish blonde ponytail
swings as she moves.

“Claire, can you manage the beer? Ben’s waving me over to
the pool table. I’m
gonna
go see what’s up.”

He points to the back of the bar, and I see Ben with two
guys I don’t know.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll see you in a minute.”

"”Thanks.”
He kisses my
forehead, hands me a ten, and melds into the crowd. Alexa returns, looking for
Jason, but finds me instead. She sets the pitcher and mugs in front of me on
the bar.

“Hi, darlin’.
It’s Claire, right?
It’s two for the pitcher, unless there’s something else I can get
ya
?”

“No, that’s all.” I hand her the money and smile at her.

“So, you came here with Jay? You’re a friend of his?” she
asks, and cocks her head to one side.

“Yes
m’am
.”

“You’re a southern girl like me, ain’t cha?”

“Savannah.”

“
N’awlins
. Jay’s a real sweet
boy…troubled, but sweet. He could use a nice friend like you.” She smiles at me
and pats my hand as she clears the tip and moves on to the next customer.

I grip the pitcher in one
hand,
and
the mugs in the other as I turn to wrestle my way to the pool table. I’m
struggling to keep the beer in the pitcher and not on the front of my sweater
when I see a familiar face.

“Hey, Claire.
Here, let me help
you.”

It’s Tony.
“Oh, hey, Tony.
Yeah,
can you get this for me? There’s no way I’ll make it back to the pool table
without taking a bath in beer.”

Letting him help me will piss Jason off, but I’m struggling.
I hand him the pitcher and he leads the way, creating a path for me behind his
large form. We zigzag through the mass of bodies, and I see Jason leaning
against the wall, smiling and chatting with some guy. His arms are folded
across his chest as he watches Ben take a shot at the pool table. As Tony and I
emerge from the crowd, his head snaps up, almost as if he heard my thoughts. He
looks from me to Tony and his eyes narrow. I shrug my shoulders at him, and he
lets out a strained breath as walks toward us.

“Thanks for helping my girlfriend.” He takes the pitcher
from Tony’s hands.

I put my hand on Tony’s shoulder. “Thanks.”

He stares at me with a confused look, which is probably
because I told him I wasn’t dating Jason…and at the time I wasn’t.

“Yeah.
No problem. I’m over there
with Kai, if you want to come hang out.”

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll see you later.”

Tony half-hugs me, and I see Jason flush. I’m expecting him
to rip Tony’s head off, but instead he keeps his eyes locked on mine, like he’s
trying to read my emotions. Tony disappears back into the crowd.

“I’m sorry about that. I should have waited for you. Ben just
wanted me to be his doubles partner. It could have waited a minute. I didn’t
mean to leave you there.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I’m sorry. I should have been the one helping
you, not that fucking guy.”

He places the pitcher down on a table that’s crowded with
empties, and takes the mugs from me, placing them on the table next to the
pitcher. He kisses the top of my head and I wrap my arms around his waist,
letting him hold me for a moment as I enjoy the warmth of his body through his
soft shirt. I close my eyes and it feels like we’re alone even though we’re in
a noisy, crowded bar. All sound fades and I get lost in the unspoken emotion he
exudes. He lets go, and looks down at me with a soft smile.

“Come. I want you to meet someone.”

We carry our drinks over to the pool table. Ben seems to be
even drunker than he was at the house, but that’s not affecting his pool game
at all.

“Marc, this is Claire.” I shake hands with a guy who is
almost as tall as Jason, and seems to be about the same age. He has light brown
hair and brown eyes, and he’s wearing an
Alkaline
Trio
shirt.

“Hey.
Nice to meet you.
Jason and I
went to high school together.” He gives me a smile and seems to be totally
stoned.

He and Ben are in the midst of what seems to be a heated
pool exchange. Jason grips my hips, picks me up and sets me on top of a
barstool near the pool table. The way he dotes on me is overwhelming, but
sweet. It makes me feel so special and important. Looking around the bar, I
catch more snide glances from random girls.

Jason
takes his turn and dominates the pool table. I don’t know much about the game
but I watch as he points to the pockets with his stick, indicating where he
wants to sink the balls. He rarely misses a shot, and his concentration is
fierce. He banters with his friends, smiling more than I’ve ever seen before.
He comes over to me between turns, and rubs my knee or kisses my cheek.

I scan the crowd, looking for Lydia, and I see her at a
table with Kat and Alana. Jason pounds down a majority of the pitcher, and I finish
my second glass. My head gets a little heavier as the alcohol takes hold of my
system. It feels as if I’ve been drinking all day. Ben returns with more beer
as they finish the game. Jason and Ben high five and bro-hug, and I assume they’ve
won. Jason approaches me and positions his body between my legs where I’m
sitting on the bar stool. He kisses me. His tongue is cold from the beer but
his lips are warm. I grip his waist and pull him into me so I can feel his body
against mine.

“Come with me,” he says.

I hop off of the stool, and hold Jason’s hand as he leads me
past the curtain that hangs behind the pool table. It’s dark and I can’t really
see, but Jason seems to know where he’s going. I stumble on a box or something
and laugh at myself. The alcohol is not helping my lack of coordination. Jason
turns a doorknob and pulls a chain that hangs from the ceiling.

A tiny closet is cast in a pale glow from the dim light bulb
that hangs above us. The walls of the room are lined with shelves covered in
cardboard boxes filled with bottles of liquor. Jason shuts the door, muffling
the loud music from the bar, the sound now diminished to vibrations through the
walls of the tiny storage closet.

“Jason, what are we doing in here?” I giggle again as he
grips my hips and
pulls
me into him.

“I wanted to be alone with you,” he whispers, and then puts
his lips to my neck.

“You just can’t get enough of me, can you?”

“Well, I
don’’t
know
how you expect me to resist you. You’re constantly batting those eyelashes at
me, like fucking Bambi.”

He smiles and pulls me into him. My skin gets hot everywhere
as he kisses my neck. I slide my hands up his back, balling up the fabric of
his shirt and he places his forehead to mine. His lips are so close. His tongue
darts out as he licks them. Our quick breaths mingle together and our hands run
all over each other, pushing aside fabric to find skin.

“We were together just an hour ago. Are you never satisfied?”
I ask, as his hands cup my breasts under my shirt.

His thumbs make circles around my now hard nipples. “Nothing
could diminish my appetite for you,” he whispers in my ear.

I feel my stomach flutter at his words, and the space
between my legs gets warm and wet. He kisses me with passion—taking free rein
of every inch of my body. I rub myself against him, and he opens my pants and
slips his hand in, stroking my wet lips. He plunges his fingers inside me, and
I grip his shoulders to steady myself, tangling my hands in his hair. I rub my
cheek against his stubble and it scratches my skin. He twists his finger and I
can’t take the ache any longer. I reach down and unbutton his pants, but Jason
takes his hand away from where I want it most, and grabs my wrists.

“Claire, wait,” he pauses to catch his breath. “I don’t have
a condom with me. This can just be about you.”

“Or, it can be just about
you
.” I slide down his body
and continue to open his pants. I look up at him, and his Adam’s apple bobs as
he swallows hard. His lips
part,
and I see in his eyes
that he wants nothing more than for me to give this to him.

“Claire…”

“I want to. So just let me.”

“Shit.” He clenches and unclenches his fists as he watches
me pull his cock out from his pants. His belt clinks against itself as it falls
off to the side. His cock gets even harder before my eyes. The tip is moist,
and I flick my tongue out to lick off the drop of moisture. He inhales and
closes his eyes. His knuckles turn white on his fisted hands, and his back
arches at my touch. I look at what is fast becoming my favorite part of Jason’s
body, and admire the smoothness of his skin before taking the head into my
mouth. He moans, and his arousal turns me on even further. I can’t possibly
take him into my mouth completely, so I stroke my hand up his length and my
fingers meet my lips. I feel him touch my head as I find a rhythm. I guide my
lips up and down his shaft. He pants and moans. I lift my eyes and look up at
him. He meets my gaze and grips my hair and guides my movements, never forcing himself,
but helping me to give him what he needs. His breath gets quicker and his cock
pulses with his orgasm. I suck on him gently as he comes

“Holy shit…”

I put him back inside his pants and close them up. Jason
leans back against the shelves, catching his breath.

“Wow.” He chuckles, but I see his gaze dart toward the door.
“What the fuck?”

I turn to see what he’s looking at. There’s a distinct
shadow of someone’s feet at the space where the door meets the floor. He moves
past me and opens it. Standing in the doorway, with an unlit cigarette between
his lips, is Aidan. He wobbles, obviously intoxicated. Jason steps into the
doorway and pushes into Aidan.