A Heart for Robbie (27 page)

I was overwhelmed, and alone, and so scared. Simon has been there for

me. We didn’t mean for it to happen.” Julian’s voice trembled, so close to tears Simon could feel them.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Holmes. I have no choice. We’ll attempt to conduct

the investigation as quickly as we can. If the paperwork in your son’s file is clear of anything improper, we will relist him.” The sad but determined expression on Dane’s face infuriated Simon. He would let a little boy die because of paperwork.

“You can’t do this, please,” Julian begged, turning away from Simon

and facing Dane.

Simon stood up to his full height and squared his shoulders. He’d

been doing everything anyone expected of him his entire life, and where

had it gotten him? No, he would not allow Dane to kill Julian’s son for his mistake.

“So, just to make sure I understand,” Simon said slowly, drawing out

each word. “You are going to let the child of a prominent gay author die because of a bit of paperwork? An innocent child being raised by a gay

parent is worth less to you than a few pieces of paper. Is that really the headline you want to see? If you take Robert Holmes off any list or

interfere in his care because his father is in a homosexual relationship, I will call every gay-friendly news outlet in the city of Chicago. I will

Facebook and Tweet the
Advocate
, the
Huffington Post
, and every other gay rights organization I can find. I will make this viral before I leave this hospital tonight. There are zero improprieties in that little boy’s paperwork.

Julian and I didn’t even start seeing each other until Robbie had been

bumped to the top of the list. Do your investigation, that’s fine, but if you remove his name from the transplant list, this hospital will be all over the news before the ink dries.” Simon didn’t dare look at Julian. He had never taken this kind of risk before.

Dane’s face flushed with anger, his hands balling to fists at his sides.

“First of all, Phelps, you’re fired. Second, how do you think it will

look when we release a statement that Julian Holmes slept with someone

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from the hospital staff in order to secure a place for his son on the

transplant list?”

Julian started to protest, but Simon held him back.

“It will look like Julian would do anything to save his son from an

unjust system. It will do damage to an already precarious tenor in our

country and lower the rate of viable organ donations. Scandals always do.

Is that what you want? Is that worth your pride? Have you seen what

happens to companies who decided to take on a well-organized and

socially connected gay community? And you are not only going against

the community; you’re going to kill a little boy. That won’t play out well in the media.”

“And when we sue you for defamation?”

“Do what you want with me, but let Robbie live.”

Karl Dane didn’t say anything right away. His flushed face became

impassive, and Simon wondered if his plea had landed like water upon

rock. He would take whatever punishment they gave him, if they punished

him and not Robbie. God, had he even thought for a second Dane would

pull Robbie from the list, he never would have taken Julian home that

night. He never would have risked the life of an innocent child.

“You have been scrupulous in your paperwork to date, so I will

leave Robert’s name on the transplant list pending a full investigation.”

“Thank you,” Julian whispered.

“Madeline will show you that—”

“I can’t use anyone from your office to verify your paperwork. We’ll

have to call in a state auditor. That means it will go in an official record with the state. You won’t ever find another insurance job in the state of Illinois.”

Simon nodded once. He would accept it. At thirty-four, it wasn’t too

late for him to start over. Julian made to protest, but Simon thanked Dr.

Dane before he could.

“I’ll have Madeline pack up the things in your office. You can pick

them up by the end of the week.” With that, Dane turned and exited the

conference room, leaving the door open behind him.

“It’s going to be okay, Julian,” Simon whispered, but Julian slumped

onto one of the couches with his head in his hands.

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“I’m supposed to protect him, and I almost killed him,” Julian cried

at the floor between his feet. “I got lonely and scared, and my mistake

nearly cost him his life.”

“We are not a mistake.”

Julian lifted his head, and their eyes met. Pain crumpled his

expression, and Julian crouched to take Simon’s hands in his.

“I didn’t mean that. I don’t think our relationship is a mistake. Just

the timing. Please, I can’t take you being mad at me on top of everything else right now.” His voice broke, and Simon sat and pulled Julian’s head onto his shoulder. God, he smelled like sweat, and coffee, and sunshine.

“There is one good thing in all of this,” Simon murmured against

Julian’s hair.

“What’s that?”

“Now I don’t have to leave. I can stay here with you until Robbie

comes home, and then I can stay there. You won’t have to be alone again.”

“That is a silver lining.” He caught Simon’s eye again. “I’m sorry

you lost your job.”

“I’ll be okay until I figure out what to do. My car is paid off, and I

have some money in savings.”

“We’ll figure it out. Right now, I just want him to get better.”

“I know.”

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Chapter 16

TRUE TO his word, Dr. Dane didn’t pull Robbie from the transplant list,

but he gave Julian the impression that if a heart came in while they were still investigating, there may be an issue. He didn’t have the strength or stamina to argue with Dane like Simon did. Instead he took his son home, and they waited. They waited for a heart. They waited for Robbie’s body

to give out. They waited for Dane to take Robbie off the list. Most of all, they waited for a miracle.

He didn’t take Robbie to the coffee shop much anymore because he

was afraid Robbie would stop breathing. Instead he, Liam, and Clay had

their talks in the living room, sometimes with Simon, sometimes without.

He couldn’t see them, of course, but he could provide a different insight to some of their ideas for where to take Clay’s character. Simon gave them

the perspective of a reader, something he’d really never had. Simon asked questions a reader would want answered. That helped because sometimes

tidbits got stuck in Julian’s mind, and while he knew them, they never

quite made it to the page.

For example, Simon wanted to know how Eve and Clay never knew

they were siblings, so Julian wrote an entire unpublished backstory while Simon napped with Robbie upstairs, listening for the dreaded apnea

monitor. He’d practically moved in since Dane discovered their

relationship nearly a week before.

Simon came down with Robbie in his arms as Julian sat in the living

room typing on his laptop. He talked and cooed quietly with the baby

before laying him on the play mat they’d put together before the world

changed. Robbie reached up and batted the hanging toys, and Simon

smiled down at him.

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After a few minutes, he wandered over to the couch and sat next to

Julian.

“Do you need us to go back upstairs? I can take the play mat and—”

Julian stopped Simon with a kiss.

“I don’t want either of you anywhere except right here with me. I

can stand a break anyway.”

“How is it going?”

“I’m absolutely shocked to see the word count indicator at 59,272, to

be honest. Liam and Clay, well, Clay especially, haven’t shut up for

weeks. It’s as if they are trying to compensate for not having a heart for Robbie yet.”

“It will happen.”

“I just hope it happens soon and that they let him have the heart. I

don’t trust that Karl Dane will keep his word.”

“I got a call from Madeline earlier. She said she heard Anita

Martinez giving Dane an earful. Madeline said it was so loud, she could

hear it through the door. About how Dane was going to let an innocent

boy die for his outdated morals. If a heart came in and it didn’t go to

Robert Holmes, she would file a complaint with the ethics committee,

which no one takes lightly, by the way. Madeline said he argued about

improprieties, but Anita shut him down. The state investigator is already on site checking through your file. They aren’t going to find anything,

because there’s nothing to find. I never did anything wrong. Everything

was in place for Robbie before you and I started seeing each other.”

“I’m sorry you lost your career.”

“Me too, but the trade was worth it.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. I guess I could start over and go back

for my MBA. Maybe try something else in business that isn’t in the

medical field.”

Simon looked down and pulled a buzzing phone out of his pocket.

“Oh, wait, hang on, it’s Zack Hunter from the youth center. We have

a game tonight.”

Julian watched Simon slide his finger over the screen to answer,

cherishing the smile on his face. He admired Simon’s resilience. Things

exploded around his life, throwing new challenges at him like shrapnel,

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and still he always had a smile for Julian or for Robbie. That was one of the things Julian loved most about him. He hadn’t told Simon yet, because he wanted to wait until they weren’t dealing with a crisis every other day.

He didn’t want Simon to think it was just an adrenaline relationship and that it would fade when Robbie was out of danger.

“Hey, Zack, what’s up?”

Simon’s face changed expressions like a stoplight, and Julian read

every one: shock, humiliation, anger. He didn’t say a word while he

listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. Robbie screeched on the floor, not in a sad or pissed-off way but in delight as the characters above his head danced and played with him. Simon looked up, and a

fleeting smile replaced the anger but disappeared quickly.

“I understand. I’ll be around later in the week when the kids aren’t

there to get the stuff out of my locker…. No, I know, Zack. It’s okay. I’ll talk to you later…. Yeah.”

Simon pressed the End button and stood. He didn’t say anything to

Julian but shuffled into the kitchen. The way he curved in on himself, his arms wrapped around his own waist, hurt Julian’s heart in a way he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt.

He crawled off the couch and knelt to check on Robbie before

following Simon into the kitchen. Simon stood at the window overlooking

the backyard. His hands shook where they rested on the sink.

“I want to tell my parents.”

Julian crossed the kitchen in two steps and wrapped his arms around

Simon from behind. His eyes closed, and he inhaled the faint spice of

Simon’s bodywash.

“About your job?” Julian asked.

“About us.”

“Wait.” Julian pulled back and turned Simon in his arms so he could

meet Simon’s eyes. “You want to come out to your parents? But you said

you were afraid they’d disown you. Why would you do that now? What

did that guy on the phone say to you?”

“Our relationship hit the news. ‘Julian Holmes finds another daddy

for his sick little boy.’ They didn’t mention anything about my being fired from the hospital, but my name is in it. The board in charge of the youth center doesn’t feel that I’m the best influence on young boys and asked me A Heart for Robbie

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to step away from my volunteer position. It’s not going to be too much

longer before my parents see something about it. I’d rather they heard it from me. Besides, my life might as well implode all at once. No point in dragging it out.” Simon’s head dropped onto his shoulder, and he wrapped both arms around him, holding tight.

“It’s going to be okay, Simon,” Julian whispered.

“I don’t know how you can say that. Besides, isn’t that my line?”

“Usually, but let’s just get through today. Together, we have the

resources to make this all okay.”

“What do you mean?”

“When is your lease up?”

“I don’t want your money, Julian. I’m okay for a while. I’ll figure

it—”

Julian silenced him with a kiss.

“It’s not that,” Julian admitted when the kiss broke. “I want you

here. If something happens to Robbie, I’m not going to make it without

you. You’re here every night. It doesn’t make any sense for you to