A Little Bit of Us (10 page)

     And then I got sort of famous, and busy and loaded. Paul broke it off, told me he couldn’t keep seeing me like that anymore. I remember that moment and now it flashes through my mind I can recall the exact look on his face when I smiled and said, “Ok, thanks for an awesome time. Stay in touch.” He was hurt, I even remember his lip trembling a little. I don’t think he actually wanted to break up with me, I think he was just testing to see if I cared. Unfortunately I didn’t.

     “But how did you fit three guys into your schedule?”

    I grin wickedly, “I gave them their own days of the week.”

    “You’re fucking kidding?” he gasps and then bursts out laughing. “This is something I have to hear. Do you remember the ‘schedule’?” he uses his fingers as air quotes and laughs again.

     “Paul was, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Frankie was Tuesday and Sunday. Kaden was Thursday and Saturday. No two days together. They’d come at all hours of the night. Paul was my favorite.”

     “You speak of him like a character in a movie or something.”

     “I’ll always have a soft spot for him, he took my virginity, and he’s a great guy.” I sigh in remembrance and slam my hands on the table. Bump. Great. “Baby’s awake and kicking.”

     Lucas smiles and then stops when he notices my frustrated expression. “Can I?”

     I shrug and stand up, he stands beside me and places his hand on my slightly protruding stomach. Bump. Lucas laughs and moves his hand down a little so his pinky finger rests on the waist band of my jeans. Bump. “That’s awesome. I forgot how weird it feels.”

     “You think?” I snort and startle when he moves his hand under my shirt and onto my stomach.

Hmm.

Don’t even think about it.

His skin is on mine, what do you expect? I’
m human and he’s… warm.

Just warm huh?

     He steps away a moment later when the invader settles and smiles down at me, “How can you not find that amazing?”

     “Man withou
t a womb says what?” Bump. Enough you irritating little… gah, that’s really annoying. Bump.      Bump.

    Little monster is talking back already, good boy. Give me hell.

     I don’t realize I’m stood in the middle of the kitchen with my hand on my stomach and a smile on my face until Lucas clears his throat. My face falls blank, “What?”

    
He raises his hands, shrugs and smiles before pulling me through to the room where we sit and watch a movie with the poorly girl.

     The
week has gone by rather slowly. Amelia is back in school and is excited to have her new friend over on Saturday. She got her Nintendo DS as promised, the one with the camera and a bunch of games from us all. Her arm is getting better which is also fabulous, although she is still in a sling.

     Now for the bad news, James, what can I say? I’ve received flowers every
other day this week and boxes of candy every day. All of said candy got eaten on the same day of delivery, within the first hour. Yet we still haven’t spoken, he’s attentive, he’s perfect. There’s still something missing. He keeps hinting that he wants to talk. How can I talk when I don’t know what it is I want to say?

     I don’t think I deserve you but I don’t think I deserved what you did? Does that even make sense? You’re a great guy and I love you but right now I don’t like you. Do I like him?
I’m sick of the sad looks he gives me every night before we retire to our separate rooms. I hate that I can’t comfort him, I want to but I don’t know how and I don’t think he deserves it.

     Summer has been a constant and I’m sad to say I haven’t heard from Jacob or Marie since Amelia’s accident. Although I have been stalking him on twitter and sending him dirty messages to see if he ever gets them along with his many others. He showed me a few of the things his fans sent him via twitter and let me just say, I used to think I was creative in the bedroom, some of the things these girls have promised him are
downright nasty. Too sick to repeat, even in my own mind. I believe one of them mentioned fisting though and that’s mild compared to the others.

Gross.

Her vagina will be touching her knees by the time she’s thirty.

If she can handle a fist, I’d be shocked if it’s not already.

I bet she has some ugly beef curtains.

     I just puked a little in my mouth. Gross.

     Ok, something’s not right here, I’m tugging my pants up and I’m attempting to button them. *Pip*. Did that really just happen? Oh my god, my black plastic button with four tiny holes is now staring up at me from the ground. That did not just happen.

Oh it did.

It’s all part of the pregnancy.

     My button. “AHHHHH!”

     My bedroom door bursts open, “What’s wrong?” James pants and gives me a
frantic body scan with his hands, I’m certain it’s just an excuse to touch me but I’m going with it, damn his hands feel good. With a dramatic quivering lower lip I point to the button on the floor and pull my pants together. His mouth forms the shape of an O as he scoops up the button and looks at my belly. He says nothing, there’s nothing for him to say, we both know it. I’m getting podgy, pregnancy or not, my pants don’t fit and in my shallow mind this is worse than breaking a leg.

     “I’m sorry baby, maybe we sho
uld get you some bigger clothes?” he suggests.

     He did not just say that, “I’ve never been bigger
than a six!” I shriek and slap him on the chest. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

     “Ok, ok, we’ll get you some nice
pants with a stretchy waist!”

     “Those went out last year! Christ, next you’ll be telling me to wear a skirt with leggings. What is wrong with you?” Men!

     “I just…” he growls and does a full turn before facing me again. “You’re hormonal… Ouch. Did you just kick me?”

     “Don’t you dare blame this on my hormones? This is all your fault!” A tear escapes. Why the hell am I crying? He wraps his arms around me, trying to still his body
so I don’t feel him laughing. “Stop it.”

     “I’m sorry baby, you’re just so damn cute when you’re grumpy. What can I do to make you feel better?”

     “I really want a lemon.”

     He leans back so he can see my face, “A lemon?”

     “Yeah, I’m really craving a lemon.”

     “Ok then, anything else?”

     “Some fizzy candy. And an apple.” I kick off my pants and search through my closet. “And some of those little bite sized brownies would be kick ass. Thanks sweetie.”

     I hear his footsteps on the ground come to a halt, his keys jingle in his hand I assume, “If you think of anything else just text me.”

     Yeah, yeah whatever.

    
It’s too cold for a dress, fortunately I still fit in my jeans, it’s just my tailored suit pants I’m having problems with. I love those pants, they make my ass look fab, or so I’ve been told.

Maya:
My button popped of my favorite suit pants… Waa.

Jacob:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. (Breathe) HAHAHAHAHA.

Maya:
I really don’t like you right now.

Jacob:
Wait, I’m not finished.

Jacob:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, done. You ok?

Maya:
James suggested I buy bigger clothes!!

Jacob:
That may be a realistic endeavor.

Maya:
Its official, I really do dislike you
!


Jacob:
Tell me what’s going on in the world of Maya. How’s Amelia?

Maya:
She’s doing great. Got her DS. She said thank you for her box of crafts. Lucas says he hates you. Especially for the fairy dust, I love it though. And other than my pants shrinking nothing is going on in my world.

Jacob:
I knew you’d love the fairy dust! And yes your pants are shrinking, let’s stick with that. LOL.

Maya:
I saw you on the cover of a magazine the other day. You were with a very stunning blonde. Name unknown.

Jacob:
My cousin. Still only got eyes for you baby ;)

Maya:
Don’t tease me, it’s been too long since I had my tunnel tickled! Text you later. James is back with my mountain high stack of craving munchies.

Jacob:
HA! Tunnel tickle, that’s great! :-) Good girl, you feed that pudgy belly.

Maya:
I’m very close to wanting to hit you in the face with a pie. Preferably made of shit. Goodbye Mr. Stone.

    
I’m sat on the couch watching TV when James returns with my grub. He heads into the kitchen and starts banging around. Fifteen minutes later he re-enters carrying a tray full of sliced apples, sliced lemons, brownies, candy and so many other goodies my mouth is watering like a waterfall, in suspense of the first bite. Mm.

     “How are you feeling?” he asks as I dive in for a lemo
n and sink my teeth in.

     “Fat
. Hungry.”

     He kneels in front of me as I’m popping another piece of lemon into my mouth. Yummy. I giggle when his lips go thin and he cringes
, clearly imagining the taste on his own tongue. “Put the food down.”

     I slowly lower the lemon and push the tray away.

     His hands touch the outside of my thighs and slowly move up sending tingles through my entire body. I feel his fingers hook into the back loops of my jeans, then he pulls me to the edge, my eyes never leave his. It’s the most amazing sight, watching his green eyes dilate.
Moving a little closer he presses himself against me. My foof is the perfect height for his ‘little James’ and by god it feels good. My insides are quivering.

     “I miss you,”
he mumbles and his hands inch up my hips and under my vest, extremely slowly he pulls it up until my black lace bra is showing. Then my vest is on the floor, I don’t even have time to register the sudden vanishing of material because his mouth is on my stomach and his hand is pushing my shoulders back so I’m laid back with my legs splayed out over the edge.

     The sensation is amazing, his teeth clasp over my hard nipple through my lace bra. I groan. I don’t know if it’s because I’m pregnant or deprived
, or even a little bit of both. His tongue circles it slowly and softly as his hands deftly open the button on my jeans. I feel a relief of pressure when he pops it open, I have no doubts I have angry red lines where the denim has dug into my flesh. I daren’t look, I’ll be devastated.

Stop thinking and start feeling!

     He claims my mouth greedily, his tongue delves into my mouth, I press my own against it. It only takes him two seconds of separation to pull my pants off. Leaving me in nothing but my matching black panties and bra and the extra pudgy, pudgy is the name for the bulge of my belly in case you were wondering. His large hands grip my back as he lifts me and swaps our places so he’s sitting on the couch and I’m straddling him.

    Bony blonde kebab. Fuck.

Fuck. Put it out of your mind. Erase it.

Don’t think. Just feel.

You can do this, you can forget.

Please forget! I’ll do anything!

     “I can’t,” I’m pushing him away, a little frantically. “I’m sorry I can’t.” He grips me tighter but I shove back and take a few steps backwards so I’m out of his reach. My breathing is labored and heavy, my eyes are burning. All I can see in my mind’s eye is her and his smug smile. “I feel…” I dash through my bedroom and into the bathroom. Splat, lemons are vile coming back up. I purge and heave, praying the memories of those god awful photos go with it. They don’t, they stay lodged at the front of my mind
which only makes me vomit harder.

     “Don’t shut me out baby, please,” he says as he rubs my back and holds my hair out of the way. I wipe my mouth with a piece of
tissue and flush before staggering over to the sink to brush my teeth. “Baby.” His hands instantly go to my hips, his thumbs circle my pudgy but right now it feels wrong.

     “Stop it,” I shout at him and surge toward my fluffy bath robe. I pull it on with attitude and turn to glare at him. “I can’t, I just can’t!”

     “When will you then?” he shouts back and lets out a laugh. “Stop fucking with me, at least give me a damn answer!”

     “A damn answer to what?”

     “Anything! Just talk to me.”

     My hands go to my hips and my eyes narrow, “You wanna talk. Let’s talk. I thought…” sigh. “I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing. I messed up with the Lucas thing. I’m an idiot, I s
hould’ve told you when you could smell his aftershave on me. You know me, I’m not a liar. Sure I withhold the truth a little but all those lies I told. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” I prod him in the chest. “You moan to me about communication, how I don’t talk about my feelings! What about you? If you’d spoken to me properly instead of accusing me like a paranoid lover then we could have avoided this!”

     “I know it’s my fault.” His eyes are wide with panic and his entire body is frigid as a board. He’s ready for me to bolt. “I wish I’d never done what I did. The entire time I felt sick. I couldn’t even… god.”

     Ewww. “I don’t want to know the details you asshole!” What the fuck does he want from me? “We’re treading on eggshells around each other. I don’t know what to say or do. You’re the same. This sucks, all I can see is her dammit! That’s how I feel. You’re tainted, every touch of yours is tainted by her! Why would you even do that to hurt me? If you love me so damn much then why? I don’t get it at all!”

    
“I don’t know,” he shouts so loud my brain just bonked around in my skull a little. His face is red and his eyes bulging. Scary. “I don’t fucking know!” I love it when he swears, so damn sexy. “I’m sorry! I just, I was so sure! You were edgy, panicked, giddy, like a Maya times ten. The thing that made me most suspicious was how attentive you became all of a sudden, the casual touches, the telling me you loved me without me saying it first. I never believed you were actually in love with me Maya, I just thought you felt guilty.”

     “Well I was
in love with you.”

     “Was?”

     “Still am. It just doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

     “Don’t say that,” he frowns and reaches for me. I shake my head and rub my tired eyes.
His hand drops limply to his side. “I spoke to Paul. About your relationship with him before we broke up.” Now we’re getting somewhere. “He told me most of the details, told me how after so long you still walked away without looking back. Yet when I was with…” he clears his throat. I know he’s talking about bony blonde. “Well, you got jealous, our relationship was pretty great after that. Almost like subconsciously you were scared to lose me.”