A Table for Two (26 page)

"Wrong about what?"

"Ridley is serious about me."

"Dana...my dear friend. Anyone with one or two eyes in their head could see that." Tracy made a sucking sound through her teeth. "Sometimes..."

Dana held her hand up to silence Tracy. "Don't say it. Sometimes I'm a pig-headed royal pain in the ass with blinders on and I guess I didn't want to see what I didn't want to see."

"That about sums it up," Tracy said. "So, what did she say?"

"She said she's in love with me."

"I'm not surprised to hear that, but here's what I have a problem with. That kind of woman tells you she's in love with you and you're upset about it? That just doesn't make any sense."

"I'm upset because I don't know how I feel about her."

"Well, that's different. If you don't love her..." Tracy said.

"I don't know if I love her but I do know I care about her and I've hurt her. I'll never forget the look on her face as long as I live." Dana was more upset over this than she had expected she would be. Ridley was alone and hurting all because of her and she wondered where Ridley was and what she was doing. "When did I become so calloused and insensitive?"

"I'm not going to answer that because I don't think you're either of those things. You're just a little messed up right now." Tracy stepped closer and put her arm around Dana. "Try not to go to pieces on me. Everything will be all right."

"I wish I could believe that," Dana said.

"It's too soon to know, but I think it will."

"I hope you're right." Dana rested her head on Tracy's shoulder. "I don't know what to do. I've never been this confused and my whole world is turned upside down."

"Going to see Sarah is a good start. Maybe it will give you some answers and make you feel less confused." Tracy took her arm away and started to untie her apron. "I'm tired of standing. Let's get out of this damned kitchen and go upstairs where we can kick our shoes off and relax while we talk about this."

"Okay," Dana said. "I could use a beer. Do you have any?"

"But of course. That's a staple in my house." Tracy pulled her apron off and tossed it on the counter. "Come on, I could use one or two myself. We'll drink while we talk this out."

THE NEXT EVENING, curled up on the sofa in the same wrinkled pair of pajamas she'd worn since the night before, Ridley listened to her answering machine as it picked up another of the many calls she'd screened and ignored that day since she'd dragged herself out of bed early in the morning. She sneered at her recorded message. It sounded so upbeat and not at all like it came from the down-inthe-dumps lump of a human being she'd evolved into in just one day.

After the beep, she listened as Laurie left another message, one of several she'd left that day. The first one had come in the morning, the second during lunch and the third message about the time Laurie would have arrived home from work. After that, she'd left one every hour on the hour, each one more insistent and more concerned. This new message bordered on frantic.

"Ridley, it's me again. Where the hell are you? I'm getting really worried. Pick up the phone if you're in there. You weren't at work and I don't know if you're sick or what. This isn't like you. Come on, if you're in there, please pick up the phone. I tried your cell phone but you've got it on voice mail." After a pause, Laurie made one last plea. "Okay...maybe I'm overreacting or maybe you told me you were going somewhere and I forgot, but I want you to call me the instant you get my messages. I'll be home all evening."

Ridley felt guilty for ignoring her friend and letting her talk to a machine, but she couldn't bring herself to answer the phone. How could she talk to Laurie when she felt as though she had a huge knife wedged in her heart? Laurie didn't need to be dragged into her bottomless black hole of a day and what would she tell her? That she'd waited forever for a woman like Dana and it wasn't going to work out in her favor after all? Or maybe that she'd misread Dana's responses and misinterpreted her signals and she felt like an idiot?

The sound of the doorbell startled her out of her miserable thoughts. She waited and hoped that the unwanted visitor would give up and go away, but whoever it was began to bang on the door. Ridley got up and tiptoed over. She peered through the peep hole only to find Laurie's fun-house face looming an inch behind the hole as if she could somehow see into the apartment if she got close enough.

"Ridley! Open the door! I know you're in there," Laurie yelled from the other side. "Come on, open the door. I'm not leaving until you do."

Ridley opened the door and stood in the doorway. "Come in, Laurie."

"I knew it." Laurie hurried in and after Ridley closed the door, Laurie stood in front of her and gave her a thorough inspection. "I knew something was wrong. You look awful. Your hair's a mess and your eyes are all red. Are you sick?"

"Not physically, but I couldn't go to work. I..." Ridley struggled to speak as tears welled up and flowed down her cheeks. "I was too upset."

"Too upset? What happened?" Laurie took Ridley by the hand and walked into the living room with her. "I was so worried about you." Laurie sat on the sofa and brought Ridley down beside her. "Now tell me what happened."

Ridley dried her eyes. "My heart's broken."

"Now I'm really glad I came over. Karen told me not to worry but I know you and you would have told me if you were taking the day off and if you were sick you would have called me back. I told her something bad had happened."

"Oh, Laurie, I..." Ridley sat back. "I don't know where to start."

"Take your time. You'll tell me all about it when you're good and ready." Laurie put her arm around Ridley. "I've never seen you this upset. Why did you choose to suffer alone in here all day? You know you could have called me and asked me for anything. Why didn't you?"

"I wanted to, but I..." Ridley sighed. "I can't explain it. I almost picked up the phone every time you called, but I couldn't bear to talk to anyone."

"That's okay, but you know I'm there for you if you need me."

"I know." Ridley blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes. "My eyes burn."

"I'm sure they do. They're all swollen and red. Stay here, I'll be right back." Laurie left and when she came back she was carrying a folded washcloth. She sat next to Ridley and handed it to her. "Hold this on your eyes. I wet it and put some ice cubes in it. It's nice and cold."

Ridley closed her eyes and pressed it against them. "That feels good."

"How long have you been crying?"

"On and off since last evening." Ridley's inhaled breath hit a glitch in her throat and double clutched. "I've never cried this hard since my father died."

"I hate to say it, but you look like you just fell out of bed."

"I know. I was up until two o'clock in the morning and I didn't sleep much after that. When the alarm went off at six-thirty, I knew I couldn't go to work. I didn't have the energy to act like nothing was wrong and the thought of engaging in the usual chatter with the students and staff made me sick to my stomach."

"I don't want to push, but why don't you tell me how you got this way?" Laurie urged. "It might help to talk about it."

"It's about Dana. I'm in love with her."

"Are you serious? That's great!" Laurie blurted out. She smiled at first, but her smile soon faded as if she realized it might not have been the right thing to say. "Or not."

"Or not is more like it. Dana stole my heart like a thief in the night and now she's shattered it into tiny jagged pieces that will never fit together again. Even worse than that, I think I may have lost her forever."

"I didn't know you felt that way about her. I'd like to know why you didn't tell me, but I'll let it go for the time being because of the state you're in."

"Thanks." The corners of Ridley's mouth lifted a little. She hadn't told Laurie about the depth of her feelings for Dana in order to avoid this very situation, but now that it was out, she had no reason to hide and nothing to lose. "She's the only one for me. I love her more than I thought I could ever love anyone. I don't know if you recall what you said to me on the first day of school, but you were right. Love does come along when you're not expecting it."

"Love hurts, too, doesn't it? Did I happen to mention that?"

"You didn't have to." This time Ridley did smile, but just a little.

"Does she know how you feel about her? Have you told her?" Laurie hesitated. "You don't have to tell me, but have you two, uh..."

"Made love? Yes. And yes to all of those other questions."

Laurie didn't try to hide how happy she was about that answer. She grabbed Ridley and gave her a few quick squeezes, each one accompanied by a tiny squeal. "Forgive me. I know you're hurting, but that's the best news I've ever heard. You two make a great couple. Karen and I thought Dana and you were hitting it off, but we weren't sure. Let's just say we hoped."

"We're not going to be a couple," Ridley said.

"Why? What do you mean?" Laurie asked.

"Dana's not in love with me." Once Ridley said the thing she'd dreaded saying the most, it became easier to fill Laurie in on the events that had led to this point as well as everything she knew about the Dana and Sarah situation. "Dana left for Chicago today and I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest and thrown into the cargo hold of her plane along with the rest of the baggage."

"I'm sorry, Ridley, I really am. Are you sure there's no hope?"

"I'm sure." Ridley closed her eyes and turned her head back and forth. "She means the world to me and I'm not going to get over this any time soon, if ever." Then she stopped shaking her head and covered her eyes with the cold wash cloth.

"Why don't we focus on what we can do to make you feel better and then we can talk more about this. Have you had anything to eat today?"

Ridley shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"Here's what we're going to do," Laurie said. "I'll run a hot bath for you and while you're soaking in it, I'll make you some eggs, toast and hot tea." She stood up. "When you get washed and dressed, you'll come out and eat."

"You make it all sound so easy."

"It is, and don't even think about giving me a hard time. If you keep this up, you'll get sick and I'm not going to let you make yourself sick."

Ridley surrendered. She was too weak to resist Laurie's loving care and it felt good to let someone take charge. "Okay. I won't give you a hard time."

"That's good, because you need some serious nurturing."

"I'm not very good at nurturing myself," Ridley admitted.

"None of us are. I'll call Karen and tell her I'm staying here tonight."

"You don't have to do that."

"I don't have to, but I want to. I can't bear to think of you over here alone, the way you feel. Either I stay here with you or you pack your things and come to our house."

"I'll come home with you." Ridley got up. No use arguing with Laurie once she'd made up her mind to something. "I really don't want to be alone and I know there's nothing I can do but wait. Are you sure I won't be in the way?"

"That's a ridiculous question." Laurie took Ridley's hand and gave it a yank so she'd look at her. "You're my oldest and dearest friend and I love you very much. Karen loves you, too. Besides, we can go in to work together. It'll be fun."

"You find fun in everything, even heartbreak." Despite her sorrow, Ridley felt her heart lighten a little, thanks to her friend. "That's one of the qualities I love the most about you and I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you're doing for me."

"So, go get your things together and I'll get your bath ready. While you eat, I'll call Karen and let her know you're coming home with me and when we get to my house, we'll discuss this Dana thing, with or without Karen. You can tell me any details you left out."

"Can I sleep in my favorite guest room?"

"Of course you can. Do you think you'll go to work tomorrow?" Laurie asked.

"If I get a good nights sleep."

"Don't hesitate to call out if you need to. You hardly ever miss work and you know if you go in you'll have to function like nothing's wrong. We both know those are always the days when all hell breaks loose."

"Yeah, I thought about that. But I also thought it might be good to go in. It would keep me from thinking about Dana."

"That's true. See how you feel in the morning. If you do decide to go to work, we'll have breakfast together before we leave and we'll ride in together." From the way Laurie's eyes lit up, you'd think they were going somewhere special.

"Sounds like fun," Ridley replied.

ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, Dana borrowed her mother's car and drove into Chicago to visit Sarah. She had no trouble finding the place, a rambling old house that had been converted into apartments, located in a declining section of the city. She lingered in the hallway for a full minute while she searched for the courage to knock on the door to apartment 4B. She'd prayed for this moment and now that it was here and nothing stood between her and Sarah but an old wooden door, she wanted to do an about face and run in the other direction. With her heart wedged in her throat and her lungs so constricted they felt like they'd shrunk to half their normal size, she found the courage to form her right hand into a fist and raise it.

After the first set of knocks, she heard a muted flurry of activity inside and then after several knocks, each one a little louder, the door swung open. A combination of moderate weight gain, fatigue, personal neglect and perhaps a touch of depression thrown in for good measure had altered Sarah to the extend that Dana would not have recognized her if she'd passed her on the street an hour ago. A chubby toddler in pink pajamas, her face and hands visibly soiled, straddled Sarah's left hip.

"Sorry I took so long to answer the door, but I had to straighten the place up a little." Sarah ran her free hand over the surface of her hair as if to smooth it down. "I can't believe you're here. Did you have trouble finding the place?"