A Table for Two (30 page)

"Oh..." Dana said. "Mom said she knew it. You were both afraid to ask and I was afraid to tell you because I thought you might hate me or stop loving me. I love you all so much and I didn't want to lose my family."

Donna put the knife down and turned to Dana. "I would never stop loving you. We all love you and you will never lose your family."

"I'm so happy to hear you say that."

"I won't say anything to the kids unless you want me to, even though they would think you were cool. They talked about alternative life styles in school thanks to a very progressive teacher and they told Wayne and me all about it one night at dinner. They were very well informed and used all the proper words. Can you believe it?"

"God bless teachers like that," Dana said.

"Amen to that. Is it okay if I tell Wayne? We've already talked about it."

"You have? Okay, tell him if you want to, but don't tell the kids unless they figure it out or ask about it. I'll tell them myself when the time is right."

"You can tell them whenever you're ready to. You don't need to ask my permission. Just let me know if you do in case they have questions. We never discussed this with Danny, so I don't know what he thinks, if anything. Are you going to tell him?"

"Yes, I'll call him tonight."

"I like your plan. Fly in, lay it on the entire family and then fly away again. That's the way to do it. You don't have to stay around for the fallout and you get to escape." Donna opened a bag of hearts of Romaine and added it to the bowl.

"That's one advantage of living somewhere else," Dana said. "I'm so relieved to get this off my chest. I can't tell you how hard it was keeping a secret like this. One of the worst things was not being able to tell you what was going on in my life. "

Donna opened two cans of tuna and a can of pitted black olives. She drained them both and spread them around on top of the other salad ingredients. "Now I understand why Dad was acting the way he was. What happened when you told them?"

Dana went on to tell her sister the details of that morning and what her father and mother's reactions had been. "I don't have a clue as to what's going on in his head."

"Who does? Mom and I discussed the possibility you might be a lesbian more than once, but we never said anything to Dad and it never seemed to enter his mind."

"I can't believe you've all been discussing me behind my back."

"What are families for?" Donna shrugged her shoulders. "You have to remember. He's very conventional and he wants life to unfold the way he thinks it should. He's thrown off when it doesn't. You told him and that's all you can do."

"He also said he was disappointed I wouldn't be getting married."

"That's not the worst thing that can happen to a person, believe me." Donna made an odd sound with her mouth and then laughed to herself. When she was done, she asked, "Olive oil and Balsamic vinegar okay with you?"

"Yes, it's perfect."

"Are you serious about anyone?" Donna asked.

"That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. You remember Sarah?"

"Of course I do. She was that chef friend of yours."

"We weren't friends, we were lovers." Dana gave her sister a condensed version of the story of her and Sarah including the reasons it ended and why she went to see her on Wednesday. "I just gave you the gist of it. I'm sick of going over it and she no longer matters to me."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Donna said.

"You could have been if I'd been honest with you."

"Well then, I'm not sorry."

"You know what amazed me the most when I saw Sarah?"

"No. What?" Donna popped a black olive into her mouth.

"I finally got to see her and I felt nothing except anger. I wasn't in love with her and I didn't even like her anymore. I'd been holding on to an idealized memory of her and I'd made her into the person I wanted her to be instead of the person she really was. I've been using that so-called tragedy to hide behind."

"Hold that thought." Donna added a small amount of thinly sliced red onion to the salad and brought it over to the table. "Here, help yourself and dish some up for me. I just have to get the rolls out of the oven." Donna tumbled the rolls into a basket and brought them to the table. "What were you hiding from?"

"Getting involved with anyone and making another bad choice," Dana answered. She took a bite of salad and chewed it. "This salad is delicious."

"Glad you like it. I had it once when Mom and I went out to lunch." Donna buttered a roll and took a bite. "I believe we have two choices in life. We either embrace life or we escape from it and I also believe you can't feel joy unless you can feel pain."

"I don't want a life without joy and I don't expect to live it without pain. Most of all, I don't want to be dead inside. Seeing Sarah made me realize something. I don't want to be with a woman who isn't sure about who she is and what she wants. I want to be with someone who loves me just the way I am, someone who wants me and needs me with her whole heart and..." Dana stopped talking and gasped. Her vision blurred as her eyes filled with tears.

"What is it, Dana?"

Dana covered her eyes with her hands. "Oh, my God."

"What's the matter?" Donna jumped out of her chair and stood next to her sister. She put her arm around her and rubbed her shoulder.

Dana raised her head and dried her eyes with her napkin. "I'm sorry. Something hit me so hard when I said that. I'm already in love with someone who's just like that. She's everything I've ever wanted."

"Tell me about her." Donna slid back into her chair. "What's her name?"

"Her name is Ridley Kelsen." Dana told her sister about how they met. "She's cute and nice and she's so kind and smart and sensitive and..."

"All right, that's enough. I get it." Donna smiled as she chewed a mouthful of salad. "She's completely wonderful and I can't wait to meet her. Does she love you, too?"

"She does, or I should say she did."

"She did? What does that mean?" Donna asked.

"I don't know if she'll want me after what I did." Dana told her sister more about her and Ridley, including what happened the last evening they saw each other. "How could I have done something like that to her? What have I become?"

"You'll be able to make things right."

"I don't know about that, but I'm going to try. The first thing I'm going to do when I get home tomorrow is to tell her I love her." Dana didn't know if Ridley would forgive her or want her back, but she was going to fight for her. "Why didn't I see this before?"

"Because you're human and you make mistakes just like the rest of us." Donna grabbed Dana's hand. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Be grateful you were able to figure out what you want. Not everyone does."

"I want her. She's the nicest person I've ever known. I even like her mother."

"She has a nice mother?" Donna squeezed Dana's hand and let it go. "Then you definitely should go for it. There's nothing like a good mother-in-law. Aside from that, if she's half as wonderful as you say she is, don't let her get away. You'll never forgive yourself if you do."

"I know." Dana filled her fork with salad and shook it at Donna as she said, "You know what? I'm glad I came home. This visit has changed my life." A drop of dressing fell on the table and a little piece of lettuce flew off and landed on her sister's arm. Dana wiped up the dressing with her napkin and removed the piece of lettuce. "Oops."

Donna wiped her arm where the lettuce had left another drop of dressing. "You came out to your family, you got rid of an old flame and you had an epiphany. That's a whole hell of a lot for one family visit don't you think?"

"I'll say. They aren't usually that productive."

LATE SATURDAY MORNING Dana's plane landed at Philadelphia International Airport right on schedule. The moment she got off the plane with her carry-on bag, she scurried out of the terminal building to the pick-up and drop-off area. She spotted Tracy leaning against her car with the trunk open as she came through the automatic doors and called out to her. "Tracy. I'm over here."

Tracy waved to her in a way that indicated she should hurry up.

"I hope you haven't been here too long," Dana said once she got to the car.

"No, I just got here. Get in the car and let's get out of here." Tracy threw Dana's bag into the trunk, quickly closed it and hopped into the driver's seat.

"Thanks for coming to pick me up," Dana said as Tracy pulled away and joined the long line of cars leaving the always busy and crowded airport.

"Good thing your flight was on time. I had to go around five or six times and they were just about to make me go park in the high-rise lot." As she drove, Tracy glanced over at Dana several times as if appraising her. "It's good to have you back home. How was your trip?"

"It was amazing and I've got an awful lot to tell you." Dana began filling Tracy in on the highlights of her trip. She started with the Sarah visit, then told her about the coming out talks with her family and ended up with her conversation with Donna and how she came to realize her true feelings for Ridley. "I would have told you more about all of this on the phone, but I was really tired last night and I wanted to talk to you in person."

Tracy's smile stretched so far it looked as if it might hurt. "That was some visit and the best news I've ever heard. You need to know that Ridley came over to talk to me on Thursday. I didn't tell you about it when you called last night because you were beat and I thought it might upset you. I knew it could wait until you got home."

"She did? What did she say? How was she?"

Tracy went over the highlights of her conversation with Ridley. "She loves you, Dana, and in my humble opinion, she's the sweetest and cutest lesbian I've ever known, not counting you and me, of course."

"I agree, but what about Erika? Don't you think she's cute?"

"Yeah, she's cute, but she's a bit much. I've discovered she's the high maintenance type and way too intense for me. She's a drama queen if I ever knew one."

"Are things cooling down?" Dana asked.

"Let's just say she's not the one for me," Tracy replied.

"Are you okay with it?"

"I'm fine. I'm glad you finally came to your senses about Sarah."

"You were so right about her." Dana reached out and patted her friend's hand and then she leaned across the gear shift and planted a noisy kiss on Tracy's cheek. "I owe you big time."

"Hey, be careful. I'm driving here," Tracy said.

Dana stopped horsing around and got serious. "When I think of what I said to Ridley last Tuesday, I feel sick inside. I made it sound like she meant almost nothing to me. She told me she loved me and I brushed her off like she'd said it was a nice day."

"So you were an idiot. Now, what are you going to do about it?"

"When we get home, I'm going to call her and ask her to see me and when I do see her, I'm going to find out how I can make it up to her. I'm going to beg or grovel or plead or do whatever it takes to win her back."

"That might work." Tracy nodded her approval.

"It had better. How was everything while I was gone?"

As she turned onto the Columbus Boulevard exit ramp, Tracy told Dana what went on at the restaurant. She answered Dana's questions as they headed west on the city streets until she pulled up at the curb in front of Café De Marco. "You go up and call her, right now. I'll park the car and bring your bag up."

Dana rushed up the stairs to her apartment and reached for the phone. Her hands shook so bad she had to punch the numbers in several times before she got it right. Ridley's answering machine came on but Dana didn't leave a message. Instead, she tried Ridley's cell phone, but that went to voice mail. Again, she didn't leave a message. Ridley could be at the grocery store or visiting her mother or any number of places. She would try again.

Once she'd unpacked her things and freshened up, she called Ridley's apartment and her cell phone again and got the same results, so she changed and went downstairs to help Tracy. They were booked solid with dinner reservations and she'd been gone since Wednesday.

Every half hour she called Ridley both at home and on her cell, only to hear the same recorded messages. After a few attempts, she left a message asking Ridley to call her on her cell phone as soon as possible. By now, the need to reach Ridley had become an emergency of sorts and she felt she'd go crazy if she didn't connect with her soon. Her mind went wild wondering where Ridley was. Did she go away for the weekend? Was she at her mother's? Was she simply not answering the phone? Was she all right?

"Now I'm getting worried," Dana told Tracy as it got close to five o'clock and she still couldn't reach Ridley. "What if something's wrong?"

"It's Saturday. Maybe she went out for the day or she's away for the weekend. Why don't you call Laurie and see if they know where she is?"

"I think I will." Dana had Karen's number programmed into her cell phone and she wasted no time putting the call through. After several rings, Laurie answered the phone. "Hi, Laurie, this is Dana. I can't reach Ridley. Do you have any idea where she might be?"

"I'm so glad you called me. Ridley's been at the hospital all day. Her mother had a bad car accident early this morning."

"Oh, no! What happened?"

"Her car was hit by a truck."

"Jesus...how is she? Is she alright?"

"We're not sure yet. We were at the emergency room with Ridley this morning, but they were still evaluating her mother. We only know that she was unconscious at the scene and that she's alive. We hated to leave Ridley alone, but Karen got really sick all of a sudden and she had a fever and I had to bring her home."

"How was Ridley doing when you left her?" As soon as Dana asked the question, she knew what Laurie would say. She understood how much Ridley loved her mother and she was sure Ridley was beside herself with worry. The thought of her waiting alone at the hospital with no one there to comfort her was more than Dana could bear.