A Table for Two (29 page)

"Yeah, you can," Tracy said. "She's the one who can't compete with you, trust me on that one. Have you told Dana how you feel about her?"

"I told her how I felt about her when I was here for dinner the day before she left, but you probably already know that, don't you?" Ridley didn't wait for an answer. "I'm sure you also know that was when she told me she was going to Chicago to see her ex. She did tell you about all of this, didn't she?"

"She did, but I wasn't sure if it would upset you if I told you that." "No, that doesn't upset me in the least. We all need someone to talk to. I told Laurie and Karen all about what was going on and I figured that Dana had talked to you since you're her closest friend."

"We talked after we closed the restaurant, but she didn't tell me that much. It was late and she had to get ready to leave at the crack of dawn the next morning. I suspected something was going on when she dragged you through the kitchen the way she did. You looked as if the world had just come to an end."

"It felt like mine had. She means a lot to me, Tracy."

"I can understand how you feel. Dana's a very special person."

"She sure is." Ridley got right to the point. "What's the story with her and Sarah?"

"Didn't she tell you anything about it?"

"Not really--not that much. I know about the spa in Pennsylvania and I know they had a relationship and broke up, but that's about it. And I know she still loves her."

"I don't think that's true. She just thinks she does," Tracy said.

"What do you mean?" For the first time, Ridley felt a spark of hope flicker inside. Did she dare to dream that Dana would come back to her after all?

"That was the first time Dana ever fell for anyone and she trusted Sarah completely. Why she fell for her or trusted her is anyone's guess. I hope you don't think I'm awful but I'm just telling it like it is. I've said all of this to Dana at one time or another."

"I don't think any such thing. Please go on."

"Well, love is blind as they say and her friends, including me, must not have warned her sufficiently about falling for straight women. Anyway, she didn't see the trouble ahead and when they broke up she never got over it. I'm convinced she wouldn't have been so enamored with Sarah if they'd stayed together longer."

"Why? Can you tell me more?" Ridley asked.

"Dana was crazy about Sarah from the start. God knows, Sarah did have a certain naughty girl sexiness about her and she was kind of cute. She could be charming and sweet when it suited her purposes, but she could also be needy and thoughtless. Dana never saw the bad things about her and she didn't want to hear it from anyone." Tracy paused as if remembering and whatever she thought about made her shake her head. "Sarah had a knack for upsetting Dana on a daily basis it seemed. Dana would call me all the time and tell me about the things she said and did. She was always up to something."

"Why did she stay with her if she was like that?" Ridley asked.

"That's a very good question, but you'd have to ask Dana because I have no idea. I doubt that she'd even have an answer for you. Why do any of us do stupid things or get involved with the wrong people?"

"Why indeed. But we all do, don't we?"

"Unfortunately," Tracy acknowledged. "You know what used to really bug me about Sarah? Whenever I saw them together, I got the impression that Sarah was ashamed to be in a lesbian relationship. More than once, I told Dana I didn't think Sarah was gay. I never saw her touch Dana in front of other people or show affection and if Dana tried to hold her hand or touch her in any way, she'd pull away. She..."

"That's awful," Ridley interrupted. "Sorry. Go on."

"So, you know they moved to the mountains, but they had other plans. All this was supposed to be theirs someday." Tracy moved her finger around in a big circle. "This house, the restaurant, all of it. They were going to move here and do this."

"Go on. What happened?"

"Dana and Sarah sometimes worked different schedules and one day Sarah had the evening off and Dana didn't. During her break, Dana went back to their living quarters to surprise Sarah, but it was Dana who got surprised. She walked in on Sarah and one of the young men from the maintenance department having sex, in Dana and Sarah's bed no less. They must not have heard her come in because they were really going at it."

Ridley sucked in a short burst of air. "Are you kidding me? That's more like a shock than a surprise and it must have been awful for Dana."

"I'll say. And it got worse. Sarah told Dana that she'd been seeing him almost from the time they got there. On top of that, Sarah was two months pregnant."

"What?" Ridley lifted her eyebrows and opened her mouth.

"You heard me. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Sarah told Dana she'd never really loved her, not that way. She loved her but only as a friend. Of course, Dana refused to believe it."

"Ouch." Ridley cringed. She could only imagine how much that had hurt Dana. It had never happened to her, but she'd heard similar stories from other lesbians. Now she understood why Dana had put up walls to protect herself and why she'd been so reluctant to let herself care about anyone. She also understood that it didn't mean Dana cared for her. "Those words are every lesbian's worst nightmare and when your lover leaves you for a man, that's another. What did Dana do after that?"

"Well, Sarah ran off into the sunset with her man and Dana went back to Chicago. She stayed with her parents until she got over the initial blow of what Sarah had done and then she moved to Philadelphia. To make a long story short, she called me and asked me to come with her and work for her and I jumped at the chance."

"That explains a lot," Ridley said.

"Maybe I shouldn't have told you any of this. I'm not sure Dana would have wanted me to, but I like you and I care about Dana and based on the situation it just seemed like the right thing to do. I hope it helps you in some way."

"It does, a little. At least it helps me understand her better and make some sense out of the things she's said and done. I feel for her...she's been hurt."

"And she's scared to death she'll be hurt again," Tracy added.

"I can see that now, but I'm not sure all the understanding in the world will change a thing if she doesn't want me. Dana either loves me or she doesn't and if she doesn't, I'll have to get over it and move on." As optimistic as Ridley's words sounded, she couldn't wrap her heart around them, not when her wounds were still so fresh and open.

"I'm sorry." Tracy said. "I know she was upset about hurting you and I think she cares about you, but I wouldn't want to speculate any further at your expense. What she told me was that she wasn't sure how she felt about you and I think she was telling the truth. Seeing Sarah might help her figure that out. That's why I encouraged her to go."

"Have you heard anything from her?" Ridley asked.

"She called me when she got there. She's supposed to come home on Saturday morning and I'm picking her up at the airport. I really don't know if she'll call again or just wait to talk to me when she gets here. She'll be busy with her family and she knows I'm busy."

"So you don't know how it turned out with Sarah?"

"No, but I hope it's over for good. I'm not a fan of Sarah's. In, fact I never liked her and Dana knows that. I do like you, though, and I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to her. I'd give anything to see you two together."

"Thank you, but I don't think that's going to happen."

"You never know. She might see Sarah for who she really is and if she does, she might be able to get in touch with her true feelings for you."

"If only you were right. The thought of losing her is killing me. No one's ever meant this much to me. Sometimes, when we were together I thought..." Ridley didn't finish her sentence. Sometimes she thought she saw her love returned in Dana's eyes, but your eyes can play tricks on you, especially when you want something so much it hurts.

"Well? What did you think?" Tracy asked.

"Never mind. I must have seen things that weren't there."

"Try to be patient with my poor, confused friend." Tracy got up and waited by Ridley's chair. "I really have to get back downstairs and help Jimmy."

Ridley got up and followed Tracy to the door. "I appreciate you taking time out of your busy day to talk to me and I'm grateful you were so honest. You've been more than kind. I guess I have no choice but to wait until she gets back."

"Give her some time to work things out."

"Do you think she'll talk to me when she gets home?" Ridley asked, hoping the answer would be yes.

"I'm sure she will. She would never want to hurt you any more than she has." Tracy held the door open for Ridley. "Come on, I'll walk you downstairs."

ON FRIDAY AFTERNOON, Dana went to her sister's house for lunch. Wayne was at work, the kids were in school and her mother had a doctor's appointment she didn't want to cancel. For once, Dana and her sister were given the rare opportunity to talk privately without all the usual distractions. Donna and her family lived a short distance from Dana's parents in the sprawling megalopolis affectionately referred to by the locals as 'Chicagoland', a five thousand square mile area that encompassed the city proper and its constantly ballooning suburbs.

"I'm so happy we could get together, just the two of us. I've really missed you." Dana sat at the kitchen table watching Donna prepare lunch. "We don't see each other nearly enough since I moved to Philadelphia."

"I know and I've missed you, too. I loved the dinner at Mom's last evening. It was nice that we were all together again, except for brother dearest, of course. He couldn't very well come all the way from California. By the way, if that dinner was any indication of the food you serve in your restaurant, I can't wait to eat there. You're a genius."

"Actually, Mom made most of it. I only helped."

Donna raised her eyebrows. "Really? I never saw her cook anything like that."

"Well, I did come up with the menu, but she asked me to teach her how to make something new, so I did." A compliment from her sister meant a lot. "It is one of the dishes we serve at the restaurant, though, and since you mentioned it, I can't wait for you to visit. I know it's hard for you, but I hope you can come soon. My apartment's finished and I've got two extra bedrooms and plenty of room for guests."

"We'll come soon, I promise--whenever Wayne can get some time off. God only knows when that will be. Or better yet, maybe I'll leave Wayne home and give the kids to Mom and Dad and come by myself. What do you think of that?"

"That's a great idea. We could have so much fun," Dana said. It had been a long time since she and her sister had any quality time alone and she got excited as she thought about all the things they could do together. "Do you think you could pull it off?"

"I might be able to. Mom and Dad love to spend time with their grandchildren and spoil them rotten and Wayne will barely notice I'm gone." Donna paused and then took off in another direction. "Before I forget, did you notice how quiet Dad was last evening? He wasn't himself and I thought he acted like he was sulking."

"I'm afraid that was my fault." Dana took a sip of her iced tea. The time had come. Donna had given her the perfect lead-in and it made no sense to put it off any longer. After telling her parents, telling Donna should be a piece of cake.

"Your fault? I don't understand." Donna stopped chopping tomatoes and faced her sister. "You're Miss Perfect as far as he's concerned. What could you have done?"

"I told Mom and Dad something important yesterday. I would have told you last evening if we'd been able to talk without everyone hovering around and I can't tell you tonight because we're all going out to dinner. That's why I wanted to come over today. I wanted to spend time with you, but I also need to talk to you."

"You're not sick or in trouble are you?" Donna brandished her knife around in the air for emphasis. "Are you in love? Are you getting married?" The knife stopped about three inches from her right ear. "Oh my God, are you pregnant?"

"Good heavens, no. I'm not pregnant or getting married or in trouble with the law, although, come to think of it, I think it is against the law in some states." Dana told herself to quit joking and get on with it. She'd only have to say it once.

"Then what did you tell Dad that has him in such a tail spin?" Donna tapped the tip of her knife on the cutting board and stared at her sister. "Now I'm really curious."

"I'll bet you are. Just listen to me before I lose my nerve." Dana took a deep breath and began. "You're my sister and I love you."

"Good Lord, Dana, is it that bad?" Donna laid her knife down as if to make sure Dana knew she had her attention. "Why don't you just tell me?"

"I don't know how you're going to feel about this." Dana knew that once she said the words out loud, there'd be no taking them back and no matter what her sister's reaction was, she'd have to live with it for the rest of her life. "I..."

"Dana! Spit it out already, will you? The suspense is killing me."

"I'm a lesbian. There, I said it." Dana sighed with relief and then looked at her sister. She tried to read her sister's face but it was blank. "What do you think?"

"You're a lesbian?" Donna turned to her cutting board and laughed quietly to herself as she finished the tomatoes and put them in the salad bowl. "Is that all? You really had me worried there for a minute." She wiped the cutting board and started chopping celery on the diagonal. "This is hardly a news flash. I've been thinking you were for a while now. However, I am glad you finally came out and verbalized it. Just for the record, it doesn't make any difference to me as long as you're happy."

"You knew? How did you know and why didn't you say anything to me?"

"You never had any boyfriends and you never talked about men or showed any interest in them. I know you said you were too busy to date, but you would have found the time if it was something you wanted. I never asked you because it's not an easy thing to ask someone. I didn't know how to bring it up and I thought you should be the one to tell me. I also thought you would tell me when you were ready. It really didn't make any difference."