A Widow Redefined (27 page)

“No.” I told her. “No way.”

“Well who’s going to watch the dog?” she asked.

“I don’t know. We’ll pay someone to do it.”

Mom frowned. “You know, I really think it would be best if Tyler and you went together, a mother/son trip.”

I looked at her with questioning eyes, wondering why she was doing this.

“It was always your dream to go there, not mine,” she said in a soft voice. “I think you should have this time together.”

I could tell it was what she really wanted, so I backed down and agreed. I secretly made plans to save some of the money to spend on a big spa day for her. Maybe at that Red Door place Sabrina went to.

Tyler had left the room and came back dressed in his winter gear. “My turn to shovel,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll help you,” I told him, and got up to get my coat.

“I’ll start dinner,” Mom added.

We all went about our business. Tyler and I cleared the fresh layer of snow away with renewed enthusiasm. We worked well together, like a machine. The only sound that could be heard was the rhythmic sound of metal scraping against concrete. It was a cold, but beautiful symphony.

The next day I went to work hoping I could get time off for the trip. Even if I hadn’t accrued enough vacation time, I could afford to take some days without pay if they’d let me. I had my fingers crossed.

After I punched in, I saw Dave in his office. He didn’t look to be in a bad mood, so I decided it would be best to hit him up before that possibly changed.

I knocked on the door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

I smiled. “Well, I’ve got amazing news, but it requires me asking you a favor.”

Dave looked intrigued. Probably because I never had amazing news. “Shoot,” he said.

“Well,” I began, trying to shorten my story, “A lawyer showed up at my door the other day. He told me my friend who passed away left me something in her will.”

Dave raised an eyebrow. The boss of number-crunching was very intrigued.

“I probably hadn’t mentioned this before,” I continued, “But Justin and I had always dreamed of travelling to the South Pacific. The friend who passed away was a mutual friend of ours. She also happened to be very wealthy. Anyway, she left me money to take my family on a vacation to Bora Bora. I was hoping to go on my son’s Christmas break. I know it’s short notice—.”

“Done,” Dave interrupted.

He hadn’t even mulled it over, or considered who’d do my work while I was gone. He’d just granted my request, like a magic genie.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Do you need me to put in some extra hours before I go?”

“Nope,” he said. “Just book it. Have an amazing time… and don’t worry about a thing.”

I couldn’t believe my good fortune was continuing. The luck of the Irish, as Justin would say.

Dave began again, “My wife and I have always wanted to go to the South Pacific,” he said. “It’s always someday, though. That day never seems to come. You’ll be the first person I know who’s gone.”

I grinned. “Me. It’s crazy, right?”

“It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person,” he said.

I nodded, accepting his praise, then walked out of the office and shut the door. I didn’t try to hide the thrill I was feeling. And of course Fatima and Barb—the notorious eavesdroppers—had heard everything.

I walked back to my desk with a spring in my step. If I were any lighter, I’d float away. Once I sat down, I turned to face my friends. Their eyes were as wide as saucers.

“You’re finally going, kiddo,” Barb said, while doing a little seated dance.

“For real?” Fatima asked.

I shook my head yes.

“Kick ass!” she blurted out.

“I know,” I agreed.

The rest of the day was a breeze. Everything fell into place at just the right time. I made no punching errors, and everything balanced.

Life was good.

T
he following day, Tyler and I went to the post office to get our passports. I had to pay extra to have them processed in a rush. Afterward, I dropped him off at school and went to work, where I experienced another easy day. They were all feeling that way now, with the bigger picture—Mt. Otemanu, to be specific—on the horizon.

In the evening I folded laundry, then delivered Tyler’s to his room. His Bora Bora painting was proudly displayed on the wall. I smiled. Josephine had helped him come a long way. When he walked in, he saw me admiring it.

“Won’t be long,” he said. “I told Dad about it the other night. You know, when I talk to him.”

A familiar pain gripped my heart. Not because Tyler was talking about him. I was used to that. But because Justin was the one who really wanted to go to the South Pacific. It was his big dream, and we all got caught up in it.

“That’s good, honey. I know your dad would be so happy for us.”

Tyler nodded. Then he took some socks out of my hand and began putting them away in his dresser.

We filled the weekend shopping for summery clothes. No easy task since they weren’t in season. On Sunday, I told Mom and Tyler I needed some time to myself to get a present. Then I took a drive and stopped at Northbrook Court, where I’d met Sabrina. I found Red Door Spa and bought my mom a gift certificate. A full day of pampering. I knew she’d love coming here, rather than spending a day at home with products from under the sink.

Before we knew it our passports came in. Our trip was booked and the date was approaching fast. I used some of the money from Sabrina to buy Josephine a little something for the holidays. I’d even gotten a tiny gift for Fatima, Barb, and Dave. It felt great to be able to treat them for a change.

Two weeks before Christmas I received a confirmation email from Expedia, with my full itinerary update.

Before logging off, I saw another email. The subject read: Feliz Navidad. I was hesitant to click on it, thinking it could be a computer virus, but part of me knew it was from Miguel. I almost sent it to the trash bin, but I knew that would have been rude. So I opened it instead.

It was as I suspected, a holiday greeting from Miguel. “Amy, It’s Miguel. Just wanted to say Happy Holidays to you, and to say I hope you enjoyed your trip, wherever it is you may have gone. Work is slow this month, and my nephew is in town. He helped me create this YouTube video I think you might like. He says it may go viral, whatever that means. Maybe we can get together soon for coffee? Starbucks has the peppermint latte now.”

I giggled. Who in their right mind ends an email pitching the coffee of the season? This man had a knack for disarming me, for making something scary seem downright okay. I knew it was his job to be convincing, but it never felt like I was being manipulated. He seemed genuine. He
was
genuine. It was me… I was the one who thought too much, the one who had a hard time letting go.

I clicked on the attachment and it opened in a new window. Miguel was wearing a Santa hat while holding an acoustic guitar. His familiar sidekick, Gordito, wore antler ears and sat beside him.

The strumming began and sure enough, it was “Feliz Navidad.” As Miguel sang and played, the cat meowed loudly in all the wrong places. They both looked so serious and professional and that made it even more hilarious. I could tell it was heavily rehearsed.

Laughter would’ve been appropriate. I think that was the whole point, but I couldn’t giggle. Instead as I listened, I watched and wondered. How could a person be so unafraid? To set it all out there, not just for me, but for everyone to see?

When the song ended, I closed the window and re-read the original email. I admired Miguel for his courage. That was a quality I never got a chance to develop. Or maybe I just never really tried.

I clicked the reply button and typed a response. “Miguel, Nice to hear from you. What a video. It was really great. No kidding. I haven’t gone on vacation yet. I leave in one week. Regarding getting together for coffee, why don’t I give you a call when I come back. I still have your card, Amy.”

After I hit send I wondered if I’d made a mistake. I wasn’t even sure I’d said the right things. I didn’t know how to talk to men or be charming. With Justin, all I ever had to be was myself. He loved me just how I was.

I decided to stop stressing. I honestly didn’t care how things turned out. The man kept asking to see me, so I would meet him and have a cup of coffee. End of story.

Wednesday night I accompanied Tyler to his art class. Josephine looked especially beautiful, and I thought maybe she’d done something different. Then I noticed what it was. Her hair was smooth and pin straight. I told her she looked nice.

“I have a little something for you,” I said, while reaching into my purse. I handed her a wrapped gift.

“Thank you. That’s so kind,” Josephine said. Then she added, “Hey. I heard the Universe delivered big time.”

“Come again?” I asked.

She realized I didn’t speak hippie and clarified. “Your trip to the South Pacific, I mean.”

I smiled. I understood what she meant now. “Yes. We’re really excited. We can’t wait until next week.”

I waved goodbye to Josephine and went to run an errand. On my way around town, I thought about Tyler. I loved him so much and was glad we were taking this trip together. Mom was right. It was a good idea.

Later in the week, as I walked past Tyler’s room, I saw him organizing his summer clothing, planning what he’d wear on vacation, grouping items into piles. I didn’t interrupt him. I just shook my head in disbelief. Tyler wasn’t a normal kid. He was my kid. He was the best.

That night I lay in bed, thinking of the possible coffee date with Miguel, wondering if I would really call. I wished it would happen later, down the road more. I still wasn’t ready to start dating.

I thought about what Justin had confided in Sabrina before he died, that he hoped I would find someone else to share my life with… It seemed so strange to think of now. When I’d first heard it, I didn’t believe it was true. Then, the more I thought of it, I realized that sounded exactly like Justin. Even while he was leaving this world he was still thinking of me.

Justin could never be replaced—ever. I felt frightened as I even considered it. The faint glow of the night light nearby was the only thing that calmed me, made me feel safe. It lit up my bonsai tree ever so slightly, throwing soft shadows across the room. I stared at my tree, admiring its quiet beauty and felt my muscles relax. No one would be able to replace Justin. Miguel wasn’t trying to. He was just doing what came natural to him… being himself. Wasn’t that what I said I liked about my relationship before? That I could just be me?

I decided I wouldn’t worry about it anymore. I’d focus on my vacation. That was what Sabrina had wanted me to do.

T
he days passed quickly, and before we knew it, Tyler and I were leaving for the South Pacific.

On my last day at work, Fatima came to say goodbye to me. “I hate you right now,” she joked.

I responded with a smile and a big hug. “I won’t think of you, here at your desk, while I’m bathing in the French Polynesian sun.”

She play-punched me in the arm.

“Ouch.” But we were both smiling.

Then Barb came and said farewell. “Relax, and have a good time.”

I grinned. “I assure you, I will.”

Dave came out of his office and shut the door. He winked, then said, “Enjoy the trip. We’ll see you in a week.”

I felt like a super-star right then. I’d had nothing but positive send offs all day. People seemed genuinely happy for me, and I made a mental note to socialize with them more when I got back.

I punched out and stepped outside. It was raining. I didn’t care about cold, rainy, gray, though. We were leaving tonight. That was all that mattered.

When I got home, I noticed a pizza box on the counter. Mom said she wanted to get us something to eat before dropping us off at the airport. I felt sad that she wasn’t coming along, but she had repeatedly assured me it was what she wanted. And Moose couldn’t ask for a better babysitter.

We inhaled our food and guzzled our drinks. Tyler had created a checklist for us the night before, so he could make sure we had everything we needed. We gathered our luggage, then double-checked our passports, ID’s, and tickets. Everything was in order.

Moose stood next to me, wagging his tail. “I’ll miss you. Be good for Grandma,” I said in a baby voice.

Tyler leaned down to hug and kiss Moose, and then we climbed into the car. My mom insisted on driving to the airport. “Chauffer service,” she’d said.

After arriving at O’Hare, we parked and Mom walked with us to the departure area. She leaned down to Tyler, “You have a good time,” she said, while giving him a big hug and a kiss.

They said their goodbyes and then Mom approached me. We didn’t have to say a word. Then she hugged me, “Relax and enjoy,” she said.

I hugged her back. “I will.”

Mom walked back to her car and I looked down at Tyler. “You all set?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said. He grabbed hold of the suitcase handle and started walking up the ramp.

Tyler and I strode side by side, through the sliding glass doors, and it felt like a scene from a movie. This couldn’t be my life, I thought. But it was, and soon the ticket agent was there, showing us how to check in on the computer. Before we knew it, we were seated on the plane.

I
woke up to the sound of the captain saying we’d be landing in Papeete, Tahiti. Weather conditions? Eighty five degrees.

Tyler and I looked at each other and grinned. We were giddy.

We pushed our tray tables up and adjusted our seats, returning them to their upright position.

An older lady had the window seat, but I didn’t mind. I’d heard this wasn’t the spectacular part. Landing in Bora Bora was what the hype was all about.

“Almost there,” I said, rubbing the top of my son’s head.

When we got off the plane we were greeted by the warm, humid smell of the tropics. I’d never been a fan of humidity, but on vacation it was different. It was something I looked forward to.