Addicted to Him (9 page)

“Why don’t you just open your own business?” I suggest, thinking it would solve all her problems. “You’ve already got tons of contacts from the clients you’ve worked with and Dad could help you with your advertising.”

She looks at me like I’m crazy but doesn’t say anything, just sips her drink. “It would be kind of scary to let go of my secure paycheck like that, but I could work from home and it would be so awesome.”

“I think you’d be great. You could set up a Facebook page for your business and I could help you start a website.”

“You could build me a website?”

“Sure. I took an HTML class last semester and I think I could make you a pretty good one.”

Lisa bounds out of bed, looking hilarious with her wild hair and wrinkled pajamas. She begins pacing the room excitedly. I can almost see smoke coming out of her ears from the ideas churning in her mind for her potential business.

“You should be resting,” I remind her.

“I feel great. I feel like going shopping. Do you want some new clothes?”

I thought she would never ask. I pull up my T-shirt so she can see the rubber band I have rigged up to fasten my pants together because I wouldn’t be able to button these suckers if I jumped off the roof into them.

She starts laughing hysterically. “I thought you looked like you were filling out a bit since you got here. Do I even want to see your bra?”

“Trust me, you don’t. I look like a porn star,” I giggle.

She runs to her closet and throws on a shirt and a pair of shorts then pulls her hair back into a ponytail. “This is going to be epic, let’s go,” she says, sprinting downstairs. I smile to myself realizing I’m finally getting that mother-daughter shopping trip I’ve always dreamed about.

****

I follow Lisa through the mall, patiently stopping with her every time something catches her eye. She reminds me of a butterfly flitting from one flower to the next. I’m having more fun watching her then looking for clothes.

“Stop me when you want to go into a store,” Lisa offers, bolting inside a Yankee candle store. I watch her stop and sniff all the different candles while I wait outside, afraid I might get a headache from all the different scents.

I linger in front of a store window displaying the most beautiful turquoise sundress I’ve ever seen. The mannequin is wearing high-heeled gold sandals and gold jewelry, and I can’t help but think how good I would have looked in an outfit like this a few years ago. Then I catch a glimpse of my reflection and I shudder.

“What is it?” Lisa asks, gently touching my back.

“I used to dress like that. I used to like the way I looked.” I shouldn’t be telling her all of this but I can’t seem to stop my verbal diarrhea from flowing out. “I thought looking ugly would change things but it didn’t.”

“Cassidy, you could never look ugly. We can buy you new clothes, and change your hair and makeup, but what really matters is how you feel on the inside.”

“Being here with you and my dad makes me feel better than I have in a really long time,” I admit. So much for locking up my feelings. I’m tired of playing that part though. It’s exhausting acting like someone I’m not and always keeping everything bottled up. It’s not like I’m going to tell Lisa about Phil but there is no sense in torturing either one of us all summer by acting like I’m not enjoying myself, especially when she has been so wonderful.

“I bet Seth would like you in that dress, especially now that you’ve got the rack to fill it out,” Lisa teases.

“Oh my God, I cannot believe you just said that.”

She drags me into the store and forces me to try on the dress. As I slip it over my head, and it comes to rest perfectly on me, I feel a little piece of myself coming back. I stare at my reflection knowing it’s time to ditch the hair and scary makeup. I want to look pretty. I deserve to look pretty. Maybe some of the desire to change myself back is for Seth but most of it is for me. I need to stop punishing myself for something that wasn’t my fault.

I step outside of the dressing room to show Lisa the dress.

“That’s a yes, you look amazing. Try these on,” she says, handing me an entire armful of clothes.

“Lisa, I don’t want you spending a bunch of money on me. You guys already pay Chastity a lot of money for child support.”

“You listen to me,” she says, waving her index finger in my face. “You are not to ever worry about the money that we pay Chastity. And if I want to buy my daughter some clothes then I’m going to do it. Now march your little butt back in there and try those other clothes on.” She ends her proclamation with a grin.

“Well if you’re going to be like that, I’m going to need shoes, makeup, and my hair done, too,” I sass back.

“It’s about freaking time,” she says, dropping down into a chair as I make my way back to the dressing room.

Three hours and twenty shopping bags later, we are enjoying a mani/pedi debating where we should have a late lunch when my phone chirps.

I’ve been calling the house for hours. You guys okay? Love, Dad

“Oh, no,” I say, reading the text.

“What’s wrong? Did Seth track you down and ask you to marry him?” she kids.

“Will you stop with the Seth stuff already? No, it’s Dad. We forgot to tell him that we were going shopping and he thinks we are both dead.” I hold out my phone to take a picture of us side-by-side smiling brightly flashing our newly done nails.

Sorry to worry you, Dad. Your girls are out spending your money and getting pretty
, I text back. I show it to Lisa for her approval before sending it.

“That’s awesome. Forward that picture to me later.”

A few seconds later Dad texts back.

You just made an old man very happy. It looks like I need to make us a reservation somewhere fancy tonight. See you soon!

I let Lisa read the text then slide my phone back into my pocket. We let our toes dry then we sit down and eat a light lunch at a nearby café.

I’m surprised to see Lisa wolf down an entire croissant and a bowl of cheese soup after being so ill this morning but she seems fine. I finish off my chicken salad sandwich and top it off with a giant peanut butter cookie.

“Your dad just texted me,” Lisa says with a weird look on her face.

“Is something wrong?” I ask, paranoid that maybe Dad wasn’t so hot on the idea of her spending hundreds of dollars on me.

“He wanted to surprise you, but you don’t seem like a surprise lover to me so I’m just going to tell you what he did. Now keep in mind that he only has your best interests at heart and would eat broken glass to make you happy.”

“You’re scaring me,” I say, only half-joking.

She takes a sip of her water for dramatic effect before spilling the beans. “He stopped by Chubby’s for lunch and Seth asked about you.”

“Annnddd…”

She cringes, not wanting to finish. “He asked him to dinner tonight,” she blurts out.

“No. I won’t go,” I refuse, stomping my foot like a toddler.

“I know you like him. I saw the way you were looking at him like he was a piece of prime rib the other night,” she jokes as I bury my face in my hands, mortified.

“What’s the point of getting anything started when I’ll be going back to Missouri at the end of the summer?” I point out.

“We’re not asking you to have his babies. Your dad adores Seth and just thought you might enjoy hanging out with someone your own age.”

“I can’t. I just can’t.”

“You’ve got new clothes, shoes, and makeup. He’s going to be blown away.”

“What about my hair?”

“What about it? You don’t like it, say the word. We’ve got plenty of time to get it done.”

“I can’t believe you two are pimping me out,” I joke, gathering up our packages as Lisa pays the check.

“It sounds horrible when you put it like that. Did you ever think that maybe we are doing our best to try and make it too hard for you to ever leave?”

I’m stunned speechless at her remark about staying here with them forever. I don’t know how to respond so I do what I do best and go on automatic pilot. I flee the café and wait for her outside. When she emerges she doesn’t mention what just happened and I wonder if maybe I completely imagined it.

“Let’s go get that hair did,” she jokes, pulling me down the mall good-naturedly.

****

I busy myself hanging up all the clothes Lisa bought me, marveling at their beauty. I neatly line the bottom of the closet with the shoes she said I had to have to match those outfits. I think Lisa might have mistaken me for an overgrown doll that she could dress and spoil but I’m definitely not complaining. Hiding myself in shapeless clothes, a grotesque hairstyle, and gender neutral shoes wasn’t helping me cope with things so I might as well feel good about myself.

I walk into the bathroom and stare at my newly-cut and colored hair. I still can’t believe these silky chestnut locks belong to me. I keep touching it to make sure it’s real. My hair never even looked this good before I started dying and cutting it myself.

I take a shower, being careful not to get my hair wet. After drying off, I sit wrapped in a towel and apply all of my new beauty products the way I used to two years ago. Happy with my hair and makeup, I slip into my new turquoise sundress from the display I was drooling over. It slides over me and feels better than anything I’ve ever had against my skin.

I walk over to the full-length mirror on the back of my door to check myself out. I nearly burst with happiness when I see the girl I used to be smiling back at me. I was afraid I would never see her again. I wonder, for a second, if this is really my life but then not wanting to jinx myself head downstairs.

Dad’s mouth drops open when he sees me coming down the stairs. Lisa is beaming proudly next to him.

“You looked beautiful before, but this is amazing,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I better because Lisa had your credit card smoking earlier,” I tease.

“It was worth every penny,” Dad says, escorting us to the garage to leave for dinner.

I sit nervously in the backseat as we wind upward through the curvy roads finally emerging at a restaurant tucked into the side of a mountain. Lights glow through the floor-to-ceiling windows framing the outside of the restaurant. I glance around the parking lot for Seth’s Mustang but I don’t see it.

“He had to close up Chubby’s and then go home and get ready. He’ll be here in a few minutes,” Dad reassures me while ushering us toward the restaurant. A large wrap-around terrace on the back of the restaurant is filled with diners enjoying their dinners while gazing up at the Rockies.

The inside is just as dazzling, filled with pieces of crystal as far as the eye can see, an amazing fireplace, and a beautiful mahogany bar.

Dad gives them our last name and they immediately seat us at a table overlooking the terrace.

“I tried to get us outside but they were already booked up,” Dad apologizes as we take our seats.

“This is amazing, Dad. Thanks so much for bringing us here,” I say, opening my menu. I try to figure out what would be the most lady-like thing to eat so that Seth doesn’t think I’m a complete slob.

I lower my menu having made up my mind on a shrimp dish. Dad and Lisa still have their noses buried together in theirs trying to decide what sounds good.

I see the front door open and Seth breeze in. My heart nearly turns itself upside down in my body. He’s wearing black slacks and an ice blue button-down silk shirt. His blonde hair is gelled back to keep his unruly curls under control which makes me want to run my fingers through it even more. I watch him ask the hostess something and she falls all over herself showing him toward our table. I hide behind my menu so he doesn’t see me sitting here staring at him like an idiot.

I can smell him long before he appears next to me at the table and not because his cologne is overpowering but because of the way my body responds recognizing his pheromones.

“Sorry I’m late, Mr. and Mrs. Lawson,” Seth apologizes, shaking my father’s hand. Slowly I lower my menu.

“Hi, Cassidy,” Seth says, taking in my new appearance. He seems shocked, in a good way. He just kind of lingers next to me and I swear I can feel heat coming off of him.

“Thanks for humoring my dad, Seth,” I say, wanting him to know this wasn’t my idea.

“I only let him think it was his idea,” he says, winking at me. “I had to try something after I saw you toss my phone number in the garbage.”

I can’t believe he was watching me that day. I look away, embarrassed.

“Take a seat, Seth,” Dad says, trying to make him feel welcome.

Dad and Lisa are sitting together across from me so Seth takes the seat next to me. He accidentally brushes his leg against mine, causing me to jerk slightly.

“I’ve never been here before. What sounds good?” Seth asks us.

Dad starts describing a steak dish in detail and I notice Lisa goes a little green. I almost forgot that she was so sick just a few hours ago, and I feel guilty that we drug her out when she probably wasn’t ready, especially after our marathon shopping and makeover day.

“Lisa, are you okay?” I ask.

She bolts from the table without answering.

“I’ll check on her,” I tell Dad, grateful to escape the overwhelming sensation I have to touch Seth. I push my chair back and run after her.

I rush into the ladies room where I hear Lisa throwing up in a stall. The door to the stall is swinging open and I find her crouched on the floor hanging over the toilet. Thankfully, this is a nice restaurant so the bathroom isn’t completely filthy but it still grosses me out seeing her bent over a public toilet like that.

“I’m going to go get Dad to take you home,” I tell her, rubbing her back.

I know how sick she must be because she doesn’t even bother putting up a fight. I sprint back to the table where Dad and Seth are sitting, looking worried.

“She’s really sick. I’m going to ask the waitress for a bowl or something to take in the car. Why don’t you pull up the car and I’ll help her out,” I order, knowing that the sooner we can get Lisa home, the better. I head toward our waitress, not bothering to wait for a response. She quickly brings me a giant disposable bowl and I head back to the bathroom.