All About Me (32 page)

He pinches his eyebrows together, taking a step forward. Fuck, I really don
’
t want to fight with him. He has won. India is his.

“
If you
’
re fucking with
—
”

“
Listen man, stop talking nonsense. India is with you and I respect that. We had a good time together and my only aim was to gain her forgiveness. I did that, so now I
’
m giving you a free hand. Talk to her, she
’
ll tell you this herself, and it
’
s not a game,
”
I cut him off, annoyed that he
’
s making me repeat myself.

He drops his shoulders, measuring me for a brief moment. People coming in and out glance at the two of us in confusion. Yeah, this is silly. Evans needs to chill the fuck out.

“
So what now?
”
he asks.

“
We
’
re friends, so get used to seeing me around her, because I
’
m planning be a good fucking friend. I get it that she
’
s with you, but we knew each other for years. I can
’
t lie to you. I do I love her, but I realised this way too late. I
’
m fed up with lies and games. She is going to spend the summer in Gargle and I
’
m going to be there, so we might as well start getting along.
”

“
Did you tell her how you feel about her?
”
he asks and his question throws me off a little. He doesn
’
t need to know that. I
’
ve just given India back to him and he should just leave instead of asking me shit like that.

“
No, but I don
’
t need to; she probably knows. But this is none of your business,
”
I add and then leave, not willing to discuss this any further. Every muscle in my body is tense and instead of going to India, I go outside for a bit to get some fresh air. Just by the door I turn around and spot Russell; he is walking towards India. They talk for a bit, then he takes her into his arms, spinning her around, and they kiss. I feel stabbing pain in my heart, so I turn around. This fucking hurts more than I anticipated, but I know that this is my punishment.

To calm myself down, I ask some random guy for a cigarette. I don
’
t smoke, but I need to get distracted. It
’
s fucking hard to behave like someone else, to hand the love of my life to another man.

When I think that I have some peace and quiet, Dora practically screams into my ear, throwing her small self at me. She probably just arrived because she couldn
’
t wait to hear the news. Jacob is right behind her.

“
Oh my God, Oliver! You
’
re such a shit. What the hell happened in Sicily? Where is India?
”

“
Chill, Dor, it
’
s all right. She has forgiven me. She is with Evans.
”

Dora
’
s face drops as she pulls away.
“
With Russell? What do you mean? I thought that you guys were going to be back together.
”

Chapter Thirty-one

Love trial.

Present

It takes me a while to explain to Dora that I gained what I needed from that trip in Italy. India has finally put the past behind us. Dora starts to argue that this wasn
’
t our plan and that Evans is not for her. She doesn
’
t believe that I
’
m satisfied with the friendship. Eventually she gets pissed off hearing my lame arguments and leaves, determined to talk to India herself.

“
So what
’
s really going on here? You and India, are you really going to be just friends?
”
Jacob asks.

I finish smoking the cigarette and roll my eyes.

“
Yeah, man, that
’
s all there is to that. Evans confronted me in the restroom, but don
’
t stress, I didn
’
t punch him. I just gave him a free hand to take over from here.
”

“
I bet he was surprised.
”

“
Yeah, he thought that I was fucking with him,
”
I reply, laughing. Jacob asks me about Italy and tells me that boys from the team had been placing bets on me, that the campus is still buzzing with gossip.

After some time we get back to the terminal. Michael lets us know that the bus will be here in about half an hour. India glances at me when I approach. Evans is standing next to her. Dora is yapping next to her. It looks like they are still friends.

“
We have two spaces in the car. How about you and Russell come with us? Oliver can get the coach,
”
Dora suggests, realising that it
’
s going to be a while before we get back to Braxton. Evans gives me a nod. India smiles, probably wondering where I
’
ve disappeared to for half an hour.

“
All right, that
’
s an awesome idea. Let
’
s get moving,
”
Evans says, lifting India
’
s suitcase. India says something to Evans that I can
’
t hear. He nods and then strolls after Dora and Jacob.

“
You should go, India. The bus is on its way.
”

She bites her lip, looking at me like she doesn
’
t want to leave me. My skin itches for contact with hers, but fuck, I can
’
t keep doing this to myself. She is off-limits.

“
Thank you for this trip. I had an amazing time. I
’
m going back to Gargle in a week. You should pop in to visit me.
”

“
Don
’
t worry. You can
’
t get rid of me so easily,
”
I chuckle. Then she hugs me and strolls away, running after Dora and the rest of the pack.

My own fucked-up soul is ripped out and I keep cursing under my breath, trying not to run after her. Is this what I get for being a real fucking gentleman? My girl is walking away with the guy that she doesn
’
t even love and I
’
m standing here like a moron, not doing anything to stop her.

“
Morgan, hurry up, the bus is here. It
’
s about time,
”
Michael shouts after me. I pick up my bag and walk away, following the group. It
’
s looks like Dora was right. It wasn
’
t supposed to end like this, but it did.

***

The next couple of days pass in the darkness. Jacob has packed his shit and gone home for a few days, so I
’
m alone in the house. Thoughts about India are so vivid, they are slowly killing me. I wake up, eat breakfast, work out, and go home to get drunk. This is my new routine. Maybe things will get better, but at the moment I don
’
t want to see or talk to anyone. My soul has left my body. India turned me into a wreck. As the end of the week approaches I think that it will be easier for me if I get back to Gargle earlier than I planned.

India told me to visit, but I can
’
t seem to pick myself up and go to her because of Evans. Through the whole trip I kept telling her that I
’
m fine with him, but screw it, I
’
m fucking not.

That arrogant, cocky part of me has died, and my emotions are rotten. Fuck, it
’
s hard to be in love. It
’
s even harder to keep living.

Somehow I manage to survive until Friday. In the evening I go out to get some more beer. The boys from the team ask me to come over, but I decline their offer.

 
When I get to the shop, instead of beer I get vodka, then a kebab to keep me going through the night. I
’
m fucking pathetic, but this is the way I roll. India won
’
t leave my thoughts; alcohol will make me numb and that
’
s okay for now. Once I start drinking and my mind transforms into a sponge, I start laughing. Everything seems so funny. India no longer matters; she is part of my fucked-up future. Maybe deep down I know that I can
’
t be friends with her. There is no way that I can be with her without ever touching her.

When the bottle is half-empty I fall back into the oblivion. My brain is fuzzy and that helps a little until I hear the knocking downstairs. I ignore it, knowing that it
’
s just in my head. Then I hear it again and again.

“
Fuck, I
’
m coming; quit the banging.
”
I scowl to myself.

It takes me a moment to find the door handle. Yeah, I
’
m that drunk. I have no clue who is standing on the other side when I open the door.

“
Hello, stranger; long time no see. A little bird told me that you
’
re alone tonight, so I thought that I would pop over.
”

That dreamy voice creates a craving in my stomach, a craving for silky, meaningless sex with someone other than myself. I had thought about other girls and that craving had always been there, but I
’
d hidden it. Now it
’
s back. As India pointed out, we are friends now, which means that I can fuck other girls. MacKenzie stands in the doorway, eyeing me with a smile.

“
Hey, you, what do you want?
”
I blurt out, holding on to the door. She has a short dress on and red red heels.

She walks through the door and moves her hand over my chest. Her lips move to my ear.

“
I want you to fuck me, darling. I want you to make me the one,
”
she whispers.

The erection strains my trousers and I have no idea if this is for real, or it
’
s only happening in my head. Either way, I need to gain some release. Sex, that
’
s what I need to get rid of thoughts about India. MacKenzie can help.

“
Fuck, you
’
re hot,
”
I say, but it
’
s not me talking, but my old self. MacKenzie doesn
’
t let me think about it. Her lips are on mine already and we
’
re kissing; my hands trail down her arse. She pushes me back to the wall, laughing. I
’
m horny, barely holding myself together.

“
I knew that I could count on you,
”
she says, moving her hand down to my boxers. I make a growling sound in the back of my throat, lifting her dress up.

MacKenzie doesn
’
t waste any time, kissing me furiously and moaning in my mouth. My heart pounds fast and I want to crack up that release. I rip her knickers off, laughing to myself. This is what she wants and this is what I need, to feel like myself again. Waves of heat blaze over me as my mouth devours her. My eyes unfold dark and destructive thoughts, as her hands move down to my crotch.

“
Oliver,
”
she growls, biting my ear.

Then I hear her and my heart crushes in my chest, pressure starts to build and I can
’
t breathe.

MacKenzie
’
s hands are moving in my pants and images of my sweet India roll in front of my eyes.

“
No, no, get the fuck away from me,
”
I growl, pushing MacKenzie away.

“
What
’
s wrong, baby? You got me all hot and ready.
”

I stumble away, losing my balance and pulling my trousers up. This is so fucked up.
“
Leave, MacKenzie. Just go. I don
’
t want to fuck you.
”

I get back to the living room and flop on the sofa, mumbling. She follows me, still smiling, pulling her dress down.

“
Come on, baby, it
’
s going to be like before.
”

“
You need to go. I
’
m in love with someone else,
”
I tell her, sobering enough to get that I can
’
t keep going back to the past. India has someone else, but MacKenzie is just one of those girls from a few months ago, a sex blast.

She narrows her eyes at me.

“
You
’
re a pussy, Morgan, like the rest of them. You will be sorry for treating me like trash,
”
she hisses and then she is gone.