All That Remains (12 page)

“I’ve been a shitty brother,” he says out of the blue. “You know, he gave me his phone when he left. He wanted to cut all ties and figured I could keep up with any calls that were important and relay the messages to him.”

Her eyes go wide and he nods at her understanding of what he is saying. All the voice mails and texts she sent West those first few weeks run through her mind and her stomach turns at the memory.

“Jules, I had to listen to your calls and your pain for weeks. It was hard as hell to hear that. You were so broken and I began to hate West for what he did. I…”

“Is that what this has been between us?” She waves a shaky hand, pointing from her chest to his. “You felt pity for me?”

“No! Not at all. I admired your strength. That last message you left him, the one where you said you were done waiting for a boy to come back for you, that you didn’t need a guy. I admired you for that. For what you’d been through and what you were overcoming,” he explains and Jules recalls the day she left that message. It was the first time she’d taken steps again without assistance. It was the day she knew she would truly heal physically.

“He cut me out, too, you know. He would barely speak when I’d call him. So here I was listening to your hurt and getting nothing but silence from him. I let what you were going through overshadow what he was dealing with.”

She takes a shaky breath and sits up beside him on the edge of the bed. “What was he dealing with Austin? What am I missing here?”

She waits, sensing his reluctance to fill her in on West and she wonders how she is supposed to work towards forgiveness if no one will tell her the story.

“He loved you, Jules. Everything he did, he did because he wanted to make things right for you.”

“But you’re not going to tell me.”

“I don’t know it all. I don’t know where he was coming from. I know parts. I know it wasn’t easy for him to leave Tyler. He had demons to deal with just like you did.”

Her head slips down to rest on Austin’s shoulder and she sighs at the heaviness in her heart. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what I want. I miss him so much, Austin… and yet-” She bites her lip, sucking in a deep breath at the pain she still feels from his abandonment. “Yet, I don’t know how to forget the hurt he caused.”

“I know,” he offers and pats her thigh. “No one said love was easy, huh? It confuses the hell out of me.”

A small chuckle escapes her lips at his disgruntled sigh and they spend the evening listing all of the reasons the world would be better without the confusion of falling in love.

Sixteen

West

Four wins down, eight more to go!
West thinks to himself as he exits the athletic building and heads to his truck. Ignoring the come hither stares of the football groupies hanging around the gates, he nods politely as he makes his way across the parking lot where he spots Austin. He’s leaning casually against his car, which is parked next to West’s truck. When he’d planned the three weeks he would have before he thought he’d have to attend Austin’s game with his family, he’d completely forgotten that A&M had an off week before he did. It didn’t occur to him that his traitorous brother would be here for this game. His fist tightens as he looks at him standing there, his best friend, pretending all is good between them.

“Good game, bro.” Austin smiles as West walks by and unlocks his truck. He tosses his bag into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind him before he faces Austin.

“I have every right to kill you right now.”

“Dad would probably disagree-” Austin starts.

“Don’t screw with me, Aust… if Dad knew what you’re doing he’d hold you down while I pound on you.”

Austin stands straighter, stepping towards West and West’s fists clench and unclench again; the itch to punch Austin is stronger than it has ever been.

“Really, little brother?” Austin challenges, his face no longer filled with humor. “You want to fight me, over this, over a girl?”

The fact that he would call Jules ‘a girl’ both infuriates him and makes him laugh at the same time. It’s not the first time they’ve stood five feet apart, both flexed up and angry as hell, but it’s the first time he’s ever truly wanted to do physical harm to his brother.

“She’s not just some girl, and you damn well know it. Are you with her?” He watches his brother’s face closely. “I don’t have a lot of patience when it comes to this subject, Aust, so don’t screw with me here.”

“Ha!” Austin barks out a harsh laugh, catching West off guard. “No patience, really? You’ve been sitting on this for three months. You could have gone after her. I would say you have the patience of a saint.”

“That’s not the deal here and you know it.” He looks at Austin with his arms crossed over his chest and suddenly he doesn’t have the energy to fight. “Forget it. I can’t deal with looking at you, much less talking to you.” Skimming his fingers through his wet hair, he steps back and waves his arm in disgust.

“Running again? I thought you fixed that at Crestdale?”

“Are you…” West’s words mumble out incoherently as he spins on his heal and launches himself at Austin. His forearm pushes across Austin’s chest as he pins him to the side of his small sports car. “What is your problem, man?” he shouts into his brother’s face. “You think this is a joke? I was serious; I want to kick your ass, Austin. I’m trying to contain it, but damn you! You have your pick of any girl you want and you went after mine. Mine!”

“She’s not yours West.”

“Like hell she’s not! I just needed a little more time. I need to follow the plan.” West pushes Austin against the car once, and steps back throwing his hands up. “Stay the hell away from me, got it?”

West looks up, finding several curious stares from teammates in the parking lot and he curses softly. He leaves Austin standing there and walks around to his door. One of the linemen parked a few spots down points behind him and shouts out a warning at the same time as Austin pushes him from behind. Spinning him around, Austin throws his body into West’s and pins him forcibly against the truck door.

“Tell your buddies to back off. Now!” Austin sneers into West’s face as the sound of people rushing to them beat against the parking lot pavement.

As pissed as he is, he doesn’t want his teammates involved, so he shakes his head their way. “Back off guys. You should recognize this guys as my brother.

If you’re a football player in Texas, you should know what Austin Rutledge looks like and, as they come closer and Austin turns his head offering them a slight sneer, they slow up and confirm his identity.

“Now, you listen to me, little bro,” Austin growls menacingly into West’s face. “I let you get in one hit a few weeks ago and I let you pin me to my car without a fight, but that’s it. Got it? We’re done.”

“Are you sleeping with her?” West growls back.

“What if I am?”

The visual those four words give West makes his stomach churn and fuels his rage. He pushes off his truck with a Herculean effort, freeing his arms and throwing Austin back. They grab at each other, grappling for position, as fists are thrown randomly at each other.

“Are you kidding me? How could you? What were you thinking?” West chokes out each phrase between punches. The pain of knowing she’s been touched by anyone is overwhelming, but his own brother? That’s unbearable.

“We haven’t.”

“It’s like you’ve taken a knife and stabbed me in the back!”

“We haven’t, man.”

“You don’t love her. You don’t need her like I do -”

“West! I haven’t,” Austin shouts again, elbowing West in the ribs to get out of the headlock he’s currently in. “West! We’re not together.”

Austin’s arguments reach West’s ears and his grip loosens. “What?”

Spreading his arms wide, Austin lets go of West and steps back. The move is one of surrender and they’ve done it millions of times growing up. It lets West know he is safe to back off, as well, and he drops his arms. Austin shakes himself out as he falls against the side of the truck straightening his crooked shirt.

“Nothing to see here people, just a little brotherly love,” he quips at the small crowd gathered around them. He prays nobody has a phone out to record their little episode. All they need is for it to end up all over social media.

West ignores the crowd, “You’re not together?”

“No, we’re not. I was just pushing you.”

“Pushing me? You were just pushing me! What the actual fu-”

“Dude, unless you want to end up on ESPNU tonight, I suggest we take this conversation elsewhere,” Austin mutters, his face still wreathed in a smile for the curious on-lookers.

Sure enough, they are the main attraction right now and, as much as West would prefer to tell them all to go to hell, he is well aware of how important a players public image means come draft and recruiting time. With his trying to get a spot on A&M next year and Austin entering the draft, they can’t screw up any more than they already have today.

“Hug it out,” Austin whispers under his breath and the two play nice. Austin tells West to follow him around the corner and ruffles his hair for good measure.

The move infuriates him, but he smiles anyway and calls out to his teammates. “See you boys bright and early in the weight room on Monday, right?” Grumbles follow him as he climbs into the truck and follows Austin out of the football facility.

* * *

They’re not together?
The statement replays in his mind the entire five minute drive from the stadium to a shopping center located right off campus where Austin pulls in and parks in a vacant corner of the lot. Austin signals for him to stay in the truck and he jumps in.

“It’s hot as hell out there. Can we talk in here and not be tempted to punch each other?”

“That depends on what you have to say.”

He watches his older brother shake his head, a smile tugging on his lips. “I ran into her at a party back on the first of July. Actually, I ran
to
her.” West glares and Austin explains. “Groupies were on my tail all night, so I finally gave into this one chick, but after twenty minutes I was in dire need of saving. In comes Jules. She was shocked when she saw me, but she was a good sport. She covered for me and then proceeded to give me all kinds of hell for using her.”

“Have you touched her?” West asks quietly, looking out the windshield.

“Let me explain the situation-”

“Did. You. Touch. Her?” he asks again annunciating each word clearly. Until this one question is answered, he can’t concentrate on anything else.

Austin shook his head. “Not in any way that should worry you.”

“Austin.”

“I’ve held her hand, I’ve slow danced with her, hugged her closely. That’s it.”

“Then why’d you lead me to think differently? What about that damn morning I called and she answered your phone? At six-thirty in the morning.”

“Can I explain it now?” Austin asks and West nods as relief floods him knowing they haven’t slept together.

“I started to fall for her, West. I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did. She chatted with me at that party and I took her to lunch a few days later and we clicked.” West bites his tongue as he listens to Austin explain. “She liked me for me and we could talk football and school. We had a good time together. I started helping her with some workouts and we spent so much time together. I couldn’t help it.”

West doesn’t need Austin to explain his reasoning where Jules is concerned. He has first-hand experience in how easy she is to fall in love with.

“What do you mean you helped her with workouts?”

“She hadn’t been doing her PT here when we first started to hang out, so I offered to help her. What’s another work out, right?”

It’s exactly something West would have done and he found himself begrudgingly glad his brother had been there for her when he wasn’t.

“So why are you here now? What happened?”

“The inevitable. We both knew it wasn’t going to happen between us. I knew I wasn’t the Rutledge she wanted. Even if she were over you, what were we going to do? Rub it in your face? Neither of us wanted to hurt you, and as much as you’ve tried to tell everyone you’re okay, I know you’re lying.”

“We haven’t spoken or seen each other in weeks,” West points out, irritated with Austin’s insinuation that he knows everything about West’s feelings.

“I have my sources. You think running yourself into the ground is fooling anyone? None of us buy the act. Besides, I didn’t have to see it to know it was fake. Remember when Lauren cheated on me in high school?” West nods. “I did the same thing, remember? I threw myself into the game and school. Anything to get her off my mind. When Carson told me about your three runs a day, I knew exactly what you were doing.”

“So, you were never with her? At all?”

Austin chuckles lightly. “Not at all. It was more of a comforting relationship than a romantic one. Here’s the truth though, bro. I love her, too. I love her enough to give her what she wants.”

“You love her?”

“Yeah, I love her, but I’m not in love with her. I was confused and tired and she came along. When I say I love her, I mean I care about her. As a friend, as someone who I want to see happy. You need to call her, West, before you lose her for good.”

“I lost her a long time ago.”

“No, you haven’t. Not yet. Your mind has entertained the idea of getting her back all this time. I know it has, we all know it. But, you’re scared.”

He opens his mouth to argue and Austin stops him. “Don’t bother trying to convince me I’m wrong. Dr. Steel has you putting all your energy into football. How much did you tell her about Jules? Does she know Jules is the only thing since mom’s death to make you truly smile?”

“She knows… but I can’t build my happiness on a person.”

“Is that Doctor speak?”

“Mumbo jumbo? Yeah it is,” West relents and he can’t help but ask, “Does she hate me?”

“We don’t talk about you. From the first night, that was her rule, and for the most part we followed it.”

“For the most part?”

“There were a few fights. The morning you called being one of them.” West’s eyes narrow and Austin smiles. “Did I not just tell you we were never together? I fell asleep in her room. Nothing else.”