All That Remains (9 page)

“Welcome to college,” Jules repeats with a laugh. “Have some.”

“Are you kidding? I need to eat real food, thank you very much.” Cassie leaves the room, telling Jules she’ll be right back. A few minutes later she returns with her own bowl and Jules’ curiosity gets the best of her.

“Real food?”

“Yep,” she replies smartly and tips the bowl low enough for Jules to see the orange-ish colored pasta.

“Mac N Cheese?” she asks incredulously and both girls break into laughter.

“So,” Cassie speaks up some time later once they’ve finished eating and Cassie has moved her laptop into Jules’ room and sets herself up on Katie’s bed. “Can I ask about your complicated situation?”

“Complicated?… Oh, Austin.” Jules recalls their dinner conversation on Saturday.

“Yeah, I mean if you don’t want to talk about it…”

“No, no. I mean, it’s just a lot to explain. Um… he’s a friend, but maybe kinda more. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“He’s my ex’s brother.”

“Oh! Ouch for the ex,” Cassie points out, looking back down at her screen.

Jules is wary of her tone and doesn’t want to start off the year on a bad foot with her roommate, so she tries to explain further.

“It ended pretty badly. With the brother, West, I mean,” she fumbles. “A lot of things happened last year after the tornado and I had a hard time. West and I had a hard time, coping. Things happened. He left. I ended up here this summer and Austin showed up. We’ve been hanging out and I thought we were friends, but he might want more and I… well, I like him, but I’m not over West. I want to be, but I’m not. I’m just scared and Austin deserves the truth and -”

“Whoa, whoa! Jules,” Cassie moves her laptop aside and joins Jules on her bed. “That was the Cliff Notes vomit explanation and I’m rather confused,” she teases lightly with a smile.

“You’re confused? I’m living it.”

“Ha. Okay, tell me about West.”

“Non-Cliff Notes version, but still abbreviated… we were trapped together during the tornado and formed a close bond after that. I dumped my longtime boyfriend, because I have to say it was pretty obvious pretty quickly that I didn’t have strong feelings for him anymore. Plus, his family moved away only a few days after the tornado. They couldn’t take living there. His mother comes from money and Tyler had lost its small town charm.”

“Wow, okay.”

“I’m sorry, the Daniels are honestly nice people. Just a little stuck up, that’s all. Anyway, Stuart was good about it and so West and I started seeing each other right away and it was perfect, it felt meant to be. We were both dealing with a lot more guilt and grief than I think either of us knew, though, and we didn’t know how to talk about it. I don’t know. Whatever was going on came to a head when a guy who’d had some problems with West in the past ran us off the road back in December.”

Jules shows Cassie the scar and explains her injuries and how when she woke up West was gone. Cassie’s face looks appropriately shocked at her story so she continues.

“It was Austin who delivered a letter from West to me. Austin had been a senior when I was a freshman and so I knew him a little before. Of course, growing up in a small town I knew him from afar my whole life, granted he was always on the field. After that, I rehabbed, got better, came here and thought I was on my way to a new life, and then I ran into Austin and now things are sticky again.”

“So do you like Austin?” Cassie asks once Jules tells her about the party they ran into each other at and the lunch date they went on after that.

“I… I’m grateful to him. He worked out with me all of July and brought me to parties, introduced me to his friends….”

“Yeah, but do you like him? Are you interested in him?”

Jules smooths her brow with her finger and shrugs.

“How about West, do you still love him?”

With a sheepish grin, Jules shrugs again. “I need closure with him. I was so angry when I saw him at the party the other night. But then, after my anger I hid in the bushes and cried. I hate that he still has any effect on me at all, but he does.”

“This is why I stay clear of relationships,” Cassie blurts out, and Jules eyes her suspiciously.

“Speaking of, I noticed your reluctance to join in any of the conversation the other night when the guys stopped by our table at dinner. Is there a story there? You said you don’t like jocks.”

“I’m not particularly fond of most guys, truthfully. But jocks and privileged guys do tend to irk me the most.”

“Why?”

“I’ll spare you the messy details of my life and all of my issues.”

“Hey! I spilled my guts to you,” Jules points out.

“Let’s just say my momma has had men issues all my life and I don’t particularly want to follow in her footsteps.”

Jules wants to poke for more information, but she can read the look on Cassie’s face and it’s not one of full disclosure. Not yet.

“Don’t look at me that way. You know it is possible to go to college and not get all hormonal and boy crazy, Jules.”

“It is?” she retorts playfully. “Don’t tell Jess.”

“Nah, Jess is hopeless! I think she’s already fallen in love with three different guys and it’s only the third day of classes.”

They both laugh at Jess’ boy crazy ways as Cassie moves back to her laptop on Katie’s bed. Katie and Jess return from their mixer not long after and fill the girls in on all of the gossip they learned.

Later, after calling it a night with Cassie and Jess, Jules and Katie lay in bed with the lights out, the sound of Katie’s nighttime playlist filling the silent room. After a few minutes Jules gathers the courage to ask Katie the question that’s been on her mind.

“K?”

“Hmmm?”

“If Jeff had left you, the way West left… could you forgive him?”

“I can’t… Jules, I don’t know if I can answer that truthfully.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve tried to stay neutral, because you asked me to, but Jeff did tell me a few things. I feel like I’m biased to the situation now.”

Jules sits up and tries to make out Katie’s form across the dark room. “What did he tell you?”

“Oh no! I’m staying out of it.”

“But…”

“But what? You asked us both to stay out of it. It’s only fair that I not spill his side, unless you want us to spill yours to him.”

The months after West’s desertion were extremely hard for her. She let herself become a pitiful shell of a woman. She doesn’t want West to know how much he hurt her.

“Look, I’ve told you on more than one occasion you need to let him tell you the story. Give him a chance and remember before that night how much he loved you, Jules. That’s all you really need to know.”

“You know I don’t know what I would have done without you, right?”

“I know, Ju-ju, I know.”

“Night.”

Twelve

West

Austin doesn’t come around during the first week of school and West is both angry and relieved. He uses the time to do what Dr. Steel urged him to do - study hard, practice hard at football, and work on himself. He does, and the hard work pays off when he’s standing on the sidelines for his first game in five years. He’s glad he did the right thing this week by not going after his brother, or Jules. Because standing there, he feels at home, he feels like himself again. A football field had been his playground his entire life until he walked away. The cheering of the crowd, the chanting of the cheerleaders, the student section, seeing his picture and name on the small scoreboard - it’s not the Division I game he always dreamed he would play in as a kid, but it’s football, and damn!
he’s missed this.

* * *

West drives the three hour drive to Tyler with adrenaline from his first college game, a landslide victory, still coursing through his veins. Being on the field again today felt amazing; he is sure he has a smile plastered on his face as the music blares in his truck and the fields go by. The drive into Tyler feels different, though. It is the first time he’s come home since leaving in December. When he got out of Crestdale in July, his dad surprised him with a fishing trip for the fourth. ‘Some much needed bonding with my boys,’ he’d called it, as if they were still young kids. After that weekend he’d needed to report to Freemont for training and workouts, all unofficial because NCAA regulations hold athletes to specific rules for how much time they can be forced to train and practice in an official capacity. He’d reported to the weight facility daily and hooked up with a few local players to practice and work drills. The extra work paid off since his team had demolished the Bulldogs. The victory is a bittersweet one though. Today, on the field, he’d felt like a king. Tonight, as he comes closer to his hometown, he is reminded of why he is there. One year ago, he’d driven to The Ice Shack and his whole life had changed in a moment. One year ago tonight, this town had lost forty-eight people and he’d lost his heart. It’s a sobering thought as he passes the ‘Welcome to Tyler’ sign and the last of the sun’s bright rays touch the sky ahead of him.

Center city is packed with people and he pulls his truck into the first parking spot he can find along the street that won’t earn him a parking ticket. Hands in pockets, he makes his way with the rest of the crowd towards the park where the vigil is taking place tonight. He stops to talk with former classmates and friends, joining a large group of the slackers he used to party with on the outskirts of the crowd. Things unfold the same as they did at the first vigil he went to: they pass out candles, the mayor says a few words, and a prayer is offered up from a local pastor. It’s a poignant and somber event, but also one with more hope for the future. The new high school is almost complete and the main street businesses that were destroyed have been rebuilt. Tyler is getting back to normal and he smiles as the crowd breaks into clapping at the rousing ‘we will be stronger and better’ speech someone is giving. It reminds him of the corny ‘today we celebrate our Independence Day’ speech Bill Pullman recites before the big climax in the movie ‘Independence Day.’

“Hey, big shot football player.”

The smooth voice turns West around with a surprised smile. “Lauren!” He pulls her into a tight hug.

“Why didn’t you call to tell me you’d be here?” she asks after he releases her.

“It’s been a long day, sorry.”

“It’s okay. Big shot QB doesn’t have time for his loser friends anymore.”

“Whatever, you’re not a loser.”

“I’m still in Tyler, aren’t I?” She frowns.

He hadn’t talked to Lauren since leaving Tyler last December. He’d shut her out, as he did everyone. The only reason he finally talked to her was because Austin had relayed a message from her about how guilty she’d felt about the wreck since it had been her ex that caused it. He held no ill feelings towards her. It isn’t her fault Rick was a crazy drunk and he’d told her so.

“Why are you still here? I though you wanted to get out of Tyler.”

“I do, but you know school wasn’t really my first priority.” She shrugs and he understands. “I’m going to cosmetology school, though. Plus, I’m working at the mall. It isn’t much, but it’s a start for me.”

“That’s great, Laur. You’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, I will be. The local news made a big deal out of your game today, by the way. Between you, Austin, and Stuart Daniels, Tyler has a lot more than a tornado to talk about right now.”

The name Stuart Daniels makes his muscles flinch. Jules’ ex, the one she’d left for him. He wonders if she regrets that choice now, after all they went through.

“She’s here, you know.”

“Jules?” He figured she would be, but hadn’t wanted to pin his hopes on it.

“Yeah. I saw her earlier. She actually gave me a big hug and told me she didn’t blame me.”

“What? You talked about the wreck?”

Lauren gave him an apologetic glance. “Actually, I kinda cried all over her the moment I saw her. It was rather embarrassing, but I couldn’t help it. I can’t tell you how much guilt I’ve carried over that night.”

“There’s no need to tell me,” he deadpans, completely aware of the guilt.

“She’s a better person than I ever gave her credit for, West. I should have been nicer to her last year.”

West nods absently, his eyes already scanning the crowd as the event comes to an end.

“I’m gonna let you find her, then.” He barely hears her voice and gives her a half-hearted hug as his eyes wander the crowd. “I’m proud of you Rutledge boys. Tell Austin he owes me a call soon, kay?”

He nods in reply and shifts as the larger crowd closer to the center of the park breaks up. There, standing alone by the tree where a year ago a makeshift memorial had popped up, stands Jules.

* * *

Memories from a year ago assail him as the familiar pull that has always brought him to her side pulls him her way. He recalls the mounds and mounds of flowers, pictures, letters, and stuffed animals that surrounded the large tree at center city when the town had gathered for the first vigil in honor of the dead. He remembers taking her hand and pulling her away from a pushy reporter who was bugging her for an interview. That moment had been so pivotal. That was the night he’d told her he would be her strength, that she wasn’t alone.

He comes up behind her, the urge to slip his fingers into hers makes his hand hurt, and looks over her shoulder to see what is holding her attention. There’s nothing. She’s standing there, her candle burnt out in her hand, simply looking down at the empty ground.

“I still feel alone sometimes.”

Her voice startles him and he steps forward hesitantly agreeing with her. “I know the feeling.”

Her shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath, but she doesn’t look at him and he doesn’t know what to say. Nine months of wishing he could make things right between them goes out the window every time he’s around her because, no matter what he learned in counseling, he still feels as if he’s not worthy. He feels as if he might screw it all up again, and hurting her isn’t something he wants to do ever again.

“It’s hard to believe it’s been a year already,” he says.