All That Remains (6 page)

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Everything fades away as those six words hit her ears and
that
voice registers in her brain. The sounds from the party, the color from the street lamps and moon, everything goes black and quiet as Austin’s arms tighten protectively around her. She pushes his arms away, grasping the still open door for support. Standing before them is West, his anger burning a hole through every pore of her body even though he’s not looking at her.

“My brother. My own brother! Are you serious right now, Austin?”

Austin’s back shields her view of West as he replies, “What are you doing here?”

“Is that the… back on campus, is that the call you took?” Jules whispers, raising her eyes to Austin and avoiding contact with West out of completely irrational fear. If she looks at West, she may break down.

He doesn’t have to answer her, though. She can see it on his face and in the tightness of his jaw. She wonders how West found them. It’s evident, based on his reaction that Austin didn’t tell him they were going to a party.

“You told me you were going on a date… some chick… imagine my surprise when I saw you with
her
.” From the corner of her eye, she notices West jerk his head towards her and she grimaces at the way he chooses to not use her name.

“It’s not
just
a date.”

Austin’s voice is smooth and a quiet pause follows. Jules isn’t sure if she should punch Austin or hug him for making the insinuation they are a couple. She has to use all her will to force herself to not look at his face. Instead, she watches his shoulders as they rise and fall slowly, the sign of long, deep breaths.

“I’m sorry?” West asks brusquely after a moment. The cool tone causes a shiver to run down her spine.

“I said, it’s not just one date. We’ve been hanging out for the past three weeks,” Austin all but taunts, and Jules draws in a sharp gasp of air.

Austin shrugs nonchalantly as he tells West they’ve been hanging out. It’s not a lie, but again she is torn between hugging and punching him. This, whatever they want to call their relationship, is between them and them only. As the scene plays out before her, she feels as though she’s in a movie. Everything appears to be moving in slow motion. Her mouth drops open as she sees West’s mind register Austin’s meaning. His eyes go wide and she staggers back against the car as he jumps forward, his fist pulling back with a curse.

“You son of a -”
Snap!
His fist connects with Austin’s jaw in a sucker punch and Jules screams.

Austin loses his footing and falls back into her before standing upright again, while West mutters curses under his breath as he shakes out his fist. She hopes it hurts like hell!

“Are you mad?” she shouts, trying to examine Austin’s split lip as he spits blood to the ground.

“He didn’t tell me he’d seen you. I‘ve been wondering where you were, how you’re doing, and he doesn’t bother to tell me he’s spending time with you.”

“So you punch him?” she scoffs. “A simple ‘hi’ would have sufficed, you know!”

“You’re kidding, right? I just came across you with my brother. My brother!” Jules jumps as West presses forward. “Did you think we’d be one big, happy family?”

“West!” Austin warns, pushing him in the chest to move him back.

“No. Don’t.” Jules steps forward, her blue eyes meeting West’s straight on for the first time in over nine months. She’s so close she can smell the cologne he wears. She can see the small indention above his eyebrow where he has a scar. So close to the boy, no,
man
- she corrects herself – that she lived and breathed once. Yet, at this moment, she only wants to hurt him the way he hurt her. At this moment, she wants to see him crushed. She doesn’t allow herself even a moment to think about how unfair she’s about to be to Austin.

“Believe it or not, West Rutledge, not everything in my life revolves around you! If you’d wanted to know about me you could have called. I have the same number.”

“I know -”

“Austin and I don’t talk about you. As a matter a fact, I specifically asked him not to.” He flinches. “You have no claim on me. You don’t get to know where I am or whom I’m with. And you sure as hell don’t have the right to punch your brother for dating me.”

She steps to the side and holds her hand out to Austin. A triumphant smile crosses her mouth when he takes it. Rolling her shoulders back, she pulls him towards the party.

“Jules?”

“Shut up!” she spits furiously. “You lost the right to ask about me the day you sent your brother to tell me that you were leaving me. Had you had the guts, the nerve, to see me first, maybe things would be different. But you didn’t. That’s where you and I ended. So leave me the hell alone. Just go away.”

The last three words are muttered over her shoulder and she averts her eyes to keep from having to see his anger, or even worse, his pain.

Eight

Jules

As they walk away, Jules feels Austin’s slight hesitation and she tugs him harder. They walk past a few bystanders without a word, Austin squeezing her fingers in silent support. The crowd immediately swallows her up when they walk in the side door of the house. A dance mix is beating through the sound system, the deep vibrations rattling her chest, as she forces her way to the kitchen in search of the inevitable keg or makeshift bar setup. She tries to maintain a straight face as she looks ahead and gives small nods to those who wave and say hi to her.

In the three weeks since she’d bumped into Austin at her first party, she’s come to recognize the group that typically hangs with the players. The best friends, girlfriends, girls that are willing to bed whoever is interested, she sees them all even as her eyes blur with angry tears. Blinking them back, she turns to Austin when they finally elbow their way to the bar.

“Something strong, Toby,” she shouts over the ruckus to one of the guys who helps serve drinks at their parties.

“Uh oh, what did Rutledge do?” He smiles as he pulls the vodka out.

“HA!” she chokes and drops Austin’s hand. “Which one?” she mutters and Toby gives her a look.

Austin’s hand cups her shoulder, “Jules?”

She shrugs it off and picks up the ‘vodka and something’ Toby mixed for her. Taking a quick sip, she steps away and gives Austin’s lip a glance.

“Hey Toby, give Austin some ice would ya?” she suggests as she walks away.

Austin calls out behind her, and she wants to ignore him, but she can’t. She shouldn’t. She turns with a sigh, facing him. He doesn’t speak; he only raises his brows in a silent question. It’s a look she’s come to know; it’s the same look West used to give her when he was asking her if she was all right. Suddenly, the need to run is overwhelming, and she nods, holding up her hand to let him know she needs a moment. He understands because somehow he always does.

A party full of jocks and their hanger-ons isn’t the best place to find peace and Jules struggles through the crowd, looking for a place to be alone. The bathrooms have lines, she finds the bedrooms taken, and there are crowds of people filling both the front and back yard. She finally spots a small shed in the back corner of the yard and finds herself desperate enough to sneak into its dark recesses to hide away. Looking around behind her to be sure she’s not being followed, she disappears to the back side of the shed, tucked between a privacy fence and some trees. She leans against the wooden siding and takes deep breaths as she comes to terms with what just happened.

Try as she might, she can’t curtail the tears forming again in her eyes. The sound of West’s voice had stopped her heart cold. She recalls the sadness she heard in his voice, mixed in with his anger, when he said he’d been wondering where she was. She’d wanted to tell him to join the club. She’d wanted to remind him that she’d sat waiting for him for months, wondering where he was, what he was thinking. Worst, though, was the urge to jump into his arms, to kiss his lips. So she lashed out instead. It was childish, and somewhat prideful, to want to make him think she was okay after his desertion, but she couldn’t help how she felt.

A tear escapes, against her permission, and she takes a shaky breath as more follow suit. Each tear is a piece of the facade she’s built up over the months; the wall breaking away after one meeting, one moment. Dropping her cup, she covers her face and allows herself to feel the pain she’s never stopped living with.

* * *

“West!”

Hearing Austin call West’s name, not far from where she stands, pulls her head up. She chokes down the urge to shout and takes deep breaths to control her emotions.

“Where is she? I saw her out here from inside.” West’s voice is strained, angry, and so very close to where she stands.

“Dude, let her go.”

A burst of bitter laughter sounds. “Why? So you can have a shot at her?”

“West-” Austin’s voice matches his brother’s angry tone. “I’m not putting her between us.”

“No? You already did.”

“No! You did when you sent me into her hospital room nine months ago to deliver that letter.”

A slew of heated words fly from West’s lips and a desire to peek around the corner to catch a glimpse of him hits her in the gut, but she refrains.

She’d allowed herself one cursory glance when they’d been back by Austin’s car and, even then, in that quick look, what she saw made her pulse race.

His shoulders and arms are more defined, broader than before. His dark hair is shorter, still a tousled mess, but not as long and wild. Her eyes traveled up his torso and had barely touched on his jaw, with the shadow of dark stubble strewn across it, when she made herself look away. She couldn’t look at his beloved face.

“This isn’t over,” West warns and Jules bites her lip at the curt sound of his voice.

“I certainly didn’t think it was.”

“Find her and make sure she’s okay, Austin. You and I can deal with us when you get home tonight.” He emphasizes 'tonight' and Austin chuckles.

“What if I have other plans?”

“Don’t push the bonds of brotherhood.”

Austin doesn’t reply and Jules closes her eyes, waiting for them to say more and wanting them to leave so she can come out of her hiding spot. Austin clears his throat and Jules looks up to find him standing at the edge of the shed. It’s too dark to read his face and she swipes at her cheeks before he gets a closer look at the tear-stained mess she’s sure she’s become.

“You like hiding out with the creepy crawlers?”

A shiver runs up her spine as she imagines what’s possibly chilling out around her right now. “I’m sorry. I needed a moment.”

He takes three steps forward and leans his shoulder against the shed, facing her in the dark. “Not the way you expected your first run-in to go, I imagine?” he asks. He’s trying to be playful, but she can hear the stress underneath the banter.

He lifts his hand and traces a finger along the seam of her shirt at the shoulder as he remarks softly, “You let him believe we might be more than friends.”

After that first night she’d spent with Austin, she truly didn’t think they’d run into each other again. She figured they’d maybe pass each other on campus or run into each other at a party, but that would be it. It would be polite smiles and nods wherever they went. However, when he sought her out three days later and took her to lunch, he changed things. She’d known, even back then, it was a bad idea to form a friendship with him. Everything he does reminds her of West. And the few things that are strictly Austin have begun to mend her battered heart and make her hope for love again. It’s stupid. She can’t possibly date him. It’s not smart and it could hurt too many people. Yet, she keeps spending time with him. She keeps letting him take her out, call her, and hold her hand - as a boyfriend would. She’s finally starting to get comfortable with that feeling… and now this. All he had to do was show up once and everything she thought she was starting to fit together falls apart again.

She takes the coward's way out, shrugging instead of answering his question and then asks one of her own. “You knew what conclusions he would make by what he saw. Why didn’t you say anything?”

The dark silhouette of his shoulders shrug, “I knew it would stop him.”

“Stop him?”

“Yeah, we’re brothers, Jules. No matter how pissed he is at me if he thinks there’s something between us he’ll step back. Obviously not without a well-placed punch first.” His hand rubs his jaw and she feels guilty.

“I’m sorry,” she offers, touching his jaw softly. The tender move causes Austin to straighten up and lean in towards her.

She stands there; her face tips up towards him as he closes the space between them and she wonders if she can do it. Kiss Austin, forget West? The prospect of doing just that causes her to suck in a gulp of air and jump back. Her hand flies to her mouth, covering it as tears spring to her eyes, again.

Instead of a kiss, his forehead touches her and he sighs. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

“This?”

“You and I,” he replies and pulls back so he can look into her watery eyes. “Whatever this is.”

“I don’t, I -” Jules fumbles with her words.

He shakes his head once and she sees a smile cross his lips in the dark space they’re standing in. “Don’t. We don’t have to figure this out tonight.” He steps back and his hand skims down her bare arm to take her hand.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, Austin. We’re friends, right?”

His fingers tighten around her and he lets out a loud breath. “Is that all we are? Friends?”

She can’t think. Her emotions play tricks on her, her heart and head at war with that question. She never meant for Austin to work his way into her heart. She wasn’t looking for anything and she didn’t think he was either. It was just so comfortable from day one. A friendship not based on who she was before and yet, if she’s truthful with herself, who she’d been has everything to do with their relationship. How can there be a relationship when she was once West's?

“Did you want there to be something between us?” she finally asks.