All The Little Moments (36 page)

“What!”

“I know. I’m going to try. But if I can’t get you, I will definitely be able to get your mother in. Just, unfortunately, the soonest I can get a visit would
be Wednesday.”

Her mouth went dry. “Lorna—they’ll be so confused and unsettled. Would—can’t I see them? Speak
to them?”

“I’m sorry, I won’t have answers for that
until Wednesday.”

Closing her eyes for a second to find patience, Anna counted to three and opened them again. “Can you at least pass them a message
from me?”

Lorna hesitated. 
“All right.”

“Tell…tell them I miss them, and I can’t wait to see them again. Tell Ella that of course—of course I want her.” She was
choking up.

“I’ll
tell them.”

“Thank you.”

“We won’t be doing nothing these next few days, Anna. I’ll be talking to your colleagues, your family—all to testify when the date’s
set. Okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Take care
of yourself.”

“I will.”

Anna hung up and stared dumbly at her phone. That had not been what she wanted
to hear.

To get it over with, she called her mother and filled her in, holding the phone away as Sandra protested loudly, ranting for a good ten minutes before Anna got her off
the phone.

She dropped her head heavily into her hands. How was she meant to just go on about her life like normal while Ella and Toby were in
foster care?

One thing was for sure: she was not going to be able to sit around
all day.

After calling her boss to fill him in, Anna left for work, parking her car far from her usual place. She froze as she got out of the car. Jesus, what if she
saw Lane?

It turned out that when you’re trying to avoid someone and they’re trying to avoid you, it’s easy to not run into them. Anna threw herself into work
that day.

Partway through the afternoon, she saw Lorna making her way to McDermott’s office. Involuntarily, Anna’s feet started walking towards her, before she forced herself to stop and walk away. No good would come from cornering the woman and losing
her cool.

Later that morning, Anna’s stomach clenched when she turned automatically to walk down the hallway to the day care and remembered Toby wouldn’t be there, that she couldn’t walk in and watch him drop whatever he was doing and run at her, delighted she had entered his little world. The last time, she’d left with paint smeared all over her scrubs, bright red, from him wrapping himself around her legs. Feeling lost, Anna turned back the way she had come and headed for
the cafeteria.

In the middle of the day, Kym found her with a coffee in hand. “I
saw Lane.”

Anna didn’t even glance up from her desk. “
Don’t, 
Kym. Just,
not now.”

Kym had a lot to say; Anna could almost feel her urge to speak as she stood near the desk. Finally, she broke. “Anna, don’t you
think that—”

“I’ve got to get to a surgery, Kym.” And she slipped out of her office, leaving Kym looking torn between pity
and frustration.

That afternoon, Scott called and told her the trial would be set for Friday. She told him what Lorna had said about not being able to see the kids, and he sighed, saying the system had flaws, but all their policies were there for a reason. He reminded her that by playing by the rules, they built a better case in
her favour.

She told him that seemed ridiculous, that her wanting to see them should be a
good thing.

“Keep phoning them for answers and check-ups on the kids, but do what they say,” he told her. “Most of all,
be patient.”

She hung up even
more frustrated.

Anna worked until past midnight that night, stealing surgeries from the on-call anaesthetist, who happily handed them over and found a room in which to sleep. Kym eventually hunted Anna down in a hallway and handed her a vending machine sandwich
to share.

“You know,” she said thoughtfully, “it wasn’t that long ago that Lane and Tess, and then you, were following me into work and making sure
I ate.”

Anna swallowed an unsatisfactory mouthful of bland bread. “I’m okay, Kym. I just need
the distraction.”

“I know.”

Anna filled Kym in on her conversations with Lorna and Scott, bitterness at the situation heavy on her tongue. Kym put her hand on Anna’s shoulder; there was nothing she
could say.

They finished without any more talking, Anna barely tasting
her food.

As if to say something, Kym turned to her and opened her mouth, then seemed to think better of it and stopped. In the end, she just said, “Make sure you get some sleep
tonight, alright?”

Anna threw her an
absentminded nod.

She left the hospital around one
a.m., exhausted.

Anna woke up groggily on Tuesday morning, way before her alarm—despite the late hour she’d gone
to bed.

The heaviness that had been weighing on her for days was even heavier
this morning.

The kids’ absence was starting to take
its toll.

As
was Lane’s.

She got to work far too early, when nurses were just starting their morning rounds. Despite the early hour, she had already left a message for Lorna requesting an update on how the kids were and to ask if there was any news on
the visit.

Anna paused in her work that morning only to take Lorna’s call, to hear the repetitive “the kids are okay” line. Though this time, Lorna added something else. “Ella…” she said. “Ella says she knows, because of the way your face looked when we
drove away.”

The sob trapped in Anna’s throat almost spilled out over
the phone.

Thankful that she didn’t have any consultations, Anna threw herself into surgeries instead. At four o’clock, she was just collecting notes for her final operation of the day when her boss appeared
before her.

“Go
home, Foster.”

She turned to him in surprise.
“What? Why?”

The empathy on McDermott’s face was worse than if he had been stern. “You were here too late last night and you came in far too early.
Go. Home.”

“Let me finish
this one?”

“Foster—”

“I did his consult yesterday, I’m prepped. It’s my signature on the anaesthetic paperwork.” She
paused. “Please?”

He hesitated a moment.
“Last one?”

She tried not to look too triumphant.
“Thank you.”

But she entered the surgery with a ball of dread sitting in her stomach. She didn’t want to go home, to the silence and to
her thoughts.

She walked in to find the surgeons waiting in the scrub room, the nurses scrubbed in and sorting out the instruments. When she caught her anaesthetic nurse’s eye, Anna tried to give her a friendly smile. She was just getting into her normal rhythm when something made her look up and she saw Lane scrubbing in, staring straight at her. Lane’s eyes dropped back down to the sink. This was not the kind of work distraction
Anna wanted.

The surgeons were gowned and gloved, and when Lane stepped in a second afterwards, the other nurses greeting her warmly. The surgeon, a man named Troy Fields whom Anna had never heard be overly friendly with anyone, greeted Lane like an old
best friend.

“Lane! Are you my scrub
nurse today?”

Lane nodded. “Yeah, I just got sent up. I heard you were
one short.”

Troy was already moving over to the patient. “Ah, well, always good to
have you.”

After the checks and safety procedures, the surgery
was underway.

Lane wouldn’t look
at her.

Anna was spending far too much time staring. Lane was obviously incredibly respected, and she seemed to have worked often with these two particular surgeons, reading their movements and handing them instruments before they could ask. She was at home in the theatre. All Anna could think was how she just wanted Lane to look
at her.

The surgery went far too slowly and far too quickly, all at once. It was painful to be so close to Lane and to feel like they were completely separated, and, before she knew it, the patient was being wheeled out and it
was over.

Anna sat on her stool as the nurses cleaned up around her, torn between trying to talk to Lane and needing to be far away from her. She couldn’t do this: there was no way Anna could pretend to be strong when Lane was so close that she could reach out and touch her. Pushing back suddenly, she stood and swept out of the room, washing her hands in record time before fleeing. She made it to the locker room, angry that she was being sent home and couldn’t stay and distract herself from this tight feeling in her chest. Slowly dragging out the time until she would have to leave, Anna pulled on her jeans and her boots. Her hands shook slightly. She paused at the mirror, running a brush through her hair. Her eyebrows raised in slight surprise at how pale she was, at the black smudges under her eyes. She turned to leave, pausing abruptly when she saw Lane standing awkwardly in the doorway, hand on the door, as if unsure whether or not to turn
and flee.

Anna gave her a small
smile. “Hey.”

Lane’s own confused “hey” was
barely audible.

Anna turned back to her locker and swung the door shut, gnawing on her bottom lip and waiting. She didn’t turn around until she heard the door gently fall into place and knew Lane
was gone.

She had known it would be hard to see Lane. Had known that doing what was right would be even more difficult when faced with the sight of her. In spite of herself, Anna had watched Lane more than she should have. Lane, though looking tired and a little pale, was still as stunning as always. And the look in Lane’s eyes made her chest ache. Anna hadn’t realised how overpowering the urge to fall against Lane would be. God, to break down and just let everything that was inside her out would be such a relief. Sighing, Anna grabbed
her bag.

It seemed like the smell of Lane’s perfume
still lingered.

Bag on her shoulder, she turned to leave, stopping when she saw that Lane was still standing a step from the door, watching her silently. Anna took in a deep breath and started to walk forward, shoulder brushing past Lane as she walked to the door. Fingers on the handle, she paused; she could feel Lane turn around behind her. That motion was all
it took.

She turned around, pressing herself against Lane, hands coming up to cup her cheeks as she kissed her. Without a second of hesitation, Lane returned the kiss, pushing back against Anna with force that felt both bruising
and comforting.