Always and Forever (14 page)

“Me too,” she whispered, a light in her eyes, a shimmer there that used to be there every time he looked at her but came and went these days. But it gave him hope at least, even if he felt like he was messing things up between them more times than he was getting it right.

“They’ll love it. They always do,” Matt said, pleased they’d managed to avoid anything too heavy. “Don’t you have something like one hundred thousand followers now?”

Matt picked up his fork again, stabbing a piece of calamari and dipping it into a bit of the miso-ginger aioli. Lisa leaned in closer and did the same.

“This is really good,” she said.

Matt took another piece. “When I was growing up, I’d have shuddered at the thought of trying sauce like this. But it is good, surprisingly damn good.”

“So you’re saying I’ve made you more cultured?”

They both laughed away quietly, and it felt good. Matt had missed their easy feeling, the way they’d always been so chilled out with each other, not taking anything too seriously except their work. They’d always been like that, just comfortable in each other’s company, until recently.

He sipped his beer and ate a few more pieces of calamari, watching Lisa as she did the same. When they’d finished, he pushed the plate away. “Come around here.”

Lisa hesitated, but he waited, kept his arm up, kept his smile fixed in place. Eventually she scooted around to his side and tucked up against him on the chair he’d pulled closer. It was a table for four, and he had no idea why they were sitting across from each other anyway.

“I didn’t mean what I said. This is going to be a great trip. It’s just hard to let go,” Lisa said.

“I know,” he said.

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?” she whispered, holding on to him tight. “Tell me it won’t always be like this.”

Matt nodded, even though the question scared the shit out of him because he had no idea what the answer was. “Yeah, we are. Of course we are.”

Lisa sat back and looked at Matt, wondering how the hell she’d managed to get a guy so gorgeous. He’d been nineteen when she’d first met him, had a reputation for hooking up with all the girls on the cheerleading team in his final year of school, getting into trouble, drinking too much. She knew that he’d changed when his mom died, had become more of a troublemaker, falling out with his dad and doing a whole lot of stupid stuff to piss him off, but she got that he’d probably wanted to blame someone. Hell, she’d love to pin all the blame on someone,
anyone
. She wondered how hard it had been, what he’d really been through back then. Because even though she knew what had happened, he’d never wanted to talk about, unless it was to tell her that she’d made everything okay for him.

When they’d met, he’d looked at her and something had happened. She’d never been that into boys, never cared about having a boyfriend even when her friends were hooking up with guys. And then along had come Matt, way too old for her and just finished senior year, and the girl who’d never been self-conscious or been gaga for any boy had suddenly cared about how she looked, how she smelt, how she spoke . . .
everything
. And she had known that Matt felt the same, had been crazy embarrassed when her sister had stared at her long and hard and demanded to know if she had a crush on him. Or if he’d tried to make a move. The only other time she’d felt that kind of pull toward a guy had been watching football and admiring the sexy quarterback—and she’d soon realized after meeting Matt that he
was
that guy.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, voice husky as he took a pull of his third beer. They usually didn’t drink a whole lot, but tonight was different. It was grittier and more real, and she actually felt like she was being herself instead of pretending, even if it was a new version of herself.

“Us, how we met.”

“What about it?”

“I was so happy being the good girl, doing well at school, hanging with my friends.”

“And then I corrupted you.” Matt’s chuckle made her smile. “Right from that first day when I stubbed out my last cigarette and saw you at your parents’ pool.”

“You made me see things differently. And I was pretty okay about the corrupting part, if I remember correctly.”

“Hey, I can’t take the full blame,” Matt said. “You were pretty happy to skip school and meet me behind the bleachers. I used to blush just thinking about what you wanted to do to me!”

She cracked up big time, laughed so hard tears trickled down her cheeks, and through her blurry eyes she could see Matt almost doubled over. And it felt damn good. He was repeating her words, had always teased her about what she’d said to him the day he’d pushed his luck and tried to unzip her jeans with one hand, the other already slipped beneath her t-shirt. Matt was experienced and confident, and she’d been shy with no other experiences to compare it to—she’d been all talk, and he’d been all action. It had been forbidden and exhilarating for her; and from what he’d told her, it had been just as exciting for him. She’d been young and just as forbidden in different ways.

“You’re mean, taunting me with that.”

He winked, beer bottle paused against his lips. “But it was just so cute.”

“You loved that I was all doe-eyed and inexperienced.” She sipped her wine, feeling a familiar flush rise through her body that was only a little to do with the wine and a lot to do with the man seated next to her. Even after all these years he still managed to make her pulse race with one long look, one wink. They hadn’t been intimate in so long, but now she wanted him, wanted to rip his clothes off and forget everything else. She wanted hot and sweaty sex—now, not later.

“Damn right I did! But it was more than that. There was an innocence about you I didn’t want to change. Maybe I still don’t. Maybe that’s why this has been so hard.”

She liked that about him, how primal he was about her. Right from the start he’d wanted to protect her, look after her, and she’d never seen the asshole Matt who’d given his dad a black eye one night and never come home on countless occasions, the guy who’d missed football training because he was too stoned when previously he’d been the school’s star quarterback. He’d gone from star athlete and scholar to heading off the rails fast, and she knew his dad was eternally grateful that he’d met her and gone back to the nice, easygoing guy he’d been before his mom died.

“I love how you go all ‘caveman protecting his woman’ when it comes to me.”

“And I love how you bring out that man in me.”

She gazed at him, fingers playing up the stem of her glass. Their food arrived then, but she thanked the waitress without looking at her. It was unlike Matt to be so . . . she didn’t know what it was. He didn’t usually talk like that, never told her how he felt very often.

“Eat your dinner,” he ordered, obviously buzzing from the beer. “This caveman is ready to drag his woman back to his man-cave.”

She laughed, knowing she was blushing, which was so stupid when it was her husband talking to her. It was insane that he could still have that effect on her. Matt was still staring, still intense, his blue eyes twinkling as he watched her. Maybe she was just embarrassed because it was
she
who wanted him so bad right now, and because it had been a while.

Lisa looked away, down at her food as she picked up her fork, appetite almost gone. When she glanced back, he opened his mouth to say something but obviously changed his mind.

“What?” she whispered.

“I was just thinking how nice this is, being here just the two of us, in a bittersweet kind of way.”

And there it was. No matter how happy they were or what they were doing, it always circled back to her cancer, to what had happened. Happy now felt like a different kind of happy to the happy they’d once enjoyed.

She pushed the evil thoughts away, had to so she didn’t ruin the moment.

“Yeah, me too.”

Lisa held her fork tighter and took the knife into her other hand, making herself smile at the beautiful food on the plate in front of her. She was sitting in a gorgeous restaurant with a gorgeous man, about to eat what looked like amazing food. She needed to push it down, lock her thoughts and memories away before she ruined what was good in her life.

She took her first mouthful of prawn and savored the flavor. It was divine.

“Good choice,” she said, smiling up at Matt.

He’d already eaten a few mouthfuls to her one. “It’s seriously good.”

Lisa ate a mouthful of steak and shut her eyes for a second. It was heavenly. She sipped her wine once she’d finished chewing, sat back and took in her surroundings, the buzz of people as the outdoor area of the restaurant started to fill up. She was so lucky to be here right now, and nothing could take that away from her. She just needed to keep reminding herself that she could have been dying or even dead right now, and instead she was alive, still breathing, still walking. She had a lot to be thankful for. She just needed to start acknowledging it.

14.

S
top!” Lisa laughed as Matt tried to grope her from behind, pushing up her top, wishing she hadn’t had so much to drink. He had his hands on her butt and he wasn’t giving up. “Matt!” she hissed, fumbling with the keys as she tried to get them into the lock. “Someone will see us.”

“So? You’re my wife.”

“It doesn’t mean other people need to see us naked!” she laughed.

Lisa shoved him with one hand and eventually managed to get the key into the lock. She ran through the door, half-heartedly tried to close it on Matt and failed. His big frame filled the door, eyes never leaving hers. She walked backward, the piercing blue irises following her every move, his wide shoulders pushing into the door as he nudged it shut, biceps flexing as he yanked his t-shirt over his head and faced her bare-chested. This was what she wanted. Something to take her mind off
everything.

She ran her tongue over dry lips, feeling trapped, exhilarated,
alive.
Matt was stalking her, his intention clear, the way they’d been looking at each other over dinner still sending licks of anticipation through her. But the way he was staring at her now was so primal, and as much as she wanted to play the game, to tease him, she wanted him, too.

“You remember the night in the cabin?” Matt asked, one eyebrow arched as he waited for her response.

“Always.” She slipped the strap of her dress down, stared back at him. “Only that girl was blushing every time you looked at her naked, and this woman knows exactly what she wants. Right here, right now.”

Matt chuckled. “You’re saying that you don’t think I could make you blush anymore?”

Lisa stopped walking backward and decided to stalk straight back toward him. She slipped off the other strap, paused so her dress could fall off her body into a puddle on the floor, leaving her in just her bra and panties. She grinned when he let out a low wolf-whistle.

“Oh, I know you can.” She stopped in front of him and ran her fingernails down his bare chest, took a deep breath as she thought about what they were about to do. After so long . . . it was a relief to finally
want
this again. “In fact, I’m counting on it.” She needed him to make her forget, to pleasure her and make everything else go away.

Matt stayed still, took a big breath that she felt against her hands when she laid them flat to his body. Her own breath was short and sharp, her eyes trained on his, lips parted, waiting, knowing what was coming.

“You asked for it,” he muttered, scooping his hands beneath her butt and walking her backward, throwing her down onto the bed. She watched as he undid his belt and ripped his jeans off in record time, body slamming into hers.

The weight of him, the feel of him, everything felt so right. Lisa raised her chin, didn’t resist when he roughly claimed her mouth, all of the softness of earlier long gone. But it was just what she wanted,
needed
, and she hungrily matched his movements, rocked her pelvis up into his, legs wrapped tight around him to lock him in place.

“Don’t stop,” she demanded when he pushed hard against her.

“Wasn’t going to,” he muttered straight back.

Lisa sighed into his mouth when he kissed her again, hungry for him, wanting him closer. She arched her back as he reached for a bra strap, moaning as his mouth closed over her breast, using her heels to try to get his boxers off when she couldn’t reach low enough.

“Slow down, tiger,” he said with a chuckle, smiling down at her as he half-rose to oblige her.

Lisa took her chance, stripped her panties off and parted her thighs to let him fall back into place above her.

“Damn,” Matt muttered, his voice husky as hell and making her laugh.

“Screw ‘
slow
.’ I want you now,” she demanded.

“What my wife wants, she gets.”

Lisa fell back and held her arms above her head, arching her back when Matt settled his weight over her and took hold of her wrists to pin them in place. After months of not feeling like sex, of not wanting Matt or feeling the attraction toward him she was used to, he’d managed to make her pulse race and her body hum just like old times.

“You know, this
is
kind of like the cabin,” Lisa said, stretching out beside Matt and pulling the sheet with her.

Matt promptly pulled it down again, hand claiming her skin, skimming past her breast and making her smile.

“If you squint your eyes to blur out the fact that this place is actually a whole lot nicer.”

“I mean just the lying in bed part. No house to worry about, no commitments, just you and me. And it feels naughty for some reason.”

Lisa tickled his nipple and received a slap on the hand in response.

“It does feel kind of naughty,” Matt agreed. “We need to do this more often.”

Lisa stretched out again, this time not caring about the sheet slipping down. It was stupid to be modest about her body with Matt, she knew that, and the hungry look in his eyes the night before and when they’d woken up this morning told her that he liked what he saw. For some reason, though, she felt shy in the light of day; the alcohol had helped take the edge off the night before.

“You ready to go to the market soon?”

“Do I look ready?” he asked, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

“In a woodsman kind of way, all mussed up and unshaven,” Lisa said, pulling up beside him and brushing a kiss against his jaw before reluctantly getting up. “I’m jumping in the shower. We can grab breakfast at the market.”

Matt lay back down, flashing her a grin just as she turned. She envied him getting some extra bed time, but then again she wanted to wash her hair. She’d spent long enough hiding in bed at home—this trip was about moving forward and changing all that.

Lisa got in the shower, running through her usual routine as fast as she could. She wrapped herself in a big towel and wiped the mirror clear when she got out, pinning her hair up and rubbing on moisturizer over her body. Then she went back out into the room to catch Matt rising, still naked as he stretched. He kissed her on his way past before disappearing into the bathroom. She dressed while he was in the shower, staring at her cases full of clothes for what seemed like forever before finally pulling out a pretty long dress that had been part of her last summer collection. It had a bright orange piece of contrasting fabric under the bust, and she dug around in her jewelry bag until she found a cute orange bracelet that she’d made by hand when the collection came out. She slipped it over her wrist, found some equally cute sandals and then joined Matt in the bathroom to put on her make-up and dry her hair. Today felt different, in a good way. She felt so much closer to him now than she had in a long while.

“You look good,” Matt said, rubbing his hair with a towel.

“I hate how easy it is for
you
to look so good.” She applied her foundation with a brush and watched him in the mirror. He looked so damn amazing naked. His skin was golden, arms thickly muscled from all the heavy work he did on the building sites. His shoulders were just as good, and she had to resist the urge to turn and run her fingers over them.

Lisa went back to applying her make-up and Matt walked out with his towel slung low. She quickly dried her hair, putting her head down and blasting it with heat. She was lucky it was long and easy to do—all she had to do now was run her fingers through it with a little product in and it would be done.

“Ready?” she called out as she walked back into the bedroom space.

Matt slipped on a t-shirt, taking his phone from his ear and pushing it into his pocket. “Ready.”

She reached for her purse and dropped her lip gloss into it. “Who were you talking to?”

“Kelly.”

Lisa glanced up. “Is Blue okay?” She missed their dog so bad, wished they’d just bundled him up and brought him along, although she wasn’t so sure they’d have been able to sneak him into their accommodation that easily given the size of his body, not to mention his bark.

“Blue’s fine. Still having a blast with the girls.”

She blew out a breath. “Phew. Bet he’s snuggling up on their beds with them and driving Kelly crazy.”

“She was just checking in,” Matt said with a shrug. “Maybe she doesn’t trust us to behave.”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, us and our rock star lifestyle.”

“Come on, baby, let’s go get into some trouble. Give your sister something to worry about.”

She swung hands with Matt as he reached for the car keys.

“How about we have brekky first,
then
go get into trouble.”

They both laughed as they walked out the door.

“Want me to take a pic of you or are you doing selfies?” he asked as he locked up.

Lisa thought for a second. “You take it. But wait till we get to the market. You can snap me looking through some stalls or something.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

It took them just minutes by car to find the farmers’ market, and Lisa forgot about everything when she stepped out and saw all the people already milling about, smelled the fresh coffee and food in the air, and felt the sunshine beating down on her bare shoulders.

Lisa waited for Matt and they walked together, side by side, until they reached the first stand.

“We need more bags,” Lisa said, throwing Matt a smile and receiving a “here we go again” look in reply.

“We’re not carting around a bunch of organic fruit,” he said firmly. “Or anything else.”

She completely ignored him and smiled at the man behind the stand as she looked at the berries on offer. What she needed was to keep busy, and if that meant buying crazy amounts of fresh fruit, then she was just going to have to go with it. “We’ll take these strawberries.”

Matt made a moaning noise but she flapped her hand at him without looking. “I could get more,” she cautioned.

“I’m going to get us coffee,” he announced.

“Matt! You’re just disappearing because you don’t want to be my packhorse!”

“Exactly! The more you have to carry yourself, the less you’ll buy!”

Matt headed off in search of coffee, casting one last glance over his shoulder to see Lisa with her head bent low looking at something else. She was infuriating and gorgeous at the same time, but he liked that. He liked when she was sparky and made him react, because that was what she’d always done. When she wasn’t keeping him on his toes, that’s when he started to worry.

He found a coffee stall and stepped up to the counter past others waiting for their coffee to be made.

“Two lattes, please,” he said.

“About ten minutes,” the man replied.

He paid his money and gave his name, then had a look around. It took him only a few minutes to spot someone selling French pastries. Matt scanned what was on display, smiling when he saw what he wanted.

“Can I help you?”

“Pain au chocolat,” he said. “I know I’m not saying it right, but it’s my wife’s favorite.”

“What the wife likes, we buy, eh?”

Matt laughed. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“One or two?”

“I may as well have one, too,” he said, his stomach rumbling in response. It had been a long time since dinner, and after the workout they’d had this morning
and
the night before . . . A smile pushed his mouth up and he thought about exactly what they’d been doing. It had sure been a nice way to start their vacation.

“Are you sneaking pain au chocolat without me?”

A hand on his side made him turn.

“For you, baby, always for you.”

“Beautiful couple! My wife and I were just like you.” The old Frenchman smiled at them, nodding his head.

Matt turned and stole a quick kiss from his wife before collecting the paper bags and passing one to Lisa. He was liking the fact that she hadn’t turned away from him lately after pushing him away for so long.

“You’re so sweet,” Lisa cooed at the man. “Any chance you could point me in the direction of anyone selling fabric or clothes?”

He pointed out the way and Matt thanked him, taking Lisa’s hand to drag her away before she talked the man’s ear off for the rest of the day.

“Let me collect the coffee and then we can go trawling,” he said, rolling his eyes just to get a reaction out of her.

“Let’s sit a bit. I’m starving.”

Matt heard his name called and retrieved his coffee, then followed Lisa over to a tree that had children playing on one side while their parents picnicked.

“Here.” He dropped down and held out his hands, drawing her with him and tucking her against his body as he leaned against the thick tree trunk.

He watched as she nibbled at the pastry. “Good?”

“Amazing. Can I have yours too?”

Matt grunted. “Let me take a pic of you sitting there looking all cute. Then you can steal mine.”

“With pastry crumbs on my lip gloss?”

“Yeah. It’s real and you look gorgeous.”

Lisa shrugged. “Go for it then.”

Matt brushed his jeans off when he stood, pulling out his phone and taking a few shots of her.

“Do you want a photo together?”

Matt hadn’t even realized anyone was approaching. He saw straight away that it was the kids’ dad, who’d nodded at him earlier when they’d sat down.