Always in My Heart (18 page)

But if Nigel didn’t love her, how could she marry him?

He doesn’t love me.
The very thought stung. How foolish Callie had been to quickly let herself get caught up in emotions. To quickly start to hope.

She should have known better.

And yet a small flame of hope still burned. She found herself saying, “What about me? I know you want to be there for Kwame, but what about me? Us?”

Nigel stared at her, not speaking. Callie lowered her hands from her chest, waiting for Nigel to say something. To tell her that she was wrong to think he didn’t care. That he
did
feel something for her.

But he remained quiet. He stood there looking at her, not saying a word. Which said everything.

“I see,” Callie said, her voice hoarse. She knew she was on the verge of losing it.

She’d needed to hear him say that he loved her, that he was determined to work past their differences. Because if he didn’t love her, then she couldn’t bear to be with him any longer, playing a family. That would only lead to more heartbreak than she was already experiencing.

“So last night,” Callie went on, because she needed to know. “What exactly was last night?”

Nigel was silent for a long moment. Then he said, “You know what last night was.”

“I do?” Callie scoffed.

“You should,” Nigel told her.

“Really? Okay, I’ll tell you what I thought. I thought…” She paused, suddenly unable to go on. It hurt to voice the thought she’d had, knowing how wrong she had been.

“You thought what?”

“I thought last night…what we did was about love. But obviously for you it was just about…I don’t know, convenience?”

She looked at Nigel, imploring him to tell her that she was wrong. That of course last night he had felt love.

But he said nothing, just looked downcast with an expression that said he was conflicted.

“Well, there you go. That sums it up in a nutshell, doesn’t it? I’m not an idiot, and that’s why I can’t marry you.”

Finally, Nigel reacted with a look other than ambiguity. “What?” he asked.

“Do you love me?” Callie gave him a pointed stare. It was a challenge really. “If you tell me that you love me, then we can get married.”

Groaning, Nigel ran a hand over his head. “Why are you making this difficult? We need to do what’s right for Kwame.”

The last light of hope was blown out. How many times had she given Nigel a chance to say that he cared? It wouldn’t bother her if he told her that they had a lot to work on, as long as he could tell her that she was still the woman in his heart.

“I won’t keep your son from you,” Callie began softly.

“Come on, Callie. You can’t expect this to be easy for me. I’m trying. The very fact that I’m willing to marry you—”

“
Willing
?” Callie asked, Nigel’s comment the nail in the proverbial coffin. “I don’t want you to be
willing
to marry me.”

“No, you just want me to trust you implicitly. To forget everything you did and how that devastated me. Well, I
want
to trust you. I want our relationship to be what it was. That’s why I proposed marriage. Because I want to try. But you can’t expect me to simply say that, yeah, I feel one hundred percent the way I felt ten years ago, with no doubts at all. What happens when something else goes wrong that you don’t like? You gonna run again? Then where will I be?”

Callie said nothing. Nigel’s words struck a chord. She knew she had run before. But despite their differences over what happened to her friend back then, the bigger issue had been fear. Fear that loving Nigel totally and completely would lead to heartbreak because he would one day leave her.

The way her mother had left her.

“I know I left you,” Callie said, “and that I was wrong to do what I did. But you weren’t perfect, Nigel.”

“Whatever you didn’t like, why didn’t you talk to me about it back then?”

“After you accused me of sleeping with Jeremiah?” Callie shot back.

“What?”

“I was so upset about his death, and you accused me of sleeping with him.”

Nigel narrowed his eyes, confused. And then realization dawned. “I didn’t accuse you of sleeping with Jeremiah. Not seriously.”

“Oh, really?”

“You were so angry with me for deciding to join the police force, citing what had happened to Jeremiah. It was an off-the-cuff comment. But you’re not going to tell me that
that’s
why you left me.”

“That you would even say that hurt me, Nigel. It made me realize you didn’t trust me.”

“Wow.” Nigel shook his head. “After all this time,
this
is your excuse for walking away from me and not telling me about our son?”

“I’m pointing out that you had your flaws, too.”

“It’s an excuse. But I’ll tell ya, I had hoped that you’d come up with something better than that for leaving.”

“That wasn’t the only reason. You know that.”

“What I know is that you left me with a broken heart and a ton of questions.”

Callie and Nigel stared each other down for several seconds. Then Nigel broke the silence. “You think I don’t know you, but I do. And I see in your face the same fear I saw before. The same fear that caused you to run.” He paused. “I want to do the right thing. I want things to work out because right now, Kwame has to come first. But the truth is, I don’t know that we’ll ever recapture what we had before you left ten years ago.”

More silence ensued, in which Callie had no idea what to say. Then her phone rang, the distraction startling her. But when she went to pick it up from the night table and saw Tamara’s number, she was glad. She needed someone else to talk to, someone else’s problem to focus on.

She picked up the phone and turned to Nigel. “I have to take this call.”

“Of course you do.”

And then he turned and left the room.

As if he had the only right to be upset! Callie alone wasn’t going to take the blame for their relationship’s failure. Not this time. She had made love to him last night, and it had been about love. Not about convenience. Not about hoping. But about feeling. About recapturing what they had once had and being willing to move forward as a family unit out of love.

The time to tell her that he didn’t think they would ever recapture what they’d had ten years ago was
before
he had slept with her, not the morning after.

She had given him herself completely, hoping that he would see into her heart and the fact that she still loved him.

In fact, she had never stopped loving him. That was completely clear to her now.

“Hello? Are you there?”

Hearing Tamara’s voice sounding through the phone line, Callie realized that she had pressed the talk button but had not put the phone to her ear. Nigel had still consumed her thoughts.

“Hey,” Callie said, trying to sound bright. “What’s going on?”

Tamara began to cry, and Callie was instantly alarmed. “Hey,” she repeated. “What is it? What happened?”

“It’s Patrick,” Tamara explained. “He—he went to my parents’ house in Georgia. He was like a madman. He broke windows. He was crazy, demanding to see me, demanding that they tell him where I was.”

“And did they?” Callie asked, holding her breath.

“No. No, of course not.”

“Good,” Callie said.

“No, it’s not good,” Tamara said. “I can’t have Patrick terrorizing my family. I can’t have him hurting the people I love. All this will go away if I go back to him.”

“No,” Callie told her. “No, it won’t. Don’t think that. Patrick threatened me and now your parents. Don’t you see that he’ll do anything to get you to cave to his will? Don’t you see that he’s as dangerous as ever? You need to stick to the plan. The police will track him down, and when they do, you make sure you go ahead and testify against him. It’s the only way.”

“What if I testify against him and nothing happens? Then what? He doesn’t go to jail, and he’s angrier than ever with me. It doesn’t matter how long they lock him up. A year, ten. Once he’s free, he’ll come find me, and then what will he do?” Tamara paused. “No, I have to do something different, because what I’ve been doing isn’t working. All he wants is a chance—”

“No!” Callie interjected. “Do not change from the plan. Jail is where he needs to be. Trust me, he is dangerous.”

“He loves me,” Tamara said. “He just wants his family back. Fear has him acting like this. He’s scared.”

“Tamara—”

“It’s too late,” Tamara said. “I’ve already told him I’m ready to work things out.”

No, no, no.
Her friend couldn’t do this. She was scared, understandably so. But caving to a man like Patrick would get her nowhere but a pine box. He would know that he could totally and completely control her, and if she didn’t do exactly as he pleased, he would abuse her into submission. Callie was certain of that.

“Where are you?” Callie asked. “Tell me where you are, and I’ll come to you. We’ll do this together, okay?” She paused. “Have you told Patrick where you are?”

“No. Not yet.”

“Good. Don’t tell him. Promise me that. Let me come to see you. We’ll deal with this together, and you won’t have to be afraid. Okay?”

Tamara didn’t respond, just made a sniffling sound on the other end of the line. Callie repeated, “Okay?”

“Okay,” Tamara agreed softly. “I won’t tell him anything. I will wait for you to get here and then we’ll figure things out.”

Callie expelled a breath of relief. She knew her friend, and could tell from her voice that she was wavering. Which meant it was more important than ever for Callie to get to her.

Tamara was scared. Understandably, she didn’t want to see anything bad happen to those she cared about. But going back to a man like Patrick—one who was threatening her for another chance—was a recipe for disaster. Tamara needed physical support right now. Callie would join her in Tallahassee to make sure that she didn’t do anything crazy. Because there was no doubt in Callie’s mind that Tamara could end up dead if she went back to Patrick. He was far too volatile and unpredictable.

Jealous people did crazy things. Hurtful things.

“You’re still in Tallahassee right?” Callie asked. “At the same rental house I arranged for you?”

“Yeah.”

“Give me the address, because I don’t have it on me. It’s still early. Depending on flight availability, I expect to be at your place this evening, or tomorrow at the latest.”

Tamara recited the address, and Callie wrote it down. Before Callie hung up, she said “I’m here for you. You don’t have to be afraid. Do not do anything until I get there. No texting Patrick, no answering his phone calls. Tell your parents to make sure they call the police the first sign of any trouble. Okay?”

“Okay,” Tamara agreed.

* * *

Callie knew she needed to get to her friend right away. And given the tension between her and Nigel, she was actually happy for the distraction.

She would head to Tallahassee alone. After Patrick had run her off the road with Kwame in the car, the last thing Callie wanted to do was bring her son along. Not that she anticipated any problems, but this was grown folks business, and Kwame didn’t need to be a part of it.

And she certainly didn’t need to bring Kwame along when he had a father here who could care for him. One whom he had become extremely attached to. One he was enjoying spending more time with.

She would tell Nigel that a friend of hers was in crisis, that she needed to go away for a couple days, and confirm with him that he would be able to watch Kwame for that time. If not, between Nigel and her sisters who were still in town, Kwame would be well taken care of.

She made her way out of her bedroom and found Nigel in the backyard with Kwame. They were sitting at the patio table, simply talking. Nathan must have gone home. A smile touched Callie’s lips as she regarded them. Father and son, having a simple conversation. It was the kind of thing that meant the world to her. It had changed her son’s life, getting to know his father like this.

The smile soon morphed into something else, as emotion caught in her chest. She loved this man. She knew she did. She wanted nothing more than for him to say he loved her back. Then she would marry him.

But despite her own heartbreak, she had to be happy about one thing. The fact that her son was developing a very real relationship with his father. That knowledge was doing her heart a lot of good.

As Nigel had said, Kwame was the most important person right now. He was the one that had to come first.

Callie agreed, and she was happy for her son.

She hoped the happiness for her son would be enough to help heal her broken heart.

Chapter 18

C
allie told Nigel that she was going to be visiting a friend for a few days at the most, and asked if he wouldn’t mind keeping Kwame during that time. Nigel’s response been a resounding “No problem.” In fact, Callie detected a hint of pride on his face as he’d answered, as if he was happy that she was trusting him to act at Kwame’s sole guardian in her absence.

And perhaps Nigel would prefer it this way, a few days for just him and Kwame to hang out. It was fine with her.

And in a few days, she would come back and straighten out her life. Marriage to Nigel would not be a part of her future—she was adamant that she wouldn’t settle, no matter how much she wanted to provide Kwame with a traditional family life. But she needed to figure out whether she would stay in Cleveland so that Nigel and his son could be together all the time, or whether she would return to Miami and work out a fair custody arrangement with Nigel.

Yes, Kwame was the most important one to consider in this situation, but Callie’s needs were also important. She had a great career in Florida, one she didn’t want to give up. If there was a way to give Kwame all he needed while taking her needs into account as well, she’d certainly take that path.

The decision would have been easy if Nigel had been able to tell her that he loved her. But now…she was going to do what was best for her son
and
for her.

Callie went online and searched flight options. There was a three-thirty flight on United, with one stop, that would get her to Tallahassee by seven-thirty. She would rent a car and drive to Tamara’s address. Her arm wasn’t one hundred percent, but she could handle driving for half an hour or so.

A short while later, she joined Kwame and Nigel in the living room, where they were playing Dance Central on the Xbox Kinect. Nigel had been trying to keep up with the character on the screen, but stopped when he saw her.

Kwame came right over to her and hugged her. “Dad says you’re going away for a few days.”

“That’s right. How do you feel about staying here with him?”

Kwame met her gaze, smiling. “I think we’re gonna have a lot of fun.”

“I think so, too.” She returned his smile. “So you’re not upset that I’m leaving?”

Kwame shrugged. “No. But…”

“But what?”

Kwame didn’t speak, just looked uncomfortable. So Callie took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom. “What were you going to say?” she asked. “If you have any concern about staying here with Nigel—”

“It’s not about me staying with Dad. It’s…I heard you two arguing earlier. Is that why you’re suddenly going away?”

He had heard them? He must have come into the house for a moment, even though he’d been playing with Nathan.

Callie hugged Kwame. “No, sweetie. That’s not why I’m going away. Tamara…well, she needs me right now. I’m going to help her.”

“Are you going to marry Dad?” Kwame suddenly asked.

Callie’s mouth fell open. She wanted to speak, but she had no clue what to say.

So she asked her own question. “Do you want me to marry your father?”

Kwame nodded tentatively. “I like being a family.”

Callie hugged Kwame again, closing her eyes tightly as she did. Her heart hurt for what she knew would never be.

As much as she loved her son, she couldn’t settle simply for his sake. But she wished more than anything that Nigel loved her, and that they could provide the traditional family unit her son so craved.

Who was she kidding? She had always craved such a unit, ever since she was a young girl.

“I’ve got to get ready for my flight,” Callie told him. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay with me leaving. If you want to spend time with your aunts, just call them. And of course, you know you can call me at any time if you want to talk.”

“I know.”

Taking Kwame’s hand in hers, Callie exited the bedroom so she could update Nigel. She didn’t quite meet his eyes as she said, “I’ve just booked a flight for three-thirty. I’m going to quickly pack a few outfits, then I’ll call for a taxi to—”

“Don’t be silly. I’ll take you to the airport.”

“Yeah!” Kwame exclaimed, sounding as excited as if they had just booked a trip to Disney. “Dad and I will take you to the airport.”

A lump formed in Callie’s throat. With each passing moment, her life was getting more complicated. How would Kwame react if she told him that they were going to head back to Florida, and he would see his father only occasionally?

She couldn’t worry about that now. Now, she had to put Nigel out of her mind and deal with Tamara’s situation. Indeed, a few days away from her life would hopefully help her come back with a better perspective.

Two hours later, Nigel dropped her off at the airport, and Callie was certain that she saw a glint in her son’s eyes. He seemed quite content with the fact that he and his father would have a few days alone together as men, without his mother around.

Again, Callie felt emotion swell in her throat. On one level, things were working out so well for her son and his father that it was such a shame it wasn’t working out for her and his father as well.

But once seated on her flight, she forced herself to put thoughts of Nigel and family out of her mind, and instead concentrated on Tamara’s plight.

Because if she didn’t think about something else, Callie would be consumed with thoughts of all she had lost.

* * *

Callie arrived at the house in Tallahassee within twenty minutes of leaving the airport. The evening sky had turned to dusk, but she was thankful that it wasn’t dark outside.

She parked her rental vehicle and hurried out. As she made her way to the front door, she noticed there was an SUV in the driveway, one she didn’t recognize. Perhaps Tamara had rented a different car. If so, that was a smart thing to do.

Callie rang the doorbell. Then she waited.

Sixty seconds passed with no response. She was filled with a sense of unease, but she tried to ignore it. Certainly there was no cause for concern.

She rang the doorbell a second time, and to make sure she was heard, she also pounded on the door.

At least another thirty seconds passed, and Callie’s unease turned into panic. What if something had happened? What if Patrick had shown up since the time Callie and Tamara had spoken and done the unthinkable to her friend?

Callie tried the doorknob, prepared to kick the door down or break a window to get inside. But surprisingly, she found that the door was unlocked.

No sooner than she pushed the door open, she saw Tamara standing there.

Callie gasped, and Tamara did the same, the two of them having startled each other. But the next instant, Callie was flooded with relief. She had started to fear the worst.

“What’s going on?” Callie asked. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine,” Tamara told her, but her eyes were shifty, and Callie’s concern grew.

“He contacted you again?” Callie surmised. “Did you talk to him? Does he know where you are?”

Tamara opened her mouth to speak, and Callie was already thinking that they should be calling 9-1-1. She had a bad feeling. Not even stepping into the house, she reached into her purse and found her BlackBerry. But no sooner than she did, the door opened wide.

And there stood Patrick.

He grinned, but the look held evil, not warmth. “If it isn’t the woman who’s trying to destroy my marriage.”

Prickles of fear spread through Callie’s body. Her instincts had told her that something was off, and they had been right.

“Patrick—”

He advanced, and Callie’s words got caught in her throat.

“You have messed with my marriage for the last time,” Patrick told her. His thick hand wrapped around her neck. As he squeezed, he raised his fist.

And that was the last thing Callie remembered.