Always Know What to Say - Easy Ways to Approach and Talk to Anyone (2 page)

1. Decide to like people

Unless people give you a reason not to, assume that anyone you meet is likable and worth talking to. Popular people genuinely love meeting people. They enjoy getting to know new people and their default setting is: "I love meeting people".

Very often shy people assume others do not want to talk to them or that they will be criticized when they share their thoughts and feelings. In other words shy people often paint such a negative picture of others that it becomes almost impossible to approach anyone.

Notice what is happening here. The reserved person is starting from a "I don`t like people in case they don`t like me" point of view. This negative outlook creates a barrier that stops anyone from starting a conversation - you or the other person.

Popular people start off with a very different outlook - "I like you unless you give me a reason not to like you!"

2. Know that your happiness does not depend on how someone else responds

Your happiness is entirely under your control. It does not depend on whether someone else is responsive to you. You might think you will feel terrible if people aren't keen to get to know you. That is based on a false assumption - you assume happiness is about what happens outside of you but it's not. Whether you are happy or not is a question of how you think and feel and has nothing to do with the reactions of others unless you decide to live with that false belief.

If you approach someone and you get a negative response it can only mean one of two possibilities. First, you need to improve your approach, and, second, that person is not interested in getting to know you right now in this moment. And that could be for many reasons that have nothing to do with who you are.

Decide that you are happy whether or not someone else is rude, having a bad day or too tired or hungry to spend time getting to know you. See that happiness starts with your own attitude and that its not dependent on the reaction of someone you have never meet before.

3. Know the response you want and adjust your approach until you get it

This follows on from the points above. Always be objective about how you are doing. Never take failure personally, never take set backs in a social setting as evidence that you are not worth talking to.

Imagine you are a neutral observer. What does this person see? What would he suggest to help you improve your approach? Notice what you are doing well and use that as the basis for ongoing improvement.

If you want people to smile and laugh and it's not happening its time to change your approach. Objectively review what you have been doing and then find a role model if you still do not know a better way to get a positive reaction. Find someone who always has people smiling and laughing. Then view his approach as a step by step process to copy.

You can always observe popular people and notice what they are doing differently to you. Copy what works and you will do much better when meeting people. Use an effective approach and you`ll be effective!

4. Forget about 100% success

When I first started getting much better at meeting people I had very high standards for how well I should do. And having a positive high expectations outlook is great. That is, as long as you know you will never hit perfection.

There is this fantasy in self help that you can discover the one key approach that works every time in every situation with no effort whatsoever on you part. If you get that you`ll enjoy 100% success while living in a state of bliss that never leaves you!

If this was true we would find evidence of it in the real world. Maybe if we looked at the lives of the most brilliant people to ever walk this earth we could learn this magical secret. Unfortunately the lives of the great leaders, creatives and geniuses of the past show us that not even they enjoyed 100% success.

That`s why I`m saying to you to forget about 100% success. Aim to always improve and to enjoy seeing how good you can get but forget about hitting 100%. This attitude of always improving without demanding perfection means you are under much less pressure when you approach and meet people. Less pressure means less tension and when you relax you`ll do much better.

Finally, if your goal is to do your best and to improve you know you will succeed in learning something. See how a change in attitude means you can`t go wrong approaching people? You either do great or you learn something that helps you become great.

If you are not confident by nature the simple task of starting a conversation with someone new is enough to start the heart racing!

Yes, you read it correctly! Cold sweats, heart palpitations, shaking and stuttering are just some of the effects that the faint-hearted can be faced with whilst starting a conversation.

This can all be avoided by following these simple yet effective tips to help your confidence soar.

1. Shyness doesn't pay.

Being timid and shying away amongst the crowd really doesn't pay off these days. While sitting amongst your friends and listening to their conversations, teach yourself to not only be a listener but to participate more.

2. Make sure that you contribute
and offer your response to the conversation.

By doing this you will in time gain confidence to start conversation topics with strangers, not just with those you are familiar with.

3. Preparation is the key!

One of the qualities that make a great public speaker is the simple yet effective ability to be listened to! While alone stand in front of the mirror, practice speaking, stand straight and tall, and talk at a good volume (not shouting).

4. An assertive voice
of authority will help to draw people to listen to you.

In fact they won't have the choice not to!

5. Make all eyes on you!

If the person that you wish to start a conversation with has their back to you, don't wait for them to turn around: say their name or say hello to help draw their attention. By doing this you will help to get them listening to you. You will appear confident (even if inside you have butterflies)!

6. Revise beforehand!

I don't mean turn into a nerd, you don't have to write it down and take a pen to paper. However you can simply have a map of your thoughts in your head, with the topic of conversation clearly planned out. Then on opening your mouth the words will flow, you won't be stuck in a mess of thoughts and ideas and you will be able to take the conversation just where you want it to go!

7. Communication is a YES!

Learn to understand that the very way that you communicate with people will be the deciding factor of just how successful you will be in this life. Use every interaction as an opportunity to improve. The very skill of being able to start a good conversation will help to take your life to higher limits!

8. Sit and think
- are there any successful people in your life that are not able to start a conversation?

Can you live your life in the shadows of others? See that success and happiness depends on being able to get along well with people.

9. Nerves are what you make them!

Teach yourself that nerves really are what you make of them. Don't allow nerves to escalate and hold you back. Many people have difficulty in starting a conversation with a stranger so don`t be so hard on yourself.

Every one struggles in conversation at times, if you are able to take note and learn the skills mentioned above then starting a conversation needn't be stressful. Don't be nervous. Learn that the people you are trying to strike a conversation with are probably just as nervous as you are.

Many people lack the confidence to start a conversation, or perhaps fear talking to the opposite sex. This is a very limited way of thinking, negative thoughts such as they will laugh at me, they won't find me interesting, etc are really just that. Be positive! Negativity doesn't get you anywhere.

It's understandable that you might be nervous meeting new people. After all, you don't know them so you don't know what they will think about you or how they will react to you. That can be a worrying thing.

However, there are plenty of things you can do to get over your nervousness and start to enjoy meeting new people.

1. Don't feel you have to impress

You don't. Have you ever met someone or maybe seen them on TV where they are trying really hard to impress? It's just not impressive! This kind of approach appears fake and being fake will make people wary of you.

Remember that the people you are meeting are human too: no better or worse than you. They are also unlikely to be judging you as harshly as you fear!

2. Don't go alone if you don't have to

In many situations, it is perfectly reasonable for you to take a friend with you, unless it is something like a job interview or a professional meeting. Having a friend by your side can help because when things get difficult they can boost your confidence with a few words and maybe even just a smile.

The very fact that they are your friend and wanted to go with you to support you should make you feel better. It shows that you have good qualities that people like about you.

3. Take a few deep breaths and smile

You are in control of how you feel. You have the power to calm yourself down. You may be surprised that if you take a moment to breathe deeply that will release the tension in your body and clear your head.

Once you can think clearly, you should be able to see that the situation is not as threatening as you perceived it to be.

4. Go prepared

If you are nervous meeting new people, you may find that it is difficult to know what to say. Pre-empt this situation by preparing a few conversation openers or points you want to make. Write them on a postcard and take it with you to help as a prompt.

5. Dress comfortably

If you feel good about how you look, you will be more confident when you meet new people. You will feel that it is one less thing on which they could judge you negatively.

So, dress appropriately for the situation, and think about wearing favorite clothes or jewelry that you know you look your best in, or even buying something new for the occasion.

6. Stay true to yourself

This is not always easy to do, especially when you feel that the people you are meeting may not like you for who you are. However, you are going to have to live with yourself after this meeting, so regardless of whether people like you or not, it is much more important that you like yourself and that you are happy with how you behaved.

7. Accept that some people won't like you

You don't like everyone. You disapprove of the things that some people do. That is fine. But by the same token, don't expect everyone to like you!

There will no doubt be people whose morals and opinions you dislike. That doesn't necessarily make them bad people; they are just not your type of people. You are free to dislike some people and that does them no damage whatsoever. The same is true of people disliking you. It doesn't do you any harm, and you may well not like the ways in which you would have to change yourself to get their approval. It's not worth it.

Liking yourself is far more important than having other people like you, fortunately, if you like yourself, you are more likely to have people like you. That knowledge, put into practice in these few steps, should help you to not be so nervous meeting new people.