Always Know What to Say - Easy Ways to Approach and Talk to Anyone (5 page)

Within the first thirty-seconds of meeting someone for the first time, we make many observations which we translate into judgments about that person we are meeting. Every human being does this. We do this naturally and automatically with little, if any, real awareness of this process.

This means that if we all do it, those we come into contact with are observing and making judgments about us, like we are about them. If you happen to demonstrate a disliking attitude this information will present itself within those first few moments, in most interactions.

For this reason we must know how we come across to people when first meeting them. If we come across in a positive way people we will attracted to us because, as in the law of physics, positive attracts and negative repels. If you want to show people you like them present your positive self.

1. To present your positive self
requires you to pay attention to how and what verbal and nonverbal communication you use.

The messages you send through both of these types of communication say a lot about your desire to like the person you are meeting for the first time. If you send any negative messages, within those first seconds, you may never get the chance to show them later that you like them. Remember, people will make judgments about you within the first thirty-seconds of meeting you, like you will them. Two of those first evaluations each of you will make is: "Do I like this person?" and "Does this person like me?"

2. Whenever showing people you like them
it's important to look like you are friendly.

Appearing friendly can mean different things to different people, but most of us respond well to a smile and some form of a "how are you?", no matter who we are. Most of us also respond to other positive statements as well, especially about things that relate directly to us. We all enjoy the feeling of appreciation. Compliments, mixed with the appropriate body-language, about someone's appearance, for example, can send a message of liking something about that person.

3. One of the quickest ways
to let someone know you are not interested in them is to make "me" statements.

Avoid any form of a "me" statement, within those first few moments of an interaction because they can send the message that the other person is not the center of your interests. If the other person perceives that they are not the center of your interests they could possibly think that you don't like them. Additionally, if you are talking about you it will be impossible to show the other person that you like them.

4. When you want to show someone
you like them focus on them.

Become interested in what they are saying or even doing. Attentively listen to them as they speak and become involved with their conversation. As they talk, paraphrase and ask them pertinent questions regarding what they are saying. If they are busy doing something and it looks like they could use some help, offer to help them. Both listening and helping are other ways to show people you like them.

The demonstration that we like someone can also be expressed in our concern for them. Most people like it when another person cares about them. Asking the person, you've seen in the store every morning for the past week, about their family or work are examples of concern for that person. The act of concern shows people you like them.

To wrap up, make a point of being positive, friendly and focused on the other person. Be concerned about their welfare and help them when you can. When you deal with new people in this way you`ll find that people warm to you quickly and they are keen to get to know you better.

It's very easy for a casual reader to skim through a short report like this and think, “Yeah, I knew all of this already!” Some people will even make the mistake of thinking: “It can`t be that easy, I need to find a more complicated solution for getting better at talking to people”.

What I`m sharing with you is the end result of years and years of study, learning from people who were masters of conversation. Men and women who others loved meeting and enjoyed getting to know. And, the good news for you is this - what they do is not rocket science. You can learn, you can improve and you can get very, very good at making conversation if you commit to following their lead and copy their approach.

Think of it like this. For the rest of your life you`ll be dealing with people. Doesn`t it make sense to develop excellent people skills? If you do, you`ll be happier, liked and appreciated and a valuable member of any community you choose to be part of. How soon would you like to live this way?

Now, go back to page 1 of this book and reread the instructions. Treat these pages as an instruction manual for you to follow. Experiment, learn by doing and allow yourself to make mistakes as you improve. As long as you aim for gradual daily improvement you`ll make progress.

Peter W. Murphy
is a peak performance expert with a passion for taking complex information and reducing it to the core elements anyone can act on to quickly produce better results. His work focuses on key points of leverage that lead to greater success, happiness and well being both at home and at work.

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