Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (14 page)

This is an appropriate point to challenge one of the most widely held and destructive myths about the insertion of a finger, object, or penis into the anus: that a certain amount of pain is an inevitable part of anal sex, particularly at first, and that if a person is willing to endure this pain it will soon subside, making the experience more pleasurable. When you approach anal sex with this expectation, here's what happens: Your anus is tense from habit or current anxiety but you decide to go ahead anyway. Your anal muscles resist with all the force they can muster to repel the unwanted invasion. Eventually the muscles collapse; they can fight no more. Then, if no physical damage has been done (there sometimes is damage) the pain goes away. The result is usually not pleasure, but neutral toleration at best.

Once you set up this drama, it usually has to be repeated again and again. Your anus will never feel totally at ease in sexual situations. You will remain alienated from your anus until communication (awareness and protective action) is restored. The unmistakable difference between genuine anal pleasure and neutral toleration is reported universally by men and women once they give up the use of force and commit themselves anew to a no-pain-ever policy.

Obviously, you can also learn a great deal from positive anal experiences you've had or imagined. What made these experiences so good? Here are some typical responses:

• I was in a good mood and feeling relaxed.

• My partner was sensitive and spent a lot of time touching my anus.

• I trusted that my partner would never deliberately hurt me.

• Our encounter was slow and sensual.

• We would have had a good time with or without anal sex.

Your list may contain other items. If you look closely at your positive anal experiences, you'll no doubt find that you were playing with your anus rather than working against it.

It's not unusual for enjoyable anal experiences to happen unexpectedly. When this is the case, people come to feel that good anal experiences depend mostly on their partner, luck, or other factors beyond their control. If, however, you look closely at what made an experience pleasurable, you'll discover that each experience was affected by your behavior, whether active or passive. To a significant degree, this is also true of the negative experiences.

Later we'll focus on how to bring this understanding into future anal experiences with a partner by actively fostering the conditions necessary for maximum pleasure. For now it's enough to embrace the realization that your anus is never simply a passive receptacle for sex, but rather a full participant in a richly emotional and dynamic event.

ANATOMY AND PHYSIOLOGY OF THE ANAL CANAL

THE ANAL. CANAL is a tube-shaped entryway, less than an inch long, which leads into your rectum. The outer two-thirds of the anal canal is made of the same soft, sensitive tissue that is visible around the opening. The inner third of the anal canal is lined with mucous membrane. This part of the canal is less sensitive to touch than the outer two-thirds, but is very sensitive to pressure. Depending on whether it is wanted, pressure can produce either relaxation or tightening of the surrounding muscles.

The folds of anal tissue give the anal canal a striking capacity for expansion, which varies tremendously according to personal preference, degree of relaxation, amount of practice, and other circumstances. For example, during rectal surgery, under anesthesia, a person's anal muscles can easily be dilated so that the surgeon's entire hand can pass through the anal canal.

In the erotic realm a similar expansiveness is called upon in the activity known as "fisting" or "handballing," which involves inserting several fingers or an entire hand into the anus and rectum. Although hardly a mainstream form of sex play, anal fisting is more popular than most people realize (more on fisting in Chapter 9). These extremes of anal expansion are not experienced by most people, but they do illustrate that anal tissue can easily and safely accommodate a finger, object, or penis.

Below the surface of the anal mucosa, veins and arteries pass blood through cavernous (filled with spaces) columns of tissue called anal cushions. There are three of these cushions running the short length of the anal canal. The cushions are anchored by connective tissue and muscle fibers to the internal sphincter muscle. Within the anal cushions, blood passes from arteries to veins without any capillaries (the tiniest of blood vessels that usually connect arteries and veins). As a result, blood flows with extreme ease through the anal cushions.

During a healthy bowel movement, or during the insertion of something into the anal canal, the anal sphincters relax, allowing some blood to leave the cushions. However, if the sphincters are not relaxed, the anal cushions remain congested with blood. This is what happens when a person strains to force a bowel movement or uses force to insert something into the anal canal. The result is an uncomfortable stinging sensation or other pain. If such straining or forcing happens on a regular basis, a variety of medical problems such as hemorrhoids (protrusions from the anal cushions) or fissures (tears or cracks in the anal lining) can result. To prevent or eliminate this discomfort and the possibility of damage, it's necessary to understand how the two anal sphincter muscles work.

The anal canal maintains its tubular shape because of two ring-like sphincter muscles (see Figure 3). The sphincters are very close together, overlapping somewhat, and are quite capable of functioning independently, which they often do. The external sphincter is closest to the anal opening and is controlled by the central nervous system, the same system that activates muscles in the hands, arms, or legs. With a little concentration, we can make the external sphincter tense or relax at will-just as we move our fingers whenever we want.

Figure 3. Internal and ExternalAnal Sphincter Muscles

The internal sphincter is quite different. It is neurologically controlled by the autonomic nervous system, the same system that makes adjustments in blood pressure, respiration rate and other "involuntary" body functions. Because the internal sphincter normally functions reflexively, most people can't tense or relax it at will.

When feces pass from the colon into the rectum, the pressure of fullness triggers the rectal reflex. This involves the automatic relaxation of the internal sphincter and a partial draining of blood from the anal cushions. Then the voluntary relaxation of the external sphincter allows for a quick and easy bowel movement.

Three factors can and often do disrupt this course of events. First, many people have been taught to ignore the urge for defecation caused by the rectal reflex. Instead they hold back, not wanting to be bothered going to the toilet. Perhaps they believe that bowel movements ought to occur only at certain predetermined times-a notion fostered by over-strict toilet training practices. When it's consistently ignored or overridden, the rectal reflex fades and the internal sphincter stops relaxing. Once this has occurred, almost every bowel movement requires pushing and straining. Any person who wants a healthy and relaxed anus must learn to pay attention to the rectal reflex. Gradually, the natural urges it produces will again become obvious.

Another factor that can inhibit the rectal reflex is the common habit of resisting the passage of intestinal gases (flatus) through the anal opening. Gases are naturally formed during food digestion, and obsessive attempts to avoid farting inevitably result in unnecessary and potentially destructive muscle tension. Certainly most of us prefer to exercise some control over the timing of our farts. However, it is a mistake to adopt an always-hold-it policy.

The third, and perhaps most important, factor that disrupts relaxation of the internal sphincter during bowel movements is the absence of adequate fiber in our diet, and thus in our stools. Feces should be soft yet well-formed and bulky. Small, hard feces don't provide the fullness necessary to trigger the rectal reflex. Once again, the person must resort to straining whenever bowel movements are attempted.

If your stools are not large, well-formed and slightly moist, your goal of anal awareness, pleasure and health will be very difficult to reach unless you add significant quantities of fiber to your diet every day. With adequate fiber, your rectal reflex can be triggered more easily. This will help you immensely in learning how to relax your internal sphincter muscle. The best sources of fiber are whole grains, legumes (beans and peas), nuts, some fresh fruits, and vegetables.