Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (21 page)

Plugs made of rubber or vinyl are also soft and flexible. But they're porous, so it's best to cover them with a condom. You can wash these plugs with antibacterial soap, but they can't tolerate super hot water. They're cheaper than the silicone variety, requiring a smaller investment if you're just experimenting.

Armed with your new toy(s), and with full access to your knowledge about the anus and rectum, you're ready to begin your latest adventure.

EXPERIENCE

BEGIN BY bathing, relaxing, and touching your body in a self-loving and sensuous way. Explore your anus with your fingers as you allow your muscles to relax. When you're completely comfortable, apply lubricant to your finger and rub it on your anal opening and inside your anus. Also lubricate your butt plug, perhaps with a condom on it to minimize cleanup.

Select a position in which you can easily reach your anal area without straining. Inhale deeply and push your anal muscles slightly outward. Then gently press the end of the object against your anus. As you exhale and release your muscles, the object will slide easily through the anal opening, anal canal, and into the rectum. No force should be necessary; if it doesn't glide in easily, return to deep breathing and external anal massage until your muscles relax.

Once past your anal sphincters the object will slide easily into your rectum. But after a few inches the object may stop as if it has run into something. This is your first rectal curve caused by the pubo-rectal sling muscle. If the object stops here, slowly pull it back just a little, move it to a slightly different angle, and then slowly push in again. By experimenting with different angles and positions you'll find one or more combinations in which the object will glide past your first rectal curve without resistance; notice exactly which ones work best for you.

You're likely to experience new sensations as the object enters your rectum. When this happens, ask yourself if the sensations are actually uncomfortable or just different. If uncomfortable, back off to a point that feels pleasant and remain there. And don't forget to breathe deeply and slowly. Making any kind of sound as you exhale can help focus your awareness, and can also add to your pleasure.

As I mentioned earlier, a common sensation is the urge to have a BM. If this bothers you and prevents you from relaxing, try inserting the object when you are in a safe environment such as on a plastic sheet or in the bathtub. Tell yourself that is all right even if you do have to go. Then allow yourself to relax completely. Visualize the relaxation of your pubo-rectal sling and other rectal muscles as you breathe deeply and slowly. You'll discover that even though you think you're about to have a BM, it won't actually happen. Since childhood you've associated slight rectal pressure with such an urge, and now you're reinterpreting these sensations in a new way. Give it a little time; soon you'll no longer be concerned.

When you include your rectum in erotic self-pleasuring, allow yourself to enjoy any fantasies that might come to mind. Note the changing sensations in your rectum before, during, and after orgasm. Afterwards, pay attention to how your anus and rectum feel throughout the day.

RESPONSE

LEARNING TO ENJOY inserting an object into your rectum is primarily dependent on three factors. First, the anal muscular awareness, control, and relaxation that you developed earlier must be expanded to include your rectal muscles. This has happened already to a great extent because your rectal muscles tend to function in harmony with your anal muscles. For most people, a little patience, attention, deep breathing, and visualization of the rectal muscles relaxing is all that's needed. If this doesn't work, chances are you're going too fast and could benefit from further experimentation with your finger. While the vast majority of people find that inserting their finger is the best way to begin, a few people discover that inserting objects is easier and more pleasurable for them. If this is true for you, naturally you'll want to do whatever's easiest.

The second and perhaps more important factor is becoming intimately acquainted with the shape of your rectum and accommodating your movements to that shape. Uncomfortable or painful anal-rectal experiences are, as you have discovered, the result either of muscular tension or of being too rough, especially when combined with inadequate knowledge about the shape of your rectum. These problems can be avoided by taking the time to explore the angles and positions in which objects can travel the length of your rectum unobstructed. While your rectum does not like to be jabbed or poked, it's not nearly as delicate as you might think. As your self-awareness builds, objects can be moved in and out or around freely as you experiment.

The third factor involves becoming accustomed to new sensations, best accomplished with plenty of time to feel and get used to them. Some people, of course, react strongly to any new sensation, perhaps mistaking new for dangerous. Others react to new body sensations with curiosity rather than fear. If you're uneasy, ask yourself what you're afraid of. Then take concrete steps to protect yourself from whatever you fear. See if you can adopt a positive, non-pressured curiosity.

It's important to apply the same mindful curiosity to any sensations that occur after rectal stimulation. Sometimes these include a slight burning sensation in the anal-rectal tissues. This is probably due to increased blood flow into the area. The feeling can be tingly and pleasant or it may be irritating. If it's irritating, you probably did too much too fast, or else you were a bit tense and went ahead anyway. It's also possible that you're simply becoming more aware of sensations that have always been there, perhaps the result of chronic rectal tension. If irritation persists, consult a physician to be certain you don't have a medical problem. Another common sensation is mild bladder irritation that may be particularly noticeable when urinating. This is reported more often by women than by men. Usually this is the result of indirect stimulation of the bladder and it can be greatly reduced or eliminated by proceeding slowly and gently.

A few people report that their pelvic muscles go into unpleasant spasms during or after rectal stimulation. Some people have this problem regularly, with or without rectal touch. Others have never encountered this reaction before and, understandably, find it quite disconcerting. In either case, revisit Chapter 6, where I describe pelvic pain problems and what can be done about them. It's helpful to be able to visualize your pelvic muscles and try to pinpoint the "trigger points" that are most likely to set off a spasm. Then you can concentrate on learning to release those muscles. Needless to say, if you're prone to painful pelvic spasms, gentleness and patience become even more crucial than usual.

Consider making a list, mentally or on paper, of what you like and don't like about rectal stimulation thus far. Instead of tuning out any bad feelings you may encounter, honor them. Negative responses contain important messages about how to take care of yourself; listen carefully. At the same time, give extra attention to the positive aspects of the experience, no matter how subtle. Even tiny hints of pleasure can point the way to greater potentials down the road.

Not everyone, of course, is so unambiguously delighted with their newfound ability to receive objects into the rectum. Certain widely-held attitudes toward rectal stimulation are so negative and confusing that they can easily block anyone's ability to enjoy it. Indeed, some deep-seated ideas are so overpowering that no matter how relaxed the anus usually is, the moment an object enters the rectum the muscles are thrown into reflexive spasms. Other effects may be less obvious yet no less disruptive.

The best approach is to confront the troubling attitudes and beliefs head-on. Facing them by no means guarantees that they'll immediately-or ever-go away completely. Usually, however, bringing deeply ingrained attitudes into the light greatly reduces their emotional charge and, in turn, their negative effect. Left unexamined, our beliefs operate automatically and truly control us, whereas conscious awareness increases our options for free choice.

The principal purpose of this chapter is to focus on complex, often hidden aspects of rectal stimulation you may not have considered before. This is also an appropriate time to discuss recreational drugs commonly used with anal exploration. Not only do some people hope to enrich their experiences with chemical assistance, but many also look to drugs to help them cope with inhibitions and conflicts they haven't yet resolved.