And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (13 page)

“I’m still not sure I want to hear about your ex-wife Ben.”

It wasn’t so much that he needed to tell her about Christine, but he did need to tell her more about himself, and that included the things that lead to the demise of their marriage. He didn’t want to keep any secrets from Liv, and while he wasn’t proud of the way he lived his life back then, it was part of what made him a better man, a better person, now. At least he hoped so.

“Tell you what, let’s leave that story for another day. I want to take you out on a date tonight. And maybe show you off a little bit.”

The thought filled Liv with a new sense of dread. Was she just another one of Ben’s conquests? Did he date much? How many other women would they be running into that he’d slept with? This was all so new to her.

The dates she’d gone on over the last several years had never been with anyone she really cared about. When she had dinner with Ben and the band in Las Vegas, she hadn’t given any thought to other women, it hadn’t really mattered then. At that point Liv considered the thing between them just a fling, something that would be over in a day or two. She no longer looked at it that way.

She wished she brought something nicer to wear, but she made do with a sleek black cashmere sweater and black wool pants. She took a little more care with her makeup than she did at home, where she hardly ever wore it. She was glad she remembered to throw in her black boots at the last minute, the ones with the four-inch heels. Ben was so much taller than she was, she wouldn’t feel as short wearing them.

He was out on the deck, leaning on the railing with his back to her when she finished changing. God he looked hot, even from behind. His jeans, slung effortlessly low, hugged his tight behind in all the right places. The sweater he wore was taut over his broad shoulders, making her heart beat a little faster. Maybe she should rethink the cashmer
e, she was overly warm already.

Ben turned just as Liv walked past the fireplace inside, the light from it cast a warm glow around her. He was sure he’d never seen anyone more beautiful in his life.

“Look at you,” he took her hands in his but stood back, his eyes gazing over her. “Remember when I said I wouldn’t want to leave the house if you wore nothing at all? I think this counts too. Baby you look so hot, I want to keep you all to myself.”

“Unh uh,” she said. “You promised me sushi and I’m holding you to it.”

They stopped first at the Dogwood Cocktail Cabin. It was dimly lit and had a very romantic feel. Liv studied the menu.

“I don’t know where to begin,” she told him. “These are the swankiest cocktails I’ve ever seen.” She decided on the Bee Sting, a mix of tequila, honey, mint and lemon, with a splash of
habañero.
Ben had a Latin Lover, hot cocoa,
habañero
and whipped cream. He asked them to hold the tequila on his.

“I thought you might like this place,” he said. “It seems like the kind of place to start a date.”

“Is this where you start all your dates?”

Ben pulled her close and nibbled on her earlobe. “You’re the first woman I’ve brought here Liv, and you’ll be the last. It’s you and me baby, I thought you knew that by now.”

She turned her head and brushed her mouth across his. Ben cupped the back of her head, holding her close, nibbling her bottom lip. “Do you know what you do to me?” he whispered. “You make me crazy with wanting you.”

Liv brought her hand up and stroked the side of his face. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you,” she whispered in his ear as she
kissed his neck just below it.

“Ben? What are you doing here?” Ben didn’t have to look to know that Christine, his ex, was standing next to their table.

He felt every muscle in Liv’s body tighten in an instant. She tried to pull her hands, caught in his, away, but he tightened his grip. Before he spoke, he leaned over and brushed his lips against hers one more time. “Shh,” he whispered.

He kept his eyes fixed on hers, not even blinking. “Liv, this is my ex-wife, Christine.” He felt her trying to wiggle her hands free from his, but he wouldn’t let go.

“Christine,” he said, eyes not leaving Liv’s, “what brings you out tonight?”

“Drinks with the girls. I didn’t expect to run into you here. Who’s your friend?”

Ben’s gaze still had not left Liv’s and he had no intention of letting it. Every instinct told him that Liv was trying to pull away from him. There was no way he would let her. “This is Liv,” he said, still not looking away.

“Oh, well, nice to meet you. I guess I’ll let you get back to it.”

Ben wanted to breathe a sigh of relief that Christine had walked away, but Liv’s body remained so taut, he was afraid to let a single breath out of his lungs. “Liv, honey, what’s going on?”

That seemed to snap her out of it. Her hands relaxed and she took her eyes from his.

“She’s stunning,” Liv said, so quietly he almost couldn’t hear her.

“She doesn’t hold a candle to you,” he answered, keeping his voice equally soft, hoping to soothe her.

“Don’t be ridiculous, she’s gorgeous Ben.”

“You really don’t have any idea how beautiful
you
are, do you?”

“For an older woman, who spends more of her time with horses than humans.”

He dropped her hands and sat back. “Liv, just how much younger than you do you think I am?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “Ten years?”

“How old are you?”

“I just turned forty.”

Ben shook his head and looked down at the table. “I’m three years older than you are baby,” he chuckled. “Not that it makes any difference. I just thought you should know, since it suddenly seemed to bother you.”

“You are not.”

“I am, and I’ll prove it.” He dug out his wallet and handed her his driver’s license.

“I don’t need to see that,” she said, while at the same time taking it out of his hand. “Wow. You look pretty damn good for your age, Benjamin Caldwell Rice.”

“Let’s see yours, Olivia.”

“Not on your life, your picture is way better than mine.”

There it was, he could finally breathe that sigh of relief he’d been holding in. She was fine, she was back, the awkward moment running into his ex-wife had passed, thank God.

He brushed his lips across her knuckles. “Wanna get out of here?”

“More than anything.”

Ben threw a fifty on the table and they walked out, before their drinks were even delivered.

They walked, hand in hand, around the corner and downstairs to LoBar, the sushi restaurant. As usual it was packed, but there were four open seats at the sushi bar. Ben led Liv over to them and pulled the stool out for her.

“Shouldn’t we check in with someone? Maybe we’re taking someone else’s seat.”

“Well there he is,” she heard a deep male voice say. “And this must be Liv.”

Ben hugged the man and slapped him on the back. “Good to see you big brother. Liv, I’d like you to meet Matt. Matt, this is Liv.”

Matt took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “The magnificent Liv, I’ve heard so much about you.” He turned to Ben, “she’s even more beautiful than you said she was.”

“Back off brother,” Ben said, taking Liv’s hand from Matt’s and tucking it in his.

Matt threw his head back and laughed, the same hearty, whole-body, soulful laugh as Ben’s.

“This is Matt’s place,” Ben explained. He waved his hand over the corner section where they were seated. “Reserved for family, no matter how crowded it gets.”

Matt stayed and chatted with them for a few minutes and then excused himself to seat some open tables. Less than ten minutes later, they were joined by Ben’s younger brother, Will.

“Is this a coincidence?” Ben asked as Will pulled out the stool on the other side of Liv and sat down. “Or did Matthew give you the word we were here?”

“I had to come over and meet Liv,” Will answered. “Who knows if you’ll leave your house again while she’s here. Liv,” he turned to her, “I’m Will, Ben’s younger, handsomer, more romantic brother.”

“Will it’s nice to meet you,” Liv responded. “Ben, didn’t you say you had ‘sisters-in-law,’ plural sisters? Do you have more brothers?”

“Damn,” said Will. “You already told her I’m married?”

They both laughed. “Seriously Liv, I’m Will, and I am all the things I said before, as well as happily married.”

“It’s nice to meet you Will.”

“Speaking of which, Maeve wanted me to ask you to come over for dinner while Liv’s here.”

A few minutes later, two women approached them, both gorgeous. Liv stiffened again, but relaxed when Will stood. “And here she is now. Hey darlin’, fancy running into you at LoBar.”

“Will Rice,” said the woman with coal black hair, and the palest, but most beautiful skin Liv had ever seen. “Don’t pretend you didn’t call me to come over and meet her. Hi,” she turned in Liv’s direction, “I’m Maeve, Will’s wife, and this is Allison, Matt’s wife.”

Will and Ben went to pull more stools over so they ladies could join them. When the couple around the corner from them left, the group took over the whole far end of the crowded bar.

Ben couldn’t keep his eyes off Liv as she interacted with his family. She fit, he thought as he watched her talking and laughing with them. She fit perfectly, just like he thought she would.

They never ordered, the guys behind the bar kept the sushi and other house specialties coming without them needing to. Matt was showing off, thought Ben with a smile.

“Oh, I’m so full,” Liv said, putting her hand on her stomach. Moments later the lights around the bar dimmed as the group broke into a rousing version of “Happy Birthday.” Liv looked around her, clearly trying to fig
ure out whose birthday it was, as they set the candle-filled mochi ice cream in front of her.

“Happy birthday baby,” Ben said, leaning over and brushing his lips against hers. “Make a wish.”

Chapter 11

When Ben woke up and felt the heat of Liv’s body next to his, it flooded him with a sense of calm. He loved having her here with him, he loved being with her at her place too, it was just about her. As long as she was next to him, he felt at peace.

He needed to talk to her today about running into Christine last night, about her reaction. He also wanted her to meet his boys, in a way that was planned. He didn’t want to run into them out with his ex-wife or her husband.

He’d call over there today and see if he could go and pick them up, have them stay here with them for a couple of days. There wouldn’t be a problem with it on Christine’s end, Ben would be traveling so much once their tour started, she would be glad to have the boys spend time with him before he got back out on the road. He hoped that Liv wouldn’t have a problem with it.

Before any of that, he needed to tell Liv more about himself, and it wasn’t all good. He’d overcome a lot of his demons, made significant changes in his life, but living life on tour and living life at home were two completely different things. Life on the road was crazy—a different city every night, sometimes several nights in a row. They’d have a day off here and there, but there was never enough time to come home and regroup.

A part of him wished he could take her on the road with him, but that wouldn’t be fair to her. He didn’t need or want a babysitter, he wanted a lover, a mate . . . someday a wife.

Liv shifted so her back faced his front, and he wrapped his arms around her, nestling her as close as he could. For someone who had slept alone as many years as she had, he wondered if his constant need to touch her bothered her. Even in his sleep he clung to her, when he was awake it was all he could do not to bury himself in her every chance he had.

“Sweet Liv,” he whispered in her ear, hoping to wake her slowly and gently.

“Hmm, is it morning? What time is it?”

“It’s almost nine. You can sleep longer if you want to.”

“No, I’m awake.”

It was now or never. “I need to tell you some not-so-nice stories,” he said, kissing across her back from one shoulder to the other. He felt her muscles tighten, but only slightly. It was somehow easier without her looking at him. He hoped he could get through it, be completely honest with her and not gloss any of it over. He didn’t feel as though he could ever really be free with her unless he told her all of it.

“Okay,” she said. “You can tell me.”

***

“A little over a year ago, I hit rock bottom. Will, Matt and I had been snowboarding all day and I’d been drinking, a lot. They took away my keys and drove me home, where they figured I’d pass out and sleep it off. Unfortunately, I didn’t. I got my hands on a set of keys to one of the ranch trucks that was out at my place and drove over to Will’s, prepared to give him shit I guess. I don’t remember anything about that night, so I don’t know what I was thinking.

“I guess when I got there I must’ve gone in to one of the bedrooms and passed out, but then something must’ve woken me up and I went out into the living room. Maeve, Will’s wife, was sitting on the couch, I don’t know where Will was. Anyway, I sat down and started a conversation with her.

“Will came out and started screaming at me, asking me what the hell I was doing, what the fuck was wrong with me. Then he apologized to Maeve and he got her out of there as fast as he could. I don’t remember much of this, but I do remember the last thing he said to me. ‘You need to straighten your shit out dude or get the fuck outa my life.’”

Ben took a big deep breath. He punched the pillow behind his head a little higher, so he could see at least part of Liv’s face. If he went too far, he hoped he’d be able to tell.

“The reason Will was so done with me that day, was because I came out, sat down and started talking to his wife, completely naked. On top of that, I must’ve fallen down or something either in my house before I left, or Will’s when I got there. By the time Maeve saw me, I looked as though I had been in a fight. Evidently, I scared the hell out of her.”

Ben tightened the hold he had around Liv’s arms, hoping that if he held her as close to him as possible, he could tell her everything he needed to.

“Before that night, there was a long, ugly road of random acts of misery I left in a trail behind me.”

Ben told her that he’d started drinking when he was a teenager hanging out at the ski area. It got worse when he started the band, worse still when he got married, and finally almost killed him when he got divorced.

“That night, Will took Maeve to my parents’ place, and then called Matt, who rounded up Jimmy and Phil, guys from the band who I’ve been friends with since we were in first grade. They all came back to Will’s, with my mom and dad, and told me that they were taking me to rehab. I mean, there was a lot more to it, but Liv, the sad part is, I don’t remember any of it. The only reason I can tell you what happened with Maeve, is because I’ve had the story told to me so many times.”

“Keep talking.” Liv said, almost a whisper.

“When I met Christine the band was hot. We’d released a couple of albums and were playing all over Colorado. We had a sold-out show at the Belly Up over in Aspen. The crowd was crazy that night, and she was in the front row. I was hot for her, and fully expected I’d be getting her under me sometime that night. She wanted nothin’ to do with me.” Ben laughed, in an uncomfortable way, and rubbed his eyes. “God this is sounding too familiar even to me.” He kissed Liv’s neck. “Are you all right, is it okay for me to go on?”

“Mmm hmm, keep going Ben.”

“She came to a lot of our shows. It wasn’t that unusual—young guys, hot band, there were a lot of girls that followed us around. She never got together with any of the other guys, she never got together with me, but she was always there. We had a few days off and I asked her if I could spend some time with her while we weren’t performing. That was the first time she said yes to anything I ask her.”

Ben told her that he and Christine partied together, non-stop, for a week. She drank as much as he did, maybe more, and was into coke, which he hadn’t been. During their week-long bender, they had a lot of sex, and he’d been too drunk or stoned or high to think about using condoms.

“You can guess what I’m gonna tell you next. Christine came into the Goat looking for me a couple months later. I hardly recognized her. She’d put on some weight, which I later found out was mainly because she’d stopped doing coke. She was also pregnant, and scared out of her mind that there was going to be something wrong with the baby.”

Both Ben and Christine had seen the pregnancy as a wake-up call. She’d stopped partying completely as soon as she realized she was pregnant, and knowing what he’d done and that he had a child on the way, Ben stopped partying too.

He moved her into his house and rather than
asking
her to marry him, he
told
her they were getting married.

“I look back on it and realize that my parents knew exactly what was going on. I tried to play it off like I was some kind of responsible guy who’d fallen in love, gotten my girl pregnant, and we were getting married. They were on to my shit the entire time. I guess there was a part of them that played along hoping that it
was
the thing that made me stop drinking, made me start acting like the grownup I was old enough to be.”

Ben shifted again, moving so he was on his back, Liv put her arm around his waist and put her head on his chest, right above his heart.

“Jake was born, and thankfully he was okay, there were never any signs that he was adversely affected by Christine’s partying, then and to this day.

“We played house for a couple of years and did our best to find a common ground that didn’t have anything to do with partying. I had to hand it to her then, she really changed when she got pregnant, and she’s always been a good mother to Jake and to Luke.

“Not as much changed for me as it did for her. I was still out playing clubs just about every weekend. I stopped doing any kind of drugs, and convinced myself that as long as I was only drinking, everything was fine.”

He told her the benders stopped, but in between the time that Jake was born and Christine got pregnant with Luke, he’d slept with a lot of other women. Whenever they played out of town, they’d always stay over to the next morning. No matter where they were, Ben rarely slept alone. The one thing he’d learned his lesson about was unprotected sex though, and he never went without a condom.

He and Christine were having lots of problems, mainly because he was never home. Living out on the ranch was hard because even though it wasn’t as far from town as Liv’s place was, Christine still felt isolated. His mother was nice to Christine, she still was, but they were never close.

In an effort to repair their marriage, they did the thing everyone says not to, they tried to have another baby. It didn’t take long for her to get pregnant, but if she’d thought Ben was going to make any changes in his life because she was, she’d been wrong. And that didn’t make her happy.

When he was home, all they did was fight. He realized, mainly while he was in rehab, that most everything that went wrong
between them was his doing. He hadn’t been committed to the relationship, ever. He loved her, more as the mother of his kids. And, she was beautiful, no question. But he wasn’t who she wanted him to be, and he realized now, she wasn’t who he wanted her to be either.

Liv shifted a little bit when he said it, but kept her arm around his waist and didn’t try to move away from him. He kissed her forehead, and started to run a trail of kisses down the side of her face.

“Keep talking.”

She was right, it was better to just get through it before he lost the nerve to tell her the whole story.

Two years after Luke was born, Ben made arrangements to record the band’s next album in Los Angeles. Christine wanted to go and bring the boys, but Ben told her it was out of the question. He told her it wasn’t a good environment for the boys to be in, but the truth had been he didn’t want her there.

When he left, she told him she wouldn’t be there when he got back. He didn’t believe her. After all, where was she going to go? Ben had never met her family, never heard a single thing about them, even after they’d gotten married and she’d had two kids.

They’d been in LA a week when a knock on the hotel room door early one morning woke him up. He was hungover and it took him a while to answer. When he did, Christine was standing on the other side of it, Luke in her arms, and she was holding Jake by the hand.

He’d answered the door naked and had little choice but to let her push her way inside. When she did, she practically threw Luke in his arms before she attacked the woman still asleep in Ben’s bed.

Jake was five at the time and Ben still prayed his son had no memory of that day.

Trying to manage a two-year-old and a five-year-old, both of them crying so hard they were screaming, and rein Christine in was more than he could handle. Ben sat Luke on the floor and tried to get Jake settled, while he tried to keep their mother from pummeling the woman in his bed. Jimmy, one of his band mates, was in the room next door and heard the commotion. He came over to help, but it was still just ugly.

When they finally got things settled down, the woman out of the room, the kids out of there and with another member of the band, Christine told him they were done. She wanted a divorce and she wanted full custody of the kids. On top of it, she wanted a hell of a lot of mon
ey.

Ben had no idea what his financial situation actually was. He knew there was money, but he didn’t know how much. He also didn’t know if he’d put the ranch in any kind of risk by marrying her without a pre-nup.

He flew home with Christine and the boys, dropping them off at the house, and he went to stay with his parents.

He looked like hell and he knew it. Between what was going on with Christine, the band trying to cut this record with a producer who was as detached as he could be, and the non-stop partying, he felt like he wanted to die. And then he learned he was sick. Very sick.

Less than a month later he was diagnosed with cancer. The record went on hold, the divorce did not. He went through a tough surgery, followed by both chemo and radiation therapy. He stayed at his parents’ place through it all, while Christine and the boys remained in the house. She was adamant that she wanted full custody of their boys, and she used his illness to further her fight.

He learned later that his dad intervened and made a deal with her to finalize the divorce. In exchange for giving up all claims to the ranch, along with any of the other family holdings, Ben’s family would take very good care of her for the rest of her life. It would continue provided she never tried to take Ben’s boys away from him. If she ever tried, she’d lose everything.

The negotiations his father worked out on his behalf included a joint custody agreement. Christine moved into a house in town, and Ben went back to his place on the ranch as soon as he felt well enough.

“You’d think with all that happened, the way Christine and I got together, the boys, the divorce, the cancer . . . that I would’ve stopped drinking. I didn’t. It only got worse.”

Ben and the band went back to LA to finish the album, and it wasn’t long before he started picking up old habits. He continued to drink, and self-destruct, for another five years.