Are We Live? (2 page)
Authors: Marion Appleby
The myths of live broadcast debunked
On Valentine’s Day 2007, student Ryan Burke filmed himself breaking-up with his girlfriend in front of a crowd of hundreds. The very public performance included Burke shouting, ‘Look, I fucking know you fucked Brad. Like, seriously, how the fuck can you do that to somebody that you care about?’
Dumbfounded, Burke’s baffled girlfriend replied, ‘You seriously bought these fucking people to do this? …You really want to air this all out?’ She then went on to say some rather embarrassing things about how, as a woman, she had ‘needs’ that weren’t exactly being catered for, accusing Burke of being gay.
Two weeks later, Fox News interviewed Burke, who admitted the stunt had been a hoax designed to demonstrate the ‘power of the Internet’, and to help promote his new music PR company.
Breaking up is hard to do. Especially if it’s in front of an audience of millions …
In 2009, Jason Mesnick, star of the US hit television show
The Bachelor
, broke off his engagement to female contestant Melissa Rycroft live on television.
After an engagement of six whole weeks, Mesnick chose the season finale to tell Rycroft that he sort of preferred the show’s runner-up contestant, Molly. Upon hearing the news, a clearly distraught Rycroft said (in a strange use of the third person), ‘So, you told Melissa you loved her, you put a ring on Melissa’s finger, but you don’t want to fight for Melissa.’ She then, quite rightly, called him a bastard.
‘Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.’
BILL
HICKS
The myths of live broadcast debunked
The story goes that Matt Damon broke up with his
Good Will Hunting
co-star Minnie Driver live on television’s
The Oprah Winfrey Show
in front of an audience of millions.
However, despite Damon’s revelations, he and Driver had in fact broken up a week or so previously. Although it’s fair to say Driver was rather unimpressed with Damon talking about the split, especially as it was with one of America’s most popular television show hosts. Driver later told
The Times
, ‘It’s unfortunate that Matt went on
Oprah
. It seemed like a good forum for him to announce to the world that we were no longer together, which I found fantastically inappropriate.’
After finding out his girlfriend of five years, Ashley, had been caught cheating on him, Chris enlisted the help of radio DJs Woody and Rizzuto to dump her live on air. Having duped Ashley into thinking he was going to propose to her, Chris told her, ‘We’ve been together for five years now and I’ve loved you with all of my heart and dreamed of spending the rest of my life with you …I guess I just have one thing to ask you …How long will it take you to get your crap out of my house?’
However, despite Woody and Rizzuto’s protestations to the contrary, the whole thing’s got to have been a set-up. The excruciating broadcast is a whole ten minutes long and ends with Ashley in tears and the radio DJs in fits of giggles – it’s got to be a fake. Or has it …?
Men of the world take heed: hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or certainly one with a microphone in her hand.
In June 2000, viewers of Channel Ten Brisbane’s news bulletin gained an insight into newsreader Mary Louise Thielle’s life when she referred to her husband as ‘this arsehole I’m married to’ live on air.
Thinking they were still on a commercial break, Thielle can be heard chatting to her fellow news anchor about him indoors. She apologized the following day.
‘I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go in the other room and read a book.’
GROUCHO
MARX
The myths of live broadcast debunked
Chris Taylor, a guest on popular Australian breakfast television show
Sunrise
, chose his chance in the limelight to announce directly to camera, ‘My partner, Jo, never misses the show …so can I just put a message out to her? We’ve been together for seven years, and I just want to take this opportunity now live on television to say, Jo, get the fuck out of my life!’
However, despite realistic onscreen graphics and some pretty good acting from the show’s real presenters, Taylor later confessed that the whole thing had been a set-up. It was in fact part of an elaborate series of pranks for Australian comedy series
The Chaser’s War on Everything
.
‘Television: teacher, mother, secret lover.’
HOMER
SIMPSON
that
it?
During a sports report on Australia’s
Ten News at Five
, news anchor Belinda Heggen delivered a low blow when she mocked the size of her co-anchor’s manhood.
After footage was shown of English cricketer Andrew Strauss proudly showing off what looked to be the world’s smallest trophy, co-anchor Mark Aiston said, ‘Belinda, I just can’t understand how something so small can be so impressive.’ To which she replied, ‘Well, Mark, you would know about that.’ She gamely carried on presenting, while Mark no doubt wept inside.
‘Television: chewing gum for the eyes.’
ARCHITECT
FRANK
LLOYD
WRIGHT
LETTING LOOSE
