Arizona Allspice (39 page)

“Hey, Laney.”
I can hear the smile in his voice.

“Are you home?” I don’t want to interrupt any fun he’s having.

“Yeah.
Walked in half an hour ago.
What’s up?”

“I know you don’t like Raul, but I need you to help me do a favor for him tonight.”

“No.”

“You haven’t even heard what it is,” I say calmly, too shocked to be angry.

“Elaine, just forget it,” he murmurs. “Don’t expect me to turn around and help the enemy.”

“Enemy in what?”

There is a long pause.
“Soccer.”

“That is such a dumb, selfish reason.”

“Also, you’re my friend and I hate how he treated you.”

“I appreciate that, but”

“And I’m sure he can man up and handle it on his own.”

My eyes sting with tears. He sounds so callous. I know he can get angry, but I thought his big heart preceded that. “Just because he’s not a girl you won’t help him?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. It’s more than that.”

“Look,” my words are taut, “He is having some bad dad issues and he and his little brother truly need some help.”

“You said you didn’t have
time
for daddy issues,” his voice strains with pent up emotion.

“When did I say that?” My nervous tension increases with his every word.

 
“High school.”

“Joey, this isn’t ‘Poor me, my daddy wasn’t there’ or ‘Poor me, my stepdad smacked me around’! What Raul is going through is
deeper
than that!” The tension inside of me releases. My rough breathing echoes into the phone. Then a swarm of guilt enwraps my heart. “Joey, I…” I hadn’t meant to dismiss the trauma Joey went through as a child, but that’s what I’d just done, out of anger. It was so insensitive of me. There is silence on Joey’s end and then suddenly a torrent of words in a voice straining back so much rage I can’t recognize it as it burns my ears.

 “Your dad never laid a hand on you. Never did. And you
oughta
thank God
. Who knows how much more
stubborn
and
self-centered
you’d be if he’d really gotten the chance to smack you around. Or maybe if he
had
you’d be less of a
bitch
.”

The line goes dead.

I was right.

Friends are fleeting. Learn to make it on your own.

******

I slam my cell phone into the headboard and the pieces explode onto the bed and floor. “What
is
wrong
with
me!
” I growl from the deepest darkest part of me. I want to scream it until I have no voice to hurt anyone with, but Mom is asleep in the next room. I sit at the edge of the bed with my head in my hands. I shut my eyes and my fingers curl to pull hard on my hair. The hair is too short for me to grip it as firmly as I want to. It does not hurt me enough. I love her. How could I have called her that? “Manny, Miss
Marna
, I cannot do this. I’m not right for her. I’m not right.”

An hour passes with me lying awake in bed, shivering above the covers and staring into the dark. Shame won’t let me sleep. I can’t face her after this. I’ll have to tell Mom why Elaine won’t be taking me to therapy anymore. The shame multiplies and grows and grows. I turn onto my side as my heart beats out of my chest. I brace myself for another panic attack. It never comes. I close my eyes and try to come to terms with the finality of this.
It’s over
. I hear a yelp of a strange animal outside. I open my solemn eyes to the darkness and listen. It sounds close by. Not right outside our trailer, maybe up the street. I hear it again, but it’s talking. It’s begging
no, no, no
.

******

Mateo moves his little legs as fast as he can with his full backpack weighing down on him. He grips our hands as we hurry to the truck. I glance down at
Teo
as we run. He is such a sweet kid. Tears are streaming down his round face, but he doesn’t sob because he knows he must be quiet. We arrive at the truck and I pull the back door open. Raul lifts his little brother up by holding him under the arms and places him onto the back seat.

“Don’t cry,
Teo
. We have to be happy. We’re going someplace safe and fun and you’ll get to play with all your cousins.”
Teo
nods. Raul wipes
Teo’s
face dry with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Let’s go,” I whisper nervously. 

 Raul softly closes the door. I get into the driver’s side and Raul walks around to the passenger side. He opens the door and stops. “Wait. I forgot something. I’ll be right back.” Raul jogs back towards the trailer. I step back out of the truck and lean against the bed. As the seconds pass I grow more nervous. Through the window I give a reassuring smile to
Teo
. “It’s gonna be okay. I
pr
” My words are cut short at the sound of a door slamming. My eyes grow wide as Raul bounds out of the house, his monstrous father following close behind him.
Raul is a great runner. He can make it
, I chant in my head. The larger man grabs for Raul. He catches the hoodie of Raul’s jacket and yanks it towards him. Raul goes tumbling backwards onto the dirt road with a grunt.

“No
!
No
!
No
!
” I
cry
.
Teo
begins to wail as his hazel eyes take in the scene through the back window of the F-150. Raul hops up from the ground as fast as he can with an aching back and with hands burning from digging into hard dirt and pebbles. He gets forward two steps before his father lunges forward, toppling Raul back to the ground and landing on top of him. Raul yells out in pain as his arms are crushed underneath his and Mr. Campos’ weight.

“Please! Please! Let me go!” Raul pleads.

“You thought you were going somewhere, huh? Thought you were leaving,
maricón
?!” He spits. The man knees him in the ribs as he straddles him and Raul cries out. I see the curtains move in a window of the trailer.
Mrs. Campos is watching! She’s got to tell her husband to stop!
Not giving up, Raul tries to wriggle free from the man on top of him, trying to pull himself along the ground with his fists. The man looks down at his son beneath him with an amused grin then pushes the boy’s cheek into the dusty soil. “You don’t get it,
hijo
. You’re not going
nowhere
. You’re mine. Did you forget?” Mr. Campos leans his pockmarked face down until his lips are at Raul’s ear. He begins to whisper things that I can’t hear, but my own ears burn with vicarious humiliation. Raul’s body goes stiff. He stops fighting.

“Raul?” I call out to him. I watch horrified as Raul begins to sob. His fallen tears mix with the dusty earth. “Raul!” I sprint towards them. I punch the man repeatedly in the shoulder, in the neck, anywhere.
“You monster!”
I scream. My fists bounce from the taut muscle of Mr. Campos’ back and he continues to whisper harshly into Raul’s ear. “Shut up! Shut up!” I shriek. Mr. Campos takes notice once I kick him hard in the thigh with my steel-toed boot.

Mr. Campos grimaces then slowly raises his soulless eyes. I freeze in fear as I watch him elevate himself off of Raul. Almost frozen with fear, I shuffle backwards as he begins to stand. He lifts his hand to smack me then he flinches. Confusion narrows his eyes and then he clutches his left shoulder. He stares at his own blood on his fingers.

“Don’t move,” Joey says firmly as he walks out of the shadows. Without taking his eye off the sight on the BB gun, he steps closer to the three of us. His hair is rustled and his feet are bare. Raul staggers to his feet and limps to the truck to comfort his little brother who is still wailing. Mr. Campos and I are standing only two feet apart. “If you step any closer to her I will shoot your
freakin
’
eye out.”

Mr. Campos snorts. “Tell this black bitch to”

Joey pumps the gun and fires.

“AH! DAMMIT!” The man clutches his face. He removes his hand and squints and blinks his right eye. The bb pierced the skin in the fold of his eyelid. Blood trickles down into his eye, blinding him.
“My eye!”

“Just another dent in your ugly face,” Joey spits and rests the gun over his shoulder. “If you complain to the cops about me, I’ll make sure you get drug tested and thrown back into the pen. I saw you score some pot this afternoon. J.T. is my next door neighbor.” The man scowls defiantly and clutches his bloody throbbing eye. I finally come to my senses and walk to stand very close beside Joey. He gingerly circles his palm on the back of my tense shoulders and presses me closer to him. “Are you okay?” I can only nod as he searches my face with deep concern.  

“Your hand is shaking,” Mr.
Campos
cackles with his injured eye squinted closed. “You scared? I know you’re ho is.”

Joey clenches his left hand closed to stop the tremor he has dealt with since the accident. He steps away from me and starts moving towards the man twice his size. “You
wanna
find out the meaning of ‘shaken’? You slimy piece of”

My stomach jumps. I grab for Joey’s arm. “Come on,” I plead and tug on his arm. His eyes still burning holes into the man’s face, he very reluctantly returns with me to the truck.

Mrs. Campos finally comes out of the house.
“Baby!”
She comes to her husband’s aid as Joey and I hop into the truck. Raul is in the back seat hugging
Teo
close to him. I speed out of the park.

“Where’s the gun?”

“On the floor by my feet.”

“Not you, Joey. Raul.”

“Story of my life,” Joey grumbles. I hear him and swallow.

Raul eyes the back of Joey’s head curiously. “I left the gun where my mom could find it. That’s why I went back into the house. I don’t have to feel guilty about leaving knowing he’ll need to take his anger out on someone. She can protect herself.”

******

We reach the bus station.
Raul, Mateo and Elaine step out of the truck, leaving me inside.
I watch as Elaine gives Mateo a hug and kiss goodbye as she stands in front of the ticket booth. Then she smiles at Raul. He takes her hand and kisses the top of it. He says something and she nods. Then he steps closer and kisses her. She doesn’t pull away. My stomach drops at the sight. Elaine hugs the two once more and walks back to the truck. As she nears it her eyes meet mine through the windshield and quickly spring away. She gets into the truck and buckles her seatbelt. She starts the engine.

“I might not ever see those two again, you know?” Elaine explains her actions. I say nothing. She pulls out of the parking lot and begins the thirty minute drive home. Finally, she parks in front of my house. I wordlessly depart from the truck. Elaine hops out of the truck and follows me. “Hey.” Elaine calls softly. I turn. I meet her eyes for only a second and then look down at the gun. The gun stands beside me like a cane under my hand. Elaine studies my face in the glow of the porch light. She steps forward, the length of her body almost touches mine, and slowly she presses her lips to my cheek. She pulls away. My eyes lock in on her brown eyes and both of us know that all is forgiven. Silent apologies are exchanged with the glance and there is mutual absolution.