aterovis_bleedinghearts.pm6 (14 page)

As soon as she saw Kane, Ms. Douglas started for the door without saying a word. She stopped in the open doorway and glared at Adam as he gave Kane a hug.

She threw a calculating look at me, as if measuring up a potential enemy, then turned on her heel and stalked off to the car. I had to give it to her; she knew how to make a dramatic exit.

“I love you, Dad,” Kane said.

“I love you too, son,” Adam said thickly. He sounded on the verge of tears. There was entirely too much crying going on around here.

Kane waved at me sadly and followed his mother to the car. Adam and I stood in the doorway until they 117

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were out of sight.

“Quite a piece of work, isn’t she?” Adam said as he closed the door.

“I guess you could say that,” I said.

“What else would you say?”

“That she’s a class-A bitch,” I answered.

“I’ll have to give you that one,” he chuckled, and we went into the living room, where I started my homework and Adam went back to work on the computer.

About a half-hour later the phone rang and Adam answered it, since it was right next to the computer.

“Killian, it’s for you,” he said after speaking to the person on the phone, “It’s Asher.”

Oh, crap! In all the excitement I had forgotten that I’d promised to call Asher and give him my decision as soon as I got home from school. I jumped up and grabbed the phone, wishing it was a cordless so I could have a little more privacy.

“Asher, hi. I’m sorry I forgot to call. There was a lot going on...” I started as soon as I had the phone.

“It’s okay, Killian,” he interrupted me. “Can we talk now?”

“Yeah, well no...I mean,” I took a deep breath, “Can I come pick you up?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he said.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Is everything okay?” Adam asked me as I hung up.

“I’m not sure,” I told him honestly.

“Take a second and tell me what’s going on,” he invited me, getting up from the computer desk and sitting on the couch.

I sat down next to him and let out a sigh.

“You know Asher likes me, right?” I began.

“I’d have to be blind to not see that.” Funny choice of words.

“Well, I know you know how I hurt his feelings and 118

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he got mad at me, cuz he told me you talked to him.”

He nodded.

“He came last night and said he forgave me and asked me to forgive him for ignoring me. Then he said that he wants us to be together.”

“And what’s the problem?” he asked me.

“I don’t know exactly,” I exclaimed, “I mean, I know I like Asher. I’ve liked him for years. And now I find out that he likes me, too. I should be thrilled. I should be running into his arms. But I can’t. Something is holding me back.”

“Are you still afraid he had something to do with the attacks?”

“I dunno, maybe. But I don’t think its that, cuz in my heart I know Asher couldn’t do something like that.”

“Do you think you are afraid of losing him altogether if the couple thing doesn’t work out?”

I thought for a minute. “I’m just not sure. I don’t know what I’m afraid of. I just...” I seemed to run out of words.

I just didn’t know how to explain it.

“What are you going to tell Asher?”

“I don’t know that either,” I sighed, “I guess I’ll figure it out when the time comes.”

Adam ruffled my hair and stood up. “Well, you better get going. You told Asher you’d be there in a few minutes. I hope you figure out your heart on the way there.”

As I drove to my old neighborhood, I thought about what Adam had said. Figure out my heart. That was the problem. I couldn’t figure it out; I didn’t trust my own heart. I was so scared of giving it to someone and having it crushed. I thought about the storm and how I’d watched the flowers being buffeted by the winds.

That’s still how I felt. I felt as if my heart was bleeding.

It was still raw and maybe it would never heal.

My thoughts were interrupted when I pulled into 119

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Asher’s driveway. He was out the door and in the car almost before I’d stopped rolling.

I backed out on to the street and asked, “Where do you want to go?”

“It doesn’t matter, anywhere.”

“How about the inlet?” I asked.

“That’s fine.”

We made small talk all the way there, both of us carefully avoiding the whole purpose of this little trip. I parked, dropped a few quarters in the meter, and we walked out on the beach. The wind off the ocean was more than a little chilly, and I wished I’d thought to put on more than just a T-shirt. Asher noticed.

“Here,” he said taking his jacket off and handing it to me.“No, it’s okay. You need it,” I argued.

“Just take it Killian, please. Why do you always have to fight me about everything? Just let me do something for you,” he said, frustration in his voice, “Besides I have a sweatshirt on and you just have that T-shirt.”

I silently took the jacket and pulled it on.

“Thanks,” I said softly. He nodded.

The beach was deserted except for the two of us and a man and his dog way off down the beach. The sun was quickly making its way towards the horizon. We walked towards the pier for a while, neither of us talking. Finally, Asher spoke up.

“Did you think about what we talked about last night?”

“A little,” I said quietly. Asher took a step closer to me so that he could hear over the sound of the waves.

We were now walking almost shoulder to shoulder. I felt his hand brush against mine.

“And?” he prompted.

“I’m scared,” I told him. His hand brushed mine again and this time he took it and held it in his.

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“Of what?”

“I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Do you still think I killed Seth?”

“No, I honestly don’t. I just don’t know how to explain it to you.” I thought for a moment and he didn’t push. Suddenly, I stopped walking. It was like a dam burst inside me, and words began to tumble out of my mouth almost faster than I could speak them. “I’ve been hurt so many times. When I was a kid, I used to worship the ground my father walked on. I thought the sun rose and set on him. I learned differently the hard way over many broken promises and hurt feelings. I didn’t understand my mom. I never thought she cared about me until recently. I was never accepted at school. I guess I’ve learned how to keep people away. I thought I was safe behind my defenses, and then along came Seth and he saw right through me. That really shook me up. I was ready to trust him and then he was taken away from me. I’m scared to give someone my heart, Asher.

I’m scared of getting hurt again.” We were under the pier now. I dropped his hand and walked a few feet away. Asher followed me closely.

“I’ve already given you my heart, Killian,” he said.

“But that’s just it. What if I don’t want it? What if I don’t know what to do with it? What if I hurt you the same way I’ve been hurt?”

I felt Asher’s hand gently grip my shoulder and turn me around so that I was facing him. He put his other hand on my other shoulder.

“I told you last night that I was willing to risk it if you were. I still am.” Then he pulled me closer and, wrapping his arms around me, kissed me hard on the lips. I didn’t respond at first, but I slowly melted into his embrace and began to kiss him back. The kiss just kept getting more and more passionate. Asher gently lowered me to the sand and then I felt his body follow, 121

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pressing his length against mine. We kissed for a little while longer and then suddenly I remembered where we were.

“Asher!” I gasped, my breath coming in short bursts.

“Mmmm?” Asher asked, his face buried in my neck.

A tingling sensation flooded through my body and I gasped again.

“Asher! We’re on the beach!” I managed to get out.

He raised his head and looked at me. “So?”

I grinned and kissed him on the lips again then pulled back. “So, lets go home and finish this in private.”

“You mean it?” he asked excitedly.

“Yup. Think you can spend the night?”

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Asher and I burst through the front door of Adam’s house, or as I was quickly coming to think of it, my house. We were giggling and tripping over each other in our haste.

“Well,” Adam said coming into the hall to see what was going on, “You two sound like a herd of elephants.

I thought I was being invaded. Make that a herd of giddy elephants.”

“Can Asher spend the night?” I asked breathlessly.

Adam’s left eyebrow flew up so high it almost shot off his forehead.

“Well, I don’t know,” he said slowly.

“What?” I was shocked. I hadn’t expected any problems.

“I think I’d rather talk to your mother first,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Can I talk to you for a second in the other room?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

We left Asher standing in the hall and walked into the living room.

“Obviously your talk went well and you made up your mind, but are you sure this is the best thing right now?” Adam said once we were alone.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” I told him.

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“Well, number one, I’m not naïve. I know you two intend to do more than talk up there.” I blushed. “You’re so young, Killian. I know I’m not your father and there-fore I have no right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your life, but I’ve grown to care for you very deeply and I don’t want to see you get hurt. Don’t rush into a sexual relationship. If what you have is real, then it will wait. Let your relationship grow first. You are both just beginning to explore this new side of yourselves. Don’t do something you may regret later. I’ve seen too many friendships ruined by sex.

“Number two,” he continued, “is that you just went through a very traumatic experience; two in fact, Seth’s murder and then your father’s abuse. I don’t think you’ve really dealt with either one. You don’t need to add the emotional stress of a serious relationship until you’ve worked through those things first.”

“I’m fine,” I told him, “I don’t know what you mean about dealing with them. It seems like all I do is cry anymore. Isn’t that dealing with it?”

“No, that’s releasing the pressure, and that’s better than holding it in, but its not dealing with the underly-ing issues. Until you address them, you will always be dealing with that pressure.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I know, Killian. We’ll work through it together, huh?” He pulled me in for a quick hug. “I’ll talk to your mom tomorrow and see what we can do about maybe finding a good counselor for both of us.”

I nodded although I still wasn’t convinced I needed to see a counselor. I mean, I thought I was doing great considering.

“What about Asher?” I asked.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea for him to stay over.

How ‘bout if we watch a movie together and then you can drive him home? I have a great one that I know you 124

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guys will love and I guarantee you that you’ve never seen it before.”

“What is it?” I asked suspiciously.

“Just wait, it’ll be a surprise. But I will say that it’s one of the most wonderful movies I’ve ever seen. I watch it over and over.”

I went and filled Asher in. He was disappointed, but agreed to the movie idea. It was better than nothing.

Asher and I settled in on the couch with a blanket while Adam popped some popcorn. When the lights were dimmed and everyone was situated, Adam pushed play on the remote control and the movie started. It lived up to his glowing review. The movie was called “Beautiful Thing.” It’s the story of two teenage boys who fall in love and their families and their struggles. That doesn’t even come close to describing it. I related so much to the characters. One of the guys was a 17-year-old named Ste. His father abused him and I started crying I related to him so much. Asher held me tightly during those parts.

It was a little hard to understand because it was a British movie. Their accents were quite heavy and they used a lot of English slang terms that I wasn’t familiar with, but Adam kept us up to speed.

I also enjoyed snuggling with Asher. It felt so good to have his warm body curved around mine, to feel his breath on my cheek and his arms around me. When the last notes of Mama Cass died away, Adam lowered the volume and stopped the tape and started it rewinding.

“Did you like it?” Adam asked us.

“Yes!” we answered in unison and Adam just chuckled a bit, then turned his attention to the TV, where the news was on. We all got a bit engrossed in the top story and it wasn’t long before I realized that Asher’s breathing had become very regular and his body had relaxed.

He had fallen asleep.

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“Asher’s asleep,” I whispered to Adam.

He looked over and smiled at us. “You two look so peaceful,” he said softly, “just like Ste and Jamie. I hate to disturb him.”

“Then don’t,” I countered, “Let us sleep here. We won’t do anything. I promise.”

He thought for a moment, then seemed to make up his mind. “I’m going to trust you on this, Killian,” he said, “Please, don’t let me down.”

I broke into a wide grin. “I won’t,” I promised.

“I need to call his mother, then, and let her know where he is,” he said, getting up.

I gave him Asher’s phone number and he made the call. After speaking for a brief time, he hung up and snapped off the last lamp.

“I guess that means it was okay,” I whispered.

“You guessed correctly.”

“Good night, Killian.”

“Good night, Adam.”

He started from the room, “Adam?” I called out softly.

“Yes?”

“Thank you...for everything. I’m glad you were there for me. You’re like the dad mine never was.”

He stood silhouetted in the hall light for a few moments, his back to me, and I wondered if he was going to respond. Then he turned and slowly walked back over to me, bent over and gently kissed my forehead. I felt a drop of wetness land on my cheek and I realized he was crying. Before I could say anything else, though, he quickly moved from the room and turned off the hall light. I heard him go up the stairs and his door close, then silence descended on the house. It wasn’t long before I joined Asher in sleep.