Avoiding Commitment (14 page)

“So, are you just here visiting Jack?” Ramsey
asked.

“Kind of,” Lexi said neither confirming nor
denying anything.

“Specific. Are you visiting your
parents?”

“I plan on it.”

“So are you staying with Jack?”

Lexi saw Jack’s head swivel in front of her.
He had obviously been eavesdropping on their conversation. “Um…no.
I don’t think so.”

Ramsey nodded, but kept his face neutral. “Do
your folks live in the city? Are you staying with them?”

“Why do you care?” she asked snootily.

“Why are you so snippy?” he questioned right
back at her.

“Sorry,
yankee
thing,” Lexi said
drawing out the word.

“Right, but you’re not from there,” he
pointed out. “Either way, I was just curious about you is all. I
told you that before.”

“Okay,” Lexi said eyeing him warily, “well my
parents live on the south side of Atlanta about an hour maybe an
hour fifteen south of here. I’ll probably be staying with
them.”

“That’s pretty far away. Why don’t you just
get a hotel?”

She rolled her eyes. This was typical.
“Money. As in I don’t have any, because I’m in school,” she told
him coldly.

“Oh, right. Stupid me,” he said smacking his
forehead with his available hand. “Well, I think Bekah and Jack are
coming over to my place later for drinks with some of my friends.
You are welcome to join them, if you are interested,” he offered
graciously.

“Oh my God, we would just
love
for you
to come,” Bekah exclaimed interrupting their conversation. “Why
didn’t you think of that, Jack?” she asked him, hitting him
playfully on the arm.

“Must have slipped my mind,” Jack commented
glancing from Bekah to Lexi and then down to where Lexi’s hand was
still placed on Ramsey’s expensive sleeve.

“Then it’s settled,” Ramsey confirmed, “I’ll
see you tonight.”

Lexi had come here for one purpose. Country
Club brunches and parties were not on that list. She didn’t want to
get to know Bekah or her family. She didn’t want to think about
what a better lot Jack could get by marrying into this family…this
girl. She didn’t want to go back to New York feeling worse about
her situation and the way things had ended with Jack then she
already did. She couldn’t imagine what that would feel like. She
just wanted this to over with.

Why couldn’t closure be easier than this?

CHAPTER 6

PRESENT

“Jack, I can’t come over,” Lexi told him for
what felt like the hundredth time. She rested her flip phone
between her ear and shoulder while directing her car into an
available parking spot in front of the grocery store.

“Sure you can. I don’t live that far away
from you. What’s the drive, like ten minutes?”

“It’s not the distance that’s the issue,” she
told him, getting out of the car and walking towards the entrance.
She dodged a white SUV that zoomed in front of her. Lexi flipped
off the driver as she skidded to a halt in the middle of the
crosswalk. “Jackass.”

“What? No need for name calling.”

“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t talking about you,” she
told him cautiously jogging the rest of the way to safety. “Some
crazy driver.”

“I really want to see you.”

“I know. I want to see you too,” she confided
in him. She bit her lip at the thought of going over to his house,
and then quickly diverted her attention. She couldn’t let herself
go down that path.

“Well then, come see me. Nothing’s stopping
you.”

“You know there are plenty of things stopping
me from coming to see you.” She grabbed a buggy and pushed it down
an aisle.

“Alright. How about this: I’ll come see you.
That way you don’t feel like those reasons apply.”

Lexi shook her head. “You forget my
roommates.” She threw a few items aimlessly into the cart and
continued down the aisle.

“Are they there right now?” Lexi knew they
weren’t, but there was no way she was telling him that. She didn’t
know her roommates’ schedules by heart, and if she was found with
Jack, there would be a lot of explaining to do. And explaining why
she was talking to him again was not something she was interested
in. “Silence means they’re not?” Jack guessed.

“I don’t know when they are or are not
there,” she told him noncommittally.

“I just really want to see you. We’ve both
been so busy. It feels like forever since I ran into you at
Chamber.”

“Yeah, about that. How did you know I was
going to be there? You never told me,” she said switching ears to
adjust the uncomfortable feeling creeping through her shoulder. She
couldn’t afford to have aching muscles with gymnastics conditioning
beginning soon.

“Don’t try to change the subject. When do I
get to see you?”

“You can’t see me until you answer.”

“I won’t answer until I see you.”

“Well, I guess we’re at a stalemate,” Lexi
said attempting to maneuver the shopping cart one-handed.

“Okay fine. If I tell you, you promise you’ll
come see me? My roommates are out of town, and we’d have the house
to ourselves.”

All of a sudden, the invitation seemed very
enticing. God, she knew she shouldn’t even be talking to him.
Spencer had no idea about the conversations they had been having,
and she had no real desire to tell him. Sometimes she swore that he
knew that something was different about her. Jack made her
different. That wonderful month they had shared together, even
though he had had a girlfriend, had changed her. Jack just made her
glow, which was the exact reason she could
not
tell Spencer
about Jack.

Spencer would never understand. Sure he acted
goofy and played everything off like it was a joke, but she knew
that he would see more into it. And there wasn’t more to it. At
least, that’s what she kept telling herself.

“So, what do you say, Lex? You’ll come over?”
he asked, persuasion etched in every line.

She weighed her options. Spencer was also out
of town for the weekend. His great-aunt something-or-other from
some no name city in Vermont was visiting his parents, and he was
obligated to entertain her. She hadn’t been too keen on the
details. No matter how many times he argued with his parents about
having previous arrangements, he couldn’t’ get out of it, and she
couldn’t accompany him. His family was very old fashioned.

He would be none the wiser if she happened to
spend a few hours of her afternoon at an old friend’s house. Then
again, she felt guilty enough for not telling him about the phone
conversations and text messages. How would she feel if she spent
time with Jack? A knot formed at the pit of her stomach.

“Just to talk?” she peeped, already knowing
his answer.

“Of course, if that’s what you want.”

“You can keep your hands to yourself?” she
practically whispered into the other line. She glanced around the
nearly empty aisle checking for people she knew or potential
eavesdroppers...anyone at all that looked suspicious. If she found
one person, she would turn him down flat. But she didn’t notice
anyone.

“I can if you can,” he deadpanned.

“Well, I don’t know,” she said prolonging the
moment.

“You don’t know if you can keep your hands to
yourself?” he asked with a chuckle. “You should definitely come
over.”

“Oh, ha. Ha. I don’t know if I should come
over.”

“Lex, I already told you I just want to spend
a little time with you. I know you want to come over, and there’s
no reason for you not to. If one of your other guy friends asked
you to hang out right this instant, what would you tell him?” She
remained silent. He already knew what she was thinking. There would
be no reservations in going to hang out with another guy. Any other
guy wasn’t Jack. Plain and simple. “That’s what I thought. So, come
see me.”

“You know what. Fine. Whatever. If you say
we’re just going to sit around and talk and hang out, then I’ll
come over. But only if you tell me how you knew I’d be at Chamber,”
she said giving into him.

“Okay, that’s an easy one,” Jack said
coolly.

Just then, Lexi’s phone began to beep in her
ear. “Hold that thought,” she said, glancing down at the number
beeping into the line. She swore as she read the name.

“Hey, can I call you back?” she asked Jack
impatiently. “I have to take this call.”

“You’re still coming over right?”

“Sure. And you will finish your story
there.”

“Alright. See you soon.”

Lexi clicked over to the other line. “Hey
baby,” she trilled into the phone. “How’s hanging out with the
fam?”

“It’s so dull without you here,” Spencer
complained. “Maybe I could still convince them to let you come up
here and visit.”

Lexi giggled. “In what lifetime? Your sister
got married last year, and they still have trouble letting her
husband come to family events.”

“You’re right, dear. I wish I could change
things.”

She waved the comments off. No need for him
to be even sweeter than normal. That would just make her feel
worse. “Your family is the way it is. There’s nothing wrong with
that.”

“Well, I don’t agree with you on that, but I
appreciate it. It would make me feel better if you were with me
though. There’s only so much family backgammon I can take,” he said
chuckling heartily. “So, what are you doing? Have any big plans for
the evening? Weekend get-away while I’m not in town?”

Lexi stopped dead in her tracks in the middle
of the frozen food section. Did he know about her plans? She shook
her head. Of course, there was no way for him to know. She had just
decided herself. How could he know something like that? She
steadied herself on the shopping cart and let her breath even out.
“Nope. I’m probably just going to be boring while you’re gone. Hang
out with Olivia. Finish my Spinoza reading. Stuff like that,” she
said terrified that guilt was creeping into her voice and he would
notice.

“Aww…baby… just because I’m gone doesn’t mean
you can’t go out and do something. You know what?”

“No,” she croaked.

“I want you to have a good time, a really
good time while I’m gone. It’s my fault you’re all by yourself this
weekend. I feel obligated to tell you that you need to do something
fun and crazy. I don’t want you sitting at home doing homework on a
Friday night.”

“I…well…”

“Nope. That’s final. If you don’t have a good
time tonight, then I’m the one to take the blame. So go home, put
on something cute, and go out tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” she mumbled.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I’m not there,” he moaned,
misinterpreting her guilty conscience.

“It’s…it’s fine. You have family stuff.”

“I just wish I could be there with you. I
have to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow to find out how your night
went. You’ll let me know how great it was, right? I love you, baby.
Bye.”

Spencer hung up so fast he didn’t even hear
her whispered good-bye or the fact that she completely neglected
saying I love you too.

Lexi tucked her phone back into her pocket.
She felt worse about going to see Jack now that she had spoken with
Spencer. He wanted her to have a good time, and she knew she would
if she actually went to Jack’s house. It just wouldn’t be the kind
of fun that would be in her best interest, or her relationship’s
best interest.

She couldn’t go see him. He had promised they
would just talk, but she just couldn’t do it. What she remembered
the most about Jack was the lack of control. Her actions were
compelled by him. She was compelled by him. Every time she found
herself in his presence, she acted as if she was possessed. It was
easy to conjure up how she had felt when she had been so enraptured
in him that she could hardly sleep at night. She couldn’t let
herself go there again.

Her temples began to pulse painfully as she
contemplated her options.

She wondered if maybe she was overreacting.
She had stopped anything from happening with Jack at Chamber, and
she had been drunk! What she had felt with Jack before had stemmed
from her understanding that they were moving towards a
relationship. Now that she was with Spencer, perhaps they could
just work towards a friendship.

Deep down, she knew that what she had felt
with Jack nearly a year earlier had been real. That had he been
single at the time, they would have worked out. She had wanted
that
—for them to be together—more than anything she wanted
now. And that fact scared her.

Lexi tried not to think about it too much as
she finished her grocery shopping and drove home. Pulling into a
parking spot in front of her four-bedroom flat, she unloaded the
groceries.

“Need any help with that, roomie?” Olivia
asked, skipping into the living room her pixie-cut bouncing as she
went.

“No thanks. I think this is the last of
it.”

“Okie dokie,” she trilled, plopping down
cross-legged on the white carpeted floor. She snatched her acoustic
guitar from its stand and began absentmindedly strumming one of her
new tunes. She alternated to a fast-paced picking for the chorus
and her soprano filled the room.

“I like that last part,” Lexi told her
pushing aside three half-full cartons of milk to make room for some
of her groceries.

“Thanks, sweetie,” Olivia murmured halting
her guitar playing to look back up at Lexi. “What are your plans
for tonight?”

“Uh…” Lexi froze. She hadn’t come up with an
excuse for being out, because she hadn’t expected Olivia to be
home.

“The guys,” Olivia began, referring to their
other two roommates, “went on some fraternity bonding retreat.” She
gagged. “Spence is gone right?”

“Um…yeah he is.”

“Cool, girl’s night!”

“I’m going to have to pass,” Lexi muttered
uncomfortably. As soon as the words came out, she regretted it.
Olivia looked crushed. She always wore her emotions on her sleeve.
“I want to, but I made plans with Jennifer,” Lexi improvised
quickly. Olivia despised Jennifer which was the only reason she had
used her name. That way she had effectively cut off Olivia
attempting to join her. God, this was getting too elaborate.