Awake (9 page)

As I listen to this horrible tale, I watch Holly reach over to squeeze the queen's hand, offering silent support. The queen squeezes back and offers a reassuring smile, but it does not reach her eyes. The actions leave me curious once again but the queen's voice pulls me from my thoughts as she continues her story.

“The room went black once again. When I awoke, weeks had passed since the attack. The unseelie king attacked my court with Damien's aid, all while I slept. It was a well thought-out and executed plot. Apparently, for all those years, Damien had been under a spell cast by the king himself. Damien had been the king's second-in-command and had volunteered to be put under the spell so he would be able to infiltrate our court, easily passing any questioning or lie detection spells used by my guards. When the time was right for the king, he would lift the spell and Damien would help him from the inside. Needless to say, they succeeded flawlessly. Many of my fae were killed and even more were injured and some were stolen, taken away to the unseelie court. Over the years, we have been able to rescue some, but not all.” True sadness and regret rings clear in her voice now over the loss of members of her court. Not only does she love her court and all of her subjects, but she hurts when they are hurt.

After taking a moment to compose herself once again, she looks straight into my eyes. “I am afraid this is not the end of the story, however. The details of that night are still very unclear; we all have our suspicions and theories, but no actual evidence. However, one thing is for certain. At some point during that night of invasion, I was assaulted and became pregnant.” The last part comes out in a whisper, but I am clearly able to pick up her words. For reasons I cannot explain, my instincts to protect the queen kick in. My body stiffens, and I open my mouth to speak but she stops me. “Of all the horrors that evening, this is the one thing I was thankful for.”

The shock of her statement has me sitting back in my chair in utter disbelief. How could anyone be thankful for something so horrible? I am so stunned I cannot think of the proper words to question her on this, but my thoughts must be clear on my face.

“I am aware my outlook sounds ridiculous and perhaps difficult for most to understand, but the outcome turned out to be a true blessing. You see, I tried many times over the course of my extremely long life to become with child, but sadly it never happened. I was resigned to spend the rest of my life childless.” She gives a small smile. “So you understand, I was so thankful for this miracle.”

I glance at Holly once again, and she has retreated into herself. She is staring at the table with a miserable expression upon her face. I want to say something to her but instead turn back to the queen when she continues speaking.

“When I first woke from my many weeks of sleep, my servants and guards were so relieved to find me awake. I had apparently been under a sleeping spell that lasted much longer than most. They were worried the enchantment might last forever. I began to get back to my everyday affairs, but soon became sick once again. The possibility of being with child was so far from my mind it took some time for the reality to set in.” A bright smile lights her face now, as if she is hearing the news for the first time again.

I do not join in on her sudden delight. Instead, I feel my brow furrow in confusion. How could she be
happy
about this? My own stomach rolled and I had to fight nausea at just the idea of living through such a horrific event. My misunderstanding must be apparent because the queen's smile dims slightly and she gives a nod of her head before explaining.

"I know you're thinking this all sounds crazy. How could I be happy over what happened to me? I was angry at first, furious actually. I demanded my guards to prepare for battle. I intended to storm the unseelie castle and kill every last one of them. Without a second in command, my guards were ready to do my bidding. But then one of my advisors stepped in and reminded me of the losses we had suffered and that we needed time to rebuild our army in order to stand a chance against King Foxglove. I agreed. Once my focus returned to my court, the reality of having a child set it. I became so excited. My court rejoiced and celebrated the miracle of a new life amongst all of the death and destruction that had befallen our court. And when the baby finally arrived…” She trails off, gazing into the distance. Staring off at nothing, she remembers aloud. “She was so beautiful. I loved her from the first moment I was aware of her, but when I laid my eyes upon her for the first time…” Shaking her head, she turns her attention back to me once again and says more harshly now, “I vowed to protect my child with everything I had until the day I drew my last breath.” Tears begin to flow down her cheeks now, surprising me by the sudden change of emotion and leading me to believe this story does not end well.

“I failed her,” she whispers and begins to weep openly.

Looking to Willow for support, I find she is silently crying as well. Unsure of what to do, I glance over at Holly. I do not know why I thought she could be of some help: instead of trying to console the queen, she is staring daggers at me once again, as if all of this was my fault. How could this be my fault?

At an utter loss over what to do, I look to the queen once again. The stream of tears has slowed, and she is now wiping the tears from her face with a white linen napkin. Sniffing a few times as she composes herself, she again looks me in the eye. “One morning, when she was a few years old, I was called to the training room to provide some support for my new second-in-command as he trained the warriors. I never liked to leave my beautiful baby girl's side, but I was still a queen and duty still called. We had been out in the east garden playing games. Sure I would be gone only for a moment, I left her with servants to tend to her until I returned. I was gone a bit longer than planned but returned as fast as I could. When I did, she and the servants were gone. The entire court searched for days but never found her. There were no traces of her or of what happened to her. It was as if she vanished.”

She paused, wiped her eyes once more, and looked up at me. When she did, her eyes glowed with joy. “That is, until one year ago. I received word from some of my spies in the unseelie court. First, I heard rumors and tales, but these were followed by facts. There was an unseelie warrior fae, who was fierce and beautiful. She fought and served the unseelie king with such loyalty that she didn't question anything. But she had the most beautiful, mesmerizing, soft green eyes. She had the eyes of her mother.”

She looked at me with such delight and hope in her eyes then. I did not know what to say. My mind was telling me what she was trying to say, but I could not believe it. This was not possible. There was no way.

I shook my head at my thoughts and at her. Then I looked over at Willow, who smiled so happily at me. She bowed her head, quietly saying, “My Princess.”

“No,” I whispered at her, at everyone. It was not possible. I am of the unseelie court. I am an unseelie warrior fae. I serve the unseelie king. I
am
unseelie.

I must have spoken all of this aloud, because the queen rises from her chair and slowly walks to my side. She kneels down beside me, taking my hands into hers before bringing them up to her face and laying them gently on her own cheeks
,
regarding me
with such love in her eyes.

“Yes, Poppy, you are all of those things. But my sweet, sweet child, you
are
seelie as well. You are a seelie princess, and you are my daughter.”

I find myself with no words to express how I feel and no voice to articulate all of the questions running through my mind. My breathing accelerates to the point of hyperventilation; my heart speeds so fast I think it might burst right out of my chest, and my vision begins to blur with black spots appearing out of nowhere. How could this be? I am unseelie, trained not only to fight, but also to hate the seelie court and all it stands for. Damien raised me with the story of my parents being killed by the seelie fae, and my only purpose in life should be to stop them from winning the fae war and gaining any power over the unseelie court. The one fae—my mentor, my instructor, and my guardian, Damien—is the one I trusted among all. I knew something was not right when he tried to kill me, but I never imagined it was this. Now I find out that it was probably much more than that and that I have been lied to my entire life…not what I expected.

Not only am I a seelie fae, but I am the seelie princess? The queen of the seelie court is my mother. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that she is not lying to me, because I can see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, and feel it down to the depths of my bones. I have felt an odd comfort since waking here, and now I know why.

My head is shaking in denial as I try to slow my heart rate and my breathing. It would not do to pass out now. I have too many things to do, the first being to help my friends. Knowing the depths of Damien's betrayal renews my worry for my friends. I know they are in danger, and I must get to them.

An image of Reed's face forces its way to the front of my mind. Upon seeing the fear in his eyes, I immediately steady myself. Reed and Rho are my first priority. I must focus on them. The matter of my heritage can and must wait. I sit up straight, only now realizing that Willow and the queen are both supporting me. Without them, I would have fallen to the ground. Holly actually appears concerned, although she has made no move to assist in any way.

Trying to pull myself together, I stare up into the queen's eyes, which are exactly like mine. I admit to myself I always felt some sort of connection to her that went further than gratitude. From the moment our eyes met, I recognized there was something, but I had no way of identifying it until now. She stares back for a moment, first in hope then in regret before schooling her features and gives a quick nod. Somehow she knows me as if having raised me herself. Therefore, she knows what I am about to tell her.

“Will you at least promise to return to me once you have completed your mission?” she asks softly, a hint of vulnerability in her voice.

I soften to the defenselessness immediately. “Yes, My Queen, I will return to you as soon as I am able.” I make the vow with a seriousness that surprises even me. I want…no,
need
answers to many questions, but I also would like to get to know the mother I always secretly yearned for. To know what it is like to be a part of a family and a seelie fae suddenly become very important to me.

The queen—my mother—stands then pulls me to my feet, embracing me in a quick hug. Her soft, musical voice finds my ear with a whisper meant only for me, “I am so proud of you, my child, and so happy to have you home. I have missed you so much and have never stopped loving you.”

She holds me at arm's length so she may look into my face. I see tears glistening in her eyes and feel my own eyes growing moist. As the tears slip down her cheeks, I pull her to me one more time. The feel of a mother's embrace is something I have never known before, and the thought of never feeling it again sends a trickle of fear through me. I once again have to force those thoughts away. I pull from her warm embrace and quickly wipe the tears from my own eyes. I must focus now.

Facing Queen Lily, I give her the respect she deserves, as I am now a member of the seelie court. Although I am apparently a Princess, I know I must do this correctly by asking permission for my mission. “I request your permission to travel to the unseelie court in search of my friends, Reed and Rho. I also request your permission to bring them back to the seelie court, if they are in danger or if they wish to do so.”

“Poppy, I grant…” the queen begins, only to be cut off by an outraged Holly. Although she had been mostly quiet and completely unhelpful over the last few minutes, she had been closely observing as she took everything in. Now she seems to have a problem and decides to speak up.

“You aren't seriously considering allowing her to leave here and return to the unseelie court, are you?” she practically spits at us. “She is a warrior fae of the unseelie court, for crying out loud. And on top of that, she wants to bring unseelie fae back to
our
court? She's a traitor to our court. She doesn't have loyalty to us! Just because she's the princess and your
daughter
does not prove her loyalty to you!” She says in disgust. We all do nothing but stare at her for a moment. Her outrageous display of disrespect and blatant disregard for the queen has caught everyone off guard.

Finally snapping out of my shock, I take a threatening step toward her. The queen puts her hand on my shoulder to stay me. She gives me a reassuring look before turning back to Holly. “Holly, I have repeatedly warned you of your contempt and total indifference for my wishes. I am your queen first and foremost, and you
will
obey me. Poppy is your princess. You will not question or disregard either of our wishes or commands. You are a servant of this court and will act accordingly from this day forward, or you will find yourself severely punished. Do you understand me?”

Holly glares at me, her teeth clenched in anger as she clearly debates her response. I still do not understand the relationship between her and the queen. Any other fae would have been killed long ago for her shows of insolence. I am only more confused when the queen speaks again, this time, less commanding and softer, almost pleading: “Now, I have forgiven much of your behavior because of who you are, but it cannot happen any longer, Holly. I care a great deal for you and do not wish to have to punish you. Could you please try to get along with Poppy? For me?”

Holly looks at the queen for a long moment, but the tension finally leaves her body. “Yes, My Queen, I will try.” She is clearly not happy about this. In fact, she seems sad. Her shoulders droop and her eyes become distant. The sorrowful look in them now mirrors the queen's eyes, confirming there is something else going on here. It
is
clearly important, and I know it has something to do with me, but I
do not
have time now for this puzzle.

The queen turns back to me. “Poppy, I grant you permission to leave the seelie court and return to the unseelie court. I also give you permission to bring your friends back here, if they wish. You must ensure, however, that they pose no danger to
your
court before bringing them back.” The emphasis she puts on ‘your' is not lost on me.

This is
my
court now. I may have always been an unseelie warrior, but I am now a seelie princess. My first loyalty must now be to the seelie court. All of the fae within the court are now my responsibility. They will look to me for guidance and for protection. Although the idea is a bit overwhelming, if not scary, I cannot help the small grin of happiness when I think of having a home and a place to belong. I will do all I can to protect my people, after I rescue Reed and Rho.

“Yes, My Queen, I understand and promise I will not bring a threat back into our court.” She smiles when I claim the court as my own, and I am almost blinded by the brilliance of it, causing my heart to swell with a sense of pride.

Her smile fades, though, and she continues, “I have one more stipulation.” The way she says this has my body stiffening immediately. I can see in her eyes it is something I am not going to like. “Holly must go with you.” She raises her hand to stop my argument. “I do not doubt your capability as a warrior, Poppy, but you
are
the seelie princess. I would not be doing my job as queen, or as your mother, if I allowed you to do this without protection. I will not force an entire guard upon you. I know it will only slow you down and be more of a danger than it will be helpful. But I must insist Holly go with you."

At her suggestion, my mouth gapes open slightly and my eyes widen. "Are you serious? She tried to kill me!"

"I know but I've spoken with her about that and she's been punished. She won't do it again. Will you, Holly?" The queen raises one delicate eyebrow at Holly.

"No, my queen, I vow it," Holly mumbles reluctantly.

Hearing her promise does alleviate some of my concern, but I still do not want her to come with me. As I open my mouth to protest again, the queen's features soften and her voice lowers. "You have recently recovered from a near-death injury.” She shudders slightly at the memory before continuing, “I know you have trained and feel stronger, but you have only had one sparring session with Gideon and have not had an opportunity to test your strength and ability as of yet. I really must insist on Holly accompanying you.” She takes a deep breath and lowers her eyes before dealing the final blow: “If only to help alleviate some of the awful worry and fear your poor mother will be experiencing while you are away.”

It is quiet for a brief moment before Holly and I both begin to protest at the same time. Neither of us is happy about this, and neither of us is going to fall for her guilt trip. At least we can agree on something.

The queen throws her hands up in the air in exasperation as she begins to argue with both of us.

“Huh—hmm. If I may, My Queen?” I hear Willow's hesitant voice break through the arguments, much more loudly than I would expect from her.

We all stop talking and turn to face Willow. She blushes slightly at the attention and probably from the nervousness of interrupting the queen but does not hesitate to speak up again. “I would like to join Poppy on her mission, if you would allow it, my queen. I feel I can offer support and guidance as well as assist her when needed,” she says with a hopeful look toward the queen.

“Oh, no. I am not taking anyone with me on this mission. I do not need help, and I definitely do not need to worry about anyone else getting hurt—or worse.” Willow's face falls, and I cringe inwardly but will not give in on this. Crossing my arms to emphasize my stance on the matter, I remain silent without meeting her eyes. I cannot be responsible for Willow. If something were to happen to her, I would not be able to live with myself.

As the queen is about to speak again, there is a quick rap at the door. We all turn our attention to it. Gideon and Thorne are standing in the doorway, faces grim and dressed in full battle gear. So this is where Willow disappeared to earlier when I told her of my plan.

I throw my hands in the air and spin away from them all, plopping down into my chair. Lowering my head to the table, I mumble, “Really? Has everyone decided I need help?” before I thunked my head three times on the table.

The queen gently stills the motion with a gently touch of her hand to the back of my head. “It seems as if you have made some very loyal friends rather quickly, my daughter,” she says with amusement.

“No. They all know I am the princess and do not wish for anything to happen to me. Trust me; it is out of duty, not loyalty.”

“Ahh, but sometimes they are one and the same. Maybe they feel a duty to you because they care about you, not about who you are.”

I snort. Then I laugh. Great. Now I am becoming hysterical. This entire situation could not be any worse. Two of the most important people in my life appear to be in great danger, pleading for help in my dreams. Now the queen of the seelie court has informed me she is my mother, which makes me the seelie princess, and the one person I trusted most in my life is not to be trusted whatsoever. One of my enemies, a fae who tried to kill me, has been assigned to protect me. My new friend, who is as innocent and delicate as a flower but has become more important to me than I ever could have expected, has proclaimed herself my protector and guide on a mission I know will prove to be dangerous.

I take a deep breath and look at them one by one.

The queen has a look of equal parts hope and fear that has me second-guessing my decision. She has only just found me and fears losing me forever. Holly is staring her daggers at me, as usual, with a promise of payback. Why would the queen even think for one moment Holly would protect me? She'll probably stab me in the back the first chance she gets, even if she did vow not to kill me. Willow is still blushing but has her chin held high and her back straight. Her confidence makes me proud, but my fear for her is high. Gideon looks handsomely fierce, a loyal fae I am proud to call my friend. Thorne gives me a sly look and his customary wink. I cannot help but to smile and wink back at him.

All of these fae are here for me, well, except for Holly. I
am
still not sure what the queen is thinking, but they are here to protect me and to follow me without question. I
do not
know if they would call me a friend, but I know I consider them friends and am proud to have them follow me into what I know will be a battle.

Looking back at Thorne's knowing smile, I shake my head. If nothing else, it will prove to be an adventure.