Awaken Me (The Jaded Series Book 4) (34 page)

You’ve already found your perfect man
, my mind whispers.

Yeah, I have, but that doesn’t mean I’m the perfect woman for him
, I remind myself.

A tinkling sound comes from behind me, and I turn to see Margie carrying a tray with cups of tea. She sets them down on a small table in a seating area.

“Enjoy your tea, ladies. I’ll be back in just a moment with the gowns I selected.”

We say our thank-yous and she walks off.

“I found some cute ballet flats you might like, Chris,” Karyn says, picking up her cup of tea and taking a sip. She looks silly with the small cup in her hand. It’s like something out of an old Victorian movie. All she needs now is to lift her pinkie and wear a dress with a parasol to match.

“She doesn’t need any more ballet flats. Her closet’s already full of them,” Bailey puts in with a snicker.

I have an obsession with ballet flats. I don’t know why; I just find them very comfortable. I’d wear them all the time if I could get away with it. Unfortunately, they aren’t very warm during the winter months here in Ohio.

“Hey! You can never have enough ballet flats,” I grumble.

I reach forward to grab my tea and suck in a sharp breath when a blazing-hot pain shoots through my head. I wince and clutch it with one hand. Damn migraine. I had hoped the headache would go away. I’ve gotten several the past few weeks. I used to get them when I was younger, but they’ve tapered off the older I got. I’m sure they are stress related.

“Are you okay, Chris?” Bailey asks.

I look up at her and try to give her a smile, but I’m sure my face must look warped.

“Yeah, just another damn headache.”

“We could go home and do this another day,” Karyn offers with a concerned frown.

“No!” I say loudly and then regret it when another sharp pain hits. “No,” I say more quietly. “This is your day and we need to find you a dress. It’s only three weeks before you get married.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ll be okay. I’ve got some pain pills in my purse I can take.”

I dig in my purse that’s in my lap and hold up the bottle. I pour a couple in my hand and down them with my tea. The scent and taste of the tea turns my stomach. Unfortunately, another symptom of my migraines is nausea. I just hope I can hold it off until we get back home.

“You’re getting them a lot lately,” Bailey states quietly.

I shrug. “Yeah. I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately. I’m sure they’ll fade again soon.”

“You sure that’s it?” she asks.

I look over at her and see her watching me thoughtfully.

“Yes, I’m sure. What else would it be?” I reply, confused by her question.

She’s quiet for several seconds, but I see ideas flipping around in her head.

“Your hormones being out of whack could cause migraines, too,” she says thoughtfully. “I’ve also noticed you’ve been eating a lot more lately. And didn’t you say you’ve been feeling sick lately?” It takes me a minute to understand what she’s saying and when I do, my whole world spins on its axis, not helping the nausea at all.

“What?” I yell, then squeeze my eyes shut from the pain of the loud noise.

Her words send panic spiking through me, causing my head to pound harder. There’s no fucking way that could be possible. My blood freezes, completely stops moving. A shiver wracks me as I think back to my last period. Two weeks before Nick and I had sex for the first time. I’ve been on birth control since I turned sixteen. I’ve never missed a pill. It’s just not possible. No, it isn’t 100 percent effective, but the chances of it not working are so slim that it’s almost impossible.

But it
is
possible
, my damn mind whispers again. I want to bang my head on the small table in front of me.

Tears prick the back of my eyes. This isn’t good. It isn’t good at all. If I’m pregnant, Nick is going to flip out. I know it. There’s no way he’ll be okay with this. We’ve never talked about kids. Our relationship doesn’t warrant such conversations. But I know the thought of someone who isn’t Anna having his child will scare him shitless. I know this won’t be something he’ll want.

My wide, spooked eyes meet Bailey’s and Karyn’s. Both are watching me with worry.

“Oh my God,” I whisper.

Bailey is the first to get up. She comes to sit by my feet and grabs my hand. Karyn boosts her pregnant self up and waddles her way to my side. I look at both of them, begging them with my eyes for it not to be true. As amazing as the thought of having Nick’s baby is, I know that it’ll destroy what we have. I’m not ready to lose Nick.

“Don’t freak out, Chris,” Bailey says, squeezing my hand, trying to offer me comfort. It doesn’t work. Nothing will work. There is no comfort to be had with this situation. “You don’t even know if you’re pregnant yet.”

“This could be a good thing,” Karyn says from above me. “This could be the wake-up call Nick needs. It may take him time to get used to the idea, but once he gets over his initial reaction, I’m sure he’ll be happy.”

I laugh bitterly. “That’ll never happen. The only person he’ll ever want to have children with is the only person he can’t have them with because she’s gone. He’s gonna hate me,” I finish on a whisper. “Our relationship doesn’t involve a future. He doesn’t want a future with me, and if I’m pregnant, he’ll have no choice. That’s if he even wants the baby.”

“Oh, Chris.” My eyes swing back to Bailey. Her eyes are sad. “Everything will be okay. Nick may be rough around the edges because of what’s happened to him, but he’s not heartless.”

I wish that were true, but according to him, he has no heart. And I’ve witnessed the way he can be sometimes. Downright mean. And the way he’s closed himself off from anything that’s not purely sexual, proves that he’s not interested in anything other than that.

We’re interrupted when Margie comes back out carrying several long white dresses. She senses the tension in the air and sees the intense looks on our faces. “Is everything okay?” she asks with a puckered brow. “Do I need to give you three a few minutes?”

Karyn turns to me. “We can come back tomorrow.”

“No,” I say with a forced smile. “We’re here and this needs to be done. We can worry about my problems later.” I turn to Margie. “Show us what you’ve got.”

My palms sweat and my heart races, making the pounding in my head worse, as I look at all the different kinds of pregnancy tests. We stopped by Rite Aid on our way back to Jaded Hollow. I don’t want to be here. Actually, this aisle is the last place on earth I want to be.

Bailey reaches for a pink box, and I want to snatch it from her hand, grab her and Karyn both, and run like the hounds of hell are after us. I can’t though. I’ve got to know. I’m scared out of my mind to know, but I still need to know if it’s true.

“Take this one,” Karyn says, shoving a purple box in my face.

“And this one.” Another box is shoved my way, this one from Bailey.

“Do you think I should get more than one of each?” I ask them both.

They both have more experience than I do at this. Of course, Bailey found out she was pregnant from her doctor, but Karyn found out through a pregnancy test, probably just like the one I’m getting ready to use. I’m completely lost here.

The longer I stand there, the more nauseous I get. I wonder now if it’s from my migraine or because I’m pregnant.

Pregnant.

Even using that word in my head makes me want to hurl.

“Wouldn’t hurt,” Karyn says with a shrug.

I grab one more box of each.

I need to get home and get this over with. And then crawl in my bed, away from any noises and light, preferably with a rag over my forehead and a bucket beside my bed. I don’t know which is worse; the thought of being pregnant or my migraine.

I’m on autopilot as I make my way to the register. All parts of me, except for my raging head, feel numb. My legs work, I know they do because I’m getting closer to the register, but I don’t feel them. I clutch the boxes in hands that I barely register are there. I don’t remember paying, I don’t remember walking to Karyn’s car or climbing inside. I don’t remember parking and getting out at my apartment.

The next thing I’m really aware of is standing at the bathroom counter with my eyes closed, terrified to open them and see the results that will change my life forever. I don’t really need the tests to tell me I’m pregnant. I already know. I’ve never missed a period in my life. I’m like clockwork. There’ve been other symptoms as well, like weight loss, tender breasts, and feeling tired all the time. Not to mention the migraines. I didn’t think anything of it. I just thought the sore boobs and tiredness were from all the sex Nick and I have been having. Being pregnant never crossed my mind.

I open my eyes, but I don’t look down. Instead I look at myself in the mirror. I look just how I feel. Exhausted. There are dark circles under my eyes and my skin sags a little. My shoulders are slumped, like the weight of the world is settled on them. That’s how I feel.

A soft knock on the door startles me, making me jerk and then moan from the sudden movement. I really need my bed and a cool cloth.

“Chris, are you okay in there?” comes Bailey’s soft voice.

I can’t do this. I can’t force myself to look, even already knowing the answer deep in my gut. A lump forms in my throat; I try to swallow it, but it sticks there.

I don’t even attempt to do my usual funny face. There’s nothing that could lift my spirits. Nothing that can take away the seriousness of this mess.

I swing around and open the door to find both Bailey and Karyn on the other side.

“I can’t.” I choke out on a sob. “I can’t look.”

Bailey wraps her arms around me and I sag into her. I hear Karyn enter the bathroom.

“Shh… everything will be fine.” Bailey rubs my back soothingly.

I clutch her to me, as if she’s my lifeline. Tears fall freely from my eyes, and I don’t try to stop them. The turmoil swirling through me is just too much to bear. She walks me to the bed and sits down beside me. My face is buried in her throat when I hear Karyn come back into the room.

Gathering every bit of courage I have, I pull my face from Bailey and look up at Karyn to see her holding two pregnancy tests. Yes, I peed on one of each kind. The expression on her face confirms what I already know.

I’m pregnant.

That thought sits like a heavy weight on my chest, robbing me of all my breath. If only things were different. If only Nick could get over his broken heart and be willing to try for something new. It’ll never happen though. I’m going to lose him forever once he finds out.

I place my hand on my flat stomach. It’ll start growing round soon. I know it’s only fanciful thinking, but I swear I feel a flutter beneath my hand. I have a tiny little being growing in there. Someone part of both me and Nick. As hurt as I am, knowing Nick will soon hate me, I can’t help but be glad I’ll at least have part of him. A part of him no one else has.

Bailey pulls my shoulders toward her and kisses the side of my head.

“It’s gonna be okay. We’re all going to be here for you, including Nick,” she says against my hair.

Karyn comes to sit beside me and grabs my hand. “You let us know if we can do anything. You’re not alone in this.”

I nod at both of them, not really knowing what to say. These are my friends. I know they’ll be there for me and the baby. And I’m so grateful for that, because I know this is going to be one life experience that I’m going to need the most help with.

“Thanks,” I say tearfully. I can’t help the yawn that follows.

“Okay, lady, off to bed with you. Does your head still hurt?” Bailey gets up from the bed, tugging me up with her, making my stomach flip upside down.

“Yeah, but I’ll be okay once I lie down,” I tell her tiredly. “I need to get a cool rag for my head.”

Karyn points at me and then to the bed. “You lie down. I’ll get it. Is there anything else you need?”

“Can you get rid of the tests, please?” She nods and I turn to Bailey. “I’m supposed to be on shift for a few hours tonight at the bar. Can you let Jaxon know I won’t be able to make it? And tell him I’m sorry?”

“Sure, sweetie.”

I shed my pants and slip my bra off from underneath my t-shirt and crawl into bed. I feel like a child when Bailey pulls the covers up over me, but I’m beyond caring at the moment. The pounding in my head is getting worse.

Karyn comes back with the rag, and I take it from her. I sigh in relief when the cool terrycloth touches my forehead. I close my eyes. I hear shuffling around and the room dims behind my closed eyelids. A minute later, I feel a touch on my arm.

“Are you going to be okay here, Chris? Do you need one of us to stay?”

I crack open my eyes. Bailey is looming over me with worry written on her face.

“No, you both can go home. I’ll be fine in a few hours.”

She bends to kiss my cheek. Karyn does the same. “Call one of us if you need anything.”

At my nod, she stands back up to leave, but I stop her.

“Hey.” When they turn back around, I tell them, “Please don’t say anything yet about… you know.”