Awakenings - SF1 (35 page)

Jamie was delighted to see Ryan interact so lovingly with this tiny child.
Boy, she would be a good mother. I wonder if she plans on having children?

"You know, Jamie," she said as she held Caitlin up next to Jamie's face. "I've always thought there was something familiar about the way you look. She looks more like you that anyone else here."

Jamie looked at the tiny face and then gave another long look at each of the child's parents. There were little pieces of Caitlin on each face, but neither matched the child quite as well as she did.
She looks just like my baby pictures
, she marveled.

Various members of the Ryan clan agreed with the assessment. As Jamie was paraded around Ryan would hold the baby next to her face and ask for an opinion. But when she was introduced to the baby's grandmother, Ryan's aunt Maeve, the agreement was beyond enthusiastic. Maeve made over Jamie as if she were sent directly from heaven. She looked at her from every angle and finally wrapped her in a big hug and said that Caitlin would be lucky indeed to continue to resemble Jamie as she got older.

To get away from the crowds they decided to go downstairs to play with the baby. She was still a little young to be able to do much but she loved to be talked to and held. They took all of Ryan's pillows and made a safe little nest for the baby. When they got her settled Ryan lay face down on the bed and rested on her arms as she held up a little rattle. She entertained little Caitlin by holding it up and quickly hiding it in her large hand for several minutes. The baby was having a very good time but after 5 or so minutes she started to slump over even with the generous support so Ryan picked her up to cuddle her again. Ryan continued to gently bounce the tiny baby up and down. After a few moments her little head dropped to Ryan's shoulder as she grasped small little handfuls of black t-shirt material rhythmically. Ryan smiled down at the still form and kissed her gently on the head.

"Do you want to put her down on the bed?" Jamie asked. "She must be getting heavy."

"She's not heavy at all," she disagreed. "She's clearly a Ryan. She went to the doctor the other day and Annie said she's only in the 20
^th
percentile in weight and the 25
^th
in height. Besides, I really like holding her," she replied a little sheepishly. "I see her a lot, but still, she's different every time. She's growing so fast; I won't be able to do this for long. I really want to enjoy it while I can."

Jamie approached and patted Ryan softly on the shoulder. "You are such a sweet person. You're just a mass of contradictions," she said with a smile. "You look all strong and confident, like a real loner. But you're such a tender person when you're with people you trust."

Ryan replied with just a sweet crooked grin.

"So little Caitlin is a Ryan?"

"Well, technically she's a Driscoll," she admitted. "Maeve was married to Charlie Driscoll and they had 3 sons, one of which was Michael. After Michael got sick Charlie just went off the deep end. They wound up separated and they remained so until he died about 2 years ago. It was really hard for Maeve and the boys, but he was just not able to open his mind to his son," she said sadly.

After a few moments of watching Caitlin sleep Jamie asked quietly, "Do you want to have children?"

"Yes. I do," she said confidently. "I actually can't imagine not having them," she admitted. She paused for a moment, "I'm not sure how I will do it, though," she added.

"Do you mean technically?" Jamie asked tentatively.

"No, I mean whether I would physically have them or adopt or just co-parent with another woman," she laughed.

"How would you do it, umm, physically," she persisted.

"Lesbians have the same parts that you do, Jamie," she teased.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it!" she said as she gave her a little slap on the head. "I mean would you um...use somebody that you know? Would you do it the old fashioned way or what?"

"I don't really have any desire to experience that particular union," she said with an involuntary shudder. "I would probably either be inseminated from a known donor or use a sperm bank."

"Would you want the um... donor to have a role in raising the child?"

"That is where it becomes tricky for me," she admitted. "I would not want to deprive my child of having a wonderful father like mine. But I'm not sure how to do that in a way that makes everyone happy. I must admit, that's the only part of being straight that I envy," she teased. "Well, that and the marriage laws."

"That is one of the perks," Jamie admitted. "But the downside is that you have to use birth control most of the time." Jamie made a sour face at this.

"I guess having kids is a big deal for everyone," Ryan agreed. "What about you? I assume you and Jack are planning to reproduce, although you made it clear you're not ready yet."

"Yeah," Jamie agreed. "I think we both want a few kids. But I want to be significantly older before I do that."

"What do you want to do before you have kids?" Ryan asked.

"I'm not sure. But I want to do something for myself, like graduate school or maybe I'll write for a while."

"I don't know, Jamie. A little one of these," here she tipped the sleeping baby toward her friend, "can be awfully tempting."

After a few minutes Ryan offered to go upstairs and fetch some drinks and something to snack on. To avoid waking Caitlin Jamie sat down on the bed as Ryan transferred the precious cargo to her lap. Caitlin stirred just a little as she adjusted to her new home. Her little blonde head was comfortably resting on Jamie's breast as she slowly moved a perfect little thumb into her mouth. "I see your point about the temptation, Ryan," she admitted as she gazed down at the baby. "I can feel my ovaries aching already."

Ryan smiled sweetly as she took in the scene. "I think motherhood would suit you, Jamie. You two look perfect together," she said with a big smile as she turned to climb the stairs.

Ryan had been gone just a minute or two when there was a quiet knock on the door. Caitlin's grandmother poked her head in and said, "I just wanted to check to make sure you didn't need anything."

"Nope. Everything's just perfect," Jamie said as she smiled up at the proud grandmother. "I must say, this is one lucky baby," Jamie stated.

"Well, I do know that she's loved beyond words," Maeve agreed as she retrieved a clean diaper from the bag she carried. She placed the cloth on Jamie's shoulder to protect her blouse as she casually asked, "How long have you and Ryan been seeing each other?"

Jamie knew that her blush was rapidly traveling up to her hairline. "Umm, Maeve," she finally said, "Ryan and I aren't together.... in that way," she quietly stated. "We're just close friends."

"Oh dear, I hope I didn't embarrass you. I'm sorry for making assumptions," she patted Jamie's arm reassuringly. "It's probably just wishful thinking on my part," she admitted sadly.

"What do you mean?" Jamie asked, her interest piqued.

"I was so pleased that Ryan had brought someone home to meet the family," she explained. "She's never done so before, and I just assumed you were someone special to her."

"She is," came the quiet voice from across the room. "She's very special to me." Ryan was crossing the room now, with a small smile on her face. "Regrettably she's not my girlfriend, though," she stated as she shot a grin at Jamie.

Jamie was terribly pleased at this expression of their growing bond. She grinned up at Ryan broadly. "You're pretty special yourself, kiddo."

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, Ryan," Maeve said sincerely. "I just hope that when you do bring someone home, she's as special as young Jamie here."

"Regrettably, the odds of that are not good," Ryan intoned seriously. "Jamie is truly one of a kind," she said as she watched the blush rise on her friend's face.

After Caitlin woke Ryan changed her diaper and the 3 of them went back upstairs. Jamie was charmed at how Ryan just claimed the small child as her own. The baby was very content to be carried around all day, and Jamie found it cute that most of the cousins teased Ryan about when she would have a child of her own.
They certainly seem comfortable with her sexual orientation. But maybe that's because she seems so sure of herself. It's hard to be uncomfortable around someone who seems so comfortable with themselves.

Dinner was ready at around 5 o'clock. Martin had roasted a huge turkey and a ham on the barbecues. The aunts had each brought a dish or two and the feast filled the dining room table. Since everyone was now inside the noise was really increasing. Jamie felt her cell phone vibrate from its place on her waistband.
Uh oh, that's gotta be Jack
. She briefly debated just letting it ring, but she thought better of it and stepped outside through the front door.
She could still hear the muffled din coming from the house, but she fervently hoped that Jack could not.

"Hello?" she said as she answered on the 5th ring.

"Hi," Jack replied, sounding a little small.

"How are you sweetheart?" she said with surprising warmth.

"I'm okay. Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm back in the city, honey." She knew that she was intentionally misleading him, but she did not have any intention of continuing the fight. "Are we okay, or are you still mad at me?"

"I'm not mad, Jamie. You've just been so different lately, I'm just really confused."

Jamie was dismayed to hear him sounding so sad. "Do you want to be alone, or would you like me to come back down?" she offered.

"Would you do that?" he asked hopefully. "I really do want to see you, Jamie. I miss you, sweetheart," he added quietly.

"I'll be there by 8 o'clock," she promised. "What would you like me to bring for dinner?"

"I don't care about dinner. I just want you," he said wistfully.

Jamie didn't eat much of the celebratory feast. She was working over in her mind how she was going to avoid Jack's questions about why she was dressed up.
I know, I'll stop at the Nordstrom on Market and buy a new outfit. My pants are all falling off anyway. I could use another pair of jeans until I gain the weight back.

Ryan was watching her as she picked at her food. They were sitting nearly at the top of the staircase that led to the 3
^rd
floor, all of the other stairs already being occupied. The baby was still being held by one strong arm while Ryan tried to get a bite or two of dinner into her own mouth. "Was that Jack on the phone?" she eventually asked.

"Oh, yeah, it was. I think I'm gonna go back down to Palo Alto," she replied.

"Are you two having trouble?" she asked with concern.

Jamie regarded her for a minute before answering, "Yeah, I guess we are. Things just haven't been great for awhile now."

Ryan looked at her with sympathy and said, "If you need someone to listen, I'm always here for you."

"Thanks, Ryan. I appreciate that more than I can say." She removed Ryan's plate from her hand and said, "If I don't help you out here, you're going to starve." She balanced Ryan's sturdy paper plate on her knees and cut up her turkey into small pieces then she speared bites of turkey and vegetables and fed them to her friend, one at a time.

"
I guess this is why it's so hard to be a single parent," Ryan stated as she removed Caitlin's little hand from her hair.

Conor and Rory sat on the other side of the room with a few cousins. Conor leaned over and quietly asked his brother, "So what do you think about Jamie?"

"I like her a lot. She seems like a good friend for Ryan," Rory replied.

"No, I mean do you think Ryan's going to make a play for her?" he explained.

"Why do you want to know?" Rory asked suspiciously.

"Because I think she would be perfect for me," he said smugly.

"I'll make you a friendly little wager on that Conor," Rory replied with a glimmer. "If young Jamie is swayed by any O'Flaherty I'm putting my money on Ryan."

"You're on, Rory. Let's make it interesting, say $50," he said as they shook hands to seal the bet. Rory cast a glance at the pair and watched Jamie carefully feeding his sister.
It would be a lot easier for Jamie to just hold the baby while Ryan fed herself
, he thought to himself with a smirk.
I think my money is as good as won.

Jamie had to leave well before the party was over. Caitlin was asleep on Ryan's chest again and Jamie leaned over to kiss her sweet smelling little head. "I had a great time, Ryan. Thanks for letting me meet your family."

Ryan pulled Jamie back down by gently placing her hand behind her neck. She kissed her cheek lightly as she said, "Thank you for coming, Jamie. You made the day special for me."

On the short drive to Nordstrom's Jamie tried to remind herself that it was perfectly normal to feel affectionate with her female friends. But a little voice kept asking,
Is it normal to feel tingles down your spine when they kiss your cheek?

She dashed into the store and purchased a new pair of jeans and a fleece long sleeved shirt. She asked the sales clerk to remove the tags and while the clerk rang up the purchase she went back into the dressing room and changed into the new clothes. The clerk put her other outfit in a bag and handed it to Jamie with a little puzzled look.

She arrived at Jack's just before 8 p.m. She had stopped and bought dinner from a favorite deli. Jack was very glad to see her as he wrapped her in a big hug. He had his face pressed against her neck for a long time. Finally he released her and asked sadly, "Do you still love me, Jamie?"

"Of course I do, Jack," she said with feeling. "I'm unsure about a lot of things, but I know that I do love you," she said fiercely. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he bent to kiss her. As they progressed in their intimacy they stumbled toward the bedroom, dinner left to cool on the counter.