Awakenings - SF1 (74 page)

"So what do we do now?" Jamie asked, afraid that the revelation alone might affect their friendship.

"We stay just like we are," she soothed, gently stroking her face. "You continue on in therapy. You take as long as you need to figure out what you want. When you make up your mind, you just let me know. If you want me, I'll be waiting for you. But if you don't, I want you to feel like you can tell me. I want what's best for you, Jamie. If you're a lesbian I'd love to build a relationship with you. But if you're not, I want to be your best friend for as long as you can stand me," she said with a twinkle in her vivid blue eyes.

"You'd really be okay if I told you that I was straight?" she asked tentatively.

Ryan chuckled a little at the question. "I thought you were straight 15 minutes ago, Jamie. I think I've been getting by all right."

She blushed furiously as she realized how her question had sounded. "No, that's not what I mean. I mean could we go back to how we've been? Wouldn't it change things too much once I've told you how I feel?"

"Not for me," Ryan said firmly. "I love you, Jamie," she said with a tear in her eyes. "Whether I ever express that love sexually is another issue. But no matter what, I love you. And if you are straight I want you to find a man who will love you like you deserve to be loved."

"I love you too, Ryan. Very, very much," she said as she closed her eyes and sank into a welcome hug. The hug turned into a full body cuddle and after a few minutes Jamie felt herself begin to relax fully. All of the sexual tension between them had dissipated and she felt herself drift off into a contented sleep just minutes later, relishing the feeling of being wrapped in that comforting embrace.

The following Friday afternoon Ryan returned a page between clients at the gym. "Hey, Ally," she said when her friend answered.

"Do you have my phone number memorized?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Yep. I tend to remember things that I associate with pleasure," she replied happily.

"I know this is late to ask, but would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

"Dinner?" Ryan asked, a bit surprised.

"Yes, dinner. I know that's not normally how we use our mouths but I want to talk to you about something."

"Um, yeah, I can do dinner. But I have something to talk to you about too," she admitted. "I'm not able to stay over tonight."

"That's okay, Ryan. I'm actually not calling for sex this time. I really want to talk."

"Okay, what time should I come by? I'm off work at 5."

"Just come over when you can. We'll decide where to go when you get here."

"Okay, see you then."
That's weird. She sounded like she didn't want to have sex. That's a first!

At 6:15 they were seated at a casual little place in the Castro. The restaurant was small, rather dark and very quiet. Ally was obviously a regular since she was greeted by nearly every employee. They were shown to a small table in the back of the room where they could speak in private. After they placed their orders Ally cleared her throat and started to speak. "I...
ah...
I want to talk a little bit about some changes I'm making," she finally got out. She looked very nervous and Ryan reached up to cover Ally's cold hand with her warm one. She gave her an encouraging look, but didn't respond verbally.

"I have decided to try to change some of my sexual um...
phobias," she said as she looked down at the table. "Um I have...
some...
issues that I...
um," she looked at Ryan helplessly as she was unable to find the words to express herself.

"It's okay, Ally," she said gently. "I know you've got some things that get in the way a little bit. Tell me as much as you want to."

"Okay," she said as she let out a breath. "I don't know why I feel so nervous talking to you about this. You obviously know I have some hang ups," she added with an embarrassed look.

"Everyone has some," Ryan reassured her.

Ally looked up at her with a quizzical glance. "Even you?"

"Yep. Most of mine don't come up when I'm with you, but I've got my share. My big issue is being in control. I normally can't let anyone be in charge...it really freaks me out if someone is too aggressive."

"Um, Ryan," she said gently. "That's exactly what I do to you."

"I know!" she laughed. "But I swear you're the only one! I'll have you know that most people think I'm a total top!"

"You!? You're the biggest bottom I've ever been with!" Ally cried as she howled with laughter.

"Hey! Keep it quiet! I've got a reputation in this town," she scolded.

Ally laughed long and hard at this revelation from her friend. But it seemed to relax her quite a bit and when she resumed her story she was much more calm. "I know you're pretty perceptive, Ryan. So I guess you've figured out that I was sexually abused."

Ryan gave her a small nod as Ally continued. "My oldest brother raped me when I was 11," she said softly. "He continued to molest me until I was 13. That's when he left home to get married," she said with a disgusted look on her face. "Anyway, there's all sorts of reasons why I couldn't go to my parents or anyone, but that's not important right now. What is important is that I'm going to try to open myself up to be with one person. And because of that, I'm not going to have casual sex any more." She looked up at Ryan and gave her a shy smile. "Even though I don't want to stop, especially with you."

Ryan gave her a luminous smile in return and squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm so glad that you're trying to feel more comfortable with yourself, Ally. I think you'd be a wonderful person to be in a relationship with. And please don't feel bad about us. I ...uh...I wanted to tell you that you were right about Jamie, my straight friend. She's not quite as straight as I thought," she said with a deep blush.

"Ah ha!" she crowed. "I knew it! So are you two an item?"

"Not really. She made an overture but I don't want to get involved until she works out some issues in therapy. She's too important to me to ruin our friendship before she's sure this is what she wants."

"Anyone in their right mind would want you, Ryan," she said sincerely. "You are one perfect little prize."

"I don't know about that," she said as she blushed again. "But thanks for the compliment."

"So do you think we could still see each other once in a while? I like you a lot, even outside of bed," she asked with a very shy smile.

"I would love that," Ryan said sincerely. "And I'm really honored that you called me to tell me this, Ally."

"Well," Ally blushed deeply. "I do like you a lot and I trust you totally, Ryan. I knew you'd be safe to talk with. But um...the other reason was that I didn't want you to call me to have sex. I feel confident about this now, but I was afraid that an invitation from you would blow my resolve to hell!"

Through an unspoken but mutual agreement they didn't speak of the details of Jamie's progress in therapy. Jamie was pleased beyond words that the incident did not seem to have an effect on their relationship. Ryan treated her exactly the same as she had before and she felt herself settle back into their old patterns as well.

What impressed Jamie the most was how honorable Ryan was about the whole episode. She loved her all the more for her fortitude in being able to rebuff her advances in order to preserve their friendship.
Even if we never become lovers, I know I'll never have a better friend
, she thought of her fondly.

Just as March was winding down Jamie asked her one day how she felt about baseball. "I would have to say that baseball was my first love," she reflected thoughtfully. "Conor was a big fan and since I did everything he did I became one too. How about you?" she returned the question.

"Football is a much bigger deal for me but I like baseball a lot," she replied. "How would you like to go to opening day next week?" she inquired lightly.

"Do you have tickets?" she inquired gleefully. At Jamie's sly nod she enthusiastically accepted.

Jamie did indeed have tickets. Her father was a big supporter of the group that had bought the Giants from the Stoneham family years earlier. When the team was struggling just to draw 8,000 fans he had purchased 4 sets of box seats for the law firm, and a set for himself. He didn't go to a lot of games, preferring to give the tickets to young associates and their friends. But he was always willing to let Jamie use them when she wished.

Since they had 4 seats it was obvious that they had to invite Conor, but they were not sure who the 4th should be. Martin had to work, and he would sooner die than take a day off for pleasure; Brendan wasn't much of a fan; and Rory was out of town. Jamie asked Conor if he had a friend he would like to bring. "Sure, I've got dozens of friends and cousins who would love to come," he said easily. "But it's hard to choose just one. Don't you have any great looking friends you could bring, Jamie?"

Jamie and Ryan looked at one another and laughed. "I've got one, Conor, but she's a handful," she replied teasingly.

"Bring her on
,
Jamie. I'm up to the challenge," he said confidently.

The game was on a Tuesday afternoon. Conor was going to work in the morning and Mia needed her car for an appointment in the city so Jamie and Ryan agreed to meet them in front of Gate A at 1:00 o'clock. The day was perfect for baseball. 75 degrees with a crystal blue sky and a light breeze off the bay. Jamie drove the Boxster down into the underground parking garage of her father's law firm at noon. She hopped into the elevator that led to the main reception area where she patiently waited for him to come down. After a few minutes he arrived, with a big smile and a hug as a greeting. "I'm glad you wanted the tickets today, Honey. I like to think of you at the park on a beautiful day like this, playing hooky," he teased. "It reminds me of my own misspent youth."

"I really appreciate the tickets, Daddy. Thanks for saving them for me," she said sincerely.

"It's my pleasure, Cupcake. Hey, I've got mothers new car here. Do you want to see it?" he asked.

They went back down in the elevator together. He led Jamie to a brand new brilliant red Mercedes CLK320 convertible. She whistled appreciatively at the sexy car as she walked all around it, admiring it from all angles. "I didn't know you were such a fan of cars, Jamie," he said with a grin.

She blushed a little as she said, "I'm really not, but I'm taking Ryan and her brother to the game and they are both fanatics. I was just thinking of how much they would like this one," she admitted.

He reached into his pocket and handed her the keys. "Take it, Honey. I'll be here until at least 10 o'clock tonight. Bring it back on your way back to Berkeley."

"Are you sure, Daddy? Would mother mind?" she asked tentatively.

"She barely knows which car is hers, you know that. Now go have fun. Feel free to let your friends drive, Jamie. I know the lure of a hot car," he said knowingly.

She pulled up in front of Ryan's home at 12:30. As was her habit she was sitting on the porch waiting when the new red car pulled up. "Hey little girl, want a ride?" she said seductively as Ryan trotted down the stairs.

Ryan's mouth gaped open as she slowly walked around the car. She lightly touched the paint with loving hands as she made three complete circuits before she uttered a word. "Is this yours?" she finally said in wonder.

"No. It's mothers'. Daddy is driving it while she's out of town this week." She turned off the car and got out to stand next to Ryan. "Wanna drive?" she asked with a leer.

"You're kidding, right?" she asked as she gazed longingly at the keys dangling from Jamie's extended hand.

"I would never kid you about something as serious as a car," she stated seriously.

"Is it okay? I mean, this is your mom's," she warned.

"It's fine, Ryan. Daddy insisted that I take it, and he insisted that you drive it," she revealed.

That caught Ryan by surprise. "Did you tell him I was going?" she inquired, realizing at that instant that it was important to her that Jamie not be ashamed of their friendship.

"Yes, I told him that you and Conor were going and that you were both car nuts. That's when he told me to take the car," she said, proud of her own candor with her father.

"You know Jamie...." she began, but stopped short. "Never mind," she added quickly.

"What were you going to say Ryan?" she inquired seriously.

"Um...I was going to make a joke about being your best friend again, but I just decided that our friendship means too much to me to joke about," she replied frankly.

Jamie gazed up at her with respect and admiration, "You are just about the sweetest woman I've ever known," she said slowly.

"Oh yeah?" she grinned as she snagged the keys from her outstretched hand and hopped into the convertible, "Let's see how sweet you think I am after I peel the rubber off these tires," she grinned as she laughed maniacally.

Ryan pulled into the line for valet parking as they approached the stadium. "I think I'm beginning to have a small appreciation for why rich people don't give all of their money away," she said thoughtfully. "Having money really does make life easier in terms of creature comforts. I don't think I ever realized the seductive nature of it."