Awakenings - SF1 (76 page)

"Well, he did have a little help with the breakup," she reminded her gently.

"What do you mean by that?" Jamie asked swiftly, her hackles obviously rising.

"Only that Jack was worried about your relationship with Ryan. He told you he was threatened but you refused to let her go."

"He was trying to control me, Anna!"

"Maybe he was," she said gently. "But he was right about Ryan, Jamie. She was a threat and she did take your focus away from him."

"Are you saying that it was all my fault that we broke up?" she asked incredulously.

"Hardly," she assured her quickly. "I'm not sure that fault is the correct word to use, either. All I'm saying is that in retrospect I think you had a hand in causing your breakup. And it's possible that you feel a little guilty about that now."

"So what should I do?" she asked in frustration as her head dropped into her hands.

"I think you should have dinner and see what happens. Look Jamie," she said as she gazed deeply into her eyes and let her voice drop into a low, calming tone. "You have a hot button about anyone controlling you." Jamie nodded slightly, acknowledging the truth of the statement. "But you also have to be careful not to try to control yourself where your feelings are concerned. Try to stay open tonight and just see how you feel. Don't worry about Ryan, or even about Jack. Just feel."

She barely had time to shower and wash her hair, but she got both tasks accomplished before the doorbell rang. "Mia," she cried out.

"Yeah?" she asked as she ducked her head into the door of Jamie's room.

"I'm running late," she needlessly explained as she stood in nothing but a towel. "Would you go downstairs and keep Jack company?"

"Jack!?"

"Don't ask," she urged as she rolled her eyes.

Mia gave her a look but trotted downstairs and did as Jamie had asked. She stood in front of her closet with a critical eye; finally choosing an outfit that she was certain Jack had not seen her in. She chose a deep salmon dress in a fine linen, just short enough to be a little sexy but demure enough in cut and style to look sophisticated. The rich color showed off her golden tan and made her already sun bleached hair even paler. She dabbed on just a touch of makeup and found herself automatically putting on a dash of perfume, adding the fragrance to all of her pulse points.
It's just dinner, Jamie
, she reminded herself sternly as she found herself dabbing the perfume between her breasts.

She slipped on a pair of black pumps and trotted down the stairs, pausing in alarm as she got a glimpse of his lean body perched on the edge of the table by the front door and felt her pulse begin to quicken.
What's that about?
she wondered as she tried to regain her control. But she quickly remembered Anna's advice and she let herself just feel. She took a deep breath and let her eyes roam over his sandy blonde hair and his very attractive profile as he chatted amiably with Mia. Inexplicably, she felt just like she had when they had first started to go out. She was excited and a little nervous...wondering what the night would bring.

She descended the stairs slowly, taking him in the whole while. When she got to the bottom stair he turned and met her gaze. His bright blue eyes gentled into a warm smile as he walked over and gently took her hand, giving it a slight squeeze.
Yipes!
she cried in alarm as a jolt of sensation hit her deep in the groin.
Where did that come from?
But she knew exactly where it had come from. Jack was being his most attentive, engaging self and she had always found him extremely attractive when he interacted with her in that fashion. He had the ability to focus on her completely, making her feel like he could see deep within her. It was a little unnerving but also completely arousing.

"You look great," he said as his eyes slowly moved up and down her body, taking her in fully.

"So do you," she agreed as she surveyed his crisply pressed charcoal gray slacks, and bright white oxford cloth shirt with very thin navy blue and yellow lines running through it, creating a wide plaid. "Thanks for coming down, Mia," she said as she forced her eyes away from him to glance at her smirking friend.

"Anytime," she replied lightly as she leaned over to kiss her cheek on the way back upstairs. "Have fun, you two."

They watched her go and looked back at each other a little awkwardly. "Did you get reservations?" she asked to break the tension.

"They were booked," he said with a slight frown. "But I remembered that nice little place in the City that we went to with your parents a couple of years ago. So I made reservations for 8 o'clock at café Mozart."

Jamie was rather stunned by this development.
Café
Mozart was a lovely little place but it was most definitely a romantic setting. The restaurant could only handle around 50 people but the tables were set well apart to allow for quiet, intimate conversation in the intimately lit space. "O...Okay," she managed to get out. "I guess we'd better go then."

He helped her on with her coat and grabbed his navy blazer, shrugging into it with his casual, graceful movements. He led her to his little sedan and held the door open for her, waiting until she was safely inside to close the door.

As he got in he looked over at her, once more locking eyes. "Thanks for agreeing to see me," he said softly. "I can't tell you how good it is to see you again." He blinked slowly and she allowed the sensations to fully enter her brain. He was just a foot or so away and she could see the smoothness of his cheek where he had obviously recently shaved. He smelled of a subtle after shave, likely one of the ones she had bought for him. His dark blonde eyelashes framed his blue eyes attractively, giving him an almost delicate, boyish look. But the intense gaze he fixed her with was anything but childlike.

Oh boy, I'm in trouble here
, she mused as he smiled and started the car.

They relaxed at the small table, waiting for the waiter to bring them the bottle of wine that Jack had confidently ordered.
He seems more mature, more sure of himself
, she mused as she watched him place both of their orders with the attentive server.

After their wine was delivered Jack touched the rim of her glass with his own as he toasted, "To self awareness," he said with a twinkle in his eye. He took a deep sip of the golden colored Chardonnay and said, "I've given more thought to our relationship and the problems that we had than I can ever remember devoting to any topic. And do you know what I've decided?"

She shook her head rather dully, her eyes never leaving his lips.

He leaned over slightly and enunciated each word. "You...were...right," he said simply. As she blinked slowly he quickly followed up. "You were right about how I had come to take you for granted. You were right about how unfair it was for me to be jealous of your friendships. You were right about my failing to see who you were and how you had changed." His voice lowered and he blushed adorably as he added, "You were even right about how one sided our sex life had been." He lifted his head quickly, as a cascade of sandy blonde hair tumbled into his eyes. "You were right about everything, Jamie. And I'm here tonight to ask for a second chance."

His eyes had not wavered from her eyes and hers had not wavered from his lips. Her heart heard his sincere apology but her head could not process the information. He was validating all of those months of struggle...agreeing with every point she had ever made...and it was just too much. Her hand reached rather blindly for her wine glass, grasping it firmly and lifting it to her lips to swallow a great deal of the contents down in one gulp. "I...I'm," she tried to get out. "I'm...amazed," she honestly replied.

"I don't doubt it," he said gently as he tenderly pried her hand from her glass and grasped it in his own warm one. "I never gave you much reason to think I was much for reflection," he said with a rather derisive chuckle.

"But why...?" she began but he immediately answered.

"You're just too valuable to let you get away without fighting for," he said decisively. "It's like throwing away a fistful of diamonds because you don't like the cut." He sat back in his chair, still gazing deeply into her eyes.

She let his words sink in for a moment, relishing the sincere compliment with a gentle smile on her face. It was exactly what she had wanted to hear him say for the past year. To acknowledge that she had been a very willing and receptive partner and that it was he who had the problem...it was he who had been wrong...it was he who caused her to look to Ryan for emotional sustenance.
Yes! Sweet Jesus, yes!
she cried to herself.
I didn't try to find someone else. He pushed me into it!

She gazed up at his sincere, warm blue eyes and said, "That means so much to me." She was struggling with her emotions but he just held her hand more firmly and maintained his smile.

"Will you give me another chance?" he asked softly, still holding her gaze.

She blinked slowly and took a deep breath. Anna's words came back to her and she paused for a moment, letting herself feel the deep sense of relief and joy that his words had caused. "Yes," she said simply. "Yes
,
I will."

On the way back to Berkeley she found her hand automatically drift over to rest upon his muscular thigh. He gazed over at her and gave her an encouraging grin, reaching down to gently pat her hand. She could hear the deep breath that he took, smiling to herself as he said, "That feels so absolutely right."

And she had to admit that it did feel right. This was exactly where 21 years of conditioning had led her. To the strong, secure embrace of a young professional who would love her and the children they would have together. Someone her parents and her grandfather would be proud to introduce in public. Someone that she could build a life with along with the full approval of society at large. She would never have to learn those painful lessons Ryan had told her about. She would never have to see the glares and snickers directed at her that they had suffered at the Tea Room. She would never have to explain to her children that mommy loves mommy and that the other children just don't understand.
Wow, that was a big one
, she thought as she blew out a breath. She actually felt a moment of compassion for Ryan.
She has no choice
, she thought sympathetically.
But I do. I really do! And if I can love and be loved by a man I'm sure she would rather have that for me. She wants what's best for me, doesn't she? Surely she'd rather that I live with society's approval.

But even though she reasoned that her friend would support her she just didn't want to see her this weekend. "Jack? I think I'll go down to my parents tonight. Would you like to spend some time together this weekend?"

"Absolutely," he replied without hesitation. "I've done a lot of thinking about school too, Jamie. I'm not going to let it run my life any longer. I've already got a job and a clerkship lined up. What am I trying to prove at this point?" he asked rhetorically.

"Wow," she said slowly. "You have changed."

"I have," he said firmly. "In many, many ways." He placed his hand atop hers and squeezed it affectionately. "And I'll change in any other way that you need, Jamie. I'll do anything to make this work."

He insisted on waiting for her to pack a few things so he could follow her down to Hillsborough. She found it odd but also touching that he was so concerned with her safety so she graciously allowed him the honor of escorting her.

She could see his headlights right behind her on the whole trip and she found that it was, in fact, reassuring to see him there. She called her parents from the road but there was no answer...not an unusual result given their active lives. But when she rang the bell Marta informed her that her father was down in L.A. for business and that her mother had decided to go with him at the last minute. Marta was surprised and appeared pleased to see Jack with her but she followed protocol and quickly disappeared after offering to bring them a drink. They both accepted her offer and sat on the large sofas in the living room sipping cognac a little nervously.

After a few minutes Jack looked at her and asked, "Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

She just patted the cushion next to herself and smiled at him as he smoothly stood and switched places. They spoke casually about their respective school terms and he pointedly asked her about the ride in great detail. Ryan was not even off topic as he asked Jamie about Ryan's training and how they were working together. She bent to place her nearly empty glass on the table and when she sat back up his arm was loosely around her shoulders. She found that she liked the sensation and leaned against him, letting out a sigh that seemed to have been building for ages. He turned his head and gently kissed the top of her head in a friendly, affectionate manner. Almost unconsciously she found her head turning and then tilting upwards as she opened her mouth to accept his warm lips.
Oh God
, she moaned to herself.
I forgot how good it felt to kiss him. God! I've missed this!
She had in fact missed the tender intimacies with a lover. She had missed the casual way they had grown to know each other's bodies and the natural way they meshed together when they kissed. It was a heady, thrilling discovery as her hormones kicked in fully and she felt herself growing aroused. The deep, intense kisses were having an identical effect on Jack. One that she could feel as he gently pulled her into his lap to continue his passionate assault.
What could it hurt?
she asked herself as her vulva began to throb.
It will just be like picking up where we left off.
But there was a tiny part of her that wanted some time to reflect before she dove right back in to this relationship. She knew this was a momentous decision and she felt that she needed more time.