Awakenings - SF1 (80 page)

"You don't have to hide anything, Ryan," she tearfully assured her. She slowly turned in her embrace and rested her head on Ryan's chest. "I'm sorry," she sniffed. "I didn't mean to do that but I've just been feeling overwhelmed," she admitted.

"That's what makes me your friend," she insisted. "I want to be there for you when you feel overwhelmed. Don't shut me out, Jamie." She looked down at her with pain-infused eyes and Jamie immediately felt disgusted with herself for doing just that.

"I...I was afraid that you'd..."

Ryan gripped her chin with her fingers and tilted her head up so she had to look into her eyes. "I want you to have what you want...what you need...I am your friend, Jamie. I meant what I told you. If you want to be with men I just want you to have the man who makes you happy. If that's Jack, I say good for him." Her eyes gave credence her sincerity but there was a tiny hint of sadness that was impossible for Jamie to ignore.

She dropped her head again and nestled against Ryan's broad chest. "Thank you, " she whispered. "Thank you for being my friend."

Friday afternoon found her once again in Anna's office, musing about her relationship with Ryan. "Thank God I was right about her," she said with relief. "She was very supportive and I really believe that she wants what's best for me."

"She has been an extraordinary friend," Anna agreed.

"Yeah, I haven't proven worthy of her a few times, but she always welcomes me back." She hesitated a moment and then told Anna, "I think I'm going to sleep with Jack this weekend."

She just nodded noncommittally.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" Jamie asked.

"Hmm, do you really want me to make those decisions for you, Jamie?" she asked her seriously.

"I guess not," she replied glumly. "I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing."

"Right thing?"

"Yeah. Am I sure I want to be back with him? Should I be certain before I sleep with him? All that stuff."

"Have you tried to stay present and just let yourself feel your feelings?"

"Yeah, I think I have, but it's sometimes hard for me to stop analyzing things."

"That is hard," Anna agreed. "But it's the best advice I can give you, Jamie. Just open your heart and let your emotions guide you."

Just to be safe she carried a box of condoms in her overnight bag. She knew she was over reacting a bit since she was still on the pill but she was not sure that Jack had not been with anyone else during their hiatus and she did not really want to know if he had, so she thought it was best to make him think the condoms were a necessity. She also had not told her parents she was coming down, reasoning that she would just go over there if she didn't feel comfortable sleeping with him.

Their dinner was a very pleasant affair. He had ordered carry outs that were waiting for her when she arrived. "I hate to see you spend your Friday evenings cooking for me," he said sweetly. "I know you have a long week too, and it just seems unfair."

"You," she said as she tapped his nose, "are making a lot of brownie points with me, Mister."

"I'm not trying to make brownie points, Jamie," he said with a sincere look on his face. "I'm just trying to be considerate."

After dinner he proposed a walk in the neighborhood or even a movie. "No, I'd rather stay in and concentrate on you fully," she said with a smile.

They relaxed together on the sofa, talking about their respective weeks. The time flew by as they sipped several glasses of cabernet, getting closer and closer until they were fully entwined. Jack placed their glasses on the coffee table and started to kiss and caress Jamie with a relentless intensity. He kissed her more and more passionately until she was squirming against his weight. "Let's go to bed," she murmured into his ear. He was on his feet in a nanosecond, tugging her up with him.

When they reached the bedroom he tenderly undressed her, slowly running his hands over each part of her body as it was revealed. "You look so awesome, Jamie," he said in a nearly reverent voice. "Your body is so firm and sleek. The muscles really make you look hot," he whispered as he nibbled her neck.

She spent a long time undressing him, gazing at his long, lean body with complete approval. She crossed the room and retrieved her bag, pulling the box of condoms from it with a flourish. "A whole box?" he said with a rakish look.

"Don't be a glutton," she chided with a toss of her head. She went into the bath and got ready for bed, stopping to stare at herself in the mirror for a moment.
I want this
, she said firmly to her suspicious conscience.

When Jack had finished brushing his teeth she was lying on the bed with the covers pushed back. He slid in next to her and started to kiss and touch her again. It didn't take long to yank her right back up to her previous heights of arousal and a few minutes later she whispered, "I'm ready for you, Jack."

But instead of entering her immediately he started to lightly touch her vulva just as he had at her house on Wednesday. This surprised her but it felt divine so she did not complain. Automatically her hand went to his groin and she began to touch him in a similar fashion. They began to kiss again as their hands worked away and the dual sensations caused her to be swept away to a delightful orgasm rather quickly. He followed close behind, uttering soft little moans of pleasure as he climaxed.

They rested for a brief time and she finally broke the silence when she murmured, "We didn't get to use a condom."

"No big deal," he assured her. "I had a great time."

"That was exactly what I have wanted sex to be like," she murmured slowly as she sank into a peaceful, satisfied sleep.

He woke up on Saturday ready to go again but he very happily settled for a little manual assistance. Jamie got all of the cuddling she wanted so they both started the day in an ebullient mood. They both had studying to do so they spent the better part of the day in front of their respective books. But at around 6 he suggested they take a walk and have dinner in the neighborhood. When they returned at 9 she was beat and she found that she had no interest in sex. He accepted her choice without complaint, cuddling against her after a few chaste kisses.

Sunday was another day of surprises. "How about brunch?" he asked with a sunny smile as she woke from a nice dream.

"Brunch?"

"Sure. We can go somewhere in the neighborhood, or we could go to the club if you want to go with your parents."

"Hmm, I'd rather be with just you," she said, not mentioning that she didn't want her parents to know of the reconciliation attempt quite yet.

"Great, you pick the place and we're there."

They had a great time together and he even let her pick up the check, smiling sedately as she whipped out her American Express card.

Heading back to his apartment they each spent a few hours reading. She had already decided that she needed to be home early to work on a paper on her computer. At around 3 she looked up to see him eyeing her hungrily.
He's been such a darling
, she thought to herself.
Come on and make the first move.
She didn't say a word as she got up from the sofa. Rather, she extended her hand and led him into the bedroom. He smiled shyly at her as she started to undress him, but he happily allowed her to continue. After he had returned the favor he picked her up and carried her the short distance to the bed.

The next 15 minutes were spent driving her absolutely wild. He placed her on her stomach and started at her heels, slowly kissing and licking and sucking every bit of skin that he could reach. She just hummed with pleasure, murmuring small words of encouragement. He rolled her over onto her back and started at the bottom again. Unable to hold back her question any longer she lifted up onto an arm and said, "Where did you learn all of this?"

He chuckled deep in his chest and released her foot from his grasp. "I...um...read some books," he said with an adorable blush that covered him from his chest to his hairline.

"You read books?" she asked in amazement.

"Yeah, that's how I learn everything else," he explained. "Why not this?"

She flopped back down on the bed and spread her arms out in surrender. "Those were some very, very good books," she murmured compliantly as he continued his quest.

He moved up her body an inch at a time, smiling at her encouraging entreaties, but not moving any faster than his current torturous pace. When he reached her breasts he worshiped them for long minutes, ignoring Jamie's small, soft moans and her invitingly spread legs.

She felt more turned on than she had ever been before, finally feeling safe to abandon some of her inhibitions and show him just exactly how she felt. He seemed to be enjoying himself just as much as she was which increased her arousal even more. But try as she might she began to grow tense as he tentatively moved between her legs and gingerly spread her lips apart. She could actually feel her heart thumping in her chest and she tried to breathe deeply to relax. But a quick glance down showed a look on Jack's face that mirrored that of an anxious father trying to assemble an intricate bike on Christmas Eve. His brow was furrowed and he looked very hesitant but he took a deep breath and moved forward.

"Oh my God!!" she cried aloud when his soft, smooth tongue glided across her aching flesh. Her legs spread even further open in an unconsciously automatic gesture. His forehead was still knotted in concentration but he began to move his head slowly, like a cat lapping milk from a saucer.
How can anything that feels this good make me this anxious?
she asked herself in recrimination. But she was anxious, very anxious in fact, and her anxiety was compounded by the fact that she knew this was a seminal event in their sexual relationship. She desperately wanted to be able to enjoy oral sex if she was going to be with Jack for the next 50 or 60 years but she knew that he would not have the confidence to try again if she was not receptive. But he just looked so tense and rigid lying between her legs that she fought with the instinct to just tap him on the shoulder and pull him up.

You have to concentrate on the feeling!
she reminded herself over and over.
The feeling is fabulous! Don't look at his face, that's throwing you off!
She closed her eyes tightly and tried to concentrate fully on the sensations flooding her body but it was rough going. She realized that the only way to enjoy this experience was to shut off her conscious mind, something that she found difficult to do in the best of situations. But this act required an openness that she was not sure she possessed. She desperately tried to force herself to think of calming thoughts and experiences but something kept creeping into the corners of her mind.

Her unconscious mind knew the truth, though, and it kept reminding her that the most relaxed she ever felt was when she was with a certain dark haired beauty. She tried to keep those images out of her head but eventually she grew tired of fighting and just succumbed. Jack's rigid body was immediately replaced in her mind's eye by the long, smooth body with the soft sensual curves. His tense face gave way to the dark flowing hair, so silky and smooth as it trailed over her sensitive thighs. The dark head lifted just a touch, and those clear blue eyes, so confident and experienced, twinkled up at her as one brow lifted rakishly. The crystal blue eyes stayed locked on her own as that soft pink tongue dipped down to take another taste. A look of indescribable pleasure settled onto her beautiful features and her eyelids fluttered heavily as she dropped her head to lustily consume the tortured flesh. Suddenly, nothing existed except those few precious inches of real estate. Every sensation in her body went to and came from her vulva. Before she was even conscious of her actions she grabbed a handful of sandy blonde hair and thrust herself hard against his face, moaning deeply as her orgasm permeated every nerve and muscle in her body.

She was vaguely aware of Jack making some annoying motions as she tried to gather her composure but before she could even open her eyes his rock hard penis was poised at her lips, demanding entrance. She remembered Ryan's advice about being on top but she was too enervated to breathe, let alone manipulate him onto his back. Making the best of the situation she opened her mouth and took his latex covered member into her mouth. She fought hard to keep him shallow and after a few moments she adjusted to the odd sensation and began to actually try to think of ways to enhance his enjoyment rather than just lie there and let him control the movement. She found that the condom made the experience much more enjoyable for her since she would not have to deal with his climax. Her receptivity and his intense arousal combined to send him over the edge just a few minutes after he entered her mouth. It was strangely thrilling to feel him jerk and pulse inside her mouth, but the condom gave her a confidence that she would not have expected. His softening member remained within her and she delicately withdrew it as she gave it one last kiss.
God, another minute or two and I would have come again
, she mused from her satiated fog. She knew something was bothering her but she was too exhausted to think of it, instead just wrapping her arms around Jack's heavy body and drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

Soft lips nuzzled her neck and she shifted slightly to increase the sensation.
Oh God, Ryan, you are so good
, she mused from her sensual haze. She turned to kiss those rose tinted lips but as she turned and met Jack's twinkling eyes she nearly screamed in shock.