B007Q6XJAO EBOK (36 page)

163 “no man”: William Shakespeare,
Two Gentlemen of Verona
, in
Complete Works
, ed. Stanley Wells and Gary Taylor (Oxford: Clarendon Press/Oxford University Press, 1988), act 3, scene 1, lines 104–105.

163 From Balzac to the present: Honoré de Balzac stated that “love consist[ed] almost always in conversation.” Balzac,
Physiology of Marriage
, 69. Over time, dozens of guides in the “language of love” came to men’s aid, instructing them in “eloquence,” or as the Italians called it,
bel parlare
(fascinating speech). Quoted in Nina Epton,
Love and the French
(New York: World, 1959), 123, 122. See, for example, André Maurois, “The Art of Loving,” in
The Art of Living
, trans. James Whitall (New York: Harper and Row, 1959); Roland Barthes,
A Lover’s Discourse
, trans. Richard Howard (New York: Hill and Wang/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1978), 73, 167, 192; Theodore Zeldin,
Conversation
(London: Harvill Press, 1998), 32; John Chandos,
A Guide to Seduction
(London: Frederick Muller, 1957); and Erich Fromm,
The Art of Loving
(New York: Harper and Row, 1956), 102–104.

163 “Speech is the true realm”: Quoted in Sarah Wright,
Tales of Seduction: The Figure of Don Juan in Spanish Culture
(London: Tauris Academic Studies, 2007), 3.

163 “zone of magic”: Quoted in Vera John-Steiner,
Creative Collaboration
(New York: Oxford University Press, 2000), 191.

164 “There was speech”: William Shakespeare,
A Winter’s Tale
, in
Complete Works
, ed. Wells and Taylor, act 5, scene 2, lines 13–14.

165 Women read this: For women as superior body readers, see Helen Fisher,
The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World
(New York: Ballantine Books, 1999), 91–94.

165 Harvard University study: Study reported in Barbara Pease and Allan Pease,
The Definitive Book of Body Language
(New York: Bantam Books, 2004), 13.

165 woman is on high alert: When women perceive incongruence between words and movements, they rely on the nonverbal message and discard the verbal, write the Peases in ibid., 23.

165 “Sexual Olympian” Corcoran: T. Coraghessan Boyle,
The Inner Circle
(New York: Penguin Books, 2004), 197.

165 say body-language students: Barbara and Allan Pease claim that men make fewer than a third of the facial expressions that women make, and that if a man reflects a woman’s expression during conversation, she will describe him as “caring, intelligent, interesting, and attractive.” Pease and Pease,
Definitive Book of Body Language
, 255. For further discussion, see 254, 175, 185.

165 inclined, asymmetric posture: For the significance of the “forward lean” in courtship, see David Givens,
Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship
(New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2005), 61–62, 139–140; and Gordon R. Wainright,
Body Language
(Lincolnwood, IL: NTC/Contemporary, 1999), 125. For the significance of a head duck or bow, see Pease and Pease,
Definitive Book of Body Language
, 230–232; for foot-pointing, ibid., 210 and 284; and for open positions, ibid., 289.

166 Expressive hands: Women, claims anthropologist David Givens, find men’s hands and wrists especially sexy. Given,
Love Signals
, 5, 6.

166 Actress Madame Simone: Philippe Julian,
D’Annunzio
, trans. Stephen Hardman (New York: Viking, 1971), 125.

166 woman tends to stand closer: Pease and Pease,
Definitive Book of Body Language
, 196. Some tests indicate that a light brush of the fingers can carry surprisingly erotic weight, tripling one’s chances of success. The authors cite many tests here. See 104–106.

166 “almost carnal”: Joe Klein,
The Natural: The Misunderstood Presidency of Bill Clinton
(New York: Broadway Books, 2002), 40.

166 Along with his way with words: Lydia Flem,
Casanova: The Man Who Really Loved Women
, trans. Catherine Temerson (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1997), 84.

166 “can be hypnotized”:
Complete K
ā
ma S
ū
tra
, 211.

166 female weakness for vocal seduction: Kate Botting and Douglas Botting,
Sex Appeal: The Art and Science of Sexual Attraction
(New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1996), 113.

166 Even as babies: Fisher,
First Sex
, 60; and Brizendine,
Female Brain
, 14.

166 Vocally expressive themselves: The fact that deep, soft voices appeal to women has been well documented. See, for example, Sindya N. Bhanoo, “A Magnet for Women? Try a Deep Male Voice,”
New York Times
, September 19, 2011; and for the “sing-songy” reference, see “Attuned to Feelings,”
Scientific American Mind
, July/August 2010, 9.

167 “A voice”: Quoted in Elaine Scolino,
La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life
(New York: Times Books/Henry Holt, 2011), 49.

167 Hermes, the Greek: Norman O. Brown,
Hermes the Thief: The Evolution of a Myth
(Madison: University of Wisconsin Press, 1947), 15.

167 Vronsky accosts Anna: Leo Tolstoy,
Anna Karenina
, trans. Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky (New York: Penguin Books, 2000), 76.

167 ladykiller Lorcan: Marian Keyes,
Last Chance Saloon
(New York: Avon Books/HarperCollins, 1999), 20.

167 “bedroom voices”: Carly Phillips,
The Playboy
(New York: Grand Central, 2003), 18, 20.

167 “his voice and accent”: Quoted in Derek Parker,
Byron and His World
(New York: Studio Books/Viking, 1968), 103.

167 “an instrument of music”: Quoted in Nicholas Murray,
Aldous Huxley: A Biography
(New York: Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin’s Press, 2002), 6, 7.

167 “an extraordinary range”: Quoted in John Edward Hasse,
Beyond Category: The Life and Genius of Duke Ellington
(New York: Da Capo Press, 1993), 347.

167 “You’re a low-talker”: Mika Brezinski,
Morning Joe
, MSNBC, September 23, 2011.

168 “[Love’s] first task”: Paul Tillich,
Love, Power, and Justice: Ontological Analysis and Ethical Applications
(New York: Oxford University Press, 1980), 84.

168 Nearly every relationship study: See, for example, Stains and Bechtel,
What Women Want
, 151–156; Helen Fisher,
Anatomy of Love: The Mysteries of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray
(New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1992), 27, 191; Townsend,
What Women Want—What Men Want
, 11; and Alon Gratch,
If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men
(New York: Little, Brown, 2001), 132.

168 “Love is listening”: Ann Lamott,
Blue Shoe
(New York: Riverhead Books, 2002), 78.

168 a way of saying, “I love you”: Quoted in Stains and Bechtel,
What Women Want
, 158.

168 If so, legions of women: Deborah Tannen,
That’s Not What I Meant: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships
(New York: Ballantine Books, 1986), 133; and Tannen, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation.”

168 “It’s very important”: Quoted in Ali and Miller, “Secret Life of Wives,” 53.

168 traditional guides underscore: See, for example, Andreas Capellanus,
The Art of Courtly Love
, trans. John Jay Parry (New York: Columbia University Press, 1960), 61; and
Complete K
ā
ma S
ū
tra
, 246.

168 claim several philosophers: See José Ortega y Gasset,
On Love
, trans. Toby Talbot (New York: New American Library, 1952), 47; Robert C. Solomon,
About Love: Reinventing Romance for Our Times
(New York: Touchstone/Simon & Schuster, 1989), 334; Eric Fromm,
The Art of Listening
(New York: Continuum, 1994), 193; and Theodor Reik,
Psychology of Sex Relations
(New York: Farrar and Rinehart, 1945), 210.

168 Fromm Compares: Fromm,
Art of Listening
, 197.

169 hint of insincerity: See Pease and Pease,
Definitive Book of Body Language
, 178, 254.

169 must supply spirited feedback: See Deborah Tannen,
That’s Not What I Meant
, 137; and Barbara Pease and Allan Pease,
Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps: How We’re Different and What to Do about It
(New York: Three Rivers Press, 2001), 87–95.

169 “beyond ordinary perception”: “Lord Shiva,” Hindu Deities, Kashmiri Overseas Association, www.koausa.org/Gods/God9.html (accessed September 29, 2011).

169 The Greeks considered him: See “Pan & Satyrs,” Carnaval.com, www.carnaval.com./pan (accessed September 29, 2011). For Pan as the deity of theatrical criticism, see Alfred Wagner,
Das historische Drama der Griechen Münster
(1878), cited in “Pan (God),” Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan(god) (accessed September 29, 2011).

169 “So,” Griffin says: Laura Dave,
The First Husband
(New York: Viking, 2011), 32.

169 “slow, silent interest”: JoAnn Ross,
One Summer
(New York: Signet/Penguin Group, 2011), 147.

170 “Thank you for listening”: Ibid., 199.

170 “King of Conversation”: Quoted in David Lawday,
Napoleon’s Master: A Life of Prince Talleyrand
(New York: Thomas Dunne Books/St. Martin’s Press, 2006), 36.

170 “fascinated by”: Quoted in ibid., 35.

170 “in the presence”: Quoted in John C. Maxwell, “Charismatic Leadership,”
Mindful Network
, May 22, 2008, www.themeetupprofessor.com/readings.html.

170 “is the mother”: Benjamin Disraeli,
Wit and Wisdom of Benjamin Disraeli, Earl of Beaconsfield
(London: Longmans, Green, 1881), 320.

170 “was a great listener”: Quoted in Jeffrey Meyers,
Gary Cooper, American Hero
(New York: William Morrow, 1998), 38.

170 “It’s like he”: Quoted in Suzanne Finstad,
Warren Beatty: A Private Man
(New York: Three Rivers Press, 2005), 293.

171 “Soft is the roucoulade”: Ovid,
Art of Love
, 144.

171 Unlike men, say linguists: See Tannen,
You Just Don’t Understand
, 42 and 100; and Brizendine,
Female Brain
, 21.

171 They’re really singing: J. B. Priestley,
Talking: An Essay
(New York: Harper and Brothers, 1925), 5.

171 they derive a neural payoff: See Brizendine,
Female Brain
, 36.

171 In contrast to a man’s: Natalie Angier,
Woman: An Intimate Geography
(New York: Anchor/Random House, 1999), 77 and see 78–79. Also see Brizendine’s section on “Sex, Stress, and the Female Brain,” in
Female Brain
, 72–82. Anxiety, she writes, is four times more common in women, 132.

172 “If you’re not relaxed”: Brizendine,
Female Brain
, 78.

172 Few sexual sedatives: Fisher,
First Sex
, 198.

172 “voluptuous sleepiness”: Barthes,
Lover’s Discourse
, 104.

172 Baby talk between lovers: See Jena Pincott, “What Can Singles Learn from Baby Talk?”
Psychology Today
, March 28, 2011.

172 “My Lumps”: Quoted in Sam Kashner and Nancy Schoenberger,
Furious Love: Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton and the Marriage of the Century
(New York: HarperCollins, 2010), 360, 312, 301.

172 “Relaxing the Girl”:
Complete K
ā
ma S
ū
tra
, 229.

172
K
ā
ma S
ū
tra
devoted: ibid., 229–238.

172 Ovid directed men: Ovid,
Art of Love
, 144.

172 Others counseled: Ortega y Gasset,
On Love
, 71, 73; Jean Baudrillard,
Seduction
, 75; Reik,
Psychology of Sex Relations
, 207; and Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour,
Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming
(London: Element/HarperCollins, 1990).

172 Dumuzi uses this device: Diane Wolkstein and Samuel Noah Kramer, eds.,
Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer
(New York: Harper and Row, 1983), 40.

172 Mann’s “god of love”: Frederick A. Lubich, “The Confessions of Felix Krull, Confidence Man,” in Ritchie Robertson, ed.,
The Cambridge Companion to Thomas Mann
(Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press, 2002), 208; and Thomas Mann,
Confessions of Felix Krull Confidence Man
, trans. Denver Lindlay (New York: Vintage Books/Random House, 1969), 20.

172 “softly”: Mann,
Confessions
, 203.

173 “but I mean”: A. S. Byatt,
The Children’s Book
(New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009), 249.

173 “Aw baby girl”: Sandra Jackson-Opoku,
Hot Johnny (And the Women Who Loved Him)
(New York: Ballantine Books, 2001), 7.

173 “Enchanter”: André Maurois,
Chateaubriand: Poet, Statesman, Lover
, trans. Vera Frasier (New York: Harper and Brothers, 1938), 131.

173 “rich and sympathetic”: Francis Gribble,
Chateaubriand and His Court of Women
(New York: Charles Scribner’s, 1909), 78.

173 “
suddenly
and
forever
”: Ortega y Gasset,
On Love
, 26.

173 “disagreeable”: Ibid., 29.

173 “hump-back”: Quoted in ibid., 244.

174 “came to him”: Maurois,
Chateaubriand
, 67.

174 “He was prepared”: Quoted in ibid., 115–116.

174 “the loveliest woman”: Ibid., 101.

174 “How have you”: Quoted in
Memoirs and Correspondence of Madame Récamier
, trans. Isaphene M. Luyster (1867; Honolulu: University Press of the Pacific, 2002), 135.