B007Q6XJAO EBOK (38 page)

188 modern poetic “lothario”: Andrew Mullins and Patrick McDonagh, “A Poet’s Life,”
McGill News: Alumni Quarterly
, Winter 1997. Among Leonard Cohen’s songs written for particular women are “So Long,” “Marianne,” “Suzanne,” and “Sisters of Mercy.”

188 “poetic love”: Quoted in Michael Munn,
Richard Burton: Prince of Players
(New York: Herman Graf Books/Skyhorse, 2008), 74.

188 “I had a tried”: Quoted in ibid., 74.

188 “lyricism of spirit”: Kashner and Schoenberger,
Furious Love
, 102.

188 “wonderful poetry”: Quoted in Munn,
Richard Burton
, 74.

188 “late into the night”: Quoted in Kashner and Schoenberger,
Furious Love
, 121.

188 “the only man”: Quoted in ibid., 122.

188 “death,” and “liquor”: Quoted in ibid., 383.

188 “marriage of the century”: Book subtitle, ibid.

188 “Imagine having Richard Burton’s”: Quoted in ibid., 48, 391.

189 “tongue-enchanted”: Quoted in Hugh and Mirabel Cecil,
Clever Hearts: Desmond and Molly MacCarthy: A Biography
(London: Victor Gollancz, 1991), 202.

189 “delectable Desmond”: Quoted in ibid., 173, 180, 192.

189 “the most gifted”: Quoted in ibid., 188.

189 “smallish genitals”: Ibid., 239.

189 “the company of pretty women”: Ibid., 173.

189 “dancing on a floor”: Quoted in ibid., 180.

189 “bewildered people”: Quoted in ibid., 273.

190 “inarticulate”: David Denby, “Just the Sex,” review of
Crazy, Stupid, Love
and
Friends with Benefits
,
New Yorker
, August 1, 2011.

190 “seven-minute seduction”: Tom Wolfe,
I Am Charlotte Simmons
(New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2004), 195.

190 “like rival mesmerists”: Robert Louis Stevenson, “Talk and Talkers,” Literature Network, www.online-literature.com/stevenson/essays-of-stevenson/4/, 1 (accessed September 11, 2011).

190 “talkable man”: Ibid., 3, 9.

190 “Talk to her first”:
Sade
, direc. by Benoît Jacquot Alicéléo, Canal+ et al., 2000.

CHAPTER 6: TORCHING UP LOVE

191 “none of Medea’s herbs”: Ovid,
The Art of Love
, trans. Rolfe Humphries (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1957), 133.

192 They burn out: For the burnout studies, see Ayala Malach Pines,
Couple Burnout: Causes and Cures
(New York: Routledge, 1995), 112. They’re responsible for 60 to 75 percent of split-ups as well. See Scott Haltzman,
The Secrets of Happily Married Men
(San Francisco: Jossey-Bass/Wiley, 2006), 1.

According to some theorists, such as Sarah Blaffer Hrdy and Natalie Angier, females are more prone to straying. See Natalie Angier,
Woman: An Intimate Geography
(New York: Anchor Books/Random House, 1999), 73–74; Sarah Blaffer Hrdy,
The Woman That Never Evolved
(Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1981); Mary Jane Sherfey,
The Nature and Evolution of Female Sexuality
(New York: Vintage Books/Random House, 1966), 136–140; and Barbara Ehrenreich, “The Real Truth about the Female Body,”
Time
, March 8, 1999.

192 viewed their brains: For these studies, see Adoree Durayappah, “Brain Study Reveals Secrets of Staying Madly in Love,”
Psychology Today
, February 3, 2011.

193 “frustratingly elusive”: Quoted in Emily Sohn, “How Love Lasts,”
Discovery News
, February 10, 2011, http://news.discovery.com/human/valentine’s-day-love-first-sight-110210.html?print=true.

193 “bewitchment techniques”:
The Complete K
ā
ma S
ū
tra
, trans. Alain Daniélou (Rochester, VT: Park Street Press, 1994), 505.

193 “The art of love”: Havelock Ellis, “The Art of Love,” in
Studies in the Psychology of Sex
(New York: Random House, 1936), vol. 2, 561.

193 It requires dedication: Ibid., 544.

193 They’re obligated, stress amorists: Helen Fisher,
Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
(New York: Henry Holt, 2004), 112. See, for example, Ellis, “Art of Love,” 530, 548–549; Bertrand Russell,
Marriage and Morals
(New York: Bantam, 1959), 93; Honoré de Balzac,
The Physiology of Marriage: Petty Troubles of Married Life
, ed. J. Walker McSpadden (Philadelphia: Avil, 1901), 58, passim; and Theodor Reik,
Psychology of Sex Relations
(New York: Farrar and Rinehart, 1945), 95.

194 “How much fun”: Dr. Phil,
Relationship/Sex
, “Roles in Marriage,” http://drphil.com/articles/arcticle/322 (accessed April 25, 2012).

195 Howard Markman, a psychologist: See University of Denver Department of Psychology entry on Dr. Markman’s PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) at www.du.edu/psychology/people/markman.htm (accessed February 21, 2012).

195 flair for gaiety: Simon Blackburn,
Lust
(New York: Oxford University Press, 2004), 81; and Ellis, “Prostitution,” in
Studies in the Psychology of Sex
, vol. 2, 222.

195 “Perfect Man”: Erica Jong, “The Perfect Man,” in
What Do Women Want?
(New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2007), 171.

195 In studies, women report: See B. J. Gallagher, “America’s Working Women: Stress, Health and Wellbeing,”
Huffington Post
, March 8, 2011, www.huffingtonpost.com/bj-gallagher/international-women’s-day_b_831811.html. Stress as a key source of sexual disinterest can be found in Esther Perel,
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
(New York: Harper, 2007), 88.

196 Kipnis speculates: Laura Kipnis,
Against Love: A Polemic
(New York: Vintage Books/Random House, 2003), 135.

196 Joyous revelry provides: See Kay Redfield Jamison,
Exuberance: The Passion for Life
(New York: Random House, 2004), 147.

196 Playfulness: Geoffrey Miller,
The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature
(New York: Doubleday, 2000), 408, passim; and Jamison,
Exuberance
, 53–63.

196 Prehistoric men were prone: See Hara Estroff Marano, “The Power of Play,”
Psychology Today
, July/August 1999, 39.

196 “affinitive display”: Jamison,
Exuberance
, 144.

196 Sex gods were “liberators”: Walter F. Otto,
Dionysus: Myth and Cult
, trans. Robert B. Palmer (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1965), 97.

196 Dionysus: Ibid., 113, 65.

196 Scholars of eros: Ovid,
Art of Love
, 135.

196 “magnificent banquets”: Baldesar Castiglione,
The Book of the Courtier
, trans. Charles S. Singleton (Garden City, NY: Anchor Books, 1959), 320.

197 Modern thinkers agree: Ethel S. Person,
Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion
(New York: Penguin Books, 1988), 336; and Adam Phillips,
Monogamy
(New York: Vintage Books, 1996), 43.

197 “Why cry out”: Gustave Flaubert,
Madame Bovary
, ed. Margaret Cohen (New York: W. W. Norton, 2005), 117.

197 “You were good”: Carol Edgarian,
Three Stages of Amazement
(New York: Scribner, 2011), 233.

197 He appears in jeans: Emily March,
Hummingbird Lake
(New York: Ballantine Books, 2011), 307.

198 “gigantic adolescent”: Ernle Bradford,
Cleopatra
(New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1972), 151.

198 His looks helped: Stacy Schiff,
Cleopatra: A Life
(New York: Back Bay Books/Little, Brown, 2010), 129.

199 That evening, they say: Ibid., 340.

199 “crazy about him”: Quoted in Graham Lord,
Niv: The Authorized Biography of David Niven
(London: Orion, 2003), 1.

199 “total fun”: Quoted in ibid., 248, 90.

199 “as if it was God”: Quoted in ibid., 157.

199 “joyful one”: Otto,
Dionysus
, 103.

200 “seemed to have”: Zachary Leader,
The Life of Kingsley Amis
(London: Jonathan Cape, 2006), 421.

200 “yellow and snarly”: Ibid., 166.

200 “made everyone laugh”: Quoted in ibid., 228.

200 “the most powerful seduction”: Quoted in ibid., 420, 421.

200 “his weaknesses”: Clive James, “Kingsley without the Women,” review of Zachary Leader,
The Life of Kingsley Amis, Times Literary Supplement
, February 2, 2007, www.clivejames.com/kingsleyamis.

200 “melancholy marriages”: Pamela Haag,
Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules
(New York: Harper/HarperCollins, 2011), 4.

200 “drab and joyless”: Barbara Ehrenreich,
Dancing in the Streets: A History of Collective Joy
(New York: Holt Paperback/Metropolitan Books/Henry Holt, 2006), 249.

202 unexpected, say scientists: See Eric Nagourney, “Vital Signs,”
New York Times
, April 17, 2001; and Helen Fisher interview, Judy Dutton, “Love Explained,” chemistry.com, www.chemistry.com/Help/Advice/LoveExplained (accessed December 14, 2011).

202 New and exciting things: Helen Fisher,
Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
(New York: Owl Books/Henry Holt, 2004), 206; and Michael R. Liebowitz,
The Chemistry of Love
(Boston: Little, Brown, 1983), 131.

202 unforeseen can make: A person’s desire for novelty, however, is quite variable. See Natalie Angier, “Variant Gene Tied to a Love of New Thrills,”
New York Times
, January 2, 1996; and Anil K. Malhorta and David Goldman, “The Dopamine D4 Receptor Gene and Novelty Seeking,”
American Journal of Psychiatry
157, no. 11 (November 1, 2000).

202 Meston and David Buss found: Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss,
Why Women Have Sex: Women Reveal the Truth about Their Sex Lives, from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between)
(New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2009), 152, 161–165.

202 “change for the sake”: Quoted in Miller,
Mating Mind
, 411.

202 This prompted men: See ibid., 411–425.

202 “If one just knows”: Søren Kierkegaard,
The Seducer’s Diary
, ed. Howard Vincent Hong and Edna Hatlestad Hong (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1997), 90.

202 “equivalent to love”: Roland Barthes,
A Lover’s Discourse
, trans. Richard Howard (New York: Hill and Wang/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1978), 199, 135.

203 “arrayed in all the graces”: Honoré de Balzac,
The Physiology of Marriage: Petty Troubles of Married Life
, ed. J. Walker McSpadden (Philadelphia: Avil, 1901), 64, 106.

203 “old boyfriend syndrome”: Liebowitz,
Chemistry of Love
, 131.

203 amorist thinkers caution: André Maurois, “The Art of Loving,” in
The Art of Living
, trans. James Whitall (New York: Harper and Row, 1959), 25. The tradition that women are changeable in their affections is a long one. See, for instance, William Shakespeare,
As You Like It
, act 3, scene 2; Robert Burton,
The Anatomy of Melancholy
, ed. Floyd Dell and Paul Jordan-Smith (1651; New York: Tudor 1927), 791; and Michel de Montaigne, “On Some Verses of Virgil,” in
The Complete Essays of Montaigne
, trans. Donald M. Frame (Garden City, NY: Anchor Books/Doubleday, 1960), vol. 3, 109.

203 “mysterious and paradoxical”: Otto,
Dionysus
, 65.

203 Norse fertility god: For more on Odin as a fertility deity, see Folke Ström, excerpt “Odin and the Dísir: Dísir, Norns, and Valkyrias—Fertility Cult and Sacred Kingship in the North,” Odin and the dísir/The Old Norse Ritual of Initiation, http://mardallar.wordpress.com/odin-and-the-disir/ (accessed December 16, 2011).

203 “Pajama Playboy”: Marisha Pessl,
Special Topics in Calamity Physics
(New York: Penguin Books, 2006), 101.

203 “Having a secret”: Ibid., 82.

204 “unexpected or unknown”: Lonnie Barbach,
Erotic Interludes: Tales Told by Women
(New York: HarperPerennial/HarperCollins, 1986), 6.

204 “mysterious hero”: Baroness Orczy,
The Scarlet Pimpernel
(New York: Signet/Penguin Group, 1974), 155.

204 “How could anyone”: Lisa Kleypas,
Mine Till Midnight
(New York: St. Martin’s Paperbacks, 2007), 311.

204 “three quarters curiosity”: Quoted in Reik,
Psychology of Sex Relations
, 165.

204 While “ever-available” to: Lydia Flem,
Casanova: The Man Who Loved Women
, trans. Catherine Temerson (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1997), 68.

204 “
Coups de théâtre
are”: Quoted in ibid., 16. In Willard Trask’s translation this reads, “I want to enjoy the beauty of your surprise. Bolts from the blue are my passion.” Giacomo Casanova,
History of My Life
, trans. Willard R. Trask (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1966), vol. 8, chap. 8, p. 200.

204 “fantastic renown”: H. Noel Williams,
The Fascinating duc de Richelieu: Louis Francois Armand du Plessis (1696–1788)
(New York: Charles Scribner’s, 1910), vii.

205 “dashing little duke”: Title of a nineteenth-century British musical about Richelieu, cited in ibid., viii, note 1.

205 One day the duke returned: Quotes from Cliff Howe, “Duc de Richelieu,” in
Lovers and Libertines
(New York: Ace Books, 1958), 12.

205 Each day she repaired: Andrew C. P. Haggard,
The Regent of the Roués
(1905; London: Elibron Classics, 2006), 165.

206 She was the mystery lady: On Klimt’s preliminary sketch for “The Kiss,” he wrote “Emil[i]e.” See Susanna Partsch,
Gustav Klimt: Painter of Women
(New York: Prestel, 1994), 87.