Back Road Chances (Roughneck #2) (12 page)

Chapter 20

Moon

I sat slumped against that hospital wall for hours. I couldn’t leave. I wasn’t even sure how long I’ve been here. Our baby was gone, and Sam blamed herself.  It broke my fucking heart. I couldn’t handle the pain on her face. And when she told me to leave, it was like a fucking knife stabbing into my chest. But I knew she was just hurting. She couldn’t push me away forever, I wouldn’t let her. I made a vow to her that I would never leave her and I wouldn’t. I couldn’t even if I tried. She was my life. She was the reason I opened my fucking eyes in the morning, so I could see her face. My whole world revolved around her, it would stop if she weren’t in it.

The drive to the hospital was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. The cries that came out of her body broke me. There was blood everywhere. Our baby. Gone. When she passed out on the way to the hospital, I almost lost my fucking mind. I thought she was gone. It was the first time I’ve cried since I was twelve years old. But those fucking tears fell so fast I could hardly see the road. Fuck, why did this happen to her? Why was this happening to us? Why didn’t our baby make it? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair. I realized I was banging the back of my head against the wall when I felt eyes peering at me. The nurses just stared at me with pity. I couldn’t handle the stares so I stood up and walked to their station. They started shuffling papers around, as if they weren’t all just glaring at me.

“Will you check with her and see if she will see me yet?” I asked the older blonde lady that was sitting at the computer.

“Sweetie, I just asked her an hour ago. She said no, I’m sorry,” she said and gave me a sad look.

“Fuck.” I mumbled under my breath and grabbed a fistful of my hair.

“Why don’t you go home and get some rest? Maybe try back in a little while.” She suggested.

“I’m not leaving her. I can’t,” I whispered, the fucking tears creeping up on me again.  I cleared my throat and turned away from them.  I started pacing the halls again when I saw Lainey come around the corner.

“Hey,” she said softly and patted my shoulder.

“Hey.” I repeated.

“She still won’t see anyone?” she asked.

“No, why won’t they fucking just let me in there?” I said loudly, and nodded my head towards the nurses.

“They can’t, Moon,” she said. Lainey. Always the voice of fucking reason.

“I know,” I whispered, and rubbed my temples. My head felt like it was about to explode.

“Why don’t you go get you something to eat? Just downstairs. You’ve been here for over 24 hours; I know you haven’t left this hallway. I’ll stay right here. I’ll make sure I can see her door. I promise,” Lainey assured me.

“I can’t,” I said.

“Moon. You haven’t eaten or slept since you’ve been here. How are you supposed to take care of her when she changes her mind if you’re not taking care of yourself? Just go. I’m right here.”

“Ok. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Please call me if anything changes.”

“Oh hey, I almost forgot,” she said and pulled my keys out of her purse. “Here’s your truck keys, in case you decide to get some air or something,” she said, and held up my keys. I had completely forgotten we came in Sam’s car. My truck was a rough ride on the back roads and I didn’t want it to make her hurt worse.

“Where’s Sam’s car?” I asked, trying to push the memory of the ride over out of my mind.

“We took care of it.” she said.

“Thanks, Lainey.”

“You’re welcome. Now go.” she said.

When I stepped on that elevator, my stomach was immediately in knots again. I just wanted her to be ok. I needed us to get through this together. My knees gave out on me and I slid down the mirror in the elevator as it went down. I didn’t know what I could do to help her. I needed to fix this and I couldn’t. Mother Fucker. When the elevator opened, there were two young girls in scrubs standing there. They both stared at me with big eyes and gaping mouths for a second.

“Are you ok?” One of them asked, as the other held the elevator door open.

“No,” I said, as I stood up and walked past them. Because I wasn’t fucking ok.

When I got to the cafeteria, I forced myself to inhale a sandwich and then grabbed another cup of coffee as I walked out.

The day wore on. Lainey sat with me for a few hours before she had to get back home to Jase and Emma. My parents came by for a while but my dad had to work, so they couldn’t stay too long. Joe called half a dozen times and I felt so guilty because I didn’t have anything new to tell him. I just wanted to see her; I needed to hold her and tell her it would be ok.

“Honey,” I heard a voice walk into the dim waiting room I was sitting in, with a chair facing Sam’s room. It was the same nurse that treated Sam when she first came in. She seemed like a nice lady and always gave me a sad smile when she walked out of her room.

“Is she ok?” I asked. Maybe she changed her mind.

“She still doesn’t want to see anyone.” she said and shook her head.

I just shook my head. I knew she couldn’t tell me anything else.

“Listen, visiting hours are over anyway. Why don’t you go home and get some rest? You can come back first thing in the morning. You’ve got to be exhausted, honey. You’re not going to do her any good if you end up in a different room, ya hear me?” she said, as she patted my hands that I had linked in front of me.

“I don’t want to leave her.” I said.

“I can assure you, she is being taken care of. Physically she will be ok,” she said quietly, as she glanced down the hall.

“But emotionally, you have to give her time,” she continued. “This is the hardest thing a woman can go through, trust me on this.” She stood up and headed out of the room. Maybe she was right; I wouldn’t be able to see her anyway. I didn’t know if I could sleep but I at least needed a shower.

“Thank you,” I said before she was out of sight.

“You’re welcome sweetie.” she said.

When I pulled into my driveway, I felt like I was going to puke. If I had anything in my stomach, I probably would have. This fucking sucked. When I started to walk to my bedroom, I stopped in my tracks. The bed. The blood. I didn’t know if I could handle walking in there. But I needed a shower so I could get back to Sam. I took a deep breath and opened the door. There was a new blanket and sheets on the bed. I pushed my hand on the mattress and realized it was different. Jase. He was the only one with a key to my house, other than Sam. I pulled out my phone. I knew it was late, but I had to thank him.

Me: Thanks for everything

Jase: No problem. Let us know if we can do anything else.

Me: Ok

I was so thankful he thought to do that. I don’t know if I could have handled it. It was too much. I jumped in the shower and my body decided it needed rest. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t have a choice. It was either get a few hours’ sleep, or collapse.

The next morning, I was heading to Sam’s house before the sun even came up. I pulled into the driveway and Kash was opening the front door.

“Hey man,” he said with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Hey.” I said.

“Joe told me about Sam. I’m really sorry, dude,” he said.

“Thanks.” It was all I could say. What do you say when someone apologizes for you losing your baby? There weren’t even words. Fuck.

“Do you know when she’s getting out of the hospital?” he asked.

“No, but I’m sure she will come here when she does. Listen man, I’m gonna need your help.” I pleaded.

“Whatever you need.” he said. He really wasn’t a bad guy. A whore yes, but not a bad guy.

“I just need you to keep an eye on her if she still won’t see me.”

“Yeah, of course,” he said, as he sipped his coffee.

“Thanks, man,” I said, as I walked past him and into Sam’s room.

I looked in the corner at the two bags Sam had left there. It was a couple of baby blankets and a few clothes. I had to take them. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to make things worse for her when she came home. I walked over to the bed and pulled out the bag I had placed there the night before all this happened. I shouldn’t open it but I did. It was a baby book. I was going to give it to her the next morning. I flipped through the blank pages. There were places for pictures and all the firsts. First words. First haircut. First day of school. We wouldn’t get any of those with our baby. I tried to keep looking, but the tears in my eyes blurred my vision. Fuck. I slammed the book and put it back in the bag. I gathered up our baby’s things and tucked them under my arm as I shut the door behind me.

Chapter 21

Sam

I can’t do this.

Chapter 22

Moon

The sound of a text message coming through woke me from my nap I didn’t mean to take. I had spent the last three days in this waiting room, watching her door. I watched the nurses and doctors go in and out. They always glanced my way. Some of them gave me sad smiles; others pretended they didn’t notice me. But they all looked.

Kash: She’s home

Me: What?

Kash: She just pulled up in a cab, went straight to her room and shut the door.

Me: on my way. Thanks.

“Why didn’t someone tell me she was leaving?” I yelled at the nurses staring at me. Son of a bitch.

None of them spoke. But Sheila, Sam’s original nurse, walked around the corner and gave me a nod to follow her. When we got to the elevator, she walked inside and motioned for me to follow her.

“She told everyone not to disturb you when she saw you sleeping. I’ve made sure to tell her that you’ve been here every minute. I’ve talked to her a lot, and I hope she’s done a little listening.  But she’s broken. It’s normal, and you have to give her time. Don’t push her too hard. She’s very fragile,” she said, and stared into my eyes. I got the feeling she knew exactly what Sam was going through.

“I just want to fix this,” I said.

“You can’t.” She stated.

“What do I do?” I asked. I wasn’t even sure why I was asking a stranger for advice, but I was lost.

“You love her, that’s all you can do, honey. And you give her time to process this.” she said, as the elevator opened.

“Thank you for everything,” I said, and reached down and hugged her. I don’t know why, I just did it.

“You’re welcome, honey,” she said, as the elevator closed.

I jumped in my truck and headed straight to Sam’s. When I pulled in, I saw Kash sitting on the front porch with Patch. Patch! Damn it, I forgot about him. Another thing that Jase took care of, I’m sure. Damn, he was a huge fucking help during all this.

“Did she say anything?” I asked Kash.

“Nah, man. She didn’t even look in my direction,” he said, as he stood up and grabbed his keys out of his pocket.

“I’ll give y’all some time,” he said, as he walked off the porch.

“Thanks,” I said, as I walked inside.

“Sam?” I said quietly, as I knocked on her door, and then opened it.

She was lying on her bed with her back facing me. She didn’t answer me, so I just went over and lay beside her on the bed. I wasn’t sure if I would hurt her stomach, so I just put my hand on the top of her shoulder and kissed her back. Her body stiffened as soon as I touched her.

“I’m sorry baby,” I whispered. She started shaking and sniffling. I had never seen her cry, not like this. I tried to soothe her by rubbing my hand gently up and down her arm, stroking her hair, kissing her shoulder. I tried everything and nothing calmed her. She really was broken. The knife that had been stuck in my chest lodged a little deeper.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, as I kissed her neck.

“Please stop.” She whispered. Her voice was so hoarse, she didn’t even sound like herself.

“Sam please don’t do this,” I begged.

“I need you to go,” she said, trying to keep her voice even.

“I’m not leaving you,” I said, as I sat up on the bed.

“I can’t do this. It hurts too much,” she said.

“Sam,” I pleaded.

“Please. Go.” she snapped, refusing to look in my direction.

Give her time. Sheila’s voice kept ringing in my ear. Give her time.

I did the hardest thing possible. I got off the bed and walked out of the bedroom door. Those two words shattered me. But I knew it was her pain talking. I had to listen to Sheila’s advice. Give her time. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a notepad and pen, then sat at the kitchen table.

Sam,

I need you to know that I love you more than anything in this world. You are my future and I refuse to let that change. You are my reason for breathing. My everything.  I will not give up on us. I will try and give you time, but please don’t mistake it for me letting you go. Because I will never let you go. I love you darlin.

Moon

I folded the piece of paper and slid it underneath her door. It took everything inside me to climb in my truck. I started the engine and waited. I was hoping she would walk out the door and tell me not to go. I was wishing she would at least look out the window. Something. But nothing happened. So I finally put it in reverse and pulled on to that old dirt road.

I walked into my house and threw my keys on the bar. And that’s when my eyes were drawn to it. That’s the moment when the knife that I had felt in my chest cut me all the way to the fucking core.  The ring. Sam’s ring. It was sitting on the bar staring at me.

That’s when I got pissed. I wanted to break every fucking thing in the house. I wanted to punch something. I needed to. How could she fucking give me back her ring? I know it was her pain making her act this way. I know she was hurt. But I was fucking hurt, too! It was my baby, too! Mother Fucker! I couldn’t help but slam my fist into the wall.

“Fuck!” I growled, as I hit it again.

“Son of a bitch!” I screamed through gritted teeth. I couldn’t catch my breath and I knew I sounded like a fucking wild animal, heaving and growling. It took everything in me not to lose complete control. I had to calm the fuck down. Going ape shit wasn’t going to help anything, it wouldn’t help Sam. And that was my main objective. So I did the only thing I knew to do right now. I walked out to the barn and hit the weights. It was my stress reliever and my stress level just went through the fucking roof. Taking my frustration out on these weights was the only thing that would keep me sane right now. It was either this or the gallon of moonshine in the freezer, and I didn’t trust myself to drink that shit right now. So I blared the stereo loud enough to halfway drown out my thoughts and pushed myself to the limit.

The knot in my stomach seemed to be a permanent fixture these days. And now that I was heading back to the rig, it was fucking amplified.  The giving her time shit was killing me. I sent her a text every morning and every night letting her know that I loved her. She didn’t respond, but it wasn’t stopping me. She wouldn’t see Lainey either, who had gone by there, but she wouldn’t open her door. Thank God for Kash, he was keeping me updated, constantly checking on her, even when she was mean to him. He left food at her door, even when she wouldn’t eat. I grabbed my phone to call him one more time before I got on location.

“Hey man,” I said when he answered.

“Hey,” he said.

“No change?” I asked. It seemed to be the two words that constantly came out of my mouth.

“No,” he said. We had this same fucking conversation every single day, multiple times. I was hoping he wouldn’t get sick of being the messenger, but so far he was cooperating.

“When are you heading back out?” I asked.

“In a couple of days,” he said.

“Ok. Thanks man, I’ll call you later.” I said.

“I have no doubt,” he said with a chuckle.

I hung up the phone and tried to brace myself for the next two weeks. This was going to be torture not being close enough to drive over there if needed. Thank God Lainey was there. Sam shut her out too, but she wasn’t giving up either. I don’t think Sam even realized how loved she was. We would go to the ends of the fucking earth to help her. Always.