Back To You (35 page)

Jack wasn’t sure when he actually got one of those picks out and started strumming on his guitar.  He played her song.  He sang it softly as he played.  Oh how he had missed those beaut
iful eyes looking into his soul.  He fell asleep that night holding her picture.  The one he had hidden from her all of those years ago when she came over to his place on her summer break.

When he got to work the next morning, he was surprised when the kitchen staff had a birthday cake for him.  He had fo
rgotten it was his birthday.  And that meant that tomorrow would be her birthday.  Later that night, he popped open a bottle of beer and said, “Happy Birthday Suzie Q.”

And then his phone rang.

C
hapter 30

May 2009

This was our twentieth high school reunion.  I was back in hot and humid Hammond, Louisiana, surrounded by old friends.  The first event was at the park on the square.  Years ago, I remember coming to the very same park at night with Jack, Randy, Lee, Paulette and Lindsey swinging and sliding in the moonlight.  Over twenty years later, many of our graduating class gathered at the park and mingled for hours, just talking.  And hugging.  And laughing.  Some people hadn't changed at all, and others looked completely different.  We all marveled at how time could fly by and we could lose touch so easily.  Megan and her husband Josh arrived right after I did.  It had been years since I had seen them!  But it was like no time had passed at all when we squealed and hugged each other. 

"Is he here yet?"  She asked immediately.  I had called her not long after Jack and I talked on the phone.  She was ce
rtainly one person who could understand what I was feeling after calling him. 

"Not yet.  The party tonight."  I was antsy.  I knew he had to work, but I was still looking around hoping to see his car arrive.  Megan laughed and then got caught up in a hug from another old friend.

After I called that night a couple of months before, Jack and I talked almost every day.  Like we always could and would.  But that day wasn’t going to be on the phone, he would be right there next to me.  I was confused by the sensation because there was still so much we needed to resolve, subjects we avoided, but still, it felt so right.  Like old friends who had known each other forever, who knew what the other thought and felt, but still had so much left to share.  But there was also something more.  There always would be.  I never could deny it.  It was something deep and personal that no matter how much time had passed, always consumed me when I allowed it. 

In all of our talks, I still had not told him the truth about Rose.  I knew it was a conversation we needed to have in person.  It was wrong to have kept that from him.  I knew it.  I also knew that I couldn’t fight the feeling I had when I heard his voice after so many years.  Finally, we would be in the same room.  And for the first time in a very long time, I felt whole again.

After driving around a little bit, I headed back to my hotel room so I could get ready for the party later that night.  There I was, thirty-eight years old and butterflies were going nuts in my stomach.  There was still so much to talk about.  I could tell there was a lot on his mind too when I talked to him the night before.  When I got to the room, I got my bag from my car.  I barely had enough time to get ready for the dinner and party that night.  Once I took a moment to calm my nerves, it became a humorous mad scramble to get ready.  I booked a room at the nicest place in Hammond.  Ironically it was still the same hotel that our proms were held in.  Several of us who came in from out of town were staying there.  Between Ted's money and my writing, I was actually doing quite well for myself so I didn't mind splurging on the nicest room they had.  Still, it wasn't easy to get ready for a dinner party when you dropped everything and fumbled around like a fool.  I swear I felt like I was getting ready for our first date all over again.  I was just missing the popcorn and Poops barking at the door.

The lucky thing tonight was that the party was just downstairs.  In the same ballroom.  And maybe, just maybe.  No,  prob
ably.  No, absolutely for sure, I will get to dance in his arms this time.

*****

Jack's hands were actually shaking.  He hadn't felt like this in years.  Every nerve in his body was standing on end.  He was sitting in his car, in the very same parking place he had been during their senior prom.  When he saw her standing outside.  Looking so beautiful.  His heart skipped a beat when he thought about it.

He had a death grip on the steering wheel.  He wasn't sure what his biggest fear was.  What if the power that they felt all those years ago wasn't there?  What if it was?

"Get yourself together Jack."  He said to himself.  A moment to close his eyes and a deep breath later, he got out of the car, stood up straight and walked into the lobby.

*****

"OK, time to get your ass downstairs."  I told myself as I checked my reflection one last time.  Thank God for the invention of better hair products, because this time the reflection looking back at me wasn’t quite so frizzy.  Actually, I had to admit to myself that I looked pretty damn good for someone who was approaching forty.  Not a single wrinkle.  I had been working hard to get back into shape, but I figured that a few extra pounds really wasn’t so bad after all.  I had my tamed hair pulled up in a French twist that allowed some of my curls to escape.  Only this time that was fashionable.  Just enough make-up to accentuate my features for a more formal occasion.  Jewelry that complimented my simple red dress.  Yes, I wore a red dress.  It just felt right after spending hours shopping, looking for the right thing to wear when I saw him again.  And red designer shoes.  I had never spent that much money on a pair of shoes in my life.  And they were probably about an inch too high for me to dance in for long.  Oh well, we shall see.

I blew a kiss to my reflection for luck and headed dow
nstairs.  I could hear the loud music and laughter coming from the ballroom when I stepped out of the elevator.  I paused, wondering if he was already in there.  Deep breath.

A
s soon as I stepped through the doors, several people came up to me, chatting and hugging.  I smiled back at them all, but my eyes were searching the room.  It took me a minute to spot him.  He stood there, leaning against the bar with a bottle of beer in his hand.  He had already seen me.  His eyes locked with mine, and there was no mistaking those beautiful eyes glistening in the flashing lights.  Darrin was standing next to him but moved away when he realized what had taken Jack's attention from him.  Jack was frozen.  So was I.  Absently I excused myself from the others as we both took a step toward each other.

I knew that we were both nervous about what would happen next.  Before I knew it, he was standing right in front of me.  I shouldn't have been nervous at all.    We just looked at each other for a few seconds and then he opened his arms.

"Come here."

It was all he needed to say.  I flew into his arms and let him hold me.  We must have stayed like that for a few minutes.  He held on tight, caressing my back and neck, burying his face in my hair, breathing deeply, just like he used to do.  I let him hold me.  My pe
rfect fit.  I knew beyond a shadow of any doubt that no matter where I lived, this was home, right there in his embrace.  I never wanted to leave home again.

*****

Darrin knew that Jack was only there because he wanted to see Suzy again.  Everyone wanted to see her.  She was a celebrity.  Somehow that didn't surprise him.  Or many others in their class.  She was always just a step ahead of everyone.  Just a little bit different, with a little more drive, a little more talent, a little more poise, and a little more beauty.  She had aged well, he thought as she entered the ballroom.  Jack froze.  Actually several people froze.  She was a vision out of a dream.  He didn't think anyone was prepared for her stunning beauty as she walked through those doors.  Red.  What a great color.  Jack was right.  He remembered a story Jack shared with him back when they were taking a college class together.  They had gone out to a bar one night, and, as usual, Jack drank too much.  Darrin drove him home that night.  On the way, Jack kept talking about his Lady in Red.  He told Darrin that she was dazzling when she came in wearing his shirt with the light behind her.  Back then, Darrin thought Jack was just a sap.  But as his own life went on, he admitted that he was a little jealous that Jack had an experience unlike any other guy he had ever met.  It took a while, but Darrin found his own Lady in Red.  He loved her to the very core of his being.  When he looked up and saw Suzy in that stunning red dress, he knew exactly what to do and headed toward the DJ booth.

*****

Jack couldn't breathe.  He expected to be overcome with emotion when he saw Suzy.  He had positioned himself at the bar so he could see everyone as they came through the doors to the ballroom.  Darrin was standing next to him telling him about his wife and kids.  Jack was glad he had found happiness, real true deep down happiness.  It was something Jack had only felt when he held Suzy close to him.  The rest of his life had been hollow.  He came alive again when she called him.  After that, the only thing he could concentrate on was getting her back into his arms.

And now, she stood in front of him, glowing.  Just like he remembered.  The only thing he could think to do was hold out his arms and
pull her in close.  The perfect fit.  No one ever fit like she did.  Not when he held anyone close, or even snuggling or spooning in bed.  No.  She was his one and only.

Just as they were starting to pull away from the embrace, the DJ said over the microphone, "This one is for Jack and Suzy."  A
pplause broke out as he smiled and took her to the dance floor.  The soft beat of "Lady in Red" began and he held out his hand.

"Dance with me?"

Suzy smiled back and took his hand.  "Always."

As they swayed to the music, other couples began to fill in around them.  Jack could feel the electricity flowing through them like he did that night on the dance floor.  The night that changed ev
erything.

*****

It was a magical night.  In some ways it felt like we had been transported back though time and were at the prom we both deserved.  But this was better.  The electricity that had always been there was just as strong as ever when we touched.  A divine connection.  However, now it was a little different.  Instead of a shock like the night at Monopoly's, it was thrumming, constant, almost comforting.  The life giving force that had found its source.  Its match.  Its soul mate.  I prayed that it wasn’t just a dream and I would wake up alone again.  This was too perfect.  And yet, there was a nagging tug at the back of my mind.  There was so much left to say.  As perfect as this was, I knew that we also needed to face a few of our demons before it could go further.

The party started to break up a little after two a.m.  In Sout
hern Louisiana, even old folks like us stayed up late when there was a party going on.  There were so many hugs, friends who could keep in touch now thanks to the internet, and those last few moments to say things that should have been said twenty years ago.  Seeing everyone again was wonderful.  We had grown up, gotten married, had families, careers, and created so many stories to tell.  Yes, life had etched a few lines on us all.

Jack and I sat at a table still littered with glasses and napkins.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

"Sure.  As long as I don't have to wear these damned things."  I laughed and held up my shoes.  I hooked them on my finger and took his hand.  I put my free hand through the crook of his arm as we went outside.  The night was calm and cool, but
the ground was warm and comforting on my bare feet.

At first we said nothing at all. 
The emotion that ran between us needed no words.  But there were words.  Both of us afraid to speak them.  Questions unanswered that we had feared to broach on the phone.

Finally, he asked, “Why did you believe Alexis so eas
ily?  I cannot understand after the time we had spent together that you would believe her.  You never even asked me about it.”  He was stiff.  Afraid to bring up the horrible night when everything went wrong.

“I don’t know.”  I had no idea what to say.  “I figured I was in the way.  I was so confused.  And you went with her.  You left me there with policemen and blood everywhere.  I couldn’t believe you left me.  I figured you must have loved her.”  I was getting upset just thinking about it.  It was a conve
rsation we had to have, but I was having a hard time facing it.  I turned from him and walked a few steps.

I was shaking.  This was a moment of truth.  I had let my fear and anger keep me from answering this question for fou
rteen years.  I had no idea what to say to him now, after so much had happened.  He was walking toward me, but I couldn’t read his mood this time.  And then his eyes locked with mine.  All shaking stopped.  Something that had been building inside of me for many years came bubbling up.

“What?”  He
sighed.  “I never loved her.  That was in her whacked out brain of hers.  I left you there because she was bleeding.  I was scared she was going to die.  I wasn’t thinking.  She was my friend.”  His eyes were pleading.  “What do you want from me Suzy?”

“What do I want?”  I started to raise my voice.  “I want the same thing I have wanted since the moment I bumped into you freshman year.  I want you.  Is that what you want to hear?  You want to hear that I have spent a lifetime wondering if you ever
truly loved me?  If you love me still?  And could you ever love me again?”

He stopped moving.

“And do you want to know what I figured out?”

He nodded.