Back To You (37 page)

*****

We ate dinner with idle conversations about menial things.  We talked about food, recipes, what cookware was best.  How would we get around to the real conversation?  I feared he would run away when he heard the truth about Rose. 

It had been twenty years and sti
ll he made me feel like a young girl when he touched me.  That old fear that I would once again be left broken hearted, living off of memories to make it through each day came flooding back.  I had to remember I was a different woman than I was when we were kids.  Life had changed me, tried to break me, made me stronger.  But was I strong enough to tell him about his daughter?

“Jack?”

He hesitated.  “Mmhmmm?”  His mouth was full of jambalaya.  He looked up at me. 

His eyes sparkled.  He didn’t need to say a word.  He was happy.  And I knew it was because of me.

“I love you,” I said.

“
I love you too, Suzy.  I have tried to deny that I have loved you from the first moment I saw you.  I hate that I hurt you so much.  I didn’t want to but I was scared to death.  You have a power over me that I just don’t want to fight any more.”  He reached over to hold my hand.  “Now, when do I get to meet your lovely daughter?”

I couldn’t help it.  Tears streamed down my face.  How could he know how badly I needed to hear those words?

“Suzy Q, please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to cry.
  You have turned me into a blubbering fool.”  I sort of laughed and snorted at the same time.

He got up from his seat and walked over to me.  Grabbed my hand and made me stand up so he could hug me.  “I have no idea what will happen from here on, but I know that this is exactly where I belong.  For so long I have been searching for home, and it has a
lways been here with you.”

I held on as if my life depended on it.  He smelled so good.  A decadent combination of food scents, sweat, a hint of cologne or deodorant and, well, me.

“I don’t want this to be weird like it was back in college.”  I told him.  “I was confused then.  I am not confused anymore.”

“Nope.  No weirdness.  Feels so natural I can’t imagine weirdness.”  He smacked my butt.  “Now, what’s for dessert, Miss Gourmet Dessert Baker?”

“Well, that depends.  You have options.”

“MMMMM, I like the sound of that.  Elaborate?”

“In light of the Cajun flavors, I was planning to make my bread pudding.  Unless, of course, you want something different.  I can make cookies, candy, cakes, you name it.”

“You don’t HAVE to make anything, but the bread pu
dding sounds delish.”  He laughed and pulled back to look at me.  “I am an expert at bread pudding you know.  Trained in New Orleans.  Let’s see if your bread pudding can stand up to my critique.”

“Don’t worry, it will.”  I stood on my toes and gave him a quick kiss.  “I know my way around bread pudding, hun.  But you are welcome to assist the chef, if you like.”

He did.  I pulled out my cookbook, and we got to work on a dreamy bread pudding recipe.  Using real chunks of French bread, a perfect balance of eggs and cinnamon and a whiskey sauce to die for, he tasted it fresh from the oven and rolled his eyes in ecstasy. 

“Damn woman!  Where have you been all my life?  Here I thought I had eaten the best, and then you come along.”

“I have been right here waiting for the right guy to come and appreciate my talents.”

“Well, here I am.”

The bread pudding sat on top of the stove to cool for a while as we went back out to the living room.  This time he made love to me on the couch.  His hands explored every part of me.  He spent time kissing me from head to toes.  His fingers traced the stretch marks from my pregnancy.  I lay there, savoring every touch.  He wouldn’t let me touch him, telling me that it was his turn to get to know me.  He caressed my thighs as he went down on me, tasting, using his tongue in ways I never knew he could.  This was so different than when we lost our virginity to each other.  When he entered me, I couldn’t believe the pleasure that rushed through me.  It seemed as if every single cell of my body responded to his touch.  The rhythm of our bodies in sync with each other.  It was perfect.

*****

He wanted to explore every bit of her.  He knew her.  He knew her mind and he knew her heart.  She was an amazing woman who had gone through so much.  And once upon a time, he knew her body.  Young, nubile, untouched.  The memory burned in his mind.  Now, he wanted to know her again.  Experience had made them both different, less scared, certainly more adept.  He kissed her eyes, her face, her hands, her stomach.  He traced the scars of childbirth with his finger, wondering at the difference the texture made as he ran his hands over her body.  There was something sexy about them.  Beautiful.  He knew the pain she had gone through to get those scars and they made her body tell a story about who she was.  He stopped for a second when he saw the lavender rose tattoo on her back.  Memories filled his mind.

He could not get enough of her.  Refused to think about tomorrow or the next day.  Gave in to his passion and wanted nothing more than to taste her, feel her body move with his, and allow hi
mself to become one with her.  After they were spent, they lay together on the couch, listening to music and just being together.  Few words were spoken.  They didn’t need to be.  She caressed his chest and belly, playfully tracing the trail of hair that moved from his chest to his groin.  Both of them sighed together with contentment.

It was about midnight when they finally scooped out the r
eheated bread pudding.  It was heaven on a spoon.  They talked and laughed together. Reminiscing about old times, fantasizing about trips they would love to make around the world.  He couldn’t remember when he felt this good.  Felt this free to express himself without fear of being judged, knowing that he could be who he really was with no disguises, no guards.

There was no way either of them was going to give up slee
ping in each other’s arms.  Knowing that with everything they had been through together, the good times and the bad, finding peaceful bliss of slumber in the curves of each other, both of them knew that they were meant to fit together, and no matter how hard they tried or how many people they tried it with, no one fit like that.  Jack drifted off to sleep with Suzy curled up against him, her head on his shoulder, exhausted from another session of lovemaking.  He had never been happier in his life.

C
hapter 32

The next morning I got up to start breakfast.  I had slept all night snuggled in Jack’s embrace, afraid to let go, afraid to open my eyes and find that he wasn’t truly there.  It had been a long time since I had even enjoyed a man’s touch.  It was worth it.  Jack was the only one who knew how to touch me.

I could hear Jack stirring a little.  He would be up soon.  I just stood there, looking into the refrigerator, and the only thing I could think was if I should make bacon or sausage.  It was like ev
erything had just fallen away from me after just a few hours with Jack.  Well, everything except...

“Moooooooooom!”  Rose came in the back door, her curly blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail that swished as she pushed by me.

“Rose!  What are you doing here?  I thought you were staying with Diane this weekend.”  I tried to keep the panic from my voice.

“I am.”  She popped a piece of the pineapple I had just cut up into her mouth.  “I  frrrgt ma fnnn churgerrr.”

“Rose, don’t speak with your mouth full.”  I was getting more agitated by the second.

She swallowed.  “Diane’s mom brought me back so I could get my phone charger.  She is waiting outside for me.  You want me to have my phone charged right?  Besides, what’s the big deal?”  She shrugged her shoulders.  Then she pointed at the two wine glasses by the sink.  "Uh.  Is someone here?"  She blushed about as much as I did.  Which was a lot.

“Um...”  My voice cracked a little.  “Jack’s here.”

“Mom!”  Rose had a look of shock that was exaggerated.  She stopped.  Then her eyes got wide.  “Wait.  You mean THE Jack?”  Her shock became very real.

I had to have been insanely red from the emotions running through me.  “Yes.”  I barely whispered.  “THE Jack.  Your father.”

Rose sat back against the counter.  “How could you NOT tell me he was coming?”  She wavered between anger, surprise and pe
rhaps even a little fear.

“I wanted to talk to him first.  To get to know him again.  To figure out how to tell him.  Besides, it was a spur of the m
oment kind of thing.”  And I wanted to have one night of pure bliss before I completely rocked his world, I thought to myself.

“Tell him what?”  Jack walked into the kitchen freshly showered, towel around his waist and one in his hand drying his ear.

Rose and I both looked at him, frozen.  And that was when he saw his own hazel eyes staring back at him. 

*****

Jack was humming while in the shower.  He was happy.  He was beyond happy.  He had been thinking of how they could finally begin the life together they had wanted so many years ago.  They might even be able to have a child of their own, if Suzy was okay with that.  Even if they didn’t, it was okay.  He would meet Rose and accept her into his life because she was Suzy’s daughter.  He loved the way Suzy talked about Rose, like she was the very air she breathed.  Suzy had told him on the phone a couple of months before how Rose kept her sane through all of the issues she had lived through.  He was pretty sure he would like Rose.

He thought he heard voices when he got out and wrapped one of Suzy’s huge towels around his waist and started to poke his head out to investigate when he heard a young girl’s voice and Suzy saying something about telling someone som
ething.  Actually Jack didn’t hear much of anything once he saw the big green gold eyes looking back at him.  His eyes, only more green than his.  But the golden flecks were definitely there.

Jack wasn’t sure how long they stood there staring at each other.  It seemed like a lifetime.  The honking of a car horn coming from outside broke the moment.

Rose spoke first.  “Oh, I forgot Diane’s mom was out there!”  She started for the back door.  “I will be right back.”  And she slipped out to talk to Diane’s mom.

It took everything he had to look at Suzy.  She was a mess.  Tears pooling in her eyes, fear in her expression. 

“I...um, I need a minute.”  Was all he could say and he turned toward the bedroom.

*****

I was left alone in the kitchen, staring at a blank wall, my mind spinning.  Rose was finally going to meet her father.  Jack found out he had a child.  A moment I had been dreading and anticipating from the moment I picked up the phone in February.

Rose came back into the kitchen and I could see Diane’s mom drive off.

“Where did he go?”  She asked.  I didn’t know what to say.  “Mom!  Where did he go?”

I snapped out of it.  “In the bedroom.  He said he needed a minute.”  Tears were streaming down my cheeks by then.

*****

Rose was his daughter.  Of that he was certain.  Jack dug around absently in his duffle bag for clothes.  His mind was whirling and twirling in a million directions.  He was having a hard time bu
ttoning his shirt.  Thirteen years old.  She never said a word.  Wasted time.  So much wasted time with him feeling so alone and lost.

He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and wondered how in the hell he was supposed to feel.  He needed to do som
ething.  He couldn't stay in the bedroom forever.

*****

Rose was chewing on one of her fingernails, watching the bedroom door like it was a bomb getting ready to go off.  Jack came out of the room.  He looked at both of us and opened his arms.  “I have always wanted to live in California.”

Rose ran to him, both of them crying.  After a moment, Jack looked up at me and smiled.  He shifted his arms and beckoned me to join them.  At last, we were a fam
ily.  We had a lot of catching up to do.

Jack stayed an extra couple of days, spending every moment with Rose and me as he could.  None of us slept much, but when Rose finally passed out the first night, Jack held my hands and pulled me into my bedroom.  I started to speak, but he put his finger on my lips.

“Shh.  Just let me hold you for a few minutes.”  He pulled me into a tight embrace and held me there for a couple of minutes.  When he pulled back, he kissed my forehead, my eyes, my chin, my mouth.

I wanted to speak, to say something, anything that would e
xplain the last thirteen years.  I looked at my hands and started to speak.

“Jack, I didn’t know what to do.  Alexis went crazy, I thought she was having your child.  I met Allen and figured that it would be good enough.  I didn’t know for sure that she was yours until I saw her eyes.  I knew she was conceived when you made love to me with the beautiful roses.  Oh Jack, I am so sorry I didn’t...”

“Don’t.  It was all messed up.  No regrets, Suzy.  Not now.  We would drown in them if we let them consume us.  We can’t look back and change anything.  Can we just try to move forward?”

“Really?”  I sniffled and looked up at him.  I am not sure what I was expecting, but I don’t think I expected him to accept the situation with open arms.  Anger maybe.  Sadness.  Shock.  Ok, so he was definitely shocked, but he just took it all in and accepted it.  All of it.

“Really.”  He sort of half smiled as he ran his fingers across my cheek.  “I have everything I had dreamed of for so long.  A family.  With you.”  He pulled me to sit next to him on my bed.

“I knew it the moment I saw those beautiful roses for the first time, I knew I wanted to marry you.  I was g
oing to ask you to marry me the night Alexis lost her shit.  She swallowed your ring.  Suzy, she wasn’t pregnant.  Couldn’t have been.  I was never with her sexually.  It was only you, always you.  The only woman I will ever love.  My soul mate.” 

“Oh Jack.”  I threw myself on top of him, kissing him all over his face, laughing and crying at the same time.  I had no idea that
honest-to-goodness, deep down to your core happiness felt quite like that.  I hadn’t let myself be happy, except for the times Jack held me and when I saw the beautiful daughter that had his eyes.

After we made love, I was curled up next to him with my head on his shoulder when he said, “OK, so how fast can we find me a job here?”

*****

One year later...

Jack got a job as chef for one of the fancy restaurants in
town.  He moved in with us, instantly becoming one of the best things that had ever happened to Rose.  He spent lots of time with her, making up for lost time.  He spent lots of time with me too.  Sure we had our differences, no one is perfect, but I don’t think I could have dreamed of a happier ending.

*****

“Are you ready for this?”  Rose asked as she pinned the boutonnière on her father’s lapel.

“You have no idea.  I have been ready for over twenty years.  I guess it just took me a while to figure that out.”

She kissed him on the cheek.  “Then get out there old man.”  She giggled and swished out of the room in her purple dress.  Her wild curls had been tamed into a knot on top of her head, with a few curls peeking out of the top, and the sides.

He
watched her walk out of the room and thought how beautiful she looked in the purple dress.  It made her green eyes stand out even more.  One last glance in the mirror so he could adjust the rose on his jacket.  He ran his hands over his bald head and took a deep breath.  There had never been a moment in his entire life when he felt so full of love.

He stepped out to wait for her to come down the aisle.  Ste
rling roses were everywhere.  He could see his parents and Suzy’s entire family looking back at him, some with tears of happiness in their eyes.  Randy and his wife were there.  Megan’s husband and their son Jaxon were there.  So were Carrie’s and Leah’s families.  Lindsey had brought her oldest son because her husband couldn’t break away from work.  The members of Sterling were there, playing soft music off to the side.  So many people from their past.  So many people who had brought them together, loved them through all of their ups and downs and finally were there to give their whole hearted blessing on their union.

*****

Rose popped in to the dressing area.  I was standing at the mirror, not able to move.  I was afraid it was a dream.  The only man who ever fit perfectly was waiting for me to become his wife.  Our daughter was giving me away.  The simple bouquet of sterling roses was shaking as she put it in my hands.  I couldn’t tell which one of us was shaking more.

“He looks wonderful, Mom.  And you look beautiful.  I
am so happy for you!  For us!”  She hugged me tight.

“Don’t make me cry, you will smear my mascara.”  I teased.

“Not likely!  I made sure it was waterproof.”  Megan piped up with an impish smile.  Megan, Carrie and Leah were all helping me get ready.  We were a bunch of fully grown women laughing and acting like teenagers again.

Rose checked her makeup in the mirror and adjusted her dress before she picked up her own bouquet. 
So beautiful for a young woman who had just turned fourteen.  Just like her mom.  Fourteen.  That was how old I was when I met Jack.  How fitting.

One last mirror check.  My hair was still wild, but it was shorter now, curls pinned into place. 
Kim had made me a simple ivory dress decorated with beads and pearls.  I had carefully applied my makeup to try to hide any wrinkles that might pop up at the last minute.  I couldn’t help but giggle like a school girl as we headed out the door and down the aisle to my husband.  My soul mate.  To the song he wrote for me so long ago.

Less than a year later, our son Chris was born.  As we sat together one night
during the holidays, all three of us watching Chris sleep while sappy Christmas songs played and the lights on the tree twinkled off of the ornaments,  I was overwhelmed with the desire to write.  I started to get up when Jack grabbed my hand and kissed it.

“Write our story Suzy.”

It was so funny how he always knew how to read my mind.