Back to You (36 page)

“Stop it,” I say, struggling futilely to free myself.

“I might… as long as you tell me…” he murmurs anxiously, an edge of resentment in his tone.

“What?” I’m thrown.

My stubbornness makes him finally lose his patience.

“That you’ll stay with me, now and forever.”

He brings his lips to mine, sucking them greedily, almost violently, into his mouth, torment raging in his depths.

I try to wriggle out of his grasp, but I’m unable to free myself from it. I freeze and close my eyes. I can feel the rage, the frustration, rising within him as he senses my passive resistance.

One of his hands clasps my neck, the other roughly grabs my shoulder. He shakes me and pulls me in close to him. Then his hands seize my wrists, bringing them up around his neck. Only when he’s sure I won’t let go do his hands moves down my body to my hips. There is a sliver of bare skin between my jacket and my trousers, and he slips his cold hand in, forcing me to arch my body against his. And those smooth icy lips greedily try to set aflame the fire in mine.

I’m shaking, but not from the cold.

His mouth… It’s not the most delicate kiss, but it’s unyielding, and passionate.

His grip is so persuasive, bullying me into submission. I try to keep a clear head, but in vain. When he senses his victory, he releases my mouth, the surge of power in his triumph racing through his entire body.

I open my eyes to find him staring at me, unbearably. How can one endure such vehemence, lust, beauty?

I pull my arm away from his neck and strike his mouth with all my strength. My bones crunch as they make contact.

He stares incredulously at me for an instant. Then he merely rubs his jaw and unfurls a slightly guilty smile.

“I guess I deserved that,” he states calmly.

“Do you think I’ll give in to you that easily?” I snap back, confused. My eyes are glazed, I can barely keep my head upright. After my automatic reaction, I suddenly feel overcome with guilt.

He steps back as he laughs. He seems disappointed. “It costs nothing to dream.”

“And this is your dream? You’re my guarantor. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“Yes, it is.” The smile slowly spreads across his lips. “For now.”

“Didn’t I hurt you at all?” I ask, irate as hell.

“Are you kidding?! You’re a shrimp. If you hadn’t started yelling, I wouldn’t even have realized you were trying to hit me. Baby girl, it was more of a caress that a punch.”

“I hate you, Donn Brooks.”

“That’s fine too. See, hate is a deep feeling, passionate. At least it means… that you feel something for me,” he says, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

I’m enraged, frustrated. “I’ll show you another passionate move,” I grimace, raising my fists.

He grabs my wrists. “I’m sure it was more pleasurable than kissing Bryan.”

I grunt.

“Admit it!”

“I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction.”

He smirks. “The truth? It’s not enough for me. I may have a limited experience with relationships in my two hundred years of life, but I’ve crossed the centuries to find you! And as long as your heart is beating, I won’t give up the fight. Anything… to have you. It won’t always be like this, I promise you.”

These words send a chill down my spine, I shake my head indignantly. “But you promised,” I whimper.

“I know, but, baby girl, you don’t know what you want. That’s part of your charm. One of the things that first drove me crazy about you. I am totally, head-over-heels in love with you. But a part of me, the more visceral, primordial part, still thirsts for your blood. It’s not just your company I love! The difference is that I am what I am.”

I narrow my eyes, trying to make sense of this jumbled conversation. Donn just waits. I look down at his fingers, now digging into my hips. I don’t know what to do, what to say.

“What are you thinking?” he asks in curiosity. He’s obviously decided to respect at least one part of the pact.

I look into his turquoise eyes, so intense they make my head spin. As usual, the truth bursts forth without me wanting it to. “I’m trying to understand just what you are.”

He starts. “And have you made any progress?” he asks nonchalantly.

“Not really,” I admit, trying to hide the quiver in my voice.

“I’m not the monster you think I am.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“I’ve told you, Stella, I’m above all a selfish creature, and I desire your company too much to behave as you’d like. But I’m still a tough, cynical man, with no heart, no feelings. Never forget that. But what I feel for you… is the exception that proves the rule. My heart has started beating again, but only when you’re around.” His eyes narrow. “And that’s enough of a reason to fight, even harder if I have to. Because I’ve never felt stronger and more alive, despite dying that October 14 1781 in the battle of Yorktown.”

“The War of Independence. The anniversary is in four days.”

“A long afternoon, two hundred and thirty-three years ago.”

“You died in battle?”

“Yes. I was the first officer in command in Dublin, Ohio, in Franklin County. The youngest general and the highest-ranking officer in my battalion, Commander Dorian Grayshire.”

“Dorian?”

“I’m warning you!
Never
mention that name…” he shivers, his tone menacing.

“But it’s your…”

“Not anymore,” in a roar so loud his chest vibrates. “That name is part of a distant past. Finished, buried, one that
never
belonged to me!”

I just nod, dumbly.

“Blood was my daily bread back then, too. I lived for the ethics of war. Forgive the food metaphor, but I can’t find a better one.”

“Huh, born to be a vampire, I guess,” I mumble in wonderment, the irony not escaping me.

“Anyway, on the afternoon of October 14th, in four days’ time, I’ll
show
you a glimpse of me behind the mask. Every day has to end, even the worse one… A new dawn breaks… then dusk comes. Another end,” he whispers, his turquoise irises looking back into a two-hundred year-old past. “But in the dark nights of time, baby girl, I saw one light shining. You, my star. Suddenly, there was light and joy. The black hole that had taken the place of my heart began to beat again, the ice mask crumbled like a glacier meeting the ocean, and everything turned to fire.”

“But the ice hasn’t melted.

His dark eyes bore into me. “My ice is resistant, but it has tasted that little that it needs to be willing to melt. Twice.”

“But if things end badly?” I ask.

“Nobody says that death is the end; it is an end, but a beginning too. And here on earth, I have found a little corner of paradise and I don’t intend to let it go.”

I blush. “Please, Donn…” I don’t know what to say, his words just go round and round my head. “Have you finished?”

“No,” he smiles, closing his eyes as if dreaming. When he opens them, they flash like shooting stars, coming to meet mine. But they speak of torment, darkness.

His breathing becomes heavy, his fingers search for my face. He holds it still, facing his, and I can’t tear my gaze from his onyx eyes. I want him to take my words seriously, but…

A corner of his mouth turns up into a smile; I try to flick my hair in front of my face, wanting to hide what I know my expression is saying. But he holds my head still as still can be. His fingers dig into me, they hurt. Maybe I’m acquiring some kind of special power, because I can read in his eyes what is about to come.

I try to object, but I know it’s too late. His mouth closes onto mine, suffocating all protest. I feel his sweet breath in my mouth as he kisses me ardently, his hands wound around my neck, making any escape attempt futile. His teeth suck on my bottom lip, his tongue is soft as it molds perfectly to fit my mouth. A wave of mixed emotions washes over me.

I feel dizzy, as if I were about to collapse.

His lips stop for an instant and his mouth follows the contours of my chin, working its way around my face. His hands leave my hair in search of my arms, which he pulls up around his own neck. Then he slips his arms around my hips and brings his mouth to my ear.

“You can do better than that,” he breathes gloomily, sending a shiver down my spine when he gently nibbles on my earlobe.

I try to push him away with all my might, but it’s like trying to shift a mountain. I instinctively let my body go, hoping that sensing non-resistance will make him weaken his grip. But his lips tenderly brush against mine, his hands feeling their way across my face.

Then I really do collapse as he easily catches my fall.

“Stella?” He seems alarmed as he holds me up.

“You made me faint,” I say softly, barely able to speak, my strength drained from my body. I bury my face in his shoulder, now welcoming the protection his arms offer.

“I have to go now. And I’d rather walk.” I turn toward the road, a surge of energy providing the strength I need.

“No.” Indignant, he holds onto one of my arms. He drags my weak body toward the black car.

“I’m OK,” I protest, but my credibility is zero, the drunkenness making me slur my words. “Will you stop it.” I try to wriggle free to no avail as he leads me to the open door of the vehicle.

“Just let me take you home,” he says slowly, pronouncing every word as if he were talking to a little child. “It would be safer.”

“You’re just a bully!”

“The door is open,” is his only reply. I swallow hard. He cracks a smile.

“You seem worried. Look, it’s just the most sensible solution.”

I hesitate, suspicious, but curious. We eye each other cautiously. His eyes dance with malicious enjoyment.

I shake my head.

“No, it’s too embarrassing.”

“It must be frustrating, I know,” he says, his tension melting.

“No,” I snap back. “It must be frustrating for you having someone refuse to do what you want.”

He grins, bringing his mouth to my ear.

“You have to admit, I’ve done a lot of strange things to save your life in incredible circumstance one night not too long ago. Then I treated you like a puppet a few days later, controlling your emotions without ever explaining to you what, why I did these things. I know I should have. And to see that you push me away after everything that has happened between us only happened because I was controlling you in some way. Well, that is frustrating. And not being able now to read what you’re thinking. But I promised, and Vuk was right. If I hadn’t played dirty, you would have chosen him.”

“Why have you stopped controlling my emotions? You didn’t promise to do that.” I hope he won’t take my question for an invitation.

“I’m just trying to understand the person you are, Stella.” He raises his eyes to the sky. “Now please, get in.”

Infuriated, I refuse to budge. The rain is falling harder now, soaking my hair and back.

“I’m not controlling your emotions or reading your mind anymore, but I can still force you to do things without resorting to tricks.” He keeps staring at me, challengingly.

“Get in, or I’ll force you to,” he warns. “I’ve jumped through hoops to save your life, even risking breaking the truce for you. So I won’t let you risk your life by going home alone when you can’t even walk straight. Plus, friends don’t abandon their drunken buddies in the middle of the night.”

I decide that the silent treatment is the only way to go. I try to figure out if I can reach Jamie’s car before he can get to me. A slim chance, I must admit. Impossible, actually.

“I’ll catch you,” he threatens. Is he using his mind-reading powers, or am I just that transparent? Then he bursts into a giant laugh.

“Oh come on, you cowardly lion, get in the car.” With an encouraging flourish of his arm, he shows me the way in.

I tilt my head upward, trying to maintain an ounce of dignity. “Ok.”

I totter toward the door, doing my utmost not to stagger. He helps me settle in and gets in beside me, leaning my head against his shoulder.

The driver speeds off so fast that it takes my breath away. We’re separated by a darkened glass panel and he has in likelihood lost all patience before he’s even gotten to know me. I gurgle drunkenly, hoping my stomach will not regurgitate its remaining contents. It seems absurd, but I’m actually worried about messing up the pristine insides of this car. I’m feeling a little better though, so I hope my insides stay intact for the moment at least.

When Donn laughs now, he seems carefree and human, with no shadow of apprehension on his seraphic face. He lowers the window slightly, hoping some cool air will alleviate my nausea. Then he turns to me again.

It seems to be a different Donn to the one I first met; one of the many, one of the best, one who unveils his changeable and unpredictable sides, the infinite shades of gray which color his impenetrable mask. But it would be way too naïve of me to believe that he has let his mask slip altogether just for me. But it does increase my curiosity. He gracefully holds his hand out to me, which I accept with pleasure, forgetting for an instant my gloomy mood. His skin is, as usual, smooth and toned, and all it takes is one touch to send electrical currents racing through my body. He closes his hand on my fingers delicately, and then slips an arms around my shoulder with unexpected tenderness. I seek out his eyes, looking down on me. I’m still feeling too sick to actually talk. But I don’t feel like pushing him away either.

“What were you saying earlier? That I don’t behave like a gentleman?” he asks in a tone that seems to hark back to a distant era.

“I honestly can’t remember.”

He smiles, but I see a trace of embarrassment lurking there.

“I think we were talking about what stops you from being mine, apart from the obvious reason, that is.” He’s referring to Jason.

“Oh, right.”

“Well?”

When I look at him, I understand for the first time that this situation is as new to him as it is to me. Despite the uncountable years of experience that he surely must have, he seems to be struggling to deal with all this. This thought boosts my courage.

“I was scared because…”

A smile breaks out on his face, like the sunshine peeking out from a dark cloud.